A/N: Please bear with me while I get the first 6 chapters up and you get a link that works properly.
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"I cannot believe you!" Minerva rounded on Albus as they entered her office and slammed the door behind him. "I thought we were past this! I thought we were moving on. I thought," she gaped at him. "I thought we were working on you being as much a part of his family as I was. I thought we -"
"Minerva, there are reasons -"
"Don't you dare!" she thundered. "Don't you dare stand there and tell me there were reasons to abandon him. Like we did. Like we did so many years ago that hurt him so deeply. Don't you dare tell me it's for his own good, or mine, or anyone else's for that matter. Leaving that boy on Petunia's doorstep was the single worst thing we have ever done to anyone, Albus. She destroyed him and you have turned his home, MY HOME, into the same nightmare."
"Minerva, you do not understand. I have reason to believe -"
"I don't want to hear it," she hissed, turning away from him. "I cannot hear it. You," she turned back around and stared at him. "You need to fix this," Minerva said. "You know as well as I that the charges are absolutely a sham, and if he did, indeed, form a fully corporeal Patronus, as we well know he can, then he should be praised rather than expelled."
"Minerva -"
"Albus, you cannae take Hogwarts away from him." She stood taller, glaring at him. "You will not take Hogwarts away from him."
"I do not intend to, however, Cornelius is obviously not working alone," he said, his tone suggesting he was giving up for now. "I will fix it, but Harry will need to be at the Ministry on the," he consulted the letter, "12th. I suggest moving him to Grimmauld Place in the meantime. The presence of Dementors means they know he is here somewhere and," his beard twitched. "It may help ease his suffering."
Before she could say another word, he was gone. She stared at the spot where he had been and sighed, falling back in her chair and summoning Taran for a drink.
"Mistress?" he bowed, his tone never wavering, despite the judgement she could see in his eyes.
"Two fingers of Scotch, Taran, if you would, please."
"You should eat," he suggested, even as he did as she asked.
"I don't know if I can stomach anything at the present," she admitted, holding the glass against her forehead. "Why did you not say anything when I was here?" she asked him, taking a sip and rejoicing in the burn as it slid down her throat.
"Was not my place," he said quietly.
"You have been in service of my family for longer than I have ever needed an elf, Taran. You should have told me."
"Mistress has never asked before, and Taran does not meddle in Mistress' affairs."
"Rubbish Taran," Minerva scoffed, downing the rest of her scotch with a grimace. "Is this still about Harry? You disapprove of him?"
"It is simply about this elf being loyal to his family's name," he said quietly, disappearing before Minerva could ask him what he meant.
She sat for a short while before realising she had much more important things to do, other than feeling sorry for herself. She stood, brushing her robes off self-consciously and looked at herself in the hall mirror. She was disgusted with herself and it showed. Taking a few moments to get her thoughts straight she went into her room and changed into muggle clothes. Harry seemed to prefer it when she wore those and she supposed she understood. Muggle clothes took her from Professor to something else and she needed all the help she could give herself. Checking herself in the mirror once more, she walked purposefully towards Harry's room.
She paused outside, touching the name plaque on the door, wishing in a way that the woman whose room it once belonged to could be here with her, guiding her steps.
"Harry?"
He did not answer, but she was not surprised. She wanted to see him, to hold him, but she had no idea what to say to him. She'd done exactly as the Dursley's had done; she'd neglected him as they had, and the guilt would eat away at her for a long time. And she deserved it.
She sat down tiredly on the bed, watching the boy who had become her son sleeping, his chest rising and falling steadily. She marvelled at how badly their lives always seemed to turn, just when they thought they were on the right track. She knew that in times of war, things didn't always go to plan, but this was her son. The son of the woman she had loved as a daughter, changed now to her own kin. They shared a bond which she had ignored. A bond that was supposed to have healed them both.
How long would it have taken to spare a moment to check in with him through their connection? To love him? To send him off to sleep with thoughts of how much she adored him, and how much she did everything for his safety?
She shook her head at herself.
"Tha fios aig Dia gu bheil thu gòrach." [God knows you're a fool]
"Máthair [Mother]?"
"Hello leòmhann beag [little lion]," she whispered sadly.
"Missed you," he mumbled, before waking up properly. "Máthair!"
She gasped as he practically jumped into her arms, wrapping his ever-growing body as tightly around her as he could.
"I'm so sorry Harry," she whispered, her voice shaking as she spoke into his hair. "I let you down, I didn't know Albus had instructed the others not to write, but I am sorry for the part I played as well."
"It's okay," he mumbled into her neck. "I'm used to it."
"That's even more reason for me to be sorry," she said sadly. "You and I are supposed to count on each other, and I forgot that," he shrugged, making her want to try harder. "I should have checked in on you when you were awake."
"I get it," Harry said, pulling away. "You guys have things to do, but I don't know why I can't help. I brought him back; he's back because of me."
The tears started falling down his face, but he didn't seem to notice. Minerva realised that despite the few short moments discussing it together at the beginning of the holidays, Harry had not processed Cedric's death at all. She didn't blame him, she once again wondered what she was thinking. Of course he hadn't. He was fifteen and she had been absent most of the time.
"Oh leanabh [baby]," she sighed. "No! None of this is your fault," she said, gripping his arms so he looked at her. "None of it. Voldermort would have come back anyway, from what I have learnt, that part was inevitable. That he used you to do so was a cruel blow and one he counted on hurting you with. But darling? What happened to Cedric is not your fault either."
"HE DIED!" Harry snapped, standing up and pacing back and forth in front of the fireplace. "He died, right in front of me," he pointed at something she couldn't see. "Right there. I could have grabbed him. I should have. But I could have -"
"No," she said quietly, grabbing his arm and pulling him close. She weathered a few half-hearted protests but ultimately, he settled down and she continued. "No Harry. You could not have done any differently. Voldemort killed Cedric Diggory. Harry Potter did not kill Cedric Diggory."
"But I -"
"Don't Harry," she pleaded. "Please don't do this to yourself. You need to understand this and then," she sighed. "We need to let it go."
"But it's all my fault," he whispered.
She cupped his cheek and drew his eyes to meet hers. After a moment she stood, pulling him into her arms and breathing in his scent and taking a moment to steady herself for the story she was about to tell.
"When I was a young woman, not much older than you, in fact, I fought in a war that I was too young to fight in. The whole world was involved, so many people, muggle and magic alike. They died in the millions pursuing freedom. I made many friends while we were stationed in Europe, one girl in particular," she took a deep breath and drew him with her so she could sit on the bed. "Ellen was her name. She grew up in France, on a farm outside of Marseilles. I met her in training and we formed a bond and were selected in the same company. We fought together, we lived together." She felt Harry staring at her as she spoke, but the harrowing tale was one that hurt her to remember, so she did not look up. "We were clearing a township. I heard a noise and broke off to investigate without informing our superior or requesting adequate back-up. She followed me, as she always did. I went into the building without properly clearing it." She wiped a tear from her cheek as she looked deep into his eyes. "She died in my arms, Harry. As a result of my stupidity." She took his face in her hands. "That was my fault, Harry, Cedric was not yours."
"Why am I the chosen one," he spat. "If I can't save the people who matter. I don't know what to do."
The guilt she felt returned tenfold as she pulled him into her body again. In a silent apology for her absence, she thought of how much she loved him, and how proud she was of him and she opened the floodgates to their bond.
"That tickles after so long," he smiled unhappily.
"I'm so sorry balach beag [little boy]. We'll get through this," she whispered, kissing his hair. "We'll get through this together." She rocked them gently for a time before she felt him sigh. "Are you tired, or can we talk about what happened today?"
"I'm tired, but I know we have to," he shrugged. "There were two of them, dementors I mean," he shook his head and Minerva waited patiently for the story. "I went for a walk," he held up his hand. "Which was stupid I know, but I was," he looked sadly down at his feet. "I was lonely and there were only so many hours I could talk to Kenna."
Minerva frowned and looked sideways at him.
"The wards recognise me," he grinned, looking more like himself. "Your blood is my blood."
"Bother," she rolled her eyes at herself. "Continue please."
"Well, I stopped at a field down the way," he gestured vaguely. "The guy was herding sheep, so I stopped to watch. It was peaceful, ya know?" She pressed her lips against his temple. "But then it got really cold and the dog was growling and the guy just froze. I," he rubbed his forehead and she frowned, noticing his scar was still a little pink. "Obviously, I knew what it was and I knew what was happening. So I grabbed him and we ran to a barn, shelter thing. I," he sniffled. "I cast a Patronus, I fought them both off. I mean," he looked at her with such desolation. "Máthair, it tried to kiss him!" she blinked, trying to comprehend that information. "And now? Now they've expelled me."
"They haven't expelled you. And I know neither of us is very happy with him right now mo mhac [my son], but Albus will fix this." She frowned. "I will make sure of it. Nobody will take Hogwarts from you leanabh [baby]. Nobody."
She watched as Harry shivered and a hard look crossing his face. She found it curious but didn't comment as he laid his head tiredly against her shoulder.
"Fuirich còmhla rium mas e do thoil e?" he asked quietly. [Stay with me please?]
She caught his eyes and saw the truth of how much this had hurt him. Instead of answering, she took him by the hand and lead him into her room across the hall.
"We'll do one better, you hop in while I change," she said, kissing the scar on his forehead. "I won't be long."
He nodded and got into her big bed, snuggling into the covers and closing his eyes before she had even shut the bathroom door. She used the time she was in the shower to let her own tears fall. She leant against the tiles and wept until she was sure she had no tears left. She had let him down so much, but she was not going to do that again. She needed to be better, and with the start of school looming, she knew that was far easier said than done. She would tell Albus that she would take care of the school while he took care of everything else. It was more than enough after what she had already done for him.
She quickly changed into her pyjamas and dried her hair with a simple charm, slipping into bed beside her son with a sigh.
"Máthair [Mother]," he mumbled, turning instinctively towards her and snuggling up to her side.
She spent a scant few moments stroking her hands through his unruly hair before pulling him even closer and held him tight.
"Tha mi an seo balach brèagha [I'm here beautiful boy]," she whispered. "And I will be, from now on. Tha mi a' gealltainn [I promise]."
For the first time in a very long time, she fell into a comfortable sleep, comforted by the sensation of her son tucked away safely in her arms.
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A/N: So I feel rubbish; I have some poxy cold thing and I just got to work for the beginning of my 5 hour shift and my boss tells me my student has gone home sick ten minutes ago. I'm not overly please, though there's not much either of could do. So you may all rejoice Taylor didn't turn up, cos now I'm updating this, seeing as wonderful Spin finished beta-ing it this morning. Hopefully you all like it, even though really it's pretty much a filler, ticking a few cannon boxes while we work out what come next. Age will be soon, not too soon, but soon. My brother, his gf and their baby moved out this morning for good, so hopefully life will settle down a little now, enabling me to finish Age off and my novel as well - that would nice. We can dream can't we lol
Enjoy x
