March Fourth. It's Friday.
So today was the long awaited auditions for BYE BYE BIRDIE. Spring musical, very exciting. Of course, I'm more excited and more nervous than I let on. I tried to get Dawn and Maggie to auditing too, but Maggie hates showbiz, including school plays, and Dawn simply said that freshmen never get parts.
Excuses, excuses.
However, both of them, along with Amalia and Christian came to root me on, I guess? Either way, it actually made me MORE nervous, since if I screwed up big time, it would be in front of all of my friends. I tried to put that thought out of my mind.
So I went up and sang. Of course, I'm auditioning for Albert, but any part would do, really. I don't think I did too badly. Mostly, I'm just used to singing occasional backup in the band, as opposed to musical theatre, though. Oh well.
I read some lines, and then I went down to the auditorium floor and sat with everyone. So, how was I?
You sounded great, Maggie said. You really know how to project your voice.
We stayed for a couple more auditions. If I thought I had any chance at Albert, it was squashed when Martin Sanders got up to sing. We were all left pretty speechless. He was awesome. If he doesn't get the part, there is something seriously wrong.
After that, we left and went our separate ways. Amalia went to work, Maggie went home to do homework, Christian went... wherever the hell he goes, and Dawn went home with me.
And it's a good thing she did because the evening would have turned out horribly if she hadn't. In fact, Dawn sort of saved me tonight.
We were sitting in the kitchen. I was making spinach-artichoke dip. Or at least, I was trying to. Dawn was quoting mathematical equations at me, asking if they were right.
How am I supposed to know? Do you think I retained anything from freshman year?
Well, you got to senior year. Come over here, look at this. She waved a sheet of paper at me. This can't be right. It looks like a bunch of squiggles.
That's probably from the mindless doodling, I replied.
Haha, not funny. Help me!
I sat down and we worked out her math until the spinach-artichoke dip burnt and had to be thrown out. We had both completely spaced out during the math lesson. I turned off the stove and waited for the now ruined dip to cool enough so I could dump it. I never got around to doing that until about half an hour ago.
Once the stove was off, we went back to math homework, but didn't get much done, because the doorbell rang.
I jumped up and went to answer it. I opened it and felt the urge to slam it right back closed, but I was too shocked to do anything.
Mike was standing on my door step. Behind him was a very pretty, very pregnant blonde woman.
What are you doing here? I asked, forgetting all sense of manners. But I think I had a right to be rude.
Well, I- Mike started, but was interrupted.
The woman sort of pushed Mike out of the way. I'm Veronica, we talked on the phone once, remember? Uh, we've been driving for a while now, and I've got to pee like there's no tomorrow. Can I use the bathroom?
Oh, uh, yeah. I sort of turned around. Dawn?
Dawn walked into the living room. What? Oh, hi.
Dawn, can you show Veronica to the bathroom?
Yeah, of course. She smiled, but her eyes were on me, and they might as well have been in the shapes of question marks.
I turned back to Mike, who was still standing in the doorway. So. What's up?
Can I come in, Justin? he asked.
Why would you want to waste your time? I thought you never wanted to see this place again. Isn't that what you said?
Justin, stop acting like an idiot. We just drove here all the way from Hanford. Can I at least come in?
Why in the world would I let you in?
Come off it! Stop acting like an idiot!
Calling me an idiot isn't helping! And it's not going to get you in here any faster. And do you know why? Because I don't want to talk to you. You spent a very long time not wanting to talk to me, and you know what? It goes both ways.
We just drove three hours to be here. After you called-
That was three months ago!
I know. After you called, Veronica kept badgering me about coming down here to see you. She said calls didn't count, but if I was at the door... Mike shook his head. I've been an idiot. I've been an idiot with you and with Mom. Can't we just agree that I screwed up?
Well, that's something we can agree on. I finally stepped aside and let him in.
Thanks, he said. He looked around. Everything looks... about the same.
I'm the only one who lives here, I replied. I'm not much into decorating.
Where's-
Off living with her new boyfriend. Next month, I'm getting the house. Unless I can get accepted into college.
Oh? Where did you apply?
A bunch of places around Oakland and San Francisco. If I can't get in anywhere right now, I'll just take some classes down at Palo Tech. That's not the end of the world, but the majority of people there are losers.
Mike nodded.
It was horrible. We had absolutely nothing to say to each other. We stood there in the living room in total silence.
So, uh, is that your girlfriend? Mike asked.
Dawn? No, she's just a friend. I'm not dating anyone right now. I just got out... well, not just, it's been a couple of months, but it was pretty serious... I trailed off. I didn't feel like explaining Chris or my sexuality to Mike. So, uh, baby?
Yeah, she's about seven months. Twins.
Wow, congratulations.
Thanks.
How long have you two been together?
It was a year in November.
That's fantastic.
Thanks, Mike said again. Justin, I just wanted to tell you that I'm sorry you got caught up in the middle of things between me and Mom. She wanted to run my life because she couldn't run her own. I know that I shouldn't have cut you off like that-
Don't worry about it, I said. I didn't mean it, but for some reason I didn't want to hear Mike apologize. Maybe because I thought he didn't mean it.
Maybe because I thought he did.
Then we found ourselves in silence once again.
Luckily, Dawn and Veronica came down the hallway. They were chatting like they'd been best friends for life.
Have you all apologized and forgiven and vise versa? Veronica asked. Or at least become civil?
Civil, I said, trying to keep the air light. I didn't want to upset a pregnant woman I didn't know. Looking at her I realized something.
Oh my god! I'm going to be an uncle!
Veronica laughed. Yes, you are!
When that struck me, it was a very weird feeling. It made me think about how it took me a year to get back with Dad. It took me a year to respond to Dad and get to know Wendy and the girls. And how great it was, and how I regretted waiting so long. I love those kids, and I felt horrible for waiting to get to know them.
Looking at Veronica, pregnant with twins, I didn't want to make that mistake again. I didn't want my feelings toward Mike to ruin something I could have with these kids. I knew, just like with Dad, I'd forgive him eventually. But I didn't want to wait that long, for the sake of two unborn kids.
Do you guys want to go out and get dinner or something? I asked.
I'm hungry, Mike said. And it's on me.
I'm starved. Feeding three now so I eat three times as much, Veronica replied.
I looked at Dawn. Can you come? I pleaded with my eyes. I was pretty sure that I couldn't handle the meal without her.
Let me call my Dad and let him know I won't be home for dinner, okay? She turned away, pulling her phone out of her pocket. I knew it would be okay. Her Dad likes me, and probably wishes that I was dating Dawn instead of Christian, because he hates Christian. I'm not too fond of Christian myself. Dawn can do better than him, he seems like such a loser. He just gives off that vibe.
Mike drove us to Renaissance Bistro in Bre. It's a nice restaurant and Dawn found a vegetarian dish so that wasn't a problem. It was basically fancy mac and cheese. I had linguini with pesto. Mike and Veronica both had filet minion. Since Dawn didn't know them well, she didn't give them dirty looks for eating red meat which is why I had a vegetarian dish (I could have had chicken or seafood, I guess.). Since I did, Dawn and I basically split our food, just eating off of each other's plates.
I don't think the waiter appreciated that, because he kept offering us extra plates.
It's weird. I don't think I've ever become THIS comfortable with someone (Dawn, not the waiter) this quickly. It's actually really cool.
So when are you due? Dawn asked Veronica.
May twenty-first, she replied. I tell, you though, I'm ready for them anytime. Maybe if I'd been through this before with just one, it wouldn't be so bad. But at least if I've got to go through it again with just one, it'll be a breeze.
Do you know the sexes?
Nope. I always said that I wanted to be surprised. And I'm going to be surprised. Plus this way, I don't end up with just stuff in pink or blue. Especially since I knew I'd be getting two of everything. Though I ran into a new problem because I had my baby shower last month and almost everything is yellow and green, because no one wanted to get pink or blue because no one knows the sex. Well, Mike knows.
Mike laughed. I had the doctor tell me in secret. I couldn't bear not knowing.
How do you bear not telling anyone? I asked.
I'm a very good secret keeper. He smiled. What do you do, Justin?
Do?
Stuff you like to do. Sports, whatever.
I run track. It's lame. I'm in a band that's on the verge of breaking up. Oh, I tried out for the spring musical today.
When do you find out if you've gotten a part? Dawn asked.
Monday. But I'm not getting the lead. Not after Martin's audition.
He wasn't THAT good.
I gave her a look.
Dinner went smoothly, really. No bloodshed. Except for the blood of the steaks, which Dawn reminded me of later.
Mike drove us back to Palo City. He dropped Dawn off at her house, and then we went to my house. We all got out of the car and sort of looked at each other.
Are you guys going back tonight? I asked.
Nah, we're going back tomorrow, Mike said. We should probably find a hotel. Unless we could stay in my old room?
Yeah, stay here, I said. But you can't stay in your old room. It's... full of junk and we sold your bed.
WHAT? MY BED?
Yard sale. And Mom didn't think you were coming back. But then again, she's probably not coming back here, so maybe I should have a yard sale and sell her bed. However, that's where you're spending tonight.
We went inside and Veronica claimed swollen ankles and back pain and went right in to lay down. Mike and I sat in the kitchen.
We went back to not having anything to say. Somehow Dawn and Veronica made it a lot easier to talk. We sat like that for about half an hour, making small talk. Then we both went bed, even though it was still early.
And now I'm writing this.
It's going to go this slow. I think I can deal with that. But I'm not going to hold a grudge against Mike. I'm going to do my best anyway. I can really hold a grudge.
Saturday. March fifth.
Well. Sunday. March sixth. It's late.
I know I need to write about this, but I don't really know... well, let's just say that I think Maggie and I aren't friend anymore. I don't think I can ever look her in the eye again. Okay. The beginning.
This afternoon, Mike and Veronica left. It was pretty emotionless. However, I'm totally excited about the babies. After I graduate, I'm going to have to go up and see them. The babies will be here by then.
I'm just stalling.
It was around eleven o'clock. I was already in bed, because I've become such a homebody. However, the phone ringing woke me up. I crawled out of bed and wandered over to the phone that was sitting on my desk. I need to remember to put my phone on the night stand.
Or maybe put it where I can't hear it ringing.
Hello?
Justin? Uh, Randall? It's some girl I don't know.
Yeah, this is him. Who's this?
Laurel, but that's not important. I'm having a party, and I've got a trashed girl here who can't get home and she told me to call you. Her name is Maggie?
Maggie's trashed? This surprised me because I know that her mom has had some alcohol problems and Maggie is very anti-drinking because of it.
Yeah, it's not pretty. Laurel gave me her address.
I pulled on a t-shirt, and put on some sandals. I didn't bother changing pants because I was wearing pajama pants (Batman, very adult) and I figured those are acceptable for picking up a drunk friend in the middle of the night. It's not like I'd be running around in boxers.
I drove out and found the address. It's kind of out there. I didn't know anyone there. I have no idea how Maggie got there, and chances are, I'll never know what she was doing there. I found her and this Laurel girl. I help Maggie out to the car.
She doesn't say much on the drive home. Lots of moaning. She was wrapped up in a little ball with her back to me. I kept asking her if she's going to get sick and she kept saying no. I thought that she just might be embarrassed. I decided not to ask any questions about WHY she was drunk.
Though I was curious why she asked for me. I don't know if I found out or not.
I pulled into the driveway of her house. I unbuckled my seatbelt and lean over toward her.
Maggie? I said as gently as possible. Maggie? We're at your house.
I don't wanna go in, she replied. It was the first thing she said other than no since she got in the car.
I didn't really have anything to do in the morning, band practice that evening, so I could, potentially, sit in the car all night, but that didn't seem like a good solution. So I reached over and touched her shoulder.
She rolled over. I couldn't see her, but it only took me a second to realize that after she moved, my hand was on her boob. I removed my hand quickly.
You should probably go in, I said.
I could see the outline of her moving around. She was sitting up with her knees on the seat. She threw her arms around my neck and started kissing me. I pulled back, but she was leaning against me, so she just fell back with me.
Maggie! I said when she finally pulls away for a moment. This was not a name shouting of pleasure, it was shock. However, it didn't communicate that way to her.
I knew you wanted me! she exclaimed. It was totally slurred.
I didn't mean-
I only got that far because I was distracted by Maggie's hand that was suddenly on my crotch. She started kissing me again, and no matter how shocked I was, I AM a guy. I'll admit that even though I wasn't kissing her back, I wasn't exactly stopping her.
However, attempting to stop her started when her face dropped to my crotch and pulled down the front of my pants.
Turns out I should have worn jeans with a zipper and a button because she probably couldn't have gotten that one in the state she was in. And I should have worn jeans because I would have been wearing something UNDER them.
Maggie! I said. Stop! You have a boyfriend!
I probably should have brought that up when she was kissing me, but it suddenly seemed to matter more when she was about to do what she was about to do.
Not anymore, she said. He dumped me for some idiot actress.
Having met Tyler a few times, this seemed totally weird, but that still didn't make this right. Though it might explain why Maggie was drunk, though knowing Maggie, that didn't seem right either.
If he wants a slut, I'll give him a slut, Maggie said.
MAGGIE! STOP!
It was totally wrong. But she didn't stop. She went for it. And, well, I let it happen. I guess I could have been more forceful, and I was wrong. I'm aware of that. Now.
I don't really remember what I was thinking. Obviously I wasn't thinking about Maggie. Because she stopped rather abruptly. I thought maybe it was just a timing thing, because it was right before I came. Big old mess all over the car. Still there too. I need to clean my steering wheel...
I could see her staring at me.
I stared back.
You, she said in this voice that wasn't slurred, but sounded terribly young and hurt, you just called me... you said...
I'll never know what I said. I'm never going to ask her, I'm never going to the bring up the incident to her or anyone. Did I call her Chris? Orlando Bloom? Angelina Jolie? I'm just never going to find out. Maybe I called her Tyler Kendall and that's why she freaked out. Not that I've ever really be a huge fan of his movies.
She slapped me. Then she slapped me again. Then she vomited on the passenger side floor of the car. She got out and ran inside.
I drove home and cleaned vomit out of my car in the dark. Which is why I didn't both with the come on the steering wheel. My car absolutely reeks.
I have no idea what to do now.
Yeah. I don't think Maggie and I are friends anymore.
Monday. March seventh.
I'M CONRAD FREAKING BIRDIE!
I can't believe I got a part!
I was right. Martin Sanders is Albert.
SPRING MUSICAL.
Rico is going to kill me, but you know what? I don't care. Not one bit.
