What We Do In The Shadows: "Jen..."

Summary: There are unexpected consequences when Laszlo seeks a new human familiar…

Part XXXII…

A rather wet Laszlo still triumphantly bearing a squirming trash bag by edge of a stream. Nadja beside him, annoyed and shivering…

"Had just a bit of trouble with the rematerialization while pursuing our furry friend here." He indicates the bag.

"You got swept into the stream here and nearly headed out to, and as part of, Atlantic Ocean." Nadja frowns.

"Not really that serious…But thanks, dear lady wife for the minor assist."

"Minor, he says." She glares.

"And I did capture the beast…" holds up bag. "Though I sense from one bite he managed that he is in fact, not rabid. Though perhaps suffering a mild case of the flu, poor soul."

"I am not nursing you…" Nadja frowns. "I will probably be ill myself tonight. I swallowed much of brook saving you. Probably some fish as well…Eehew." Grimaces.

"Stomach illnesses are the ones that last a bit with us. Amusing, eh?" Laszlo notes to camera as Nadja glares, groaning a bit now. "We could shake off my old leprosy, this fellow's potential rabies, that AIDS stuff, all sorts of diseases…I've seen terminal cancer cleared in a day's rest by a newborn vampire…But stomach bugs involving human food can leave us down for days. Probably the food itself…"

"Can we finish this and go home?" Nadja fumes. "Where are Jen and Eloise now?"

"I think they must be in the back woods about a mile from here. We headed back towards the front gate in chasing Robert here." Shakes bag.

"Don't name him." Nadja sighs, waving arms. "We'll never get rid of him. If he's not sick from the rabid disease, let him go or eat him and lets go find Nandor and see the girls leave here safe."

"Nadja….I couldn't eat Robert. Besides not really much to him. But I'm not sure I should leave him out here now. Any of his compadres might sense my strange scent on him and see him as a threat."

Nadja, rolling eyes. "Fine, then we'll leave him in the basement of the new house. He can sleep in Colin Robinson's storage room, the smell will appeal to him. Give him here, I want to get a towel from the house to dry myself anyway."

"Really?" Laszlo beams. Gasping in horror as Nadja hurls bag up over trees, clearly heading for a long trajectory and a likely hard landing.

"Robert…?" he stares after bag. "Nadja?"

"Did you think I would bring that animal into my fine new home, even to Colin Robinson's room?" she frowns. "Oh…I will get you fish." She sighs at his downcast look. "A new fish tank would fit well into the decoration scheme Jen, Ginny, and I are working on."

"Robert…" sigh, looking over trees. "Well, farewell, my furry comrade. Happy landings."

"Eloise would probably have eaten him anyway…" Nadja, perhaps just a tad guilty now.

Eloise leading Jen towards the back cliffs of the estate, they just emerging from the woods…

"Looks ok, so far…" she notes to camera… "But I think your old vamp man and his lady are here, back there somewhere…" she points back, Jen looking.

"The Master and Mistress? Here? Oh…They must have been worried about us." She shakes head with fond sigh, beaming. "They are so sweet."

"Like we couldn't handle this?" frown from Eloise. "They're a couple of ole vamp fussbudgets and they'll probably get us hurt trying to avoid 'em if we do get in a fight. You know, when I get my dander up, I don't always stop to check whom I'm tearing to shreds if I'm not sure they're marked as family. Ah, there's more…" sniffs deeply. "But at least they had the sense to use my spray. One's human, the other…Vamp…Yeah…" nod.

"Gui and Master Nandor, I'm sure." Jen nods. "That's really so nice of them." Fond tone.

"Well, just likely to get in our way, if you ask me." Eloise fumes. "Still, seems pretty quiet here. Whoa!…Up at two o'clock, duck! Something whatever this way comes!" She looks up as Robert's bag comes soaring overhead, parting some upper tree branches of a tree in the cliffside and then going on to plunge into the sea.

"Was that a meteor or what?" Jen stares from where she'd hirt the dirt, rising in a minute.

"No heat…Either it was flying on its own or somebody tossed it." Eloise, looking round. "Hold tight, it could be a challenge." Sniffs hard. "Ok. I got nothing new…"

"Are you able to sense everything, you know…Supernatural?" Jen asks.

"Mostly, the ones I know about…But you never know…And I've never done zombie or mummy…Though I've heard they both stink awful. What the f-?" she growls at the blue light before them.

"Suffering victims of the Unholy…Your salvation is near!" a large figure in early nineteenth century clothing, surrounded by a blue shimmering light appeared before them. The figure of a large man, wavy wild hair, open old-fashioned white shirt about neck, buttoned waistcoat, outer broadcloth coat. Arms raised, one hand bearing what looked very much like a crucifix, the other, a stake.

"Abraham Van Helsing pledges his soul to you, unhappy pawns of the Undead…You will know peace and those who have defiled you will pay with their existences!" loud cry. The figure immediately fading out.

"Whoa…" Eloise blinks…

"Who or what was…That?" Jen stares, nervous. "You think he's here to hurt the Master?"

"I don't know him personally, girl but that did look like the classic vampire hunter to me, including the speech." Eloise notes. "But I don't know about that blue glow shit and…Jen?...Hey, Jen?!" as Jen races back toward the woods.

"Master! Lady Nadja!" her cry…Plunging in…

Shit…Eloise, sensing her transformation beginning as the moon appeared out of the clouds, full and bright.

"Girl…Devotion to your old man or Master guy is all very well but…GRRRAHHHH!" she throwing off her jacket to the ground.

Damn…Knew I should have got this T in extra large…Her last human thought, with the sound of her t-shirt tearing…

"Really, Guillermo. I think you would make an excellent father." Nandor was telling a rather flummoxed Guillermo as they continued on through the woods. "To be honest, a good father needs a bit of the feminine nature so he can nurture his children and in fact, well…I was actually rather a good nurturer…" smile to Guillermo's stare.

A harsh growl echoing across…

"That was a werewolf." Nandor, inclining to listen. "I sense nothing new about but I hope Miss Eloise is having no trouble. We should hurry, Guillermo."

"Yes, Master."

Anything to stop your advice on love, marriage, and child rearing, no offense, he thought.

Cut to Guillermo in chair in his cell, later that night…

"It's not that I don't appreciate the Master taking an interest in my love life…I was thinking he didn't believe I was capable of one, frankly. And that he'd want to be sort of a grandfather to my kids?…Well, I think more Susan's kids…But it was kind of him. Still, a little embarrassing, you know? Though I do appreciate my promotion and the idea of actually having a salary. I couldn't keep applying for internship money for my geriatric nursing project working with elderly reclusive patients with an aversion to sunlight much longer and if Auntie is ill, that source is gonna dry up soon too…" sigh.

"Poor Auntie…I hope I can leave before she gets any worse. And I hope what she wanted to tell me has nothing to do with Vampire Slaying and Hunting or Abraham Van Helsing. But I have this strange, creepy foreboding…" nervous look about. "Anyway, I don't want to leave the ladies in the lurch with the move and all, till we're sure it will be after I come back, if I can help it, even though Jen and Phyllis and Susan were all very nice about insisting they could handle things if the closing had to be quick. But Ginny and Jen and Colin Robinson all thought it would be about three weeks at the earliest, given all the details to be settled and paperwork reviews and all that." Rising and nervously pacing a bit. Then taking seat on his bed.

"Well, it doesn't matter…Even if I am of Van Helsing stock, it's very limited in my family background and after all I chose my vocation independently. It's not like I was enthralled and my ancestor was crying out to me to escape these monsters, destroy them, and free their poor victims from the curse of lifelong, even eternal, bondage and the loss of their very souls." He notes. "I chose to be a familiar. I want to be a vampire." Shrug.

"Of course I've always hoped I could be sort of a vegetarian like Edward." Nervous shrug. "Or maybe stick to animals?"

Laughter about him in cell…He looking about.

"Yes…I always told the girls that I was a 'vegetarian'…Ah, ha, ha, ha, hah!" from his beloved poster of Antonio Banderas as Armand, Armand's face howling with glee.

"Gui?! You alright?!" "Guillermo?! Honey?!" cries…

Guillermo, waking on bed, terrified. To find Susan and Jen anxiously shaking him, seated beside him. Jen, a bit bedraggled from her time in the woods, but only more lovely for it…Susan, in business suit, rather carefully made up.

"You screamed something about being a vegetarian…Are you ok?" Jen, looking him over, worriedly.

"Guillermo?" Susan, taking his hand. "Should we get Master Nandor?"

"No, no…Sorry…I nodded off. What were we talking about?" he nervously glances round, spying his clock on bedside table.

"Oh, it's after midnight…You both should get home."

"I'm staying over…I want to pack up some things in the morning and my 9am's close by." Susan insists. "You look pale as a ghost. Maybe we should get you to the ER."

"No, really…I just fell asleep. Jen? Won't David be worried."

"Oh sure, but I called him and let him know I was ok and I'd be along soon. I just wanted to finish telling you and Susan about what Elly and I encountered in the woods." Jen notes. "I think we may need to be on guard." Solemn look.

"It does sound weird." Susan agrees. "But I want you to go to the ER with me after Jen leaves, Gui." Gentle pat. "I think you've been working too hard."

"NEIN!...I mean, no… I was just tired. Sorry, Jen, I didn't mean to interrupt. You were saying…?"

"Well…So…The man or ghost or whatever it was, called himself Abraham Van Helsing and told us we were victims and he'd save us or something. Eloise thought he might be talking to me, as he sounded to her like a Vampire Hunter and since I'm an enthralled familiar. We think he might just possibly be a ghost of one, killed there maybe, attracted to me somehow."

"Maybe you were both dreaming…It was late." Guillermo, feebly.

"Both of them?" Susan ponders… "That doesn't sound likely."

"We couldn't both have dreamed it, Gui." Jen shakes head. "And Master Nandor has heard of Van Helsing, says he's famous in the movies and actually existed, though he thinks he's long dead."

"Abraham Van Helsing…He actually said that name?" Guillermo eyes her.

"Yeah…Have you heard of him too?"

"He's the one who hunted Dracula in the book. And in the movies…" sigh.

"You mean the Dracula?" Susan blinks. "That guy was real? Wow."

"Right…" Jen nods "I remember seeing the ones with Christopher Lee and there was a really old one with that Hungarian actor, Bela Lugosi? Boris Karloff's sidekick? My grandmere and I watched it a couple of times when I was young. She really got into Bela Lugosi. But those were just movies…And the book? The guy really did exist, this Van Helsing, like Master Nandor says?"

"And Dracula too?" Susan, curious. "Or was that Master Nandor or Master Laszlo, using a phony name?"

"I don't know. Yeah, looks like it." Guillermo, sighing deeply. "No, it wasn't Master Nandor…There was a powerful vampire named Dracula and Van Helsing…At least in the book and according to some stories I've heard."

"No…" Susan, Jen, gasping.

"Killed him…A human doctor?" Susan stares. "Killed one like our overlords? Is that possible?" anxious look of horror.

"That's what Master Nandor told me when I asked about Dracula. A vampire hunter got him. But his grandson, also a vampire, lived to tell his story, to that Irish writer, Stoker." Guillermo, nervously.

"But I didn't know the vampire hunter's name really was Van Helsing."

Laughter about room…Laughter only Guillermo can hear, the two women quite unaware of it. Guillermo shaking a bit now.

"Oh, Gui…Don't worry. He was just a ghost, I'm sure." Jen pats him. "Sue, I doubt he could ever harm our masters and mistress. And we'd never let him, right?" firm stare, holding his hand tightly.

"Guillermo would never allow it. Nor will we." Susan, firmly, fond beam to Guillermo, patting him. "We'll all die, first!"

"Sure, right."

"Maybe we need to get rid of him…You know, do an exorcism, on the estate grounds? I saw Barnabas Collins do that to an evil ghost on the old 'Dark Shadows' series when I watched it as a kid." Susan suggests.

"Really, you watched 'Dark Shadows'?" Jen stares. "I saw that with my grandmere when I was young, on DVD. She was very fond of Barnabas." Smile. "Guess it runs in the family…" grin to Guillermo.

"Some friends of mine were really into 'Buffy' and found out about it when they were looking for other vampire shows. We all watched it together." Susan explains.

"Barnabas was such a great character…Villain and hero, all for love." She notes. Jen nodding in agreement.

Susan eyeing Guillermo…Taking his hand. "When you become a vampire, I'd bet anything you'll be like him. Noble and loving…As much a hero as a creature that kills humans to live." Earnestly fond tone.

"Exactly." Jen nods, rising from bed, fond beam to Guillermo, standing before him as he looks up at her, Susan fondly holding his hand. "Boss, it's your call as Chief Familiar but if you want us to look into exorcisms…?"

"And I should see if 'Dracula' is in the library and read it through tonight." Susan insists. "There might be useful info on this guy Van Helsing there." Pausing... "After I get you to the ER, Guillermo."

"Really, I'm fine." He insists. "I think those are great plans, girls. But, tomorrow…Jen should get home and see her family, and if you really want to stay tonight, you should get to bed, Susan. Tomorrow, Jen, you can research exorcisms, maybe after your regular work at the office? Susan, maybe after your work, you can get 'Dracula' and check out Dr. Van Helsing. And I'll google all I can and talk to Master Nandor more about him, ok?" he eyes the two eager faces.

"That sounds great, Gui. You're right, I should be going before David sends out the cavalry. Sue? You take good care of our Boss here." Jen beams at the two on bed. "He probably can wait on the ER, you'd just be there all night but get him to a doctor tomorrow if he has any problems."

"You betcha. Good night, Jen." Susan, smiling as Jen left, closing door.

"Well…" Guillermo nods. "I guess you ought to…"

"I could stay…" Susan notes, warm smile to his stare. "You probably at least shouldn't be alone, tonight, Gui. I've got my overnight bag here…" indicating bag on floor. "Just let me run to the bathroom, brush my teeth, and put my nightgown on…" she rises.

Uh…Guillermo blinks to camera.

Back to woods earlier that night…He, with Nandor quickly passing him, pressing hurriedly on after hearing Jen's faint cries…

Meanwhile…Laszlo, with a still annoyed but increasingly ill, Nadja, hears the cry of his minion in the distance…

"That sounds like Jennifer! We'd best hurry, love! Can you fly?!"

Bhhhhharrrwwww…Nadja soaring off, in the right direction, propelled by vomit stream much like Baron Afanas during his first taste of American pizza pie.

"Well, that's one way…Bat!" Laszlo cries, transforming.

….

"Jennifer! My dear girl!" Nandor, setting down after flying off from Guillermo with quick word…

"Master Nandor! There's a vampire hunter on the grounds!" she cries, waving her stake, the closest weapon she could find.

"Please dear girl! Put that away!" he commands, with concern in his voice as well as a degree of terror.

"He may be around here, sir. Eloise and I encountered…Well, something…" she gasps for air.

"I sense no one, dear child, calm yourself." He raises hand. She still gasping but calming a bit.

Growl in distance…

"Eloise, it's fine." He notes to the worried Jen…

"Yeah…Sorry if I freaked, Master. Where are the Master and Mistress?" frightened tone rising. "I must find them!"

"It's all right, dear…" Laszlo's voice as he materializes to their left. "We're fine…Well, Nadja's a bit ill and I'm all wet but otherwise…"

Growling, louder…

"Master, are you sprayed? Eloise may not be able to distinguish you…Here…" Jen quickly pulls bottle of spray and squirts.

"Oh, Lord…" Laszlo, choking… "Dear girl, please…Enough!"

"Sorry, Master." Jen sighs. "But where is Mistress Nadja?!" frightened again.

"Here, here..." Nadja, materializing. "No thanks to my dear husband…I just managed to take form before I hit tree after…Oh…" she groans.

"Brook trout…She swallowed a few pulling me out of the stream back there." Laszlo explained. "Afraid it's borderline human food even if living and bloodied. Plus probably some trash in there."

"Can I get you anything, Mistress? I have some Advil in my car." Jen offers.

"No…No…I will be fine…"

"Hey…" Eloise has come up, human form…Jacket buttoned to cover torn T.

"Clouded up again, so I managed to revert. Is everything cool?" she asks the group. "You guys look like you took a swim?" she notes to Laszlo and Nadja, Nadja frowning.

"We are all fine, thanks to you, Miss Eloise. Thanks to you and Jen for your warning, I mean." Nandor explains. "But I have not yet sensed your vampire hunter."

"Vampire fucking what?" Laszlo, panicky look about.

"Holy Je…" Nadja, expelling flame on tongue.

Hmmn, actually, that helps…She notes to self. Must burn off gas or something…

"A vampire hunter? Here?! On our estate?! Well, nearly…" she cries.

"No one will harm you, Mistress…Master." Jen, stoutly.

"There's no one else here, Nadja." Nandor shakes head. "Jennifer, what did you and Miss Eloise actually see? I sense no other human but my Guillermo, back in the woods."

"You're sure…? Laszlo?" Nadja, looking about, terror also helping to overcome her upset stomach.

"I don't sense anything either, dearest. But we'll die together if…"

"Oh, shut up!" she fumes.

"Never, Master!" Jen, pulling crowbar. "I'm ready to die for you!"

"Now, now…Please…People." Nandor raises hand. "Miss Eloise? You did see it too?"

"It was weird." Eloise notes. "But we both saw it. A guy in clothes like Laszlo's there, surrounded by a blue glow…He said he was here to free us, from the Unholy or something like. Kinda a religious nut, I got the impression. But he wasn't really…There, you know? More like a hologram or something?" Jen nodding.

"Eh, typical vampire hunter…All full of self-righteousness and cant…" Laszlo frowns. "But the blue and immaterial form sounds like ghost to me."

"Ghost? For real? Shit…" Eloise shakes head.

"He said his name was Abraham Van Helsing…" Jennifer notes.

"What?" Nandor stares.

"Van Helsing?!" Laszlo, blinks. "THE VAN HELSING?!"

"Dracula's Van Helsing?" Nadja chimes in.

"Killer of Vlad Dracule, the Impaler and show-off?" Nandor frowns. " 'Oh, I will never accept Ottoman domination, I will defeat them and retake Constantinople.' Yeah, with what? Oooh, an army of the same Undead warriors the Turks had beaten multiple times? And they have no vampires fighting for them? Sure, not till you created them, idiot. What a fool. And he has the gall to call me a collaborator, when I saved millions of our people by treaty with the Sultan. You have to face reality, Asshole. The old Empire was gone. Constantine XI was gone. It was the Venetians who ruined us, not the Turks." He fumes. "I'm glad Van Helsing nailed him." He eyes the stunned Nadja and Laszlo.

"There…I've said it. I'm glad. Good job, Abraham!" he calls.

Guillermo, stumbling through woods, exhausted, hearing as he breaks through to the small clearing where the others have gathered, near the edge of the woods…

Danke, he inadvertently thinks.