The crowd was thick, the air thicker, the music pounding against Sean's eardrums. It was everything he expected. And more. Kids were passing joints around like candy while others conspicuously swallowed pills. Craig had already run into some "friends" he said he knew from other parties and bought two tabs of LSD off of them, declaring he had not done it in ages. Sean had declined his share but Craig told him to hold onto it just in case he changed his mind. Craig took his but was still talking and acting fairly normally. The two of them stood away from the speakers where most of the crowd was dancing to the pulsating music and talked. They joked around, poking fun at the people around them. The occasional girl approached but the two of them brushed them off, content in each others' company.
"So how are things with your parents?" Craig asked him, leaning against the wall and stuffing his hands into his pockets.
"They're better. A lot better. They've been sober for years now and it's like they're parents again you know?" Sean felt a swell of emotion when he said these words. He rarely talked about his parents but now he was surprised he could actually talk about them without feeling angry or ashamed.
"That's great," Craig said. His eyes were taking on a faraway look. "Really great."
"How are Joey and Angela?" Sean asked.
"They're good," Craig replied faintly, looking out into the crowd. He smiled slightly. "I wrote a song about my Dad."
"Oh yeah?" Sean could tell Craig was starting to feel the effects of the drug.
Craig leaned in close. Sean could feel his breath on his cheek and he took a shaky breath of his own. "Wanna hear it?"
Sean could only nod.
"Angel wings tarred down with black
Let it fall
I'll let you fall
A pink sunset masked by fog
It will rise again
I'll watch it rise again
I waited for the tides to change
The moon went through its phases
And on the night it was full
It's not a glass but a fist he raises
It's just the same
And I'm to blame"
Craig's voice was haunting and full of pain and Sean could not even hear the other music playing in the background. Only he and Craig existed for the moment.
Craig paused in his singing and looked away. "Can you see it?"
"See what?"
Craig closed his eyes. "The music. I can see it." He opened his eyes. "Sean just try it. You said there would be no regrets this time around."
Sean looked down at the tab in his palm, the smiley face printed on it looking back at him. Craig had said it made him feel more alive. Sean hoped it would do the same for him as he placed it on his tongue.
Sean never wanted this night to end. The room swam before his eyes, the colors bright and vibrant, the music finding its way into his very core. He and Craig were really talking and connecting in a way they never had before. He felt like for once he really understood himself and someone else understood him too. Even Ellie had never quite gotten him this way.
"You weren't running away." Craig was saying and took a sip of the water he had gotten them. "You just needed to be with someone who could take care of you for once."
"Yeah, that's exactly it. That's exactly what I needed." Sean watched Craig's shirt ripple, the black and white stripes melding into each other, swirling around to the beat of the music.
Craig looked around. "Looks like a lot of people are gone." He looked at his watch, blinking several times. When he turned his wrist some of the water from the bottle spilled out. Sean watched it fall, the clear liquid catching the light, reflecting several different colors that twisted together in the stream. "It's four…forty-five? I think."
Sean looked back up at Craig. "Wow, already?" He could not believe how much time had passed. "Do you want to go home?"
Craig shook his head. "Not really."
"Me neither," Sean replied, relieved.
Craig pulled his cell phone out of his pocket suddenly. "I was supposed to call Ellie. I think she wanted to hang out tonight."
Sean felt his mood drop immediately at the mention of her name. "Don't."
"Why not? Is everything okay between you two?"
Sean shook his head. "I don't know. I used to think we were perfect for each other. Now? I feel like she doesn't want to have anything to do with me." He sighed. "And she's obviously crazy about you."
Craig was silent for a moment. His blue eyes, now more vibrant than ever, searched Sean's face. "Let's get out of here."
"Huh?"
"I don't feel like being here anymore. Let's go." Craig started pushing his way through the crowd towards the exit. Sean followed, the sudden movement leaving him a bit dizzy. He could feel the crowd pushing on him on all sides and started to feel suffocated. A hand reached towards him and grabbed his arm. Craig pulled him along until they were outside, breathing in the cool fresh air.
"This feels much better." Craig stretched his arms out towards the sky. "Freedom."
"Yeah…" Sean looked up at the sky and wished he was sitting on a star. With Craig. "Imagine living up there. In the sky."
Craig smiled dreamily. "No worries, no problems. Yeah that'd be pretty sweet." He stared upwards, his eyes glazing over. Sean watched him, recalling what he had felt the night before. Was that only a night ago? A lifetime seemed to have passed between now and then.
A car drove by suddenly, its headlights startling Sean from his reverie. The man in the passanger side stared at Sean as they passed. "Craig, we should get out of here. Craig!"
Craig looked over at him slowly, his face flushed. "Yeah?"
"Craig, I think we should go. I really don't want to get into trouble. I can't. If I get arrested, that'll be it for me." Sean felt panic start to build up inside himself. "I can't ruin this."
Craig nodded. "Okay, okay. We can head back to your place. I told Joey I'd be staying over there tonight anyway."
Sean did not want to take a cab for fear they'd somehow get caught so they got on the bus instead. Craig stretched out across the three-seater in the back while Sean sat upright in the seat in front of him. He stared out the window, not really seeing the streets rush by. The window became a screen of a blend of colors that morphed into different shapes from his past. Emma, Ellie, Tyler, Rick, the gun, the blood, empty bottles…he could not stop them from appearing before him.
"STOP!" Sean grabbed the wire to ring the bell to get off. Craig sat up quickly and followed Sean as he got off through the back exit. They were only a few blocks from his apartment but Sean was not sure he was going to be able to make it. His legs felt stiff and the images around him were becoming too much to bear. He leaned forward, putting his hands on his knees, trying to get a grip. He felt Craig's hand on his back, heard his voice asking if he was okay. He tried to get his mouth to work to respond but couldn't. Craig gently helped him stand upright then put an arm around his waist and helped him all the way back to the apartment. The irony of this compared to the night before was not lost on Sean but he could only concentrate on putting one foot in front of the other and not throwing up. Once they got to his front door he fumbled around with his key at the lock. Craig took it and opened the door. By now Sean felt a little better. The sun was starting to rise outside his window and the colors appeared to be more normal. Still he could not quite shake the images he had seen on the bus.
"You'll be okay," Craig said as they sat down on the couch. "It's a bad trip. It'll fade."
Sean leaned over to the side, resting his head on the couch's armrest. He was shaken and trembling but having Craig next to him, stroking his back reassuringly helped him relax until he fell asleep.
I did a good amount of research for this chapter and worked pretty hard at making it right. Review please! Next chapter up soon...
