DISCLAIMER: I don't own much! Please see chapter one for the complete version.


Chapter 11: The Coward in Me

Thus conscience does make cowards of us all;
And thus the native hue of resolution
Is sicklied o'er with the pale cast of thought.

Shakespeare, Hamlet, III, 1


It has been a month after he ran away from her—from the sight of her and Viktor Krum together…that scene that broke his heart into gazillion pieces; One month and he missed her terribly. He had to see her, talk to her. Maybe she has lots to say because he does. Maybe there is an explanation to what he saw and she'd tell him. It could be anything but a big mistake, a spur of the moment, a pretense, confusion, or desperation. After all, they made a pact to love each other until the time is through. Ron and Hermione, forever.

Ron apparated himself to Hermione's muggle house and knocked on the door without reservations. No answer came through, even after several tries. He sat on the porch, keeping a patient disposition. He'll wait. Besides, what would some hours compare to years she did.

"Young man," an old woman called and Ron looked up. He noticed that she was wearing a neat dress of white as if she was to attend an important occasion. "Are you waiting for the Grangers?" he merely nodded, "Are you a friend?"

"Yes." he answered politely as he brought himself up thinking of how his parents—his Mum mostly—would scold him for lack of respect to elders.

The old woman beamed, "Then, you must be invited as well. I'm on my way to the church, would you like to come along?" she looked excited.

This only made Ron confused, "Invited where? Is Hermione on the church right now?"

The woman laughed softly, "Of course, silly. What's a wedding without the bride?"

"Wedding? Bride?" he echoed. "But…who…?"

"Well, your friend will be married today, weren't you informed?" seeing the look on his face, the woman quickly added, "I suppose not. I'm sorry if the news took you by surprise. It did me too. I mean, it's quite sudden, really."

"Can you tell me who she is going to marry?" his insides started to harden as he held his breath for the answer.

"An old friend from school, I think." she looked rather unsure but started to rummage through her purse, "Probably her long-time boyfriend, I don't really know. I barely see her after she started school," The woman continued digging inside her little bag. "I was her nanny then, when she was a little girl. I used to look after her when her parents need to go somewhere…" then she pulled a lovely parchment that suspiciously looked like an invitation. "Ah, here it is," she opened it and announced in a thrilled voice, "Viktor Krum, ring a bell?"

Of course, Viktor Krum didn't only ring a bell. The sound of the name was like a bomb that deafened Ron. He didn't answer, however. He couldn't. His head suddenly ached but the pain was no match with what his chest was feeling. It felt like his heart was being squeezed by giant hands. He felt like dying.

"Boy, are you all right?" there was a tone of alarm on the old woman's voice. "You suddenly look so pale. You know, the ceremony would start in about thirty minutes but it's just a few blocks away. I'm going to walk my way there but if you're not feeling good I can call you a cab." Ron felt his head reverberate with the woman's words.

"No." he tried to answer still politely but quite breathlessly. "I'm fine. Though I don't think I'll go to the church anymore. I'm not really a close friend; I'm just here to deliver a message from work..." His chest was still tightening. "…really not important" he finished with a struggle. Why? Hermione, why didn't you wait for me?

"All right then. Should I still mention about you? Although I don't think the newlyweds should be stressing out on work at this special occasion."

"Oh, no please, don't."

"Sure thing. Good bye then." She started to walk and right after she turned her back on Ron, tears escaped his blue eyes. He stood there frozen and crying. He wanted to run just as he did a month ago but at that very moment he found himself not able to move. He lifted his wand and apparated back to Memo's house.


Memo's house has been Ron's abode—and hiding lair for the past year. At first, Ron was not allowed to go out and wander. But later, due to his constant pleads to check on his family, Memo gave her permission to let him out with the only condition that he would not reveal himself. Memo would tell him how he was still in a grave danger and it might put people close to him at risk. Ron didn't mind this restriction at all. From the moment he learned of Hermione's marriage he felt he didn't have a life to go back to anyway.

"Hermione's not a sinner, and she can't be because of me." It wasn't just a random thought. Ron had been repeating this to himself since Hermione tied the knot with the retired Bulgarian seeker. Every single time he would secretly stalk Hermione and see how she has been doing he'd remind himself that she's married-- that even if she doesn't love her husband it doesn't mean she would commit the sin of adultery. This was one of the many things that held him away from her. Truth be told, it was his conscience, not Memo's talk that kept him from concealing his self. It made him coward to face his family and friends, Hermione most of all. He was afraid she would tell him to leave her alone…that she already has a life with Viktor and they are happy.

But to his surprise, it was Hermione who asked him to take her away. And it only sent him muddled up thoughts and emotions…it hurt him to see Hermione unhappy; it confused him how much she was willing to give up her morality. The thought of a changed Hermione frightened him as well.

If Hermione had changed then it only meant he doesn't know her anymore, and that was more crippling thought. But even if she did change, it doesn't mean he loves her less, because whoever Hermione was, is and will become, Ron knew that he would love her—he would in whatever way she may be. And if she still loves him at the same extent, if their love is true, then there's no need to sin over it as time or love itself would find a way to bring them back together without complications, without obstacles.


"I love you just the way you are." Suddenly, it felt like time stopped. All the harsh words, the sour expressions, the cold treatments—all the stupid things he did, the risk of hurting her, of pushing her away—all the pretensions, changing the topic, pretending he didn't hear…how could he throw them to waste? There should be something, anything that he can do to take back what he just blurted out, for surely she has heard him…surely there's a fat chance that it was all a dream. He had said it, yes, finally…but he shouldn't have. Not that he didn't mean it. It was actually the other way around. He shouldn't have said it because he meant it—with all his heart, all his life. He knew. He has accepted. Even when he had forgotten since when. But it doesn't matter, does it? Because from now on, things would change. From now on he has to be careful not to lose her—but the problem, his dilemma, was the fact that he's always clumsy and impulsive—stupid Ron Weasley…Big mouth Ron Weasley. And having her means having the chance of losing her, because when you think about it the way he does, how could he lose someone he never really had? So he was certain it's best if they stay just friends. Best of friends. Then back to the question of how he could be so stupid to let it out?

It was the end of summer after their sixth year. At this time of the year, they should be preparing to leave for school were circumstances had been different—peaceful, rather. But the students at Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry would not be coming back this year. The school was temporarily closed for two main reasons: the sudden death of their headmaster, Albus Dumbledore, and the pending war. For Harry Potter and his friends, Ron Weasley and Hermione Granger, there was another reason to postpone their seventh year—and that was to search for the remaining Hocruxes and defeat Voldemort. Though, this journey of theirs would not begin until another month. They will still need to prepare themselves for the battle they have vowed to win.

For almost two weeks now, the three friends have been staying at Godric's Hollow which was best known to be the former home for the Potters; the same place where Harry's parents—James and Lily—were slain by Voldemort. This was also where they would discuss their actions to accomplishing their goal.

One sunny day, all three went out to Diagon Alley to buy some necessities and visit Fred and George's shop. On the way home was when they bumped into a certain Lavender Brown who pulled Ron to a corner but was still close enough for Harry and Hermione to hear their short conversation.

"I'm not mad. I just want you to know that." She said before planting a soft peck on Ron's lips. The latter only shrugged and watched her leave.

Since this brief encounter with Ron's ex-girlfriend Hermione has been grumpy. This behavior of hers eventually lead to Ron and Hermione's famous bickering by the end of the day, leaving Harry a witness-- who with all perplexity could not figure out how to stop the two from ruining their friendship once again, especially not at this time with the war and all.

The fight started with Hermione accusing Ron of taking advantage, "You should have not let her kiss you…there…that would only give her hope." she pointed crossly.

Ron retorted to accuse Hermione of being jealous "Because Krum doesn't kiss you anymore after you broke up."

"For your information, Viktor and I didn't have to break up." she corrected with a meaningful tone. She would have told him the truth that they didn't have to because she and Viktor Krum were never together had Ron kept his readied insults to himself rather than let them freely fly from his mouth.

He couldn't help it, the mere mention of the Bulgarian's name infuriates him. "Good then! 'Cause you're such a wonderful couple. You can have kids who are large-nosed, with thick eyebrows, bushy hair, and large front teeth…and a know-it-all gits who are way older than…than how they should be!" he finished proudly, though his face was guilt-ridden. How he wished he had a time turner seeing that Hermione was already sporting a scowl and wet eyes.

She opened her mouth, but closed it again. For a while she was opening and closing her mouth like a fish in the water. "Yeah," she said haughtily only to be betrayed by her shaking voice. "That's just too bad isn't it? Two hideous-looking people together! At least our children would be smart and could really play Quidditch."

"Took you quite a while to think of that, didn't you?" Ron teased after finding that he lacks a response himself. He wanted to end the argument so bad, but couldn't somewhat bring himself to apologize. Why would I? I didn't start it. his proud and unreasonable thought would argue.

"Forgive us Ron if we weren't born as good looking as you were." Hermione was really close to tears but somehow she managed to hold the liquid from falling. "Forgive me for my untamed, brown bushy hair, for being so concerned to boss you around for your own good, for wanting to learn and expand my knowledge!" she was almost yelling. "Forgive me, will you?" she turned her back on him and walked briskly towards the stairs.

Ron started, "No wait!" he called on her back. Hermione stopped. Silence. It was just a short silence but it seemed forever. This silence was cut when Hermione took another step on the stairway. Ron knew she wouldn't stop again if he'd shout another 'wait!', he knew though that he had to stop her. "I love you just the way you are." He blurted and was a bit taken aback to hear himself as well.

Hermione turned around quickly and demanded, "What?"

Her swollen eyes and sodden face briefly brought him to a standstill, but just enough instant to chew over some thoughts. This is it, he scolded himself. Now or never. "You heard me. I said I love you just the way you are. I didn't mean to insult you." She wiped her tears and arched an eyebrow urging him to continue. She needed to hear more. "I'm sorry. It's just that…I'm such a git to realize it until recently." Hermione was still unmoving from her position while Harry brought himself up and slowly (and quietly) walked to the kitchen. "Look, I was…I was never in love with Lavender…"

"And extremely jealous with Viktor." Hermione cut him off.

"Extremely."

"And you don't think I'm better off with him."

Ron shook his head, keeping his gaze on Hermione. "And you're beautiful."

"And Viktor and I were never a couple." She sniffed.

"No?"

It was Hermione's turn to shake her head. "I'm sorry."

"For what?"

"For arguing with you."

"Why weren't you and Viktor…?"

Hermione sat on one of the steps on the staircase, "The same reason why you weren't in love with Lavender, I suppose."

Ron nodded thoughtfully, "I see. So you were in love with you?" he grinned.

"Ronald!" Hermione groaned with disbelief, but letting a smile crawl on her lips nonetheless.

Ron laughed and walked to her. He knelt before her, "But are you really?" In love with him?

Hermione knew what he was asking, and she nodded. Her face started to flood in tears once again. She saw panic on Ron's expression so she gave him a sweet smile. "Happy tears." She only said and reached both her arms to hug him.

Ron held her. "I'm sorry." He whispered behind her hair.

"Just don't…don't let her kiss you there. Not anyone." They broke apart to face each other.

"Merlin, Hermione. I never knew you were the jealous type." Hermione glowered at him and smiled. "There's only one lips I have always wanted to kiss." He pressed his lips against Hermione's and he could taste the saltiness of her tears. "Now I know what Harry meant with a wet kiss."


He had fought the cowardness in him before by admitting his feelings to Hermione, but it was a different matter this time. Before, there was no Viktor Krum between them; there was no vow of matrimony; there was only love. He can't let Hermione be a sinner because of him, but Hermione was willing. Ron sighed. He was really confused. He knew their love was great and true, he doesn't want to put it in disgrace. Still, Hermione was calling for him.

AUTHOR'S NOTE:
I know I've been gone for a VERY LONG time and for that I apologize. I've been caught up with work. I appreciate those who still have me on their "author alert" list and are patiently waiting for the next installment. I'm working on this story now and will make sure to finish it this month. You see, I've got time now as I've just resigned from my job. Anyways, please review. Thanks a bunch!