Chapter 42 Glasgow, 25 July 2004
I take the mug from Willow, determined that this is business - but the pleasure of drinking Slayer blood hits anyway. It's like the best drug a human could have, but there're no unpleasant side effects, no 'morning after', just a euphoria that seems to have the whole world glowing.
I glance at Buffy, and she's looking at me, as if she's measuring my reaction to the blood. The feeling I have is purely physiological; I can't control it, but I still feel guilty for enjoying even part of this process. I approach her and take her in my arms. She welcomes me, and I relax a bit. Maybe she hasn't spotted it.
"When you're ready, sit over there," Willow commands. "I'll give you instructions direct - less chance of misunderstandings that way."
I take my seat, and Willow asks me to close my eyes. I do so, and after that, anything I hear isn't coming via my ears. She starts to talk quietly and insistently, but soon, I'm not hearing the individual words, just the cadence, the rise and fall of her tone.
I'm in a waiting room. At least, that's how it seems. There's a train pulling in outside, and I glance around to find Willow smiling at me.
"Thought this might be easier. Make it seem familiar."
"Didn't know you were so familiar with old-fashioned British trains."
"I'm not. I just suggested the basics; your imagination's doing the rest."
There's someone out there yelling 'All Aboard,' and Willow's moving out to the train. I follow, bemused to note that it's a steam train, but that the light in the waiting room was modern fluorescent tubes. I suppose my imagination's not exactly consistent.
We sit opposite one another, in relative positions similar to our actual positions.
"You'll see us going through stations. If you get the sense that there's a Slayer close, tell me to stop. Once you've got the idea, you can direct us too. When you sense something, home in on what you've found and then leave the rest to me."
The train starts to move, slowly at first but accelerating. I get the impression of stations - lighted flashes in the darkness - rushing past impossibly fast.
"Concentrate!" Willow reminds me.
And I do. At first, I'm not sure what I'm looking for. I know what the Slayer blood feels like, but I'm not sure how the presence of a Slayer's going to link to that. Well, until it does. It hits me like one of Buffy's punches, and because it comes right out of the blue, I'm temporarily stunned.
"That's it!" I mentally yell at Willow.
The train seems to slow, and we pull into a station, but the feeling's gone.
"Ok, maybe we overshot - let's go back a bit."
She does, but this time the impression is of a train dawdling along the track, and I'm desperately trying to get that signal again.
It seems to take forever, but at last I recognise it again, and I can direct Willow to the source. We sit in a station, and she's got me mentally searching a whole world for the source of the recognition. When I've spotted it, Willow somehow manages to follow my thoughts, and an instant later, the signal's gone and Willow's grinning at me.
"It's gone. I've lost it."
"No, silly. I sent her home. You did it. So, ready to look for the next one?"
And with that, the train starts to move.
I'm more relieved than I can believe. I went into this determined to do what I could, but I wasn't convinced that the plan was going to work. Still, we've got a long way to go, so I bend my senses to searching again, trying to be methodical, testing to see just how far I can stretch my probing, expanding the area until I know I'm no longer searching effectively, so I pull back.
The next signal I get is different. The first one was clear and strong, but this one is fractured, feeble. Tracing its source is harder too, and I feel my ability to concentrate weakening as I desperately try to follow a thread that's faint and almost gone at times.
I don't know how long it takes. More than once I'm convinced that I've lost it altogether, but at last, it's getting steadier. We follow the thread, but it never gets as clear as the last one. When the train stops this time, Willow helps me to follow the signal to its source. It disappears like the last one, but Willow's looking less triumphant than last time.
"She was hurt, wasn't she? At the end, I could feel her pain, her despair."
"Yeah. She was. But she's safe now. She'll be fine." Willow sounds like she's forcing herself to be upbeat.
"If she isn't …"
"Don't dwell on it now. Your part in her rescue is over, and there are others who need your help."
And I know she's right. I try to focus on searching, trying to guide Willow towards another of our Slayers. There are some that are almost right, but not quite - there's a subtle difference that I know makes it 'wrong', but I can't explain it better.
I try to concentrate harder, desperate to find the other girls as soon as I can, but I don't seem to be able to. I'm flitting around, following a hint of a signal that disappears as quickly as it started. Willow's trying to tell me something, but I block her out. There's another hint, off in a different direction, so I push our efforts that way, but again, just as I think I find it, it's gone, and Willow's pestering me. Another signal. I shake off Willow's interference once more, a note of my frustration going with it. Another change of direction, and I won't say anything about the oddity of a train that keeps changing direction, and yet again, the signal disappears almost immediately. And just as immediately, Willow's back, and this time, try as I might, she won't be blocked out.
"What the hell is it? I thought we were in a hurry here. You're getting in my way."
"Spike, you're exhausted. You're randomly changing direction, and we're getting nowhere. We've got to go back, get some rest and try again later."
"No. We can't. The girls are waiting for us. We've got to …"
"Spike. Back now. I don't want to force it, I might hurt you. Just believe me. We need to take a break and try again later."
"But …"
"But nothing. If you carry on here, you'll get lost, and then there'll be no way of rescuing the others."
I take a second to think about what she's saying, and I know I'm exhausted. She's right.
"Ok. We go back."
She smiles from her seat opposite me, and the train judders as it changes direction again, pulling us back home.
I feel my body lurch, and realise that I'm back in it. It's funny, I didn't notice the lack of physical sensation when I didn't have it, but now it's back, it's almost unbelievably different.
And with the return of physical sensation comes an overwhelming sense of failure.
"Spike?"
I open my eyes to find Buffy kneeling beside me.
"Where is she?" Now I'm back, there's only one priority.
"Which? The last one?"
I nod.
"On her way to hospital. Gus and Angel are taking her. Looks like she came off worse in a fight with something with claws and maybe some poison too. But she should be ok - I mean, with Slayer healing and a bit of time. And Giles is flying up the Council's expert on demon injuries."
I let out a shuddering breath. "You sure? She should be ok?"
"Yeah, I think so. They'll call when they hear."
She turns towards Willow.
"So, how did it go?"
"Good."
I can't believe she said that. "Good? How can you say that? There're more …"
"Spike. I said it would take several sessions. You actually did better than I expected this time - you picked up the first Slayer quickly, and the second one - well, she was difficult because you picked up on her pain and fear. You need to rest."
"I'll rest when the girls are all home. We need …"
"Ok. I need to rest, and I've done this before. Buffy, take him and persuade him to sleep. We can have another go in a few hours, but only if he rests first."
I get up from my chair, ready to try to talk Willow out of this waiting nonsense, but my knees buckle.
"Come on, Spike," Buffy says, taking my arm.
"What?" I'm confused. How can I be this tired from just sitting in a chair? I look at Willow.
"Astral projection is exhausting anyway, but this is personal for you; I could feel that. You're too involved, really, and if there was anyone else who could do this … But there isn't. Go and sleep. When you're ready, we'll go again."
Buffy's pulling me towards the door, and I stop fighting it. To be honest, at this moment, the effort of staying on my feet is greater than I'd have believed possible.
