As the weekend approached, Sean dreaded it more and more. He had decided to talk to Craig on Saturday during their study session. However, he still had the entire week to get through before then. He went back and forth, deciding on Tuesday not to say anything then after going to the movies with Craig that evening deciding he had no choice but to tell him.
Another worry was Craig's withdrawal condition. Not only was he physically suffering, looking more and more drained and sickly as the week went on, but his spirits were dropping too. He was back on his meds but after such an extended period of time spent off them, they were not doing him much good. His depression and mood swings were becoming obvious to everyone. Sean saw Craig nearly come to blows with a grade seven who bumped into him in the hallway and he even seemed to have lost interest in music. Jimmy and Marco cornered Sean in the hallway on Thursday.
"What's going on with Craig?" Jimmy asked.
"Uh, what do you mean?" Sean asked, stalling.
Marco rolled his eyes. "Come on, Sean. You're the only one who seems to be spending any time with him. I talked to Ellie and she says she hasn't seen him in forever. He's moody and gross-looking and every time I call, Joey says he's sleeping. Is he…okay?"
Sean sighed, looking away. He knew they were concerned about their friend but he was sure Craig would not want them to know what was going on. "He's fine. I think he still sick from last week and…and he's just…going through some stuff."
"Well, what kind of stuff?"
Sean was rather impressed at how Jimmy could still look threatening in a wheelchair. "Look, just back off, okay? I don't know anything and I don't appreciate being ambushed." He shouldered Marco out of the way and stalked off. As he rounded a corner, he nearly bashed into someone.
"Watch it—" He snapped before realizing it was Emma. "Oh. Sorry."
"You okay?" she asked hesitantly.
"Great," he replied gruffly, not looking at her.
"Sean, wait."
He stopped and turned around. "Yeah?"
"You wanna walk me home?
"I don't need…" Sean looked at the sincere expression on her face. "Okay."
They left the school and started down the street towards Emma's neighborhood.
"Where's your boyfriend?" Sean asked.
"He tutors after school."
"What a saint," Sean replied, rolling his eyes.
"Okay, I know you didn't get the greatest first impression of him," Emma conceded. "But he can be a really great guy once you get to know him. Besides, I seem to remember one of my old boyfriends had a bit of a tough exterior too."
Sean had to smile at that.
"Once you get past that hard outer shell there is a gooey center. The flaws are there but…" Emma glanced at him out of the corner of her eye. "Sometimes we fall for people who aren't perfect. I think that's actually why we fall for them. So we can help them."
"Makes sense."
They walked on for a little while in silence. The sun was bright and the sky was clear. Sean took a deep breath of the cool air and a small part of him wished this was seventh grade again and he was walking Emma home from school just worrying about whether or not to take her hand.
"I heard you talking to Jimmy and Marco," Emma said suddenly. "Is Craig really okay?"
Sean opened his mouth to tell her that he was fine but couldn't lie to her. "No. He's not. He's in trouble and I have no idea how to help." He stopped walking and sat down heavily on a bench by a bus stop, putting his head in his hands. He heard Emma sit down next to him but she did not say anything. "I want to help him so bad. He's been…he's the only one who…" Sean shook his head. "When I'm with him, he makes me feel like I can be more than the screw up that everyone else sees me as. I am more than that when I'm around him." The words spilled out of his mouth and after he realized Emma was silent and staring at him, he wished he could take them back. Terrified, he raised his head and looked directly at her. She looked back at him with a soft look in her eyes.
"Well, if you want my input…when you find someone who makes you feel that way, who makes you better, I don't think you have much choice but to try and do the same for them."
"And if I can't? If he doesn't…feel the same?"
Emma paused then shrugged. "Then try to help him anyway. It's just life. Sometimes things don't work out the way you think they will." She looked away when she said this and Sean knew she was talking about more than the situation with Craig. When she looked back she was smiling though it looked slightly forced. "I should get home. Thanks for walking me." She put a hand on his shoulder then got to her feet.
"Thanks," he called after her. He watched her walk away then leaned back in his seat and sighed. She was definitely right about life being unpredictable.
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Sean walked to Craig's house late Friday afternoon. The sun was low in the sky and the streets were relatively quiet. It was a peaceful time of day but Sean's mind was anything but peaceful. They were about to have their study session but Sean was the only one who knew that something else was going to happen as well. He was finally going to reveal his feelings and hope that Craig did not laugh in his face.
Sean rang the doorbell, holding his breath as he heard footsteps approach the door. It swung open and Craig stood there, grinning. Sean let the breath out as he stepped inside. "What's with the joker face?"
"I'm just feeling kinda happy for the first time in a while. Got the place to myself for the night. Joey's staying over Diane's and Angie's at a slumber party. I actually passed my earth science exam. Spending some quality time with my best friend." He shoved some books off the couch and sat down. "Life's not bad at the moment."
Sean sat down next to him, dropping his backpack on the floor. "Great. I'm glad."
Craig jumped back up to his feet. "Do you want something to eat, drink?" He went over to the kitchen and opened the refrigerator. "We've got soda, juice, milk, beer, although Joey'd kill me if any of that went missing…" He went over to a cabinet and opened it. "Chips, crackers, cereal…"
"Uh, no I'm good, thanks."
Craig shrugged and closed the fridge then came back into the living room. "So I was thinking we could start with chapter 4 because I so don't get derivatives." He opened a textbook. "Hey did I tell you I passed my earth science exam?"
Sean nodded slowly. "Uh, yeah."
"Man when I got it back, I never thought I'd be so happy to see a C in my life. Angie hung it on the fridge, see?" He got back up and went back into the kitchen, pointing. "She used her special Tinkerbell magnet."
"That's great." Sean wondered what was going on. The moping and depression he could deal with, he had expected it. But this strange behavior he did not know how to handle. "Um, come on Craig let's get started."
Craig sat back down and opened his textbook again. "I really appreciate you coming over to study. I'd never get through this stuff by myself."
"No problem," Sean replied, trying to focus on the notes he had taken. "Um…" He closed his book suddenly. "I have to tell you something."
"What's up?" Craig asked, still flipping through the pages in his notebook.
The room seemed to tilt and spin as Sean tried to get the words out. "I…you…you've been a great friend."
Craig looked at him, frowning slightly. "Um, okay."
"You've been there and you've helped me, um, realize—" Sean stopped hearing the front door open suddenly. They both turned to see Ellie standing there, panting heavily.
"Um, hi," Craig said slowly. "What are you—"
"Oh I'm sorry am I interrupting something?" she asked, stepping into the living room, eyes flashing. "I was just wondering if I could get in on the drug action. You know, speed or maybe some LSD. Whatever you've got lying around."
"How did you…" Craig looked at Sean. "Did you tell her?"
Sean shook his head quickly. "N-no. I didn't tell anyone."
"Oh so you knew about this too?" Ellie said, crossing her arms. "That's just great."
"Ellie," Craig said, getting to his feet. "How did you find out?"
"Well considering your dealer lives in the same building as me, it wasn't exactly hard. He asked me where you've been and to tell you to call him. My roommate told me he deals. Didn't take a rocket scientist to figure out why he wanted to get in contact with you." Ellie shook her head. "How could you?"
Craig sank back down onto the couch, putting his head in his hands. "El…"
"Craig, why would you do this to yourself?" She came to stand in front of him.
"Because everything was falling apart. My future was gone, everything I thought I knew about myself…" Craig looked up, his eyes glistening. "Ellie, I'm quitting. I swear."
Ellie chuckled harshly. "Oh, it's that easy is it? How long has this been going on anyway?"
"I started in Vancouver."
"Since then?"
Craig stood up suddenly. "Yeah. Not like you were around this summer to notice anyway."
"Oh, do not blame me. I'm sorry I was busy getting ready for university. Besides whenever we did spend time together, you seemed to talk to every girl in the room besides me anyway."
"That's because…never mind. Just forget it." Craig turned away and started to pace up and down the living room.
"Why didn't you tell me?" Ellie said, addressing Sean now.
He swallowed hard. "I promised I wouldn't tell."
"But he needs help. You needed to tell someone. Didn't you want to help him?"
"Of course I did!" Sean burst out.
"Well you should have told me then. Or Joey. Sean, this is a serious problem. You can't just expect—"
"Stop it!" Craig shouted suddenly. "Stop talking about me like I'm a child! I'm standing right here. And I don't need this from you." He glared at Ellie, his hands balled into fists. "I don't need your help. I just need you guys to leave. I need to…" He trailed off as he hurried out of the living room and up the stairs.
Sean and Ellie looked at each other then went to follow him. Sean ran forward when they reached the top of the stairs and grabbed the door handle to Craig's room before it could fully close. He shoved it open to see Craig pulling out the drawers of his dresser. He fumbled around in the open space of the dresser until he pulled out a plastic bag of small white pills.
"No!" Ellie lunged forward to try and grab them. He pulled them away, trying to open the bag. "Craig please!"
"Damn it," Sean muttered under his breath, stepping forward and grabbing Craig's arm.
"Get off!" Craig shouted, shoving him away. He managed to get a pill out and swallow it before Ellie knocked the bag out of his hand. It fell to the ground, spilling the tablets out onto the carpet. "Ellie, look what you did!" He pushed her and she fell back against the wall, knocking over the lamp on her way down. She sat there stunned, but Craig barely noticed, kneeling down to collect the pills.
"Craig." Sean knelt beside his friend. "Craig, look at me."
Craig continued to gather the pills in his palm, breathing heavily.
"Craig, I never got to finish telling you what I was saying before. You've been the best friend I could have ever asked for. More than I deserve. You've had it rough, rougher than I did, but you never gave up. I admired that so much. You were the one who reminded me about the good in the world. You stopped me from giving up." Sean struggled to keep his voice steady. Craig had stopped moving and now just knelt where he was. "And I'm not going to give up on you. Never."
Craig looked up at him, and Sean wondered if anyone had ever looked that fragile or scared before. Slowly, he turned his palm and let the pills fall back to the floor. His eyes swept the room and locked on Ellie who was still sitting on the floor watching him with tear-filled eyes. He sank back, his back against the wall. His eyes appeared glazed over and his breathing came out in quick short gasps.
"Craig?" Sean asked quietly. "Craig, can you hear me?"
Craig did not respond, just sat there trembling.
"What's going on?" Ellie asked, slowly getting to her feet.
"I don't know. Craig!" Sean shook his friend gently. No response. "I think you'd better call 911. Now." He carefully put a hand on Craig's back as Ellie ran to get the phone. "You're okay. You're going to be okay."
He had never been less sure of anything in his life.
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I based this on research and experiences of people I know and what I've seen, so I've been trying to make what's happening to Craig as realistic as possible. Reviews please!
