Epilogue: Sunny

6/22

I'm on a plane to Atlanta right now. One nice thing that Atlanta has that you don't find in a lot of other places: direct flights. No switching flights, no layovers, you can't beat that.

Okay, you could. You could beat it by NOT going to Atlanta. You could beat it by not going to go check out a private girl's school and living with Aunt Morgan.

Nothing is set in stone yet, but Dad's been talking to the Headmistress and Aunt Morgan went to the school, and everyone seems really impressed. Apparently lots of troubled girls have come out and become normal, functioning members of society.

I'm apparently troubled, un-normal and non-functioning. And useless to society.

My ego has been reduced to nothing.

Dad is sitting next to me, he's asleep. He's snoring at an embarrassing volume. I wish I could have gone alone. If I move here, I'll be taking this flight alone, I might as well get used to it.

I knew, even before Lew, that this would end up being my fate. I screwed up a long time ago, when everything went screwed up with Mom, before that, maybe. I was falling and I couldn't save myself, when I tried and when I looked in all the wrong places.

I'd never admit this to anyone, not Dad, not Dawn, not Ducky, but I'm sort of glad I'm getting out of Palo City. I'm glad that I can get away from everyone who knows exactly how I screwed up a million times. Sure, I'll be around a bunch of girls who will have known that I screwed up, but they're probably just as screwed as me.

My biggest regret is Ducky. I fell into my own trap with Lew. The whole thing with Alex was just a big mistake. Dawn? Dawn and I have been over since forever. Since they moved the eighth grade into the high school building. The demise of Dawn and me, it was bound to happen. Ducky, though, Ducky I might have been able to salvage if I hadn't been so stubborn.

I didn't even call him before I left. I know I'll be back in Palo City to get my things once we find me a school, and I shouldn't have any pride left. Maybe we'll have a nice, awkward conversation over fries and Cokes and at least know that we'll send each other post cards for the next six months until we get too busy with our lives.

I hope that I'll be able to come back at the end of the next school year and see Ducky graduate.

Maybe by that time, he won't care. Maybe by that time I won't care either. I don't know.

I don't really have much left in Palo City except a bunch of horrible memories.

Maybe this will be okay.

I can only hope so.

Dear Justin,
I hope this gets to you before you leave Palo City. It should only take a couple of days, right? They'll forward it if it doesn't, I hope.
So far my first few days in Stoneybrook have been okay. Mary Anne and I have been ignoring each other. She's a killer with the silent treatment. I'm not that good at it. Even though I'm still holding a grudge,I sometimes slip. Not that I'm trying to strike up conversation, but she won't even say "pass the salt." Apparently she and Derek broke up when she was in Palo City for prom, but that hasn't brought up an air of forgiveness.
I don't know if I'd be likely to forgive her anyway. But at least that means there won't be surprise Palo City visits in her future, so no more 7-11 repeats.
On the bright side, hanging out with my friends here has been a lot of fun. I think we're going to be heading into New York City for a few days while I'm here and stay with Stacey's dad.
It's weird, a year ago, I never would have thought that I'd be not speaking with Mary Anne and hanging out with people I used to think of as enemies (Cokie and Grace, not Stacey and Claudia, of course). I would have thought that the things we're doing are wild, but even Claudia's smoking, it doesn't seem to bother me that much. Well, except for the damage she's doing to her body, but the act of it. I know we talked about this, but it seems so weird.
Anyway, this is turning into a novel. I really wish you could come out here, even for just a couple of a days, even though I know you can't. I miss you, and you better write me back soon!
Love,
Dawn

Dear Ducky,
Here's a postcard from Atlanta. Everything here is going fine. Well, as fine as it can. Even though it looks like I'll be moving here, Dad and I went to the Coke museum and when I saw this post card, it made me think of you, and I had to get it. Even if you may not want it.
-Sunny

Dear Claudia,
I'm writing this on a postcard so you can read it, even if you return it like you have all of my letters and packages, and I'm guessing that's a sign that you're no longer interested in me or the songs I've written you. So this is the last thing I'll be sending you (unless you write back!). I'm just letting you know that I give up. You win.
Love,
Rico P.S. I hope all your STD tests came back clear.