A/N: Okay, Lysa and I are incredibly sorry for the long delay. We took a slight break from this story. (And here I made the comment about 2 authors meaning updates twice as much.) But no worries, we're back at it now. Reviews are our crack, support the addiction.
That afternoon, Meredith carefully handed the baby over to Mark, who disappeared in the direction of the living room. Meredith waiting until he left before rounding on Derek.
" What the hell were you thinking!"
Derek didn't answer and Meredith snatched him by the arm, dragging him into the nursery that was currently in a state of total destruction. The crib was turned over, as well as the rest of the furniture. The rocking chair lay on its side, the tread had broken off in the fall. Various items of baby clothing and toys littered the carpet like discarded confetti.
" Do you know how long your wife worked on this nursery? How she planned where each and every little thing would go? You coming in here like a bulldozer is a complete lack of respect for Addie, " Meredith hissed at him.
" In case you've forgotten, Addie is dead, " Derek stated flatly.
" Of course I haven't forgotten, but in case you've forgotten, you have a daughter that needs you. You're all she has in this world, Derek, " Meredith answered softly.
" What about what I need? Has anyone thought about that? " Derek retorted, voice laced with resentment.
Meredith fought the urge to scream.
" I know it's hard and it sucks beyond the telling of it, but you can't think about yourself right now. You have to think about what it is that Brianna needs. And she needs her father to take care of her. "
Derek simply glared at her.
" It's what Addie would want you to do Derek. She wanted a baby more than anything. "
" Look where it got her, " He said snidely.
It happened so quickly Derek didn't even know what was going on until his cheek started to sting and Meredith was rubbing a sore hand.
" Do not ever speak of Addison with that tone of voice again, " Meredith's voice was icy and it was then the feeling of shame started creeping over him. He heard her pad out of the room and he was left standing in the middle of the disaster he'd created.
-x-
It wasn't until a good thirty minutes later that he chanced venturing into the living room. Meredith was sitting in his favorite recliner with her feet up, the baby resting against her chest. Mark was nowhere in sight.
" I sent him to get diapers and formula. You didn't have anything here, " Her voice held an edge of accusation as she answered the question he hadn't asked.
Derek nodded as he slunk over to the couch and took a seat. Meredith could feel his eyes boring holes into the two of them. She expertly ignored him for as long as possible, still steaming over his harsh words towards Addison. Didn't he realize that she had lost her best friend? He wasn't the only one hurting over the way life had changed. They sat in silence, both trying to sort through their jumbled thoughts.
" Do you want to hold her? " Meredith asked suddenly, interrupting the quiet that surrounded them.
" I don't know. She's sleeping, and I don't want to wake her up, " Derek hurried to find an acceptable excuse, but Meredith was already on her feet and gliding towards him.
" Exactly. She's sleeping. It's the perfect time to hold her, " She reasoned as she shifted the baby in her arms, preparing to hand her off.
" No, I better not. I'll hold her when she's awake, " Derek was starting to panic as Meredith held the child out to him.
" Seriously, Derek, you need the practice. "
Then, all of the sudden, there was a fragile little person in his arms and Meredith was showing him the proper way to cradle her head. For a brief flash, Derek thought there was a possibility that he could maybe feel his heart warming, but the blissful moment was shattered as the baby began to stir. He hadn't had her in his arms for a full minute before she began fussing and ended up in an ear piercing wail.
Disgusted, he thrust the baby back into Meredith's arms, not listening to her assurances that it wasn't him, that the child just wasn't familiar with him yet. Meredith continued trying to explain, but Derek fled to the other side of the room. Turning his back on the pair, he gazed out the window, eyes burning, as he watched the city that never slept.
-x-
The tension was broken by the sound of the front door closing, and Derek turned to see Meredith retreating to the kitchen. When he reached them, he found Meredith rocking the baby while Mark unpacked the bags that lined the counters. They looked happy… like the happy family Derek had once thought he and Addison would've been a part of before the baby. And when Meredith walked towards Mark, Derek spotted the child watching him from over Meredith's shoulder and his jaw clenched. He quickly turned on his heels and quit the room.
Meredith's eyes met Marks and she bit her lip nervously.
"He's not taking this well," she sighed, stating the obvious.
Mark nodded and frowned. He had no idea on how to handle this situation. He simply continued pulling the formula out of the bag, setting the containers in even rows.
"Mark," Meredith said, taking a step closer to him, "I can't leave him here alone with her tonight. I would worry too much."
Mark's head jerked up. "You seriously think Derek would hurt his own daughter?"
"Right now, I don't know," Meredith confessed, looking down at the baby in her arms. "I just know I'm staying here tonight, whether he likes it or not."
Meredith wasn't sure what Mark's reaction would've been, but a thousand tense scenarios flitted through her mind, each one different than his actual response. Mark's head bobbed up and down, silently agreeing with her.
"Okay," he said finally. "I'll run by home and get our things."
Meredith's eyes widened. "You're staying too?"
"Mer, he's my best friend," he pointedly reminded her, his voice carried an undercurrent of hurt and he told her that she might need help. "After all, Brianna's not the only baby we'll be taking care of," he smirked.
-x-
Meredith slipped between the sheets that Mark had pulled back, careful not to jostle the tiny form sleeping soundly against her breast. She scooted over to Mark, getting as close as possible. His arm snaked out to drape across her stomach.
"You're really great with her," Mark praised and Meredith smiled in the dark.
"Thanks," she reluctantly whispered back. She hoped Mark would let it be and she squeezed her eyes shut, waiting for sleep to come.
"Do you want children?" Mark asked suddenly, shattering the silence. Meredith turned her head to face him, surprised by his question. They had never discussed children before. Hell, they had dated for half a decade before marriage was even mentioned. And Mark knew about her mother— about her childhood. Why would he bring up such a thing unless…
"Do you?" she squinted, trying to read his face.
"Of course I do, Mer," Mark confessed , reaching out to lightly trace a fingertip across the baby's cheek. "I'd love to have kids one day. I mean, you know as well as I do what it's like to be an only child. Honestly, I've always been jealous of Derek's family— all running around full of kids, something always going on. I'd love to have a family like that."
But Meredith had no answer. Truthfully, she didn't know what she wanted, or if she shared in Mark's vision of a house brimming with children. When Meredith Grey thought of the future, she didn't see a house with a white picket fence, she saw herself standing over an operating table, scalpel in hand. Children had never factored into the equation. But then again, neither had marriage until recently.
"Don't you want children, Meredith?" he shook her out of her thoughts. She peered up at him and found his eyes watching her intently.
"I don't know," she admitted. It was too soon to be talking about this. These were questions she would share with Addison, but not Mark. Tears pricked the back of her eyes. "Mark, we're not even married yet. Why are we talking about children?"
She felt Mark stiffen beside her. "We were supposed to have been married by now," he reminded her and Meredith swallowed hard.
"Mark…" she began, trying to change the subject. She knew where this was headed. It headed to the same question for weeks now.
"Meredith, why won't you agree to set a new date for the wedding?" And there it was. The question he'd asked countless times before. And just like every time before, Meredith still couldn't find an answer.
"I don't know, Mark," she answered honestly, staring up at the ceiling as if some explanation would appear etched against the smooth plaster expanse. "It's too soon," she said finally. "And I know you think I should be fine by now— I do, I know you think that. But it's too soon and there's too much going on now and I'm not ready."
She could feel Mark's eyes boring into her and she felt dizzy despite lying down. How could he understand her reasoning when she was unsure how to explain it?
"Are you ever going to be ready, Meredith?" Her head rolled over to look at him.
"What if I say no?"
Mark let out a sigh that sounded more like a groan and rolled over, his back facing her. He understood she was hurt and upset over Addison, but he knew her best friend wouldn't want her to put her life on hiatus. Everything had been falling into place and life had seemed so perfect. Now Mark could scarcely imagine what was going on or if anything would shake his fiancé from the cloud of depression that had seemed to follow her since Addison's death.
"Then I guess we're at an impasse."
"Yeah, I guess we are," Meredith whispered.
