What We Do In The Shadows: "Jen..."

Summary: There are unexpected consequences when Laszlo seeks a new human familiar…

Part LXXVI…

"The Slayer…?" Ginny stares at the newly returned Jen as they sit in her office. Jen having urgently requested a meeting.

"The one the guys were telling us about… 'Buffy' reborn?"

"Sorta." Jen nods. "But it was Elisabeth and she died before the TV series. Joss Whedon was her nephew, I guess. She told him some stories when she used to babysit him and it went from there. That's what Master Laszlo knew and Althea says she has memories from that time. She was reborn only a few years after the last one died. Summoned, she said."

"So then she can die." Ginny, grimly. "I hope she remembers that, too."

"She can…She has…But she and Dracula share a trait. They always come back." Je n sighs. Wan smile… "Actually, Althea made a joke about that…Seems her dad was more or less killed several times, and she really has died many times."

"Then she can die again." Ginny, firmly. "Or back off. It's her choice."

"Gin…If we try to strike her, her dad and the whole Vampire Hunter Corps and the Watchers' Council…I guess there really is one, sorta…Will be down on our friends like a ton of bricks. And she's no pushover."

"She's human, she can die. She has died." Grim tone. "We should kill her asap. And tell Gui to go for Dracula…" Uh…

Both smiling wanly…

We love Gui, absolutely…But…

Guillermo vs Dracula?

"Well, Sue then." Ginny nods. "She'd rather take the risk then let Gui come to harm."

"I guess…But Gin?" Jen sighs. "Dracula? I think Sue's aces at the real estate game. But fighting and killing, Dracula?" The Dracula? And if we lose her and maybe Gui…?"

"Master Nandor would be hurt but…" Ginny looked away. "We can't just do nothing."

"It's the Chief Minion on the scene, shouldn't it be his call?" Jen eyes her. "After all, maybe he's trying to negotiate or just keep tabs… And Sue will listen to him, not us."

"Fine…" Ginny frowns. "He's the Boss, it's his call. But at least lets try to get him to let us know what he's up to down there. If he's trying to get a line on Dracula, that's fine but we should be in the loop."

"Maybe Dracula as Dr. Acura, was trying to get a line on him." Jen shrugs. "The aunt did know him, Sue confirmed that."

"I guess that could be, he might have known Gui was Nandor's minion and our Boss. Maybe he used the family connection to get close. But we can't keep doing nothing but watch and wait." Ginny, tensely.

"That can be the best policy, Gin. It would make sense if that's what Gui is doing. Finding out why Dracula's keeping close to him."

"And you know we'll have a hard time of it, here. Althea's the Slayer and it seems the one who keeps getting called back because she's that good."

"Let her be called back again…" Ginny, sternly. "We don't want her help. She, her father, the whole kit and kaboodle could just leave us alone."

"She says she can't. They can't."

"Then it's her call and her consequences. Jen? What's up here?" frown… "Are you in or out?"

Long sigh…

"You know I'm in. I can't not be, even if it hurts David and Suzie." Sigh. "But Ginny, you've had the sense to see it's not just a matter of dying for our Masters and Mistress. Anyone can do that. That won't save them."

"Then we have to do it right." Ginny notes.

Buzz. "Gin?" Martha's voice on intercom. "You wanted to be reminded for your lunch?"

"Oh, right…Thanks." Ginny replies. "Baby gurl's back…" she smiles at Jen. "I'm taking her to lunch."

"Oh, nice…" nod. "Did she like Spain?"

"Loved it. I'll have her show pics when we come back. Jen? We're gonna have to either get these people to back off or…Starting with the Slayer and her dad." Ginny taps a pen on her phone, pensively. "And given how easily she fended off Master Nandor the other night, I think only humans have a real chance with her… Take by surprise, I mean."

"You're saying we kill a sixteen-year-old girl. And her elderly doctor dad?" Jen eyes her.

"If we have to, we have to try. We're not the ones pressing this, after all, they could just back off."

"She likes the idea of coming to Nandor's reception dinner. I think he wants them to come, she and her dad."

"That could be the time to do it." Ginny eyes her. "Do you think poison would work on them?" Jen blinking…

"Her? Maybe…Dracula? I seriously doubt it."

"Holy water, maybe?"

"I think he'd sense it. And they'll be on guard."

"I suppose."

"Why don't we talk to the guys about this? They might have a plan."

Ginny frowning… "Damnit I don't know!" rising angrily. "But we can't take chances here…I don't want them in danger, this is their Immortal existences at stake…" She calms… "Sorry. Jen. But you know Master Nandor's practically ready to go and do battle alone. And mostly for our sakes…" sigh.

More than that even, Jen thinks, remembering…

"He'll wait for after his reception dinner…" Wan smile. "Maybe we should too. I think it means a lot to him."

He'd die for us. I really do believe that. And for that shot at Redemption, to have the chance to see his family again.

But it would be for nothing…They won't settle for just him.

"I can't let Nadja die, Jen…" Ginny shakes head. "She's my life. I know this sounds terrible in a way but I'd slit Jaquenta's throat and catch her blood in a bucket, Ellie's too, for her if she asked me. I can't sit by and let her be in danger."

"She wouldn't want that…" Jen sighs, rubbing temple. "Gin, regardless of how we feel, we gotta be practical. We'll have a tough time beating someone like the Slayer or Dracula, even with adrenalin-powered strength…"

"Which is why we need to take her…Them all…By surprise." Ginny leans back in chair. "I could try some folks Roy used to know…" eyes Jen. "Yeah, I mean have her whacked. She couldn't sense them like she would us or our friends."

"I really think we should discuss this with our guys." Jen shakes head. "You know we should…"

"Jen…They may be killers, hunting humans as prey but they're good people…They'll hesitate, I'm sure." Frown.

Why is she fighting me on this? This is her Master's existence hangin' here?

Buzz…

"Yeah, Martha, I'm heading out in…What? Sure, put her on." Eagerly. "Mistress? What's up?"

"Hello, Virginia…Is anyone else there near the telephone box that speaks?" Nadja's voice…

"Jen's here."

"Hey, my lady!" call.

"Oh, good. Listen, girls…I understand Nandor has invited Dracula and Miss Dracula…Acura…For dinner at the new place…?"

"I dropped his letter off this morning, ma'am. Yes." Jen nods.

"Ok, good. Nice. Girls? This is an order…Laszlo?"

"I still think we should discuss this…" Laszlo's voice in background. "I mean I like the basic idea but…"

"Laszlo? We agreed. Nandor asked and we agreed…" annoyed tone.

Oh, no…Ginny sighs, looking at Jen. I tole you.

"Fine…" Laszlo's tone exasperated for an instance then curious. "Jen, you didn't kill Miss Dracula, I assume?"

"No, Master…" Jen sighs. "I thought of it but…Frankly, she was pretty ready for me." Sheepish tone.

"Well, don't…Nor you, Virginia!" Nadja's voice. "This a direct order!"

"My lady…" Ginny, pleading tone. "That girl means to kill you…"

"Jen, you too…Don't kill the kid…Just yet." Laszlo adds.

"Leave Miss Acura to us…" Nadja's reply. "I said that and I mean it. And her father, for now. Nandor's spoken to Susan…And Guillermo."

Slight amused tone.

Right Guillermo vs Dracula…Like to have seen that.

"Well, dear, the boy never planned to fight the Redeemed Dark Prince." Laszlo notes…Unable to repress a slight chortle. "Just find out his game, Nandor says."

"Ma'am?! They have no right to threaten you. Jen says the daughter wouldn't back off."

"We will deal with the Draculas…" Nadja, again, slight chortle heard from Laszlo.

"Well it sounds so funny 'the Draculas'. Like a bad TV show." His voice notes.

"This isn't all altruistic, girls." Laszlo adds, closer to phone. "Not only would you likely be killed or even more likely taken and locked away somewhere in safety, leaving us completely at the family Dracula's and Van Helsing and crew's lack of mercy toward vamps lacking human minion shields but we still hope to negotiate."

"Master, I don't wish to kill Althea Acura…And I doubt I could…" Jen cuts in. "But she has told me she won't negotiate."

"Unconditional surrender is not negotiation, dear one." Nadja notes.

"Ma'am?" Ginny gasps…

"Yes, I was shocked to hear it too, but hear the lady wife out, dear." Laszlo, hurriedly. "And don't go off trying something to save the Sidney Carlton Cravensworths, Jen, it's not quite what you think."

Jen, grinning…Master Laszlo.

"See I did pay attention the other night, dear heart." His voice notes, teasing tone.

"Yes…" Laszlo sighs to camera. "We've been discussing the notion of unconditional surrender to the Vampire Hunter Corps and the Draculas… But…" slight smile. "With maybe just a bit of negotiation tucked in there."

"We can't fight the Slayer, the Vampire Hunters in her support, and protect our ladies, who would I know, sell their petty and pathetic lives dearly…" Nadja shrugs to camera, seated beside him. "And Nandor is practically ready to try Redemption…So…"

"So…" Laszlo nods. "We offer to hear them out as to the details…No conditions. We have a nice dinner, show off the place…Under truce. Nandor's dying to wear his full dress uniform and talk military with Jen's husband, so…" shrug.

"Then we do what Laszlo, my beloved does best…" Nadja smiles fondly at him

"Yes, indeed. We cut and run like hell…After requesting, as a last request, a chance to say goodbye, get ourselves in order, and get our ladies safely away, under order not to intervene." Laszlo notes. "Our foes, being courteous people of respect, grant us this, particularly with regards to keeping our minions safe till they've done with us, and when they show to do the deed…Having allowed us time to see our ladies off to safety…They find…Nada. Well, nada as to vampires…Our ladies will be here, tending the place."

"It will be hard to give up our lovely new home but…We still own it and can try to return in a hundred years, more or less." Nadja beams.

"Of course, they'll try to pursue us but there's two bits more, first, the real cute piece, I'd say, all the work of my dear lady's thought…" Laszlo beams. "Our ladies have them arrested. Brilliant, right? I mean we should have thought of it before. Our girls are all upstanding human citizens. Some maniacs with stakes, led by a young teenaged girl and her father, come threatening them and their friends, babbling about vampires and such nonsense, and they call the police. And they sue… All very legal, all very formal. And tying our foes here up in knots for a decade while we flee to safety."

"No one gets hurt, Dracula and co have no blood to claim from us…" Nadja beams. "Just bail to come up with, his medical reputation to save, and mucho legal expenses."

"Bureaucracy to the rescue, I love it." Laszlo nods. "But you say…" he eyes camera shrewdly. "'Surely that won't stop the noble Vampire Hunter corps, led by Dracula and his girl, nor the ghostly noble Dr. Van Helsing. They will track you down again.'" Nod. "Therein, part two…" smile. "Clearly it was our souls who flagged us for Van Helsing's attentions and they who would act as the treacherous bloodhounds to locate us again. But we've taken their measure and while they want us dispatched to Hell, they wish to resume a version of physical form here, using our vampiral physicality's, rather like 'Dr. Acura' now, a more humanish hybrid, guided by the soul not the essence."

"Heaven's not the place for them yet…" Nadja beams. "They got some atonin' to do. And if we go poof without giving them entry, they go off to…Where?" Holds up Soul Doll Nadja…Who frowns.

"I'm not sure…Limbo, Purgatory…Wheresever…" shrug.

"Not Hell…But hardly luxury accommodations…" Laszlo smiles. "So, we compromise…They stay as they are, hovering around, linked to us. And give no further intel to Van Helsing and co... We agree to swear off humans and mass murders."

"Strictly self-defense…" Nadja nods.

"They will find you, in time." Soul Doll Nadja notes. "We will keep our agreement, but Van Helsing will find you…You will want him to find you. We are almost one and the guilt bleeds through, calling to him."

"Really? Can't say as I like that…" Laszlo frowns. "And I hardly think we're so guilty as all that…Surely there are others in the line of evil, way ahead of us. You three lot just bumped us up in the queue."

"True, to an extent…My studly muffin…" Soul Doll Nadja smiles at him.

"MY STUDLY MUFFIN!" Nadja, glaring…

"Well, what cotton for brains, literally, here, is saying may be true…" Laszlo notes, eyeing the doll.

"Cotton for brains, cunt as firmly flannel and tactile as the cloth you used to use as human, my oversexed dreamboat." The Doll eyes him lewdly.

"Ok, that's IT!" Nadja, grabbing doll, raising her above head.

"Deal's off if I go to furnace…!" the Doll notes, cheerily calling.

"Hold off, dearest. See what I mean?" Laszlo notes to the camera. "Duplicitous, untrustworthy…It's no wonder if we're all like her soulwise we face punishment."

"Eh…" the Doll shrugs as Nadja sets her down, grim look.

"We all got it coming, kid…" she grins. "Saw that in movie last night she slept through…" indicating Nadja, who glared. "'Unforgiven'. Bit too dark for my taste, I like happy films but good line."

"But see here…" Laszlo, sternly. "If we're to agree to this we have to know the others are on board…"

"I speak for all three." The Doll assures him. "You keep your word, we keep ours, for now. But it won't last…"

"If you lot can be trusted, there's no reason…"

"It's you, Laszlo, my cuddles bear led to trap with honey…Who won't be able to keep from the Redemption Train. Nandor already is eager for Redemption, can't break free of his Soul. None of you can…You want to atone. Nadja, you want to see Grandmother again, admit it."

"How would I see her in Hell?" frown.

"We would stay in touch…Soul and Essence remain linked…"

"Right… 'Hey, Grandmother…Ouch, ow!...Sorry, I'm burning here in Hell…How are…Ow, arrgh…'"

"Funny…" the Doll glares. "But sooner or later you will want this."

"I can't really see that…Wanting the status of Burning in Hell Eternal?" Laszlo shakes head. "And I still say we've done little to merit that fate."

Doll eyeing camera with wink…

Almost there…Mouths.

Colin watching from corner…Deadly look of hate on face…

So that's it…And the moron brigade can't even see the trap.

Now I could stroll in and tell these two idiots… "Guys, you're being set up. Running away…To save your little humans? Cutting a deal with your souls…To avoid hunting humans? You may as well buy a plot in Staten Island's public cemetery or a couple of headstones given your new place has plenty of room to dump three nearly human corpses. Congrats, you've won back near-Humanity, you idiots."

Nah…They'd probably jump at the real deal offered here. Morons. All that's needed is for them to see it and take it freely, they're on the brink…Unless someone and his allies prevents it. Someone dedicated to our people and their proper evil nature. A good friend who has their vampirally best interests at heart…Yeah, right. Smiring Or someone who just wants to shit all over them.

See them here, on Earth, soul and essence, like Dracula…Fighting the 'good' fight…Till each in the mists of Time has won Redemption and learned the secret? The secret only the true seeker of Redemption or he who flatly rejects it can know, however blatantly obvious it is? And me, soul and essence joined as they must be, trapped alone, too foul to ever be free? Hell, my only destination? Sneer. No way…No way. I want company.

No, I just have to put my faith in the fetid stink of the average human. They will fail, they won't rise to the occasion. When push comes to my shove into the pits of Hell, they'll dive right in, me after them.