Chapter Twenty-Six: Ducky

February 11th

The past two days have been probably some of the strangest you've ever had. Alex has been trying to get you to think outside the box, be outside the box. He's obsessed with the box. It's his new favorite thing. And he's pushing it all on you.

Thursday you're driving Alex and yourself to school. He brings up the box.

"Isn't the GSA meeting this afternoon?" he asks.

"I... think so."

"I want to go."

"Why?" You raise your eyebrows and pull into the parking lot. You make sure to park on the front half where people are more likely to see your car and less likely to spray paint it. You still can't afford to have the car repainted, so cardboard has to do.

"I just want to get outside the box," Alex replies. "Will you come with me?"

"I guess, but..."

"You don't have to be gay to go. You're gay, I'm straight, we're allied. That's makes us perfect candidates to go."

"But..."

"But what?"

"The only time I ever went there was with Justin. The chance that he'll be there is great and things are weird."

"It's been a month, Ducky. Things shouldn't be so weird. And maybe if you were in the same place at the same time, you could get used to being around each other again. Really, look outside the box."

"You are obsessed with the box," you remark.

Alex smiles. "I know."

Jump ahead to GSA meeting. Rachel practically jumps on you as you walk in.

"Ducky! I thought you'd never come back!" Her voice lowers. "I heard what happened."

Not surprising, since most of the school has heard what happened. The rumor mill has slowed down in the past couple of weeks, but it's pretty commonly known, the general facts of what happened. People no longer gawk at your cardboard covered car. Even the locker room Hell has subsided into a simple Hell-like underworld.

"And who is this?" She grins at you. "A special friend?"

"This is Alex," you say. "My best friend since we were kids."

"I'm the 'S' part of GSA," Alex says, shaking Rachel's hand. She smiles.

"Gotcha. This is good news, then, because I have someone who wants to meet you, Ducky."

"What?" you say.

"Do you know Kevin Donahue?" Rachel asks.

"Um, no, not really. He's in my grade."

"That's him over there." She points in the direction of a boy talking to some girl. He's really skinny, probably a head shorter than you, with straw colored hair. He looks over your way and smiles. Even from across the room, you can see bright blue eyes.

"Cute, right?" Rachel says. "Anyway, like two weeks ago, he was asking me about you, and I figured that I'd wait until you came here, because I didn't want to run after you trying to get you to go out with some guy. So will you come and meet him?"

Sometimes when you're talking to Rachel, you feel like you've just been winded. It's sort of like talking to Sunny, but you're used to Sunny. Rachel just hits you like a bucket of cold water. Also, if this were Sunny, you'd tell her to stop butting in and being nosy, but you hardly know Rachel so you can't say this and you can't understand WHY she's being so nosy about it. At least with Sunny you know her intentions are good.

"I guess so?" you say. Alex is nodding. You're wondering if he's in on this, but when you interrogated him later, you believe that he was not, it just happened to be a very out-of-the-box day.

Rachel drags you over to him. "Ducky, this is Kevin."

"Hi," you say.

"Hey, there," Kevin says. He's smiling and looks a little nervous. "It's nice to meet you."

"You too."

Just as things are getting awkward, Olivia starts the meeting. You sit next to Alex.

After the meeting, you start to leave, when you feel a hand on your arm. You turn around and it's Kevin.

"Look, I know that you don't know me and Rachel is so pushy, but... maybe we could go out? My treat, of course." His face looks honest (you wonder how old he is, because he looks so young), and you hear yourself saying, "Sure."

You make plans to meet him after school tomorrow. He has a driver's license, but he doesn't have a car, so you'll be driving.

"How do you feel about this?" Alex asks as you drive to the bookstore.

"Out of the box," you reply dryly.

"No, seriously."

"What? I am being serious."

You get to the bookstore and the first thing Alex says on entering is, "Ducky has a date!"

Amalia looks up from the register tape she studying. "Really?"

"Yep!"

She squeals. She jumps from the stool and gives you a hug. "That's so great! With who?"

"Kevin Donahue," you say. You pull your name tag out of your pocket and pin it to your shirt.

"I know who that is," Amalia says. "He's on the student activities committee. When Vanish played Homecoming last year, he was one of the people in with that."

"Did you know he was gay?" you ask.

"Oh, sure. Everyone knows. It's not like he's shy about it." Somehow, the comment makes you feel a little uneasy. She's back behind the counter, squinting at the register tape. "You guys, I think I need glasses. I can hardly read this."

"No one can read that tiny register print," Alex says.

"No, this is worse than that. I think that might be some of the reason I'm falling behind in school. And I need to bring all of that up or it's bye-bye job."

"Bye-bye illegal job at that," Alex says with a nod. Amalia nods too. She still has until her 15th birthday for the job to be legal. So if anyone ever asks in the store, she's 15.

"Do you really think this is a good idea?" you ask. "Going out with a guy?"

"Ducky, you're figuring this out," Alex says, "you don't pause before saying 'gay' and you don't try to "correct" me when I say that you are, even if you're not saying it. I know you well enough to know that if you honestly thought that you were not gay, you would be continually correcting me about it. And, yeah, I think it's a great idea."

"Are you sure you're not in on this?" you ask.

"I promise that I had no idea. And as your friend, I wouldn't tell you anything that I thought wasn't the truth. Kevin seems nice-"

"He is," Amalia adds.

"And I think it would be good for you. If it all blows up in your face, you can blame me, okay?"

"I just don't know..." You fiddle with the rack of bookmarks on the counter.

"It's one date. The worst thing that can happen is that you have nothing to talk about, have a miserable time and then you never have to see him again. End of story. Look at it this way, you might just end up with a friend. And you can't have too many of those, can you?"

"I guess not..."

After that, Amalia left while you and Alex work for the next three hours. Then he goes to work at Starburst's, because he's insane like that. You stay at the store by yourself until closing.

You haven't talked to Sunny in days. You spent all day at school trying to find her, but she was always not there between classes. You'll have to call her later, because being unable to talk to her is killing you slightly.

After school, you meet Kevin at the side doors.

"Hey," he says, stepping up along side you.

"Hey. So, uh, what are doing today?" You feel nervous, and you're very aware of your sweating palms.

"Whatever you want," Kevin says. "But I sort of thought we might check out that new modern art museum, if, you know, you're into that sort of stuff."

"Sounds like fun."

"Great!" His enthusiasm sounds forced, but that might be your insecurity talking.

You walk out to your car and Kevin sort of stares at the cardboard for a moment. "I heard what happened there," he says softly. "That's horrible."

"Yeah," you reply. You realize that probably wasn't the right thing to say, but what is? What kind of response do you give to that? Especially to a near stranger.

"When I started at Vista last year," Kevin says as he gets into the car, "two days into my new school experience, someone wrote "homo" on my locker in a Sharpie. I ended up having to scribble over it with my own Sharpie because the school didn't do anything about it."

Maybe your gaydar (as Sunny calls it) is all off whack, because you just can't sense the "gay" of Kevin. He seems like a normal sixteen year old guy. Or maybe that means it's right on. You're not sure.

"That's awful," you reply. "I mean, at least with it being my car, as crappier looking it makes my car, the cardboard and all, at least I know it's all me having to deal with it. But your locker is school property."

"Yep. When there was a giant Sharpie mark, they finally painted over it."

You shake your head. "For crying out loud."

"Yup! But enough of the bad. Tell me something about you."

"What do you want to hear?"

"Well, don't tell me what I want to hear, honey, tell me the truth."

You laugh. "What I meant was, boring basics or annoying little details?"

"Give me one then the other and we'll go back and forth."

You and Kevin swap facts about each other until you get to the museum. It's a pretty weird place, lots of surreal statues and paintings. Then there's a whole room of paintings that are just blocks of colors.

"I don't think I like this," Kevin says. "It doesn't have any... feeling. There's no emotion to black and yellow stripes. Unless the guy got stung by a bee."

You laugh. "I liked the giant nose statue in the other room. That had emotion behind it."

"That was the nose of his lover. You can tell by the gentle curves."

"Really?"

"I have no idea. I am so talking out my ass."

The two of you start laughing. You suddenly begin to relax. When you and Kevin walk down the street to a little corner deli and get sandwiches, you realize that you actually LIKE him. He's easy to talk to, you're not thinking in the terms of expectations. Maybe because the last time you just jumped right into dating. This time, it's one date.

Just one date.

You sit out on the sidewalk tables and talk about movies. You haven't seen a movie in weeks.

"We should go see one sometime," Kevin says.

"That sounds like fun," you reply.

He smiles. He slides his hand across the table and sets it on yours. Your stomach jumps into your throat. You wouldn't be having these reactions if you didn't like him, would you?

He gives you hand a squeeze, and you squeeze it back.

But something isn't right.

February 12th

You just got a voicemail from Sunny this morning. "Hey, it's Sunny. I'm headed out of town for the weekend. If my Dad asks, I'm with you, okay? I'll be back Sunday afternoon, kay? Love you, Ducky! Thanks a million."

Thanks a million too, Sunny. You now have a million reasons to be worried. However, you are a good friend and when you stop by the store to check on Alex (who's pulling a double shift, bookstore and Starburst's, neither store has any idea he's doing this) you freak when Mr. W. asks you where Sunny is.

"Uh... she's hanging out with some friends from school. She'll be back at my house later."

"Oh, okay." Mr. W. smiles and you feel horrible for betraying his trust. You like the fact that he trusts you with his daughter (not that you've ever given him any reason not to, at least until now), and you feel horrible about the whole thing. After Mr. W. leaves, Alex turns to you.

"So where IS Sunny?"

"Uhh..."

"Oh, come on, Ducky, I know you. You totally just lied to Mr. Winslow. Why are you lying to him about Sunny?" Alex crosses his arms over his chest.

"I don't know why I'm lying," you reply. "I have no idea where she is. She just told me cover for her."

"That's... not good," Alex replies.

"Yeah, I know. If she told me what was going on, I'd know whether it was okay to cover for her or not. But then again, knowing Sunny it's not. Especially if she's not telling me. That's a sign for the worst."

"What are you going to do about it?"

"Cover for her, then drag it out of her. She's been avoiding me because she knows she can't lie forever to me forever."

"That's really not good," Alex says again.

"Nope."

You're terribly worried about Sunny. And you hate it when she puts you on the spot like this. You're getting that doormat feeling of last year again, and this year, as horrible as it sounds, she doesn't have a dying mother excuse. You wonder what she's hiding.

Anyway, back to yesterday.

You and Kevin walk back to your car. He's holding your hand and you don't mind too much, except that it makes you feel like your turkey sandwich is about to land all over the sidewalk.

You wonder, though, is it more the nervousness of being with a guy, or the fact that you're still not over the fear of getting beat up in the locker room. But this isn't school. This is the streets of Anaheim. And no one seemed to care.

It's the difference between the world of teenagers and the world of adults. What they say may be true. What happens in high school doesn't matter in the real world. Especially that no one is in your business. People are too concerned with themselves to care about two kids holding hands on the street.

"I should probably be home around eight or nine," Kevin says. "That's not normal, believe me, but I've got this family thing to go to tomorrow with the parents. So I promised that I'd be home early. We're leaving at like six in the morning."

"I don't know what six in the morning looks like," you say.

He laughs. "Well, I thought maybe we could hang out at your house. If your parents don't mind, of course."

"I don't live with my parents," you say, and it doesn't really hurt to say, which makes you wonder how cold you've become with your parents, but it's been nearly a year since you've actually SEEN your parents. You smile. "I live with my older brother."

Most people find it "cool" that your parents live on the other side of the world. However, you know that it gets old, and convincing Ted to do some laundry, but for once, you don't get that reaction.

Kevin's eyebrows wrinkle. "Your parents don't live there?"

"No, they're living in Africa right now, I think."

"That has to be tough."

"It's not too bad."

Kevin puts his hand on your forearm. He doesn't say anything.

"So, uh, my house it is," you say. You drive there. Ted's car is in the driveway. "My brother is home."

"Is he cool?" Kevin asks. You take this to mean "does he know about your utter gayness and is okay with it?"

"Yeah," you reply.

The two of you go inside. Ted is sitting on the couch watching a basketball game.

"Hey, Ted," you say. "This is Kevin."

Ted doesn't turn, but just flops his head backwards and looks at you and Kevin upside down. "Hi."

Kevin had extended his hand out to Ted, being polite, but when Ted wipes Cheet-o dust off on his pants and reaches to shake Kevin's hand, Kevin retracts it quickly, with this plastered smile on his face.

You can't really blame him.

"New boy toy?" Ted asks.

"Not in so many words," you reply. "we're going to, uh, go in my room."

"Should I have you leave the door open?" Ted asks, sneering smugly.

You roll your eyes and ignore him.

"He seems lovely," Kevin says. "Though I felt like attacking those eyebrows. But I don't have my tweezers on me. I should know better than to leave them at home."

"Yeah, I know I never leave without mine," you say. You don't feel serious at all.

Kevin laughs. "You know, on most people wearing what you do, I would rip the clothes off them..." He pauses. "Let me rephrase that. I'd take them down to Old Navy, but... the vintage consignment shop thing works for you."

"Good, because that's where I bought them." You smile. "I have some nice things. Just not for everyday. Clothes are precious, you have to save them."

"No, you have to show them off."

"Oh, man, this is just never going to work out."

Kevin laughs. You laugh. Kevin kisses you.

You kiss him back.

You and Kevin kiss and you can feel his hand on your back and it feels good. His kisses are different than Justin's, more impatient, lustier. Like he's trying to make up for his size in his fire.

You're enjoying it, but he pulls away.

He gives you a strange look. "Oh."

"What?"

"You're still into Justin Randall."

"What? No, I'm... things are still awkward, but I'm-"

Kevin smiles. "It's okay. If you're still into someone, you still are."

"I like you, Kevin," you say.

"I know you do. And I like you, but... I'm right, aren't I?"

You pause. "It's... just hard, it being over. Especially when you screwed up big time."

He nods. "My first love is back in Arizona. We don't really talk anymore, and I'll probably never see him again. And I've dealt with that. But it's got to be a million times harder, when you see him everyday walking down the halls."

It's like he's reading your thoughts.

"Kevin, I-"

"Friends, okay? Because I like you too much to not be your friend, Ducky." He holds your hand in his for a moment. "I should probably go."

"I'll drive you."

You walk him to his door and he kisses you on the cheek. "I'll see you Monday, okay?"

"Okay."

You still think you're more or less over Justin. But maybe this is for the best right now. Maybe you don't need another boyfriend and that's what Kevin was telling you? Who knows. Whatever it is, you feel like things might be going in a right direction.

Now if you just weren't so worried about Sunny.