Love Has Its Reasons

Chapter 9

As her dear friend Bari Blackhammer slipped through the entrance of her secret exit, one that she used frequently when she wanted to escape into the world unseen, Celysel sighed in slight depression. The Dwarf had returned after weeks of being gone, keeping his eyes open for a messenger from Lorkan, but coming up empty.

It had been only a few months since she had last heard from him, and this was something that they had discussed could happen depending on what was going on on their side of the war, but Celysel could not help but to feel a little betrayed. Her doubts about their relationship had only increased as the days went by and her dates with Jaxton became more frequent. She knew that her efforts were futile, that she could never truly be with a male such as Lorkan, but her heart refused to believe it, refused to believe that all they had shared within their short times together were for nothing.

Celysel was young but she was not a fool. She had jumped into a relationship expecting nothing but physical gratification, and she had gotten it. She had thought of herself as an adult, as a woman who could make her own decisions despite that the other Night Elves looked at her as not yet a full woman. When she had been with Lorkan, he made her feel the woman that she was, and he did not look down upon her because of what she was, or how young she was. She knew little about him as a person, but did that mean she did not know his heart? During those times together, when they would simply be in each other's company for a month or more, he had always been content to lie and listen to her talk, to learn more about her. He had always looked so sincere and happy when he was around her, and sometimes, for just a few moments, she allowed herself to think of them as more than just casual lovers.

And indeed they were! They did write each other, which was more than what casual lovers did, and in those letters Celysel had learned what he did not speak in words. He was a passionate man, a man of principles who lived life to live it. He was an easy going guy, he discriminated against no one, and he had mentioned more than once that he wanted something more than what they had. They had a relationship, sure, and she had been happy with that, but now that her feelings were growing all the more stronger, now when she looked at her 'adopted son's eyes, she wanted children of her own. She wanted a family, she wanted love, true and honest love, and she was not sure if Lorkan was the one who could give her that.

And yet, the more she was with Jaxton, the more empty she felt. She was among her own people, her own kind, with a man who was of her own race, yet she did not feel anything when she was around him. Sure he was a nice man, and very handsome as well, but there was something missing. His laughter wasn't mischievous, his mannerisms were restrained, as if he were holding back. He never held a teasing note, he never tried to rile her up or challenge her. In all honesty, Jaxton was boring.

But then again, her own kind had always been a bore to her. They lived by such a strict code all the time, sometimes they were elitish and annoying, which was why she had wanted to strike it out on her own. Bari Blackhammer had been such a refreshing sight. Gruff, lewd, outspoken, but yet with a heart as pure as gold. Bari had no qualms about picking fights or doing battle, yet he also was her strongest friend, emotionally and physically. He provided her with sage advice and told her to follow her heart, even if it meant that she was falling for the enemy. While he had not been too happy about her choice to bed a Troll, he did not stop her, and in fact encouraged her when he realized that this male made her smile more than she ever had since he had known her.

Always seek yer happiness lass, for ye heart will ne'er treat ye wrong. Wha'er makes ye happy makes ye happy, an' not a damn thing anybody should say bout it! He had said to her, and she had hugged the little Dwarf that day(and had gotten herself a string full of curses for it!) and the meaning had been clear.

She sighed aloud, her bright gaze going back to the secret doorway, her expression forlorn. Never in her life had she been so torn in a decision. Her heart was obvious, but logically, it could never work, and the more excuses she made as to why it could work just produced ten counters as to why it wouldn't. The bottom line was: even if they wanted a life together, who would accept them?

The better question was: Was she ready to leave her people, her family behind for a male?

She sighed again, but this time she did so to fight back tears. Her heart felt heavy in her chest, for she knew now that she was more than likely in love with Lorkan, and there was nothing she could do about it. No matter what, they could no longer afford to play games any longer; she had to break it off before she did something she would regret for the rest of her life.

Turning in her seat, she brought out a quill and ink and placed them on her desk. Slender fingers began to move over the parchment she unrolled as she began to write her final goodbyes to the male she knew she was now in love with. She confessed her feelings to him, her desires that she knew would never be, and prayed that the Goddess would watch over him. While Celysel was a Druid, she did believe in Elune, the Moon Goddess, but she knew there were some prayers that simply could not be granted.

It was time to let go. She finished the long letter with a tearfilled goodbye and put the letter into an envelope, putting it in a special place that Bari would find. He would be back later on in the evening, but she would not be there. Tonight, she was going to go out with Jaxton, and tonight she would resign herself to her true destiny.

Lorkan, oblivious to Celysel's thoughts was trudging along in Night Elf territory, keeping to the deep forests and in the shadows. Teldrassil was a far cry from where he would prefer to be as a Troll, but he had no choice. He had spent a lot of his time with Kaniar, trying to get her better from a strange virus that some shady humans had had near their territory. In that time, he had not heard from Celysel in months, and he was worried. Had she finally decided that she wanted nothing to do with him?

He tried to dismiss that notion that Celysel, after everything they had been through during this past year, would simply forget about him. He knew her too well at this point. He had spent months with her at a time, getting to know her, and in more than just a physical way. Yes, the relationship had started out on a purely physical level, she was beautiful, and for some reason, she had found him appealing. Their relationship had grown into something more concrete over time, and even though they had known each other just short of a year, and had spent most of that time apart than together, when they had been together, things just clicked. When he was with her, it was if they had always been together, all of their lives. He laughed with her, yelled at her, got yelled at, had quiet moments, was passionate with her…

He had known that he was in love the moment he went back home and realized that no other female drew his attention. Celysel was a Night Elf, and beautiful at that, but never would she had had the effect on him as she did if she were not something special. He had given himself a long time to think about it, to really think about his feelings, and he knew that she was meant to be his. He wouldn't deny it, he wasn't going to be like Kaniar with Rohkan, but then came the other, more important question:

What would he do about it?

Under normal circumstances, had Celysel been a Troll, he would have made her his mate, 'marriage' as the Humans called it. But this wasn't normal circumstances. Celysel was a Night Elf, and he was a Troll, and the two races weren't on friendly terms with each other. Unlike Celysel who had let this depress her and drag her down emotionally, Lorkan had thought about it for all of two seconds before the thought 'fuck it' popped into his head.

Okay, so the two races were enemies, so what? There were neutral lands out there, and his small village would accept her as long as she didn't try and sneak off and do something drastic. He would have to present her to Thrall, of course, so that he could test her and make sure of her loyalty, but Thrall didn't hate the Alliance races, he just did what he had to do to allow his people to survive, even if that meant being their enemy. Lorkan respected that in Thrall, always had, always would.

And if she wasn't accepted, he would go someplace where they would be. He knew that they could make it work if they tried, but the thing was, the 'trying' part was a two way street. He wasn't exactly sure of Celysel's feelings, and she seemed quite attached to her family and her people. Not that he wasn't, but his people also weren't uptight Night Elf assholes either. He had a feeling that his people would accept her faster than her people would accept him…if they didn't kill him at first sight.

Lorkan moved through the darkness, hoping that his potions of invisibility would hold out for a bit longer, at least long enough for him to find Celysel, get her to a secluded area, and talk to her. He wanted to try and convince her to go to Booty Bay with him again, and maybe the two of them could have a nice long chat about the possibility of them spending the rest of their lives together. Of course, he was taking an awfully huge step very quickly, but he wasn't a Human, and he wasn't bound by the strict traditions of the Night Elves. He was a Troll, and when a Troll knew what they wanted, they went after it. Plain and simple. He wanted Celysel, now he needed to know if she wanted him as well.

The thought that she had been found out crossed his mind as well, but then he would have heard something from her little Dwarven friend, that he knew. So she wasn't in danger, she just hadn't written him or tried to contact him. He wasn't sure which one he liked the least.

The forest this night reminded him of the first time they had met, when she had been transformed into that beautiful black panther. She had looked majestic and beautiful, the Hunter in him had wanted nothing but to tame her, until he realized she was a Night Elf. He still wanted to tame her in a way, but for totally different reasons. The air was cool as well, the moon was high, giving the land a whitish glow. Wisps were floating around, moving through trees, slowly moving, always moving. He wasn't sure if he liked Wisps all that much, but they didn't really harm him so he supposed they weren't bad. He knew what they were, but as long as they didn't go trying to tell some Night Elf who was bloodthirsty for enemy blood that he was around, they were fine with him.

He made almost no noise as he moved through the lush vegetation, his golden eyes sharp and alert, hoping to find Celysel. He was near the village, but he didn't want to get too close in fear that he be caught. As he thought about it, he realized that he really was an idiot: how could he get to Celysel if he couldn't get into the village? What if she wasn't even there? What a jackass he'd look like then. But he held fast to his gut feeling that she was here, and that something was wrong. He couldn't place his finger on it, but when she hadn't written him, something had told him to go and find her before it was too late. Too late for what he didn't know, but he didn't want it, whatever it was.

Noises caught his attention, male and female. They were distant, but not so much that he couldn't find them. Using his skills as a Hunter he moved through the dense forest, grateful that there weren't a lot of people out this time of day, or night, or whatever it was that these Night Elves had around here. Minor frustration moved through him, how the hell could one tell if it was dark or day here?

As he neared the voices he did recognize one of them to be his beloved Celysel. His heart began to pound as he thought about her. It had been months, he hadn't really realized how much he had missed just the sound of her voice. He pressed on further, until his gaze could make out two forms in the darkness. He had a decent type of night vision, but nothing compared to that of the Night Elves.

Celysel came into view as he came as close as he dared, but something told him to stay back, stay hidden. He did so, crouching down into the bushes and sneaking closer, his hands suddenly itching for his gun. He wasn't quite sure why he wanted his favorite weapon all of a sudden…

"I have thought of nothing but you these past few days Lady Celysel…" came a voice that belonged to the other figure. Confused, concerned, and starting to become a little annoyed, he moved a bit closer.

Celysel was standing in front of a male, Night Elf although not quite. The male was about an inch or two taller than his love, with purplish skin and green hair that came down to his shoulders. He did not have facial hair and he didn't seem as bulky as the average Night Elf male, but there was something about him that screamed 'warrior' even in those plain garments he was wearing.

His beautiful Celysel, however, looked wonderful. Her hair had grown since he had last seen her. She had let her hair down and it flowed now almost to the middle of her back, instead of to her shoulders. She wore a beautiful silver blouse with elaborate leather pants and beautiful black boots. She was smiling up at the Night Elf male, but the smile didn't reach her eyes it seemed. Lorkan watched as the male grabbed Celysel's hands and pulled her into his embrace, his golden gaze boring down into her silver one.

"My Lady…" he continued "I, I know that this may be forward, but I could think of nothing else. These outings we have been going to have been wonderful, but I've been wondering if perhaps you would…like to take our relationship further…" he said it bashfully, as if the words were foreign and frightening to him. Celysel looked shocked and surprised, but not unhappy.

Lorkan, who had very acute hearing, was also shocked, but for different reasons. Relationship? What relationship?

"F..further?" Celysel asked, completely oblivious to the fact that Lorkan was so near, her shock was so great. Yes, she had finally come to terms that she and Lorkan may not be able to be together, but she still wasn't sure if she wanted to simply jump into a relationship so fast. She still wanted to actually 'officially' break up with the person she was with, she had hoped that after she delivered her letter, the time gap in which he would reply would have been enough for her to try and move on when she got that final letter from him. She wasn't ready to jump into Jaxton's arms, she wasn't ready to try and love another man just yet.

Of course, she was going to try a relationship with Jaxton of course, but she had wanted to take that very, very slowly until she could somewhat get over Lorkan. This was not slow. Her being in his arms was not slow, and him looking down at her like he wanted to devour her was not slow either. Suddenly, she felt very uncomfortable and she wanted to leave, but in his mind, it wouldn't make sense. In his mind, she was very much single(and probably very much a virgin in his mind), and had no thoughts of another man, so why should she shy away from his advances? A part of her didn't want to, because she knew that it would be a step in the right direction, in the direction that didn't lead to heartache, but in her heart she knew that to move so forward like this would be a betrayal to Lorkan, and he would never forgive her for it.

What does it matter? Her subconscious asked It's not like he isn't cheating on you.

But she didn't know that, and a part of her felt like he wouldn't. Yes, he was flirty, but whenever she was around, his eyes never strayed to another woman, his gaze was always intent on her, when they were together, he came for no other reason than to be with her, she knew this. Would someone like that really just go back to cheating? It didn't seem like Lorkan, no matter how much her inner voice tried to tell her differently. In her heart, she knew that Lorkan had not betrayed their trust. She wanted to do this properly, the right way. She wanted to break things off with Lorkan and then move on, she wouldn't allow herself to become loose like this…

Yet, when she did not answer, she saw a shadow come over Jaxton's eyes, and then before she knew it, he pulled her tighter against his body, lowering his head and crushing his lips against hers. The kiss was tender but somewhat forced, and it felt so uncomfortable and wrong that she had to fight down the urge to push him away violently and try to explain herself. If she pushed him away, he would want to know why, and she wasn't sure if she was ready to deal with those sort of questions.

Danger pricked in the back of her neck and she broke off the kiss, her head and eyes moving around, trying to find the reason for the intense feeling of anger and hatred that she felt coming their way. Jaxton, confused, merely looked out into the darkness of the night before looking back at her.

"Lady Celysel? What is wrong my love?"

The wording of the question, and not the question itself, startled her. She looked up at this male who had said such bold words to her, her eyes widening in shock and disbelief.

"…I…forgive me my Lady…" Jaxton hastened to explain, feeling that he had went a bit too far with his words "It was too soon to say that I think…"

Despair began to fill her. She could not have this man fall in love with her, not when she had her feelings for Lorkan, who she, deep down, prayed that he felt the same. She knew that Jaxton's advances would become more bold now, especially since he had confessed his feelings, whether they be true or not, and she wasn't ready for that just yet. She wasn't really ready for anything.

So when another voice perked up from the shadows, Celysel's blood went cold.

"So den, me's guessin dis be the reason ya haven't been writing me eh?"

Quickly, she tried to move away from Jaxton, now knowing the feeling of danger that she had just sensed. Silver eyes moved over to the form of her lover Lorkan, his tall and lanky form leaning against a tree, his golden eyes menacing as they bored into her as if he could see into her soul. He was grinning, but it was the harshest grin she had ever seen on his features, and she knew then and there that she hated it. She hated it more because she knew she was the cause of it.

Goddess forgive me…

AN: This is short, but it's mostly because I'm trying to get these chapters out of the way. Chapter ten will be much longer, with much more emotion and more explanation. Forgive me for the shortness of this chapter. It's not my normal style, but it'll have to do.