11/25
Thanksgiving. Not one of my favorite holidays. We never made a huge deal out of it, not with Christmas right around the corner, and we always had a huge Christmas celebration. Being unsure how Dad is planning on handling this holiday season, my plan was to go with the flow.
Go with the flow.
Uh huh.
Yesterday morning Dad asked me if I wanted a turkey. I said no. He asked if I wanted vegetarian alternatives. I said yes. So we went out and bought a bunch of "Thanksgiving-y" foods. He also got a small turkey that will last him Thanksgiving with plenty of leftovers. I can eat meat, but that doesn't sound good at all.
The trip to the supermarket was kind of weird. We got our stuff (I convinced Dad that we HAD to have pumpkin pie, go me!) and the lady at check-out was ringing up our stuff. She was talking to Dad, and I was catching up on my celebrity gossip from the front pages of the tabloids when I looked up and I noticed something.
This woman is flirting with Dad.
FLIRTING WITH HIM! He still wears his wedding ring for god's sake!
Then I tried to look outside myself. Look from the point of view of a single forty-something year old woman. This is way more difficult than it sounds, especially in the context of my own father. But I did it. When seeing through those eyes, Dad's a pretty good looking guy. I could see why this strange woman would flirt with him.
But he's still so married looking. And he's with his teenage daughter, for crying out loud. I'm totally weirded out by the whole thing.
We get home and I started putting groceries away (even though we're going to get them all out tomorrow, no sense not knowing where things are) while Dad sat at the kitchen table and balanced his check book.
I stowed the turkey on the bottom shelf of the 'fridge so it can thaw overnight. I'm putting away the yams when I looked at Dad.
"Dad?"
"Hmm?" He wasn't really paying attention.
"Can I ask you something?"
"Sure."
I bit my lip for a moment. "Do you think... you'll get re-married?"
He looked up that time, with this completely startled expression on his face. "What in the world makes you ask that?"
"That woman at the store was flirting with you and I-"
"She was?" Dad's expression went from startled to confused.
I started laughing. "Yeah, she was."
"Oh. Well, I'm not going to marry the woman at the grocery store."
"I know that," I said, "but if you want to, I just... thought I should be prepared."
"If it ever comes to that, you'll know in advance."
"But you still haven't answered my question," I reminded.
Dad didn't quite meet my eyes, and I couldn't blame him, after he said what he said. "Your mother made it very clear to me that if I ever met someone, to do what I wanted. However, I think you can be rest assured that if that ever does happen, it won't be for some time."
"What if it just jumps out of the blue?" I asked.
"When it comes to marriage, it won't be a step I'll take lightly. I never did."
And the conversation was over.
Well, this is less depressing than the possible Thanksgiving at Denny's, or Hungry Man turkey dinner meals. Or is it? Is Dad cooking Thanksgiving dinner (something Mom always did) any less depressing than just ignoring the holiday altogether?
In a desperate attempt, I ask Dad if I can invite Ducky over for Thanksgiving.
"Doesn't he have a family?"
"A creepy older brother who probably won't even be home and parents in Africa," I replied.
Ducky is officially invited to spend Thanksgiving with the Winslows.
Hopefully things will go well. Dad is downstairs cooking right now. It's sort of weird. I mean, this is our first Thanksgiving without Mom, and we're COOKING? Is it any better than moping around? How about that Hungry Man meal?
Cooking sounds good.
At least this is fresh. Not flash frozen. Yuck.
I should probably go help. Ducky'll be here in an hour or so.
10:05 PM
Ducky's gone back to his most probably empty house now. He's probably going to lock himself in it and never see me or Dad ever again. Okay, it wasn't that bad.
I answered the door when Ducky knocked on it. He was actually wearing a tie, but because he was Ducky, it looked totally cool. I guess I was more dressed up than usual (I changed out of ratty jeans into a skirt. A casual skirt, but a skirt nonetheless), and Dad looked like... Dad.
"Hey!" I greeted him.
"Hi... do I look okay?"
"You could have come in a chicken suit," I said. "But we might have cooked you for dinner."
"Which is why I went with the tie," he replied, laughing.
"Hey, Christopher," Dad said from the kitchen.
"Hi, Mr. Winslow," Ducky replied. He looked at me. "You know, I've never just been over to your house for dinner."
"Really? Huh. This must change."
"It already has."
"Good."
We went into the kitchen where Dad was setting the bowl of mashed potatoes on the table. We may be adjusting family, but there was NO WAY we were going to sit in the dining room. It wasn't going to work.
I forced Ducky to sit while I helped Dad set the table. We sat down. Since this isn't a grace kind of family, we just dug in. No formal anythings here.
Ducky and I shot comments back and forth for the first part of the meal, until Dad finally asked the question.
He looked back and forth between us. "Are you two..." He made a waving hand gesture. "Seeing one another?"
I laughed. "No, Dad, at ease. Ducky's already dating someone, only the most pop-"
"Sunny," Ducky said.
"What? Dad's an equal opportunity employer." I looked back to Dad. "Ducky is dating Justin Randall, by far the most popular guy at Vista."
"Oh," Dad said. He nodded at Ducky. "Good for you."
"Uh, thank you, sir," Ducky replied. I stifled a laugh at Ducky calling Dad "sir."
"What about you?" Dad asked, looking at me with raised eyebrows.
"What about me what?" I asked.
"You're not dating anyone, are you?"
"No, Dad, my senseless string wild flings is over. I could only take a year of kinky sex and always having to spring for the condoms and cock rings."
Ducky choked on his mouthful of potatoes, but Dad just shook his head and smiled.
"You're just trying to piss me off."
I grinned. "You got me. Don't worry, Dad, still a virgin." Well, half a virgin, but I didn't feel like going into that over Thanksgiving dinner.
"Good," he replied.
"Do you know the age of consent in California?" I asked.
"No idea. Knowing this day in age, it's twelve. But since when does that even matter to the general public?"
"Good point."
Ducky stared at us. He had not yet witnessed the new Dad and Sunny family. This is not unusual. Somehow Dad and I become quite liberal (not that our household has EVER been conservative) with each other. It wasn't planned, it just happened. And it's okay. It's how we're coping with each other.
After dinner we ate pumpkin pie (highly worth it) and Dad caught up on the football scores. He cracks me up. He won't watch the games, but he's obsessed to know what the scores are and who won. Maybe it's something he needs to know to have something to talk about with his business guys?
Ducky and I holed up in my room and gossiped for a while.
"How are things going with Justin?" I asked nosily. I hadn't been nosy about their relationship in a while (Good God, school leaves me with no time TO be nosy).
"Good, I guess."
"You guess?" I pressed, a little bit more gently this time.
Ducky mulled over his comments for a moment and then said, rather carefully, "I don't know if it's going to last."
"What?" Gentleness gone. Insert shock. "Why?"
"I think we're too different. I'm a punching bag and he's a boxer."
"What? He's hitting you?"
"No! No, nothing like that. It's the kinds of people we are. He's a leader, the source of inspiration. I'm just that guy who'll lend you his notes, but I'm no one's hero."
I shrugged. "You're my hero."
He grinned and hugged me. "And you're mine."
I hugged him back. "Kodak moment over, what's the deal? You guys were all hot 'n heavy and now... nothing?"
"Well, no, not nothing."
"So it's not mutual unattraction."
"No. Definitely not. There's... tension."
"Seeeeeeexual tension?"
"Yes, if you must know," he said, smiling. His smile faded. "Justin is like the gay poster boy, and I'm getting beat up in the locker room."
"Which you should report," I said, for probably the dozenth time. "I don't care about all your theories on bully psychology. This isn't name calling you scraped your knee on the playground. What's happening to you is sexual discrimination and abuse. Those assholes should be put in jail."
"They won't get put in jail. They'll get suspended for three days and then be even more pissed off. If I just let it ride, the gay wimp novelty will wear off."
"You're not a wimp." I hate it when Ducky says horrible self deprecating things about himself that are completely untrue. "Besides, what's this it's not going to work? Justin loves you."
"Justin is having a delusion of grandeur. Gay grandeur."
"Do you love him?"
Ducky didn't say anything. He nodded.
"Then what's the problem?"
"Sometimes it just... takes more than that."
"How do you know if you're that case? What if it's not?"
"I don't know!" Ducky exclaimed, obviously frustrated. "I just don't know... when we're alone, everything fine, but... man... school is... hard."
"Well, you have me. And now you have Alex who, from what you said, is cool with it."
"I know."
"And you know that Dawn and Maggie and everyone, we're all behind you."
"I know."
Ducky was looking further and further in the dumps. For the most part I could tell what was going on in his mind, but sometimes it's like he just cuts out from himself. And when he's not feeling it, I can't get a feel for it either.
I decided to go back on the gentle route. "If you want to break it off with him, you know we're all behind you on this situation. We all like Justin, but we love you, and we want you to be happy."
"Thanks, Sunny."
I like that hero feeling.
