Sean already felt awkward. The party was in a rather cramped dorm suite where everyone seemed to know everybody else. Girls in tiny denim skirts sat on the laps of boys wearing baseball caps and polo shirts. Sean looked down at his worn ripped jeans and oil stained t-shirt. Good thing I'm not here to pick up chicks.

"Hey!"

Sean turned expecting Ellie and instead had a beer shoved in his face by a short blond girl. "Uh, hey." He took the beer but didn't open it.

"What'd you come straight from shop class?" She giggled and took a long swig from her bottle.

"Uh, not quite. Do you know Ellie?"

"Who?"

"Ellie Nash?"

The girl thought for a moment. "Yeah, no idea sweetie. Maybe you're at the wrong party."

"I think I am." Sean turned away from her and spotted Craig coming out from one of the bedrooms. "Craig!"

Craig looked up. "Hey, Sean, buddy! What's going on man?" He put an arm around his friend, grinning broadly.

"Uh nothing too much." Sean smiled inwardly. Craig had obviously had a couple of beers. "Where's Ellie?"

"She called said she was running late. Something to do with a paper…her hair…I don't know. Anyway, I'm glad you're here. Met some cool people but I'm still feeling a little weird being at a college party and all. Then again I did get to go to some sweet parties in Vancouver…" A wistful look overcame Craig's face.

"Yeah…well I'm glad you're here now." Sean noticed Craig's pupils were dilated and wild-looking. "Are you ok, man?"

Craig nodded. "Fine. Great, in fact. You know, I'm glad I decided to go with the single life this year. At first breaking up with Manny this summer sucked but I've realized that this is the prime of our life. It's the time where we should take advantage of our beauty and youth." His eyes rested on a tall brunette that stood by the refrigerator. "Actually, I'll be back in a little bit." He wiggled his eyebrows up and down before heading over.

Sean laughed and shook his head.

"He's been doing that all summer."

Sean turned to see Ellie watching Craig and the girl chat animatedly with a sad look on her face. "And you don't approve?"

Ellie shrugged. "Whatever. None of my business." She smiled although it looked a little forced. "I'm glad you came."

"Sure." Sean smiled back then opened his beer. "So…"

"Ellie!" A group of three boys waved her over.

"I'll be right back," she said then hurried over to them. "Pat, I thought you said you weren't coming…"

Sean took a big gulp of his beer. He had a feeling it was going to be a long night.


Sean sat in the corner of the couch, trying to ignore the couple making out next to him. As he downed the last of his beer, he wondered what he was doing sticking around. Since when did he go to parties like this anyway? As he got up to leave, he spotted Ellie throw her head back, laughing at something one of the guys was saying. Not bothering to say goodbye, Sean shoved past some people and headed for the door.

"Sean!"

He stopped but didn't turn around.

"Where are you going?" Ellie asked him, grabbing his arm.

"I gotta get going. Nice party."

"Look, I'm sorry. I got a little distracted. Why don't you come over and meet the guys? They're really cool."

Sean shook his head. "No thanks. See ya." He shook off her off his arm then left. As he walked down the hall, he felt even worse that she had not followed him out. So much for being friends.

As he passed by the bathroom he paused, hearing someone throwing up. He pushed open the door and stepped inside. "Hey, uh, are you okay?"

"Sean?" A door to one of the stalls opened and Craig stood there wiping his mouth with a piece of toilet paper. "That you?"

"Yeah, are you okay?" Sean stepped forward. "Too much to drink?"

Craig shook his head. "Nah, man I haven't had anything to drink."

Sean frowned. "Uh, are you sick?"

Craig smiled. "No it was just my first time. Joe, that guy in there who hooked me up with the stuff, he said I might get nauseous afterwards. No biggie." He took a step forward and stumbled.

Sean put an arm on his shoulder to steady him. "First time doing what?"

"Uh, heroin. Hey don't worry man, I've done tons of other stuff. This is no big deal."

"No big deal? And what other stuff?" Sean's mind raced, wondering what the hell was going on with his friend.

"Just stuff. When I was in Vancouver finding out I have zero talent or originality I met some cool people. Have you ever tried LSD? You know, the one song they said might have potential, I wrote while on an awesome trip. Just like the greats. The Beatles, Hendrix, the Doors…"

Sean could not believe what he was hearing. "Craig you've got to be kidding me. I can't believe you'd mess around with drugs."

Craig suddenly grabbed him by the shoulders. "You cannot tell Ellie. She thinks my bi-polar has been acting up which is why I've been so happy. But it's not. These things, they work so much better than my meds. My meds were just making me numb, holding me back. When I'm on a high, Sean, I feel alive. Like all of my emotions are at my finger tips. The songs I can write, the way I feel…it's like I'm really living." He paused, smiling contentedly. "But we gotta keep this a secret, okay? Just between you and me."

"Craig…"

"Sean it's under control. It's all under control. I'm just experimenting, being young, enjoying life."

"Then why do you need to keep it a secret?'

"Because…" Craig sighed. "I just don't want her to know. She's freak and tell Joey or something."

"And what makes you think I won't?"

Craig looked him at him squarely. "Because you understand, don't you? You know what it feels like to need these things."

Sean looked away. His days of drinking to escape his problems were far behind him but he did remember. He remembered the pain and sorrow and the feeling of peace or euphoria the alcohol gave him. He knew Craig had gone through terrible things too—he had been there to witness half of them.

"Sean. Please? I'm fine, I really am. I'm just tired. Can I crash at your place?"

Sean took a deep breath. "Fine."

"Thanks." Craig leaned put his arm across Sean's shoulders leaning heavily on him. "I just got really exhausted all of a sudden."

Sean said nothing as he half dragged Craig down the stairs and out to the street where he hailed a cab. They managed to make it back to Sean's apartment but Sean had trouble getting Craig up the stairs. Finally they were inside and Craig collapsed onto the couch with a small sigh of contentment. Sean, on the other hand, sighed with relief. He had been afraid his landlord would see them or that Craig would pass out before they made it to the apartment.

He sat down on some boxes and stared at Craig's sleeping form, rubbing a weary hand over his face. How Craig had gotten himself involved in something like this was still something Sean could barely fathom. Craig had a lot of problems but Sean never thought drugs would be one of them.

Maybe he is okay, Sean told himself. Maybe it is under control.

Craig shifted in his sleep and Sean felt something as he stared at his friend. Concern and worry, yes, but something else was there. Sean was not quite sure what it was and not quite sure he was ready to know.


Please leave any thoughts, comments, words of encouragement etc...