What We Do In The Shadows: "Jen..."

Summary: There are unexpected consequences when Laszlo seeks a new human familiar…

Part XV…

"Blood and tonic, sir?" Laszlo manning the bar grandly, in guise of an English publican, to Nandor who graciously bows, accepting proffered drink with gracious flourish.

"And for the lady, sir? Miss? Fair Miss?" to a mock-frowning, then smiling Nadja…

"Very funny, you are a child, Laszlo. But the same…" she nods.

"Now come…Both of you…You love the place…" he eyes each as he hands her her drink in turn, the blood from his favored vintage flask.

Though usually the "favored vintage" was the most recent draining… Blood not keeping all that well in a metal flask, generally at room temperature.

"It's a fine place." Nandor nods. "I would be a bit apprehensive about an upstairs bedroom even with the opaque windows device…Still, with wood shutters to protect the bed itself. From the occasional power failure."

"I find the idea exhilarating…An upper bedroom again…After all these years…" Laszlo beams. "And Jen did say the house has a backup power system...Solar panels plus its own generator run on biomass." Laszlo beams.

"Is that all life mass? People included?" Nandor asks.

"I believe it's plants mostly...But you could probably use people. We can ask about that...Let me make a note." Laszlo pulls out pocket recorder Jen had given him to record any deficiencies or questions on the spot. "Can we run the generator on rotting human corpses? You know that would be a most ecological recycling of the victims. Biomass to ashes, ashes to dust."

"But where do we put the coffins, Laszlo?" Nadja points out.

"Jen had a fine idea about that earlier…We replace that huge bed with a specially made one, with the coffins in the bed itself, covered by a very thin bit of mattress that unzips to expose the lids…" eager tone. "The native soil in the box with us under a proper cover and we are set. We'd actually be sleeping in a real bed again sort of. Remember I had something like that fitted out for me in my first sixty years, when I had trouble sleeping in a crypt?"

"That was stupid, the windows kept getting opened by the maid. You nearly burned to death."

"But now we have advanced technology…" Laszlo notes happily. "They've finally done something to benefit vampires as well as humans. Jen? Can you locate a good bedmaker...I mean I believe a carpenter, to carry out the idea you suggested as to our bed?" he speaks to recorder.

"With a few wood shutters to protect the bed just in case, I would do it." Nandor nods. "It is time I slept on a higher plane, was able to survey my dominion each day."

"New ways to burn to Death, wonderful." Nadja sneers.

"Ah, but the glass is the UV proof and equipped to filter glare, Jen says, it may not allow sunlight to burn us." Laszlo notes. "In fact, I had heard that some of our people are already living the good life in the light of day, inside, with similar protections. Science marches on..."

I have heard that also…" Nandor, eagerly.

"From whom?" Nadja snorts. "Colonel von Saunders, the fried vampire? This is Edgar Hardee, all over again. Well you and Nandor can be the first to march burning...How do you know the glass UV will stop the sunlight from killing you. Remember Edgar?"

Cut to Laszlo seated on incredibly comfy, very plush white sofa in the estate's living room…

"Laszlo, you just sat down..." Nadja frowns. "And you should get up, this is not our home yet. You may dirty the furniture and make us look like inconsiderate pig types."

"It's fine. The cushions are protected. Jen told me it was fine to sit. Look." he rises, then sits.

"As it is…" Nandor, eagerly sitting. "So comfy…Bouncy too…" he bounces. "Guillermo?" he looks over to where Guillermo had emerged from the cellar… "Come, come and bounce on our new cushions fit for a sultan's harem." he waves to Guillermo.

"We are not having a harem, Laszlo. Do not even fantasize about it." Nadja, sternly, catching Laszlo's eager look.

"Well…Edgar Hardee was our first native born American vampire friend, a resident of this fair isle of Staten who welcomed us with open arms on our arrival. A quintessential American, a true believer in Positivism and Science, of his era, about 1876 or so when we met, eagerly meeting each new discovery with, well, open arms."

Shot of Edgar, a reasonable pleasant-looking large-mustached man of medium height with slightly poppy eyes in typically mid-nineteenth century clothes with bowler hat, on enormous front wheeled bicycle on dark road bearing torch. Shot of Edgar with early wax cylinder phonograph cranking handle. Shot of Edgar with early telephone, cranking handle. Shot of Edgar proudly turning on electric light which causes all five other vampires in group to cringe behind capes. Shot of Edgar standing proudly by small Zeppelin floating on rope lit by electric bulbs. Shot of Edgar with mechanical milking machine approaching terrified victims…One human, one cow. Shot of Edgar with early mechanical can opener, proudly holding opened can.

"About 1929 he got all excited when sunglasses were invented, by a fellow named Foster and got one of the first pairs, believing they would protect his eyes from the sunlight. He wrapped himself up like a mummy and, one must give him credit for his adventurous spirit, with his new glasses firmly wrapped on, went boldly out into the morning sun...On the very day of the stock market crash...An intrepid vampiral pioneer. Sadly…""

""He flamed up, eyes first." Nadja shrugs. "Moron."

"His investment banker thought he'd committed suicide...He did, in a way..." Laszlo notes.

"But the technology is much improved, they can look through glass like this in outer space now...the Ether, Nandor...Where the unshielded sun can even destroy humans."

Nadja rolling eyes. "And you can intrepid yourself looking right out window into flaming death."

"We wouldn't have to risk ourselves on the first try. I can turn a cat and see how it fares…"

"That would be horribly cruel to a dumb beast…" Nandor, shocked. "Perhaps one of our human victims…"

"Either way…"But I have faith in human technology. We see how they fare and if not fried to a crisp, we can survey our dominions by the light of day…" Laszlo proudly notes.

"It would be rather nice to look out in the daylight..." Nandor notes, a bit wistfully. "See the humans ground under my heel for miles...And the trees and the animals."

"Let Guillermo or Jen take a video for you..." Nadja shook head. "You'll end up going through the window...What's so important about daylight viewing anyway?" slighly apprehensive glance to Laszlo, contemplating his view of dominion and bouncing on the sofa cushions a bit more.

Cut to Nadja in crypt at old house, later…

"Yes, it is big deal…Perhaps…" sigh. "Laszlo is having all kinds of humanish regrets these days…Missing Milly, wanting daylight viewing. I fear…" sad look. "He is having regrets again about his Immortality."

Cut to newly transformed Laszlo in his old apartments, kneeling by dead Milly, terrified doctor fleeing room behind him. "My God! What have I become?! What have I done to this poor girl?! Doctor?! Oh, Doctor?!"

"Handsome Englishman, Mr. Cravensworth…" Nadja of this era in long dress cooing. "Come away with me, my love. I have taken the burden of life and death from you. You are…Immortal…Now."

"I asked you to stay with her, help her." Eyes her. "You bit me, right in the middle of…My God! Debauchery, lechery…They've caught up with me at last, just as my grandmother warned me."

"And is Grandmother Oh-So-Wise here now? Is she young and beautiful after centuries? Or dead? Or old and decrepit, awaiting death?" Nadja sneers.

"Point taken, yes. But, this poor girl…" he pats Milly's corpse. "Dead, at my foul hands! Oh, God forgive me!"

"Yes, yes…Terrible. She died still young and beautiful not old and falling apart or in abject poverty with loathsome diseases or beaten to death by drunken husband after bearing four, five, ten awful, dirty children."

"Point taken, again…Fair lady…Or foul creature of the night…" he eyes her narrowly. "You did this, to me anyway."

"I chose you, Laszlo Cravensworth…From among all men." She intoned. "You are mine, forever."

"No, never! Avant, dark creature! I will fight the fight for my soul. Though I have been driven to murder this poor innocent girl, I can still call on God to save me!"

"Sure, yeah…I tried that too. You want to wait for bearded almighty one to appear, doing magic tricks?" she smiles.

"Profane His Name but you cannot speak it! Sweet and holy…Jesus?" he tried, tentatively. Hmmn, thought it would certainly burn my tongue if I could say it. "Yes, Christ…Ok…" Pleased nod. "…Is my salvation…"

"I thought you were atheist? You talked that way at meetings all this month." She eyes him. "Now you are dead and got religion?"

"How else may one deal with the forces of Darkness revealed to me, than to call upon God?! Reason, I suppose?" eyeing her. She shrugs...Why not? "Well, I call upon Reason but reserve the right to seek salvation if Reason has no effect here."

"You are going to argue me to Hell?" she stares. "Fine. I was like you, mortal. But unlike you I had hard life and little joy from this God guy or from 'Reason'. Then vampire bit me and turned me and now I am powerful and Immortal...Though...Oh, so...Lonely."

"And now you've killed me and drawn me to your dark existence..." Laszlo, solemnly. Patting Milly's dead arm...

"You had early stages of leprosy...You prefer you died that way?"

"Yes, well...What about this poor girl?" he indicates Milly. "Can you revive her?"

"No, she needed to drink blood from you. Is too late."

"Oh...Poor child..."

"Look..." Nadja pulls back Milly's blouse to reveal sore. :She has early moark of plague. She would have died in agony. Now, she's at peace."

Return to Nadja, later in present… "It was an old burn scar she got roasting a turkey for Laszlo but he was eager to be convinced..." sigh. "I just hope he is not again having remorse thoughts. I hate it when he has remorse thoughts, makes me feel bad. I truly love him. Even if I have fling with Gregor my old reincarnated lover now and then."

Back to the estate living room, present...

"I want to check the toilets." Nandor rises, heads for the nearest bathroom. "Come, Guillermo, you may need to clean up."

"That's fine...I will check...The home theater..." Laszlo smiles at Nadja who mock-frowns at his patting of a seat beside him, but takes seat.

"Oh, my..." she blinks as one wall of the room turns into a CNN broadcast…

"The toilets are marvelous!" Nandor proclaims from a bathroom, sounds of rapid flushing… "Aren't they marvelous, Guillermo?!" "Yes, Master."

"Don't break anything, Nandor…!" Nadja calls, nuzzling by Laszlo and eyeing screen… "We do not own the place yet."

"Mein Gott!" the Baron's familiar stares at the colossal screen from the living room doorway…. As an episode of "Star Trek" classic begins with field of stars and music...

…..

Sunday morning, next day, 10:30… Popover Pantry, favorite brunch locale for Jen and David…

"David…" Jen in business attire to frowning David in casual attire, Suzette happily playing at food in high chair…

"It's business…And two really big deals. Ginny is giving up part of her Sunday, too."

"Ginny only cares about her business and bank account…" irritated tone. "Jen, it's our Sunday."

"And I'm here, I just have to do a few things later. I'll go at two, back by seven for dinner."

"You're working too hard…You look tired and pale." He noted.

"Thanks…" wry frown. "Just what a girl wants to hear…"

"You know what I mean…"

"When everything's settled and papers are signed, I'll take a break…I promise. I've been meaning to cut back on my hours with Suzie getting bigger anyway, you know that."

"I know you keep saying that…" he sighs.

"Now you're hurting me a little…" she eyes him. "But, ok, I'll put it in writing, how's that? And you can't have complaints about the sex…I hope." Sidelong glance.

"That's been tremendous…If a little extra kinky recently." He notes. "Suzie…Stop that and eat!" he turns to Suzette now making a puddle of her cereal.

"Suzie…" Jen, wiping her face with napkin. "I thought all men liked to be called 'Master' in bed, once in a while." Roguish grin to David.

"Within limits…" he grins back. "I like to think you're enjoying it too."

"If you can't see that, you need better glasses, babe." Smile, fond pat. "Ooops…" she feels buzzing phone and pulls. "It's Ginny."

"Yeah…Hey, yeah…I'm set to meet you at five, with Mr. and Mrs. C. Do you have the directions? Great. Yeah, they went crazy over the place, Mr. C says it's perfect. Well, he feels they can move on it right away if we can get things rolling at our end. Sure…Sure…Ok…"

Commission? David mouthed. She put up a hand…

"Yeah, they just wanted to get all the initial paperwork set so we can start hitting the banks Monday for the security. He seems to feel there'll be no problem with that. Yeah, PNC… And I've sent out emails about their place. Miss Reynolds, The Greens…And that historical society…Well, it's more complex with them but they're were looking for a place like that. Ok, see you at five. I'll be doing some checks there after I get the keys from the guard at Fielderson's. I'll be from 3 on if you come early but the C's won't in till 5:30 at the earliest. Ok. Great, Ginny." She closes phone. "Ok, free till 1:30." Smiles at David who shakes head.

"She ought to be up front about your share of the commission. You found these folks and are doing all the work…"

"Ginny'll be straight with me, don't worry." Pat. "Come on, Suzie's set, lets eat…I'm starved." As a waitress set down their orders. "And then we hit the sidewalk for some clothes shoppin', Suzie…Oh!" she tickled the giggling girl in her chair.

…..

Three pm…The community manor…Or, as now defined in Jen's papers, the Cravensworth-Relentless estate…

Cut to Colin, back in his cell…

"And the importance of being a daywalker..." smiles.

"Being a stickler for paperwork by nature and profession, back to my days in the Patent Office in the 1840s, I made sure we arranged, over time, the proper paperwork for ownership of our house and land…Thank you." Nod.

"Of course, I probably should have put my name on the documents along with Nandor's and Laszlo's but I was trying to piss off Nadja at the time, whose wrath in those days I fed very well from, and to avoid being killed by her I had to keep my name off as well as hers to placate her a bit when I'd claimed the government here didn't allow women to own property. Which did rather sell America to Nandor… But everything should be in order, deedwise. Fortunately I enjoy going over to the property and deeds offices-locally, county, even to Albany for an occasional holiday among the drones of the state office…Simply wonderful, really. Albany is probably the best place on Earth for someone like me…Except maybe, Buffalo? Almost totally drab and soulcrushing throughout…But as I was saying…Sorry, yes, I am feeding off your cameraman, you might want to…New meat, great, thanks. Hi, there." wave.

"…So as I was saying, it's a hobby of mine to go and check and update all our paperwork at least once a month as to property, social security, medicare…I keep having to fully update us in the system every five-ten years so no one gets suspicious, though for the long term stuff like updating our birth registries I find a clerk or someone with access, then by night have Nandor come to them at home to get them to file the updates, then erase memories… We've found it's best to mildly enthrall some young office person just high enough to have access and keep them at their job till they're old, grey, and drop dead from ennui and frustrated dreams. Of course if they've any real talent they have to refuse promotion out of their dead-end existences." He notes. "Just a light draw to compel them and then prey on their fears of failure and need to follow rules a bit. Generally pretty easy."

Cut to Birth Registry office four years earlier, middle-aged woman behind glass shield questioning Colin in dull beige business suit, sleepily…Nandor standing by…

"Ok, but if he's Nandor Relentless III, son of Nandor Jr…Where's his birth registration in the system?" she peered at her screen. "I can't find a record, do you have any documentation?"

Colin glancing round…No one watching…Either busy with others or gone for day… "Nandor?" Nandor, in a strange mix of cape, business suit, hat pulled low over head, stepping over, cautiously.

"Althea…You remember me…" he stares at her. "Quietly, please? And nice to see you again."

"I…Remember you, Master…" Althea intones flatly in low voice.

"You see nothing wrong, go ahead and register me in the system…It's the easiest thing to do." Nandor intones, waving hands and staring at Althea, the clerk, staring back at him blankly.

"I can't override the system…I'll need to put a new fake record in. It's harder nowadays, the system's almost all digital. Can you come back next week?"

"You can't do it today? I had to wear body wrapping like a mummy and it's raining today." Nandor urges.

"I see from the weather report it'll be sunny all next week." Colin, contentedly unhelpfully.

"I may get caught and I would be sent to prison, Master. And they would see whom I was doing it for…" she notes, flatly. "You'd be in danger…"

"Oh, very well…Do it when you can, in secret, then forget, but only after you call Colin here and tell him when we should come back."

"Yes, Master…" Althea notes.

"Are you well? You had high-pressure blood last time we met. How is George?" Nandor, politely.

"I'm on meds but still a little trouble. George had a heart attack last year. We're thinking of retiring next year and traveling a little, maybe live abroad if we can manage it." Adjusting glasses.

"Oh, no…" Colin hisses. "We have to do Laszlo and Nadja next year. She can't retire."

"Althea, you may not retire next year." Nandor intones. "You love your job and fear any change. Travel does not appeal to you, you hate the thought of living in some strange new place. Besides, retirement is boring. You should take up a hobby instead…Take some vacation time, perhaps. But do not retire. And forget that I told you this."

"Yes, Master…" Althea nods. "So, you'll have to come back with some kind of documentation, Mr. Relentless. But I'll check again later and call you if…Why would I call you, we never call…?" wanly puzzled look.

"Her will's pretty strong despite the soul-crushing nature of this place…" Colin notes to Nandor.

"Althea…" Nandor intones. "You will call when you have placed the fake document but forget that you called, remember? Ok?"

"Yes…" her voice trails… She blinks as they leave her window.

"Next…?" a bit feebly.

"Poor Althea, she's lost a lot of her pep and vitality…" Nandor shakes head as they head out of the office. "I hope she can do some vacation, she looks like she needs it. Colin, perhaps even if it may be difficult we should let her retire and take on a new person to handle our affairs here."

"Not many candidates…Young folks don't want to work here in most cases unless they have to…" Colin notes. "It wasn't a bad deal for a young black woman back in her twenties to get in here then but now…Eh…" shrugs.

"Really? I know it's not got the thrill of being in the army slaughtering your foes but I thought this was an essential public service?"

"In public service commercials, maybe…" Colin notes, mocking smile.

Back to modern Colin…

"She's still working at that office, afraid to retire, thanks to Nandor, all the vitality and spirit she had crushed out of her after years of our keeping her chained to that job…They tried to promote her again, last year but she refused. Her husband left her for a younger woman with a little more spirit two years ago. Nandor feels a little badly about that but I say the world needs more crushed, sadly pathetic people manning government clerical offices till they drop dead in their chairs." Nod.

"Anyway, we should be good to go, but I'll go and review our paperwork at the Deeds Office this weekend. Then look over the papers Jen leaves and review things for the financial transactions with Laszlo. Sounds like I'll be having a great week…" beam.

…..