4/22
You're not sure, but you don't think you've had that much fun in a while. It was a relaxing night for once. It was a time to take your mind off of everything that's been going on.
Today at school, Kevin finds you in the hall after last period.
"Are you coming tonight?" he asks
"To what?"
"The play! Bye, Bye, Birdie!"
"Oh, I hadn't really thought about it." That was the truth. You've been so wrapped up in Sunny for the past couple of weeks, that most everything else has taken a place on the back burner. You've missed the past couple of GSA meetings, though Alex and Amalia have been going.
"Oh... okay. I guess that's a no, then?" Kevin takes a step back from you.
"No, I mean... I want to go. I've just been dealing a lot with Sunny lately. Not dealing, I... it's hard to explain."
"I've heard the rumors," he says, "and true or not, she needs a friend. I get it."
The rumors, of course, are completely true, but you don't say anything. You haven't told a soul about Sunny and Mr. Rutherford. It was on the news that he was arrested for sleeping with a student, but no one ever said who. Everyone just guessed right. You sigh. "I want to go. In fact, I'll be there."
"Why don't you bring Sunny along? Bring Alex and Amalia. And who's that other friend of yours? Dawn? The one who's friends with Justin."
"Yeah, Dawn."
"I'm sure she's going. Why don't you guys do a group thing?"
"And you're going, right?" you ask.
"I'll be there. I'm selling tickets before the show. Get back to me before six, and I can hold as many tickets as you need."
"I'll talk to everyone," you promise. "And don't forget to save a seat for yourself."
"Next to you," he replies.
"You bet."
Kevin grabs your hand and holds it for a moment. "For a minute there I had the totally me-centered thought that you were avoiding me. For whatever reason."
"No, just busy."
"Ducky, you seem to just sacrifice yourself all the time. I think relaxing could do you some good. Have some fun. Enjoy being young instead of needing to be so old."
"You think I'm old?" you ask, pretending to be insulted.
"You look great for seventeen to me," he replies. He grins.
You fight the overwhelming urge to kiss him there in the halls, but don't for one reason, and for once it's not because of who might be watching. You're still not sure where this is going, where Kevin thinks it's going, and you're too much of a chicken to make a first move.
Besides, kissing him when he thinks you've been avoiding him might seem like overkill? Even if that wasn't the reason? You have no idea.
Kevin has no problem giving you a quick kiss on the cheek before he runs off to check on final arrangements. You don't mind at all. You love it when he does that.
You meet Sunny and Amalia out by your car. They're talking and as you walk up you can hear their conversation.
"...know why he does this to himself," Sunny says. "You know he wants to jump his bones."
Amalia laughs. "I can see why they want to take it slowly, though."
"I guess. And I'm not one to give out relationship advice, and I haven't seen them together-"
"It's totally sparky."
"I figured. When Ducky talks about him, he lights up, and it's like he never wants to shut up. Whenever he talked about Justin, it was like he was talking about something embarrassing or something."
"You're right. But do you think he could be this way with Kevin if he hadn't gone through what he had with Justin?" Amalia asks.
"Probably not," you say. Both girls jump and spin around.
"Hi, Ducky!" Sunny says, looking sheepish.
Amalia doesn't meet your eyes. However, she smiles. "Hey, Ducky."
"Are you two gossiping about me?" you ask.
"Just with each other. No one else," Sunny says.
You roll your eyes. "That's okay, I guess."
"Are we ready to go?" Amalia asks.
"No... there's Alex." You point to him walking outside the school. He's talking to someone (Macon, you think, but you never did ask him). He looks up and waves, giving you a "just a minute" finger. You wave back to show you saw.
"You guys working?" Sunny asks.
"Alex and I are," Amalia says.
"When do you guys get off?" you ask.
"Six-thirty."
"Want to come to the play tonight? Kevin'll hold tickets for us."
"Yeah, sure," Amalia says. "I know I want to be there."
"Sunny?" you ask.
"If you're going, then sure," she says. "I don't think I'd be allowed out without you anyway."
You nod. As much as Sunny complains about her dad's new rules, you're under the impression that she likes it. You know that you're liking it because you get to be Sunny's friend and not her father anymore.
You're glad Mr. W. never found out that you lied to him about where Sunny was that weekend. That was one of the details that got left out of the story. You probably would have been fired and never allowed to see Sunny. And she was aware of that.
Alex jogs over. "What'd I miss?"
"Sunny and Amalia gossiping about me," you reply.
"Just with each other!" Sunny insists again.
"So that means I missed something good," Alex says. "Crap! I always miss the good stuff."
"Let's go," you say. "Alex, are you ever going to learn how to drive yourself?"
"Me? Why, when I've got you?"
"Let's go," you say again, rolling your eyes, but you're laughing. "Want to go to the show tonight? Kevin's holding tickets for anyone I want to invite."
"Why not?" Alex climbs into the back seat next to Amalia, letting Sunny sit up front with you. "Count me in."
You drop Alex and Amalia off at the store and you take Sunny home.
"Want to come in?" she asks, picking her backpack off of the floor.
"Is your dad home?" you ask.
"You better believe it. He's home everyday to make sure that I'M home. You'd think once You-Know-You was in jail, he'd be all over this."
"Sunny, you know that's not true."
"Okay, fine, I just had to be rude about Dad's new paranoia. I don't know what's going to become of me, Ducky. He's going to do something, I can feel it, but I don't know what it is. I haven't been punished, unless you count strict curfews and calling every hour."
"That's not the end of the world."
"Yeah... this summer is going to be a killer. I mean, do you think I'm going to have to testify or something? Will there be a trial, or can they just sentence him on what's there? Oh, did you hear they arrested Winnie too? Perverts behind bars, all good. But I'm just going to end up a big show. Everyone knows already, that's not a big deal."
You sigh. "I don't know what to tell you."
"That it's going to be okay and Dad isn't going to send me away to some Catholic school or something."
"It's going to be okay."
"That's not helpful without the second part," she says.
"I won't lie to you."
"Let's go in." She gets out of the car. Sunny doesn't like to hear what she doesn't want to hear.
We go inside. As she said, Mr. W is sitting in the kitchen. He's working on what looks like billing rotations for the store (you can see your paycheck sitting there, that you're not getting until tomorrow). He looks up and smiles.
"Hey, Sunny. Christopher."
"Hi, Dad," Sunny says in this tone like she's said hi to her father more times than she ever wanted to in her life. "Hey, we're going to go the play at the school tonight. A friend of ours is in it. Ducky's boyfriend is holding-"
"Kevin's not my boyfriend," you say.
"Whatever," she says, not believing me. "Might as well be. Ducky's should-be, maybe, sort of, kinda boyfriend is going to hold tickets for us so a group can go. I just though I should let you know before I say yes or no."
"What play?" Mr. W asks.
"Bye, Bye Birdie," you reply, since you're not sure if Sunny has been paying enough attention to know.
"Who else is going?" He looks pointedly at Sunny so you won't reply again.
"Uhhh, Amalia, Alex, Dawn, I think is coming with us. Oh, and Ducky of course. What about Maggie?" Sunny looks at me.
"Have you talked to Maggie lately?" you ask.
"Nope."
"Me either."
"When's the play over?" Mr. W asks.
"Well, it starts at seven, I think-" Sunny starts.
"Seven-thirty," you say.
"Right. Seven-thirty. So, two hours, fifteen minute intermission... you know."
"Going anywhere afterward?"
"Maybe out to eat," you say. You hadn't thought about that, but it sounds good. You know that Sunny would want to be out as long as possible.
"I'll call you when the play's out, and I'll tell you if we decide to eat," Sunny says. You have to admit, she's good. She's already figured out the ways to get what she wants under these new rules.
"All right," Mr. W gives you a look that clearly says "watch out for her." You nod.
You and Sunny go upstairs to her room.
"That's my life now," she says. "Questions, questions, questions."
"I think it's called parenting, but I couldn't be sure," you say. "Didn't your mom want to know where you were going and who'd you be with when she was alive?"
"Alive and fit to parent? Sure. But I wasn't doing anything that was questionable. I was a good kid. Now I'm a... oh, you don't like me to use that word."
You sigh. "But it's not like you're doing anything like that now. Right?"
"Right," she says a little too quickly.
"Sunny..."
"I'm not having anymore sex. Done. Until I get a boyfriend or something. And a legal one."
"Sunny, please don't make me worry about you."
"On this subject, I talked to our lawyer, who is outraged, by the way, and he said that I should bring in my journal for dates and times. But... I don't want anyone reading my journal. And couldn't I just be making everything up and writing it down? Not that I AM, but it seems pointless."
"Did he say you had to?"
"No, but then I wouldn't get dates confused and make it look like I was making everything up."
You frown. "What are you going to do?"
"I don't know." She starts pulling books out of her backpack. "I'm going to do some homework."
"I'm going to call Dawn and see if she wants to come with us. Then I'll call Kevin."
"Why don't you call Maggie too?" Sunny asks.
You nod. "Good idea."
You call Dawn and she's all for sitting with us. You call Maggie, but all you get is her voice mail. You try again, but just the voice mail again. You don't bother leaving a message, since you need to call Kevin as soon as possible.
You call Kevin and tell him, and he says he'll save you some good tickets.
"Should I feel weird around Dawn?" Sunny asks. "I mean... am I going to get some sort of "I knew you'd end up screwed" look all night? Or is... I mean, she used to be my best friend and-"
"Used to be?"
"Ducky, I haven't really talked to her since that crappy party we went to back in December. Where I got drunk and spent the night at Christian's?"
You pause. "Sunny, you didn't-"
"Oh, god no! I didn't do anything! I passed out. But I was drunk, so she yelled at me and we sort... snapped."
"I don't think it'll be weird. I haven't really hung out with her recently. She's been hanging out with Justin lately. And I know she broke up with Christian, and that's pretty much all the details I've got."
Sunny frowns. "I guess I'll just have to wait and see."
You nod.
4/23
At six-thirty, almost on the dot, Alex calls you.
"Come pick us up! We want to go see a play!"
"Learn to drive, will you?" you reply.
"I've got an outdated learner's permit. If I get my shrink to tell me that driving is bad for my mental health, will you get off my back?"
"No."
"Damn. Well-"
"Ducky? I just grabbed the phone from him." It's Amalia. "Would you please come get us? Julie just got here. Like it wasn't bad for Mark got here at five for the rush, but now it's slow again and Julie is trying to teach us how to knit potholders."
"I'll be there," you reply, laughing. You hang up and look at Sunny. "Ready to go?"
She finishes a sentence on her paper and looks up. "Let's go."
You pick up Amalia and Alex and drive to the school. There isn't much of a line yet, and you wait until your turn. Kevin and a girl you don't know are selling tickets.
"Hey," you say.
Kevin grins and stands up. He leans over the table and kisses your cheek. "Hey. I got your tickets. Fourth row, center. You guys have fantastic seats."
You reach for your wallet, but Kevin slaps at your hand. "On me, hon."
"Thanks." You feel your stomach flip over as Kevin hands you the tickets. His fingers brush yours. You blush.
"I'll be in about ten or fifteen minutes into the show," he says. "So stragglers can get tickets too, you know."
"I'll save you a seat next to me," you say.
"You better." He sits back down. You walk back over to Alex, Sunny, and Amalia. They're all grinning at you.
"What?"
"Oh, god, you guys just need to make out already," Sunny says.
"Cut the tension with a knife!" Amalia exclaims.
"Ha, ha, not funny," you say.
Alex claps a hand on your shoulder. "We're not being funny."
Dawn meets us and we go in and sit down. On your way into the auditorium, you pause. You hear the girl selling tickets talking to Kevin.
"Honey, why don't you just suck his face already? Or whatever else you feel like sucking."
"We're taking it slow," Kevin says.
"If you take it much slower you'll be going backwards!"
He sort of laughs. "I'm just... not rushing him. Believe me, I want to jump him, but I'm sort of stepping back and letting him make the moves. Or at least I do what I can. It's like he doesn't know that it's okay to make moves. So if we haven't gotten anywhere by prom, he's just going to have to deal with me licking every inch of his body."
She laughs. "He really is the luckiest guy on Earth."
You didn't hear Kevin's response. Sunny was pushing you into the auditorium. From the look on her face, she overheard the conversation too.
We sit down and Sunny grins at you.
"Don't say anything," you say.
"Me? Say something?"
Like he said, right near the beginning of the show, Kevin sneaks in and sits next to you. You take his hand. You can see him smiling by the stage lights.
The show is fantastic. Justin is great. Everyone is great. And at the end when he shows up at the train station dressed as Albert's mother, the audience about dies. It is so funny. At the curtain call, Dawn runs up to the front and gives Justin flowers.
All of you stand out in front of the school until Justin comes out. It becomes a huge compliment fest. He scoops Dawn up in a hug. She laughs.
"Hey," Sunny says loudly, "can we go out to eat? I'm starved and I don't want to go home."
"How about the Fiesta Grill?" Dawn asks. Everyone agrees, so we pile into two cars. Sure, we could walk over, but it's dark out, it's after ten. Sunny calls her dad and we all shout that we're here so he knows that she's not out with some random guy.
You drive Kevin, Sunny, and Alex. Justin drives Dawn and Amalia.
"Isn't there a cast party or something?" Sunny asks from the back seat where she's sitting with Alex. "I mean, did Justin sacrifice a party to hang out with us? Or... Dawn, more like it. Is something going on there with them?"
"Cast party's closing night," Kevin says. "And who knows about Dawn and Justin. They ARE always together."
"I should ask Amalia," Sunny says.
"Why don't you ask Dawn and Justin?" Alex asks. "You could save yourself a lot of detective work that way."
"Oh, holy voice of reason," she replies. She sticks her tongue out at him.
"Don't stick your tongue out at me," he replies. "Or I might think you're hitting on me... oh, wait, no I'm under twenty, never mind, I'm safe."
She stares at him for a moment, her jaw dropped. Then she laughs and hits him. "Shut up! That's horrible to say about me."
"And totally not true, right?"
"Of course not. I'd never screw a teacher. Oh wait, yeah I did. I just wish the news would stop making it out like he raped me under his desk or something. It wasn't all that bad." Sunny waved a hand like she hadn't been bawling her eyes out when she confessed the truth to you.
"No, he just made you have sex with his sister while he took pictures," you snap.
You can see her staring at you in the review. "I can't believe you said that! Even if it was all that bad, there are worse things in the world." She's doing the joking thing that Alex does when he talks about his suicide attempt.
You sigh. Kevin reaches over and squeezes your knee. You look over and he gives you a sympathetic look. You've been parked for about a minute.
Dawn knocks on your window. "Come on!" she shouts.
We all go in. We get one of those big circle booths. The seven of us smush in and we shout back and forth orders for appetizers and drinks.
You're sitting in the middle of the booth. On one side of you is Kevin, then Dawn, then Justin. On your other side is Sunny, Amalia, then Alex. Everyone is being loud and talking. You feel yourself relax.
Your food arrives, and everyone is eating a talking and having a good time. Sunny pokes you in the ribs.
"Huh?" you say, your mouth full of nachos.
She points over at Alex and Amalia. You look over. They're laughing about something, and sort of fighting over the last potato skin, and that's all normal, except that Alex has his arm around Amalia's shoulders and she's sort of leaning against him.
You look back at Sunny. She shrugs.
"I though you could tell me something about it," she says in a low voice.
"This is new."
She nods. "I thought it was sort of interesting."
"I'll drop you off first," you say. She nods again.
You're then distracted when Kevin offers you the last of the nachos.
Dawn stands up (well, gets on her knees in the booth). "I would like to Justin, our very own Conrad Birdie!"
Everyone applauds and Justin pretends to be embarrassed.
Dawn pulls the bright orange program out of her pocket. "Now I'm going to read something from this blinding program provided by the student activities-"
"I did not choose that ugly thing!" Kevin shouts. "Stupid seniors did!"
She laughs. "We believe you, we do. This is what Justin wrote to his fans, because he's a senior and gets like a hundred words to say something. 'Justin Randall - Conrad Birdie. Justin, seen in last fall's production of The Glass Menagerie and member of local band Vanish that performed last year's homecoming, would like to thank his friends Amalia, Bruce, Patti, Ducky, and Dawn, her family, his father, step-mother, and step-sisters, Annie and Erin for supporting him. He'd also like to mention that Pac-Man eats only fruits and lard, completing his duty of adding an in-joke.'"
We all applaud again. Dawn sits back down.
"You wrote that?" Amalia asks.
Justin shakes his head. "Nope." He points to Dawn.
"Is that why you thanked her family?" Sunny asks. "Because Dawn wrote it."
"No, no, that was me," he says. "But, Dawn, tell them."
"We spent an afternoon trying to get this damn thing out. We're idiots when it comes to writing anything. Finally, I ended up calling my friend Mallory, who's a writer. Justin gave her like a list of names and the in-joke, and she called us back about twenty minutes later with that and it was perfect."
"I just added Erin and Annie in by name," Justin says. "I knew they'd want to see their names in print."
"Were they here tonight?" you ask.
"Oh, no, they'll be here next week. And that was written before I left Vanish. But I was already pissed at Rico, so he didn't get mentioned."
We stayed for another round of ice tea and soda, before it was after eleven-thirty and it was time to go. Justin takes Dawn and Amalia. You drive back to the school to drop Kevin off at his car.
You get out and walk him over to his car.
"I'm glad you came out with us," you say.
"I like your friends," Kevin replies. "They're easy to be around."
"We should hang out with your friends sometimes. Maybe end up in one big group."
"That'd be fantastic. It's a small group, a lot of the GSA kids you already know. But it would be fun, maybe we should have like a party or something. It would be-"
You cut Kevin off by kissing him. You swoop down, put one hand down on his neck and kiss him flat on the mouth. He sort of pauses in surprise and kisses you back. It lasts, oh, thirty seconds? Maybe it's shorter. Maybe it's longer. You sort of lose track of time.
You pull away. Kevin opens his eyes.
"Wow," he says. "We have got to do that again sometime."
You laugh. "Good."
Kevin gets in his car and you go back to yours. You blush as Sunny and Alex start going "Whoooo!" at you. You drop Sunny off. Then you drive to Alex's, pull in the driveway, and stop the car.
"Uh oh," Alex says.
"I just want to know if you're... into Amalia," you say.
"Why? Are you?"
"Come on, just answer the question. I'm curious."
"Yeah, I am. But I'm not going to do anything about it. And not just because of what my doctor's say, because I don't think any of the things that concerns would even come into play in a relationship with her."
"What do you mean?"
"Rejection. Persuasion. Sexual relationships. Anytime soon? Not something I'd have to even really worry about. And maybe that's why I like her. It would simple and innocent. But..."
"What?"
He rubs his first two fingers against his lips for a moment. Then he faces you. "I don't want to be Amalia's next charity case. It's bad enough being yours."
"What do you mean?"
"It's like 'Oh, my boyfriends dad has cancer, let me spend every waking minute there.' Or 'Oh, the band needs me to fix all of their problems.' And I get it, she likes to help people and feel needed. But keeping me alive isn't her job, and I don't want her to think it is. I'm afraid that if we were to get involved, we wouldn't be dating, or anything. She'd just be hanging around to make sure I wasn't dead. If I go out with anyone, I want it to be for a good reason, and not just because I tried to commit suicide that one time."
"So why were you hanging all over her tonight?" you ask.
"I wasn't. We were hanging all over each other. She likes me too." He wrinkles his brow. "I don't think she knows it, though."
"Okay..."
"So, Ducky, are you into Kevin? Or did you just kiss him because he wanted you to?"
"I'm into him. He's right, though. I don't know that it's okay to make moves. It was a good prompt," you admit.
"Did he know you were eavesdropping?" Alex asks.
"You know... I don't really care."
He claps a hand on your should. "Good. Night, Ducky." He gets out of the car. You go home.
4/24
Sometimes you wonder if fights with Sunny will kill you. The two of you seem to be fighting more and more. But Sunny is fighting everything.
You go over to her house today. She called you while you were in the shower and left a voice mail telling you to come pick her up. So you get dressed and go over. You walk up to her door and ring the bell.
She opens the door, ready to go. "Hey!"
"Hi. What's going on?"
"Nothing. Fight with Dad. I told him I was going out with you. If you have plans, you can just drop me off at the mall."
"I have plans, but I'm not going to drop you off at the mall," you reply.
She rolls her eyes. "Okaaaaay. Where are you going?"
The two of you start walking out to your car. "Out with Kevin."
"No, no, no, no. I'm not butting in on your date!"
"It's not butting in if you're invited," you say.
"Kevin didn't invite me," Sunny says. "Look, don't drop me off at the mall. Drop me off at, uh... I don't know. Fuck. I don't have any friends anymore."
You hand Sunny your cell phone before you start the car. "Why don't you call Amalia? I know she's not working, and will hang out with you if she's free."
"Oh whatever came of that Amalia and Alex thing?" Sunny goes through your phone book. She doesn't wait for you to answer. She's calling Amalia. "No, it's Sunny. I'm on Ducky's phone... do you have any plans? No? Can I come and hang out? I need to get out of the house, and Ducky's got a hot date... yeah." She laughs. "Oh yeah! I'm there. Okay, so we'll be there as soon as Ducky can drive. All right. Bye."
"Good idea, no?" I say.
"Yes, good idea."
"What were you and your dad fighting about?"
"The usual stuff. How I'm running my life and how he's no use, and back and forth and back and forth." She props her feet up on the dashboard. "I'm so freaking sick of him just holding this over my head. It's over, it's done. Well, not over, I guess, but past is past. I learned my lesson, boo hoo."
"Do you really think it's over?" you ask. "Honestly?"
"Yeah, it's over. Lew is gone, I'm under house arrest ninety-five percent of the time, everyone talks about me behind my back, there are rumors about a million things I DIDN'T do, including screwing you and being so horrible that I made you gay."
"What?"
"You haven't heard that one?"
"No."
"Gross, huh? I'm just so sick of everyone judging me. Dad, kids at school, you."
"Me?"
"Yeah, all the time. Drives me up the wall." She pulls a pack of gum out of her purse and takes a piece. "I feel like I'm stuck looking over my shoulder going 'What Would Ducky Do?'" She tosses the wrapper on the floor of your car.
"I don't judge you."
"Yes, you do. You do it to everyone. You can't accept how people react to situations. I try to get over what happened to me by joking about it, and all you can do is try and make feel guilty for dealing with something how I deal with it. Just because we don't all brood like you, Ducky, doesn't mean we aren't dealing. It doesn't mean we don't care."
"I don't expect-"
"I, I, I. God! And people say I'm self centered! I'm finding it hard to believe I was able to confide in you. Ever."
You grip the steering wheel tighter. "Maybe you because you used me all the time. And that's all I was good for."
"Used you?"
"I'm your personal chauffeur and shrink."
"Whatever. If I used you, it's just because you let yourself be used. Weaker personalities will latch onto stronger ones. That's all you and I are. You latched onto me, because you wouldn't get out of bed if it wasn't me for. And I'm so sick of you telling me that everything is my fault."
"Some things ARE your fault," you snap.
"Like what? The Lew thing? All my fault? Or, what? My fault that Dawn hates me, or my dad has no idea how to raise a teenage girl, or what? What is it, Ducky? What's my fault? Everything? Pollution? War? Tell me! What is it that Ducky says is my fault now? Why he can't stand up for himself? Is that my fault too? Or maybe why you can't even use first person in your-" She stops short.
You slam on the brakes. "WHAT?"
"I didn't do it," she says quickly. Her eyes have gone from completely angry to shocked, and a little scared.
"What did you do? TELL ME!" Screaming at Sunny feels therapeutic.
"I just... looked for a second. I just wanted to know what you thought. About me. I started, and... and I couldn't stop."
"What did you read?" Luckily, no cars are coming up behind you.
"Like... some stuff from November to now," she says. "Well, like... until like a few days ago. I didn't read it all. I skimmed most of it." She's staring at her hands. You sort of wonder when this happened. She looks up at you when you start shouting again.
"What do you think gives you the right? What the hell do you think gives you the right?"
"I just wanted to know how you were judging me, Ducky. I wanted to see everything you don't say."
"If you didn't notice, I was worried sick about you! I spent four months worried out of my mind all the time about you. I put my life on hold being worried about-"
"What life? You and Justin? That was a laugh! You didn't put anything on hold. Your screwing over Christmas when you still couldn't say the word "gay" without stuttering? What a waste, all of it. Justin could have been out giving someone else a rim job, oh wait, you just weren't ready for that. When the hell are you going to grow up, Ducky? You're such a fucking joke!"
You don't reply right away. You put your head down on the steering wheel. "Get out."
"What?"
"Get the hell out of my car."
"Ducky, I..." You can hear tears in her voice.
"OUT!"
You don't look over. You can hear the door open and slam shut. You look up to see her walking around the car to the sidewalk. She's crying.
"Sunny," you say, sort of halfhearted. You don't expect to her to hear you, but she does. She spins around and flips you off. Then she keeps walking.
Needless to say, it sort of ruined your day. You go over to Kevin's, and you give him the highlights of your fight with Sunny. He holds you. You end up not going anywhere. You sit around and watch a couple movies, but you can't remember any of them.
You're feeling guilty, but not guilty enough to try and apologize.
