Sunset
I knew, deep in my heart, that she was strong. She had to be to keep up with us the way she did. On missions, while you were recklessly jumping into things and I was so determined to show everyone how bad ass I was, she was the one who followed orders perfectly. She was the perfect ninja. Not you or me—her. She had the perfect balance of compassion and cold-blooded calculation. She had the power to slit a man's throat with a kunai and then perform surgery with the very same blade.
Remember our first big mission?
The one where I "died" for the first time? I never noticed how many times I've "died" in my twelve-year career as a ninja. There was that mission, then again in the Forest of Death, and again when I left Konoha…but I digress. I'm talking about her, not me.
As you said, we do that enough.
It took guts to stay with that old man as everyone else battled around her. I can't imagine what she must have felt standing in that mist—not knowing if we were alive or dead, not knowing if she was alone. Or maybe I can imagine what that felt like. If it was anything like how I felt standing in front of the closed door my parents were behind as my brother murdered them, then she had nerves of steel to go through that again and again.
Kuso, we put her through so much…
But even though she never flinched when it came to staring an assassin in the eye to protect our charge, we had that one rule. That one unspoken rule that made her feel as if she were inferior to us. When, in reality, she was our equal.
Never let her get hurt. Never put her in danger. Always protect her.
That was our rule. And we stuck by it until the very end. In the end, she wouldn't let us protect her any longer. She was a shinobi of Konoha and a doctor. She would gladly lay down her life for those she healed. She was strong now—as strong as she always was on the inside. She was stubborn beyond all belief on that last mission.
I fully blame you for that.
Over the years—both before and after I left—we influenced each other. Whether it was me forcing you two to grow up a bit, you forcing us to laugh a little louder, or her forcing us to slow down and relax, we influenced each other's personalities as we grew. How we thought, how we acted, how we were, all of that was determined by the other two
I know she told you about the night I left Konoha. You two were so close, how could she not? She vowed to follow me, you know. That's why I knocked her out. To keep her from doing such a stupid thing. I knew that the path I chose would kill her. I couldn't let her do that. I couldn't break our rule and hurt her that way.
Even though it meant everything to me that she threatened to follow me.
Kami, the feeling I got when I saw you two in that dank lair three years later when we were fifteen. You'd grown, the both of you, and in more ways than the physical. You'd finally grown taller and gotten rid of that ugly orange jumpsuit. Granted, orange is still your favorite color, but your clothes now are easier on the eyes.
We have her to thank for that too, don't we?
At first, it was like the old times. All I could focus on was you. The way your blue eyes flashed fire at me like that time in the Valley of the End. I'd almost dismissed her. But that flash of pink appeared in the corner of my eye and I felt a strong flare of chakra. I remember being surprised when I saw that it came from her.
She looked different. More…serious…I think is the word I'm looking for. There was a steadiness in her gaze that wasn't there when she was a giggling twelve-year-old. Her body was more toned than I remembered, but her skin was still as pale as ever.
Didn't you ever notice that no matter how long she stayed outside her skin never became darker than the last snow of winter?
She was such a puzzle to me. She was caring and soft, hardly the type I would choose as a kunoichi let alone my teammate. But then again, there was that strength I was talking about. I preferred her when she was brash like you than when she was fawning over me like a puppy. I recognized that her bubbly/sweet behavior wasn't the real her. It never felt genuine to me when she acted like that.
I wish I could have seen her fight in the Chuunin exams—both of them. From what you've told me, it must've been an impressive sight.
When you both dragged me back to Konoha, we were already 16. I'd barely managed to avoid the price I was supposed to pay for the power I'd received and you two found me as I was searching for my brother. The fight we had then was tremendous. I'd expected an explosive response from you—hell, I'd reveled in the fact that we'd trade fists again.
I just didn't expect her to join in the fight as well. That's the only reason I lost. I just never thought that she'd fight to get me back. I still have the scars she put on me that day. Just like you carry those scars. Just like she carried those scars.
I won't lie to you. I hated you both for dragging me back. I hated her for growing strong enough to help take me down. I hated you for living with her while I was gone. When I saw your home—after I was sentenced to house arrest—it was obvious that she lived there too. It was obvious that you were close. The little looks and touches you exchanged, the smiles, the inside jokes that I could never understand—it was so glaringly obvious.
She loved you. You loved her. You loved each other…
And it made me so jealous. She was mine first. She loved me first.
It didn't occur to me that she loved us both equally. At least not until she smacked me upside the head and yelled at me the way she did with you. By the way, she didn't call me arrogant. She called me a "pretentious bastard." You're right though…
Her fists were like bricks.
Just like she'd smile for you every morning, she'd laugh for me every night. I'm sure that you were aware of our nightly ritual. She and I would sit on our roof each evening before dinner and share a pot of tea. Sometimes we'd talk and sometimes we'd remain silent. We were comfortable with each other in a way that we weren't as children. She brought out a side of me I'd long forgotten. It was a playful side that enjoyed trying to catch fireflies and told lame jokes.
I bet you didn't know that about 90 percent of those "Knock-knock" jokes she constantly told everyone came from yours truly.
Soon it was the three of us again. We were a unit, a set. The only times we were separated was whenever we'd train with our separate ANBU squads and during missions. I can't believe that she made Captain before either of us. But out of the three of us, she was the one who remained in Konoha the longest. Of course the elders would promote her before the traitor or the monster.
At least, that's what you always say. For some reason, you've always had a better understanding and acceptance of shinobi politics than me. Others might think that it's the other way around, but I can't bother with those small facts. You two practically thrived on those little details—or gossip as she called it.
It still amuses me the way the other ninja would scatter or start taking bets whenever the three of us came to spar on the training grounds. There were always even odds that any one of us would win the mock battle. Most times, it would end in a draw. Unless you two decided to gang up on me or some other variation thereof.
The after training meal always tasted better for some reason whenever she was involved.
She was our light…she really was.
I know you miss her. I do too.
I can already feel our friendship straining with the loss of her presence. We're fighting more often and I'm getting more and more withdrawn. I can feel your hurt at my actions like a senbon in my hand. I can't stop thinking about the promise the two of you made with me. I can't look at you in the eyes right now so I'll just swirl the beer in my mug mindlessly.
You promised to help me fulfill my dreams and you have. My brother is dead and I can finally put that part of my life to rest.
But I never thought that the cost of my dreams would be her life.
It was my fault.
Again, it's my fault that someone precious to me is dead.
I know what you're going to say. I know that it's stupid to take the blame for her death. She was her own person. And didn't I just say that she was stubborn beyond all belief?
Yeah…so I did.
It doesn't change the way I feel though.
Why aren't you mad at me?
I killed our best friend. It's my fault that the name of the best thing that ever happened to either of us is now carved on the Memorial Stone. Instead of yelling at me, you're silent. Instead of punching me in the face like I deserve, you're grabbing onto my shoulder and holding on to it so tightly I already feel a bruise forming.
Of the three of us, you two were always the more emotional.
So why did I stay silent with you as we carved her name into that damned blue stone? Why did I grab onto your shoulder and hold on as tightly to it as you did mine?
Why do I want to lay my head down on this old, worn, bar table and cry?
Kuso, I miss her so much it hurts.
Naruto…what the hell are we going to do now?
