March 29th
Tis the season to begin to panic.
Fa, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la.
Sunny isn't in school today. She wasn't in school yesterday. You're not sure if that means she's sick or if something's wrong. She's left you confused. Last year she practically skipped more days than she attended. This year she hasn't missed a single day.
So, you're confused. You're worried. You've been worried about Sunny for so long, you wonder if it's becoming a habit. Like smoking. You wonder if picking up smoking might help you not worry so much. It seems that smokers always smoke when they're nervous or upset, but then you figure that you'd just be worried and broke.
You try calling her house, but you just get the answering machine. One time you call and her Dad answers. You ask if she's there. He says no.
You're sure she is, though. You can't really rag on Mr. W's parenting skills given the case of your own parents (you could be missing for two days and they wouldn't know the difference as long as they got to talk to Ted, whom they can understand), but you just KNOW that Sunny is home. You can't ask him, though, if her door is closed, or maybe she's spending hours on end in the bathroom. Maybe you could if he wasn't your boss. He asks YOU how Sunny it doing.
You can see where that one is going. "Well, sir, I don't know because I haven't seen her in two days. And I've lied to you about where she is before. Maybe you try keeping better tabs on your daughter and stop putting it on her seventeen year old best friend who doesn't feel much like a friend since she hasn't told him anything going on in her life since about January, but I'm pretty sure it's something illegal since she's not talking to me about it."
Yeah. Right.
Despite your rising panic about Sunny, you're trying to live life as normally as possible. This includes eating lunch with Alex and Kevin. That takes your mind off of Sunny.
You're still working out this Kevin thing. You like him. This is non-issue. You know you do. You're also certain that he likes you. Yet nothing has been brought up since that date you went on last month. You're not sure where this is going.
Amalia says that he doesn't want to be Justin replacement. That Kevin wants to be sure that I want to be with him, and I'm not just looking for someone to fill up a space.
You can understand that. However, you can't figure out how he's being so damn patient. And you're not sure what exactly he's waiting. For what's the sign that you're 100 over Justin? You feel over Justin. You don't look away when he says hi to you in the halls. In fact, you say hi back. For the most part, that's the only time you think of him.
And in this context. You think of him in the context of Kevin. They are absolutely nothing alike. You think you like Kevin MORE, but that's something you're sure you can't rate.
It's a tough call. Not the rating, all of it. It's all tough.
Either way you never thought you were the kind of guy to (possibly) end up with two different guys in the same year. Is this making up for the romantic dry spell of the rest of your life?
All in all, you'd rather just have one forever, but at seventeen that's a rarity. And you're not expecting that anytime soon.
The whole thing is really confusing. Where do you draw the lines? Where is KEVIN drawing the lines? It's so difficult to figure out.
March 30th
Sunny not in school again today. You wonder if she's planning on coming at all this week. You leave another five messages on her voice mail. You send her text messages. You send emails. You drop comments on her Livejournal that she hasn't updated since you met her in hopes that she'll realize you're trying to get in contact with her.
The last voice mail message was desperate. Paraphrasing, "Sunny, I don't know why you're avoiding me and the rest of human life, but please, please, please call me. Or come over. Or something. Whatever's bothering you, you know you can trust me. Or at least I hope you know. Please call."
You banged on her door for about fifteen minutes today after school. You knew Mr. W. was at the store. You should probably go over when he's there so you don't have to attempt to break down the door. And if he wasn't your boss, slug him for being a crappy father. However, you hate to take him out of the sense of security that you obviously bring him.
But you're not Sunny's dad. He is.
You talked to Dawn today. You know she and Sunny aren't currently on the best of terms, but you figure if Sunny's not talking to you, she might be talking to someone else.
"Hey, Dawn!" You sprint down the hall to her locker. Her back is to you. She's talking to Justin, but you're more interested in finding out where Sunny is than being awkward around him.
She grins. "Hey, Ducky. What's going on?"
"Have you seen Sunny?"
She thinks, chewing on her bottom lip. "No, not since... Friday. I saw her coming out of the bio lab. I think she's falling behind in that class."
"Why do you say that?" you ask.
Dawn shrugs. "I just figured she was getting extra homework or something. When she talks about homework, she talks about bio. I just guessed that she's doing more homework than everyone else."
"Huh," you mutter. You smile. "How are you doing?"
"Good, great..." She scratches the side of her head, gives Justin a sideways look and laughs. "No, just good."
"Not great?"
"No, not great. Things are getting weird with Christian. I sort of haven't seen him in a while, and he leaves me weird voice mails every couple of days. I think he's skipping classes. He hasn't been the same since..." She looks at Justin for some kind of reference, but he shrugs.
"He's always weird around me."
Dawn looks back at you. "I don't know, I guess since maybe February? I mean, I've seen him since February, but he's just been acting really odd. Really... distant. No clue." She puts a hand on your arm. "How are you doing? I feel like I never see you."
"I'm okay. Working a lot."
"Amalia said you're seeing some guy?"
"Oh, uh..." Even though you're not looking at Justin, you make a point not to. "Not really seeing... just, uh, hanging out."
"Uh-huhhh..." Dawn grins. "What's his name?"
"Kevin Donahue," you say.
"Oh, student activities," Justin says. "They're doing up the programs for the Bye Bye Birdie next week. I'm supposed to write a little thing."
"Little thing?" you ask, forgetting that you're not looking at Justin.
"Seniors get like a hundred or so word bio, thank you's, funny in-jokes or whatever you want in the program. I have no idea what to say. I don't think I have any funny in-jokes."
"You can thank me," Dawn says.
"And me," you add.
"'Thank you Dawn and Ducky.' I think they want more than five words," Justin says. He laughs. "I'll think of something. I hope."
"I hope so too." Kevin comes up behind me. "We budget by pages, not by words. And you're popular. People want to hear what you have to say. You're like the reason people are going to come see the show."
Justin's eyes widen. "Oh god. Don't tell me that. I'll pass out and die right there on the stage."
"No, you won't. The show must go on," Kevin replies.
"That's what I said!" Dawn exclaims. "Besides, he's going to be great. I've been helping him rehearse."
"If Dawn was sophomore, she would have been the perfect Kim," Justin says. "She's way better than Danielle."
"I can see that," you say. "Being the perfect Kim. Not being better, since I honestly have no idea."
"Not the singing, though," Dawn says. "I can't sing."
"You're fine," Justin says, waving a hand at her.
"It sucks that it's so hard for freshmen to get parts," Kevin says. "It's a year wasted on good actors. There's, what? Two freshmen in the show?"
"Three. All screaming chorus fangirls. Fangirls for me, of course." Justin grins. "That's the biggest perk of being Conrad."
"And doing the Elvis moves," Dawn added.
"Strike a pose!" Kevin says.
"Not before opening night!" Justin replies, laughing.
You laugh too. This feels comfortable. Apparently Dawn senses it too.
"Hey, you guys want to come out with us? We're going over to that new vegetarian place on Apple street to try it out. I can only stay until four-thirty, I've got a baby-sitting job at five, but it'll be fun."
"You can stay til four-fifty if I give you a ride," Justin says. She nods.
"I can't," you say. "I'm working. Until six-thirty."
"Can I come over then?" Kevin asks.
"Sure," you reply.
"Great. I've got an activities meeting to run to, so I'll see everyone later. And, Justin, figure out something to say. And say it well." Kevin gives your hand a squeeze, he waves (with the other hand) and hurries off from the direction he came.
"He is so nice," Dawn says. "You guys would make such a cute couple."
"Whatever," you say, feeling your face go red.
Justin gives you a strange sort of half-smile. "No, she's right."
You blush some more, check your watch and claim being late. You're not really, but you started to feel a little bit of pressure. Pressure that you hadn't felt before. Maybe it was Justin's blessing, or maybe it was Dawn's that makes you feel like anything and everything is okay.
Oh, don't forget. Saturday. Getting the car painted. Finally.
March 31st
Did April Fool's Day come early? Or did last night really happen?
You work with the new girl Julie (she's not really a "girl" since she's twenty-two, but either way) until six-thirty. She's nice, a little weird; you talk about books and seem to get along okay. You drive home.
The house is empty, and that's normal. You fix yourself some semi-dinner when you find that the roast beef you bought last week is still good. The bread isn't moldy or very stale, and mustard, of course, is fine. Mustard lasts a very long time. You're about halfway through the sandwich when you figure that the roast beef WASN'T as good as you thought it was and throw the rest away.
About ten minutes later, there's a knock at the door. It's Kevin. And he's brought you leftovers from dinner at his house in a Tupperware container. Chicken, wild rice, and some kind of cream sauce. It's still hot.
"Oh, thank god," you say.
"I will come over everyday if you keep calling me god," Kevin says.
You laugh. You lead him into the kitchen (That's semi-clean). "Want some..." You think think of the fridge with the out-of-date milk and flat soda, "water?"
"Sure."
You get two glasses and sit down. You eat while Kevin tells you about the student activities meeting.
"Right now the big deal is the school play. That's at the end of April. So we fuss with that now, and by mid-April we'll be working on prom stuff. Anyway, Mr. Williams is insisting on orange for the programs, but I keep telling him we don't want to blind play-goers. But I'm totally out voted. I swear, these idiots are lemmings. They'd listen to me if I were a senior. Oh well, next year."
After gobbling down Kevin's mom's cooking, you realize that you don't have much of anything for the two of you to do.
"We could watch a movie, but we don't really have anything here..." you say. You look on top of the TV. There are two DVD cases. You look at them. They're rented, and obviously Ted picks, Dawn of the Dead (the original, at least) and College Co-Ed's Tittie Flashers (or something like that).
"You like horror movies?" You hold up Dawn of the Dead.
Kevin looks a little wary. "Not usually. But you'll protect me, right?"
"From images on a screen? Sure."
We sit on the couch and watch the movie. Every time a zombie comes on the screen, Kevin turns his head, buries his face in your arm and asks, "Is it over? Is it over?" To which you reply, "It's over," when it is.
When the movie is finished, Kevin shakes his head. "I'm going to have nightmares."
"No, you won't. You didn't see a single zombie."
"Okay, but I heard them. Sometimes what you don't see is even worse." He clutches your arm. "Ducky, I'm going to ask you something."
"Is it about zombies?"
"Nope."
"Then shoot."
"I know it's a bit early, but being in activities, it keeps me thinking ahead. And I have to ask before you get absolutely trampled by cute boys. Would you like to go to prom with me?"
You're stunned. You hadn't even thought about prom. "Uh, prom... as... friends?"
Kevin smiles. "As friends with open minds about changing or not changing friends status?"
You grin. "That's sounds great. Yes, I'll go to prom with you."
"You do realize that means we'll be dancing, two guys, no inhibitions, right?"
"I'm sure there will be some inhibitions. But I'll get over it. I'll make myself."
"Fantastic." Kevin's grinning. He kisses you on the cheek. "It's late, I have to go. I'll see you at school tomorrow. Lunch, right?"
"Right."
Kevin leaves and the house feels very empty. However you can't stop smiling.
Except that Sunny wasn't in school again today. Four days in a row. This isn't sick and this isn't like her. You hope she's not dead somewhere. You leave another voice mail. You know she's hearing them, because the box would be full by now.
"Sunny, please call me. Sunny, let me know that you're alive. I'm worried. I'm getting scared. Please. Call."
