Author: Psuriko

Copyrights: All common Ranma½ characters that are a part of this fanfiction belongs soley to Rumiko Takahashi.

Battle time! Catastrophe for dessert.

The morning sun was shining bright on Nerima, on a particular a familiar business, birds were singing and food aroma enveloped the surrounding neighbourhood.

People went to theirs jobs, jogging or to even eat breakfast out at one of the many food restaurants

Inside the owner of the Cat Café was looking over a pile of jewellery of her own in the inner parts of the building.

"Hmm… This was a fine memory from the past" Cologne said with a hint of red in her face and continued to sort out among the treasures collected over lifetime.

In the kitchen among the countless piles of unwashed plates someone was chuckling low.

"Mwahaha! It took months to scrap up enough money to buy these tickets to the amphibian exhibition in Yamatake. Why does that dried up mummy have to give such pesky low wage, but at least Shampoo's soft lips will make up for that after she thanks me for this wonderful date."

Mousse kissed the mop he held passionately, thinking about that last thought when a large noise came from the outside….

Pleased customers went out and new came into the Chinese restaurant as usual that day. A foreign old man in a brown suit, hat and a suitcase with the letters 'RDZ' walked in determined.

"Oho! 'The Peacemaker from West and East'. It is such a pity the other half was lost very long ago, could have made son-in-law marry Shampoo long time ago." She thought and shook her head in disgrief.

"Mousse! If you are not finished soon with the dishing the customers won't have any plates to have their paid breakfast on, and you know what is going to happen.." The owner roared to the kitchen's resident.

Someone was knocking on a panel in the room and the old man presented himself after lifting off his hat:

"Good morning. I am Fergus S. Nivelheimer and came here to settle an old bill with the owner."

Cologne was interrupted from the usual lecture on one of her less liked subordinates and jumped on her staff to the stranger.

"An old bill you say?" She scratched her chin "I seem not to recall having anything unsettled with foreigners."

"It is written right here on this document, I even brought in the portfolio."

He unlocked the suitcase and looked through papers. "Aha! Here it is." The man waved with the paper for a second and handed it over to Cologne.

"Hmm…" She said while reading the document a minute or two.

"Seems to be true, an old dept to the tribe almost forgotten by time."

Mousse could hear someone familiar, rage meter raced to the moon, as he looked out from the kitchen window:

"Let go, Shampoo!" Ranma said as he was once again trapped in the amazon's clutches.

"No do can, this more comfortable." She replied.

"Well, well… Looks like you two are having a nice hugging-time." Akane said. A large vein started to pump blood at higher then usual rate a day in the girl's forehead.

"Don't let ME bother you! I am heading to school and let you catch up later, turtle dove!"

She dashed off in her green schooluniform and left dust in her tracks.

"Sheesh. What's up with her now? I though she had her period last week…" The martial art supreme thought.

First things first he had to bend up Shampoo's grip before doing anything else. A crowbar came to mind, but was dismissed quickly. It would take too long time to crawl around or even jump, looking for one with extra luggage, wrapped around you. The principle would surely think up another stupid rule for punishing students that came late to school. Not that he couldn't trick Mr. Nitwit again to slip by… Hoho!

Ranma felt something was weird and quickly dodged whatever was close at him. The telephone pole they were close to a split second ago had underwent a diet-course faster then most pills could make effect for six months.

"What the..?"

Forks, knives and blunt weapons were tied around the telephone pole leading from the Cat Café's kitchen's window.

"Ranma! HOW DARE YOU HUG SHAMPOO IN THE MORNING!"

"Figures." The prime hug-suspect thought when the clues were summarised.

In the kitchen window Mousse displaying his two rows with teeth, was holding the other end of the ropes.

"It wasn't my idea; she crashed into me with her bike when we were. Speaking of breaking, do you have any thing that resembles a crowbar in those endless spaces of sleeves you got? "

Mousse froze for a second. A sound that could have been mistaken for a rubberband snapping came from nowhere.

His hands were trembling slight.

"To do what with? Breaking in and steal more of Shampoo's heart then you have already done? "

Before Ranma could answer with a witty counter, Mousse launched another attack. Flying saucers covered the air where Ranma were.

"If she could just let me go I could beat him in seconds." Ranma thought.

Ranma made a high jump into the air, somersaulting against a wall as everything throwable tailed his every move.

"You vile son of Arsene Lupin!" Mousse roared.

The heartthief continued to dodge his every attempt at teaching him a "lesson" in staying away from a certain girl.

"Stop this Mousse! You not have kitchen-duties now?" Shampoo said irritated at him.

Mousse paused for a second..

"It feels good that this is settled now." Fergus said with relief.

The owner nodded in agreement.

"Now, where could that daughter of mine be…"

Bang!

Something large flew through the room, crashing through the wall on the other side where the customers were eating and talking about daily life and house prices dropping in the districts.

Fergus looked closer on the hole in the wall in astonishment.

"Jolly good! Looks like you need an extra large supply of rat-poison to get rid of those rodents. Do they always-knockdown whole walls in Japan? "

Cologne didn't move from where she was standing on her staff, only shaking her head.

"Where the heck did you get that raw power for the punch, Mousse!" Ranma coughed from under the rubble.

An object barely registered by the naked eye landed on top of the pile where the pigtailed fighter was buried.

Mousse laughed before he entered the room. "Behold the final resort weapon! The kitchens sink!"

The wall parts that had been lying on the floor began to move aside as Ranma emerged.

"That's it, Mousse! I knew your sleeves could contain anything, but that was the last straw!"

Ranma got himself up in battle stance, ready for pay back time.

"If you two have to fight, do it outside the restaurant!" Cologne said and gripped the two fighters with her staff and threw them through the roof like ping pong balls.

Parts of the now damaged roof followed them as they hit a large post-box near the front side of the building.

"Ohhh, my head. Luckily something soft made the landing somewhat easier though." The pigtailed boy chuckled and tried to stand up.

As he made his way up, he noticed that on top of the post-box he had landed on was an unconscious Mousse laying with a funny expression in his face.

A bell rang from afar, something that couldn't be good… Ranma quickly ran towards school after realising after a few seconds that was the Furinkan School signal striking 8.30 am.

Arriving at school, he noticed that it looked like a battlefield taken from a samurai movie. Instead of bloodstains, there was PE material lying spread all around the bodies.

Sumo wrestlers, swimmers, polka dancers and even the scout club's members were on the ground.

In middle of it a familiar swordsman was standing like a statue raised in memory of the fallen comrades.

"What the..? K-k-kuno?"

Thwack!

"You are not paid for naptime at work, Mousse!"

The sleeping beauty opened his eyes and tried to locate from where that thwacking originated.

"Ack! It's the IprenMan, back from the dead!"

Thwa-crack!

"Who do you mistake a Swedish television advertisement medicine with? Put on the glasses!"

Mousse took his round glasses from the double bump on his head, and put them on the nose.

He looked away in disgust and mumbled barely audible.

God, what an ugly dried up monkey.

As about Mousse was finished with his criticism, he was put out for good.

Fergus Nivelheimer made his goodbyes and wished luck in getting rid of the large rodents.

When he had left the building Cologne thought 'Why can't staffs be as durable as in the good old times?'

Back at school Ranma wondered what had happened at the school grounds.

"Sheesh Akane, you know what had plown through students back there at the grounds? I bet it was at least an Abraham II or a tornado." He laughed pretty heartily.

"Ha, ha. Always so funny when you huggle with other girls. You hear me? I could laugh so hard I could die from your funny comments! HA HA HA!"

Akane was getting more worked up as she lashed at her fiancée.

"Hello! I didn't huggle with Shampoo! You saw how she crashed into me with her bike as usual and started to do that."

He jumped up on Akane's desk ready to continue the verbal fight when he realised retaliation was futile.

"You are such a liar! I didn't see you try to resist her efforts. And I was so looking forward to make the dinner for tonight."

Tears started to fall from her chins.

Ranma had suddenly frozen into a statue and fell of his fiancée's desk with a loud bang.

He got up by gripping onto the corners of the top of the desk.

Ranma waved his hands randomly as he tried to talk her out making another one, using her culinary expertise.

He even started to rub her back, which in turn only gave an elbow punch as thanks.

It didn't take long to find that thing Fergus was looking for after they got abruptly interrupted by the large "rodents". Fergus found her a few metres away from the post-box earlier, deep stuck in the wall. After some efforts and paying an old couple who were the owners of wall and a wrecking ball, Fergus got her loose. She was still unconscious', he took her to the nearest hospital or that is what he thought.

"This isn't a hospital, but I could work out those joints in a snap, jokes aside." Said the clinic's Doctor Tofu.

Bending and twisting the body of the girl like what would be physically impossible. Elbows out and flipping the patient in mid air, stretching the spine.

The doctor worked for a couple of minutes and when he was finished, he wiped away the sweat in his forehead.

"Pretty ugly, but I have to admit it isn't even close to being mentioned in the same level as one of my other frequent patients."

Mr. Nivelheimer nodded, but didn't pay any particular attention to the doctor's saying when he himself was fascinated by something in the corner.

"Interesting nurse you got, doctor. What does she eat to stay that good and still virile at the same time as never moving?"

He started to poke on the skeleton, but Tofu stopped him pretty quick.

"No that is my skeleton, Betty."

Tofu directed the old man towards the patient and told him that she stills seems to be unable to wake up after testing several pressure techniques. Fergus was urged to go to the hospital a couple of kilometres away.

As he was leaving the clinic, Fergus asked who that regular patient would be, just in curiosity of course.

"He is called 'Ranma Saotome', living with the Tendos and his fiancée"

"You look at jewellery again, great grandmother?" Shampoo asked after throwing in the 'trash' back to into the kitchen for punishment.

Cologne nodded, but she seemed so flustered the girl thought.

Turning every ring and necklace upside down, but still couldn't find it.

"The relic 'peacemaker' was just here less then an hour ago, but it have vanished into thin air. This isn't good a good sign."

Shampoo widened her eyes "What it do?" She asked a bit uncertain.

"Alone it is just a normal piece of necklace, but together with 'Warmongler' it could turn out bothersome."

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Phew, took some nights top pull that first chapter of, but please be kind to drop a review when you have read it.

I estimate that a new chapter will be released per week until it is finished.