Disclaimer: I don't own anything.

They're in: Sixth Year

Recap:

After what seemed half an hour, James opened his mouth to say something to Lily, but he had noticed that she was asleep. She looked so peaceful when she was asleep. He might even go as far as consider her pretty.

But didn't fire light make one appear pretty anyway? No, James thought, she still isn't pretty. I should take her up to her bed... But wouldn't it look suspicious if he was caught taking her to bed in the dead of night? He was going to leave her in the Common Room.

As he carried her to the nearest couch, he saw a small, shiny, silver object fall from Lily's hand. He would investigate in a bit. After he gently put her down on the couch and covered her with his cloak, he turned and looked at the mysterious shining object on the floor and he bent down to pick it up.

THIS CHAPTER HAS BEEN REWRITTEN (8/05)

Chapter Five: Going Too Far

"What would Lily need a razor blade for?" James asked himself quietly as he inspected the silver rectangle on his palm.

A sudden thought appeared in his mind, Please don't let me be right... He grabbed her wrist and screwed his eyes shut. He took a deep breath, prepared for the worst and turned her wrist over. Still dreading what he might see, he cautiously opened his eyes.

He let out his breath and smiled with relief.

Wait, what's that skinny white line on her arm? "No!" he whispered fiercely to the empty Common Room. There was more than one scar... James counted about twelve before he realized he was going to be sick.

Why would she do this? James asked himself, and flashes of memories he hadn't known he still remembered played through his mind: Laughing -- Lily crying -- no one helping her -- Lily on the floor -- pointing -- crueler laughs -- chanting: "Lily is a loser! Lily is a loser!" -- people pushing her -- tripping her...

James shook his head, trying to clear these images from his mind. He shuddered involuntarily.

Lily was a cutter: and he was partly responsible for it.

ABC.

Lily opened her eyes groggily but shut them immediately; the bright sun hurt her eyes. She opened her eyes again, and took in her surroundings. Her eyes darted around and questions popped through her head. Where am I? Whose cloak is this? Where's my razor? What time is it?

She slowed her thinking. This place was familiar... "Common Room," she muttered and could have slapped herself, it was so obvious, where else would she be?

She glanced at her watch. It read 5:37. Two questions were answered, but before she even had time to consider the last two, she noticed James.

"You woke up," he said in a monotonous tone.

Lily smiled sadly and answered, "Unfortunately."

"Why do you have this?" He held up her razor blade so she could get a good look at it.

"Where did you get that?" Lily whispered, terrified that he knew her secret and involuntarily clasped her arm where she had cut herself previously.

"It was in your hand when you fell asleep last night. Lily, do you cut yourself?" James asked, hoping that it was just a wild thought of his that he accidentally thought was true, but Lily looked away, shamefaced.

"I saw your scars," James supplied quietly.

"You saw them?" Lily was still not meeting his gaze.

"Yes, why did you do it?"

Lily looked suddenly angry and met his gaze coldly, "What's it to you, eh? You didn't notice me for five years and when you did finally know me, you didn't even know my name! Just because you finally know my name and you've seen what I do doesn't mean that you know me! Why don't you go back to how it was before you realized that there was a person named Lily Evans in the world and leave me alone?" She snatched her razor blade from him and walked briskly across the Common Room.

She was halfway up the stairs when she heard him call her name out. Without stopping, she continued her way into her dorm and slipped into bed, closing the curtains around her bed quickly.

She held on to her pillow tightly and felt like crying. She had just lost her only chance of becoming friends with someone.

ABC.

Lily hadn't shown up to classes that day and James worried profusely. Did she do something to herself? Thoughts and images of what Lily could have done to herself plagued his mind, each thing he pictured was worse than the one before it.

Why hadn't she come to classes?

"Jaaaaames!"

"Huh? Oh, um, right. Sure," James responded without thinking.

"Are you there James?" Peter waved his hand in front of James's head and began to knock on his forehead, "The light's on but nobody's home!"

James pushed his hand away roughly and snapped, "What do you want?"

"Jebus, no need to be so mean," Peter replied grumpily, somewhat offended, "I was just joking..."

Remus, by far the wisest and smartest one of the Marauders asked, "Do you want to talk about it?"

James glanced at his friend, immediately taking in his concerned eyes. He sighed, "Not now, Moony. Maybe some other time..."

"Come on, students! I want to see a perfect Enlargement Charm!" Professor Flitwick squeaked.

ABC.

Lily didn't feel like going to classes that day. She honestly didn't feel like it, who would want to anyway? She had the chance to get a friend, but she had pushed him away. No one would want to go to classes after something like that happened to them.

She didn't feel like living anymore either. She had nothing to live for, nothing at all. Her family hated her for being a witch and the wizarding world hated her for being a Muggle-born. Everyone hated her, she just didn't belong anywhere. Maybe I won't have to live like this anymore... not after tonight... if only I had the guts to... Maybe she did.

abc.

Lily crept down the staircase into the Common Room when it was nearly two in the morning. Sitting down in front of the fireplace, she stared at the dieing embers.

Rocking back and forth, she held the razor blade to her arm. Closing her eyes tightly, she slashed at her arm making deep cuts. She cried as she did so.

I always feel better when I do this, but the stress always comes back.

Crying silently, she cradled her bleeding arm. It stung as hell, but it felt so good...

ABC.

James yawned widely and felt his stomach grumbling. I should have ate something at dinner, he thought as he grabbed his Invisibility Cloak and his wand. He intended to go to the kitchens, but at the bottom of the stairs he realized that he was hearing cries.

Confused, he looked around and saw that a person was sitting in front of the unlit fire. Curious, he walked over to the person, "Lily?" he asked cautiously when he was closer and saw her red, poufy hair.

She was rocking back and forth, and to James it looked like if Lily stopped, her whole world would come crashing down on her. He reached out to grab her shoulder, but he noticed her arm... it was bleeding. He suddenly didn't feel hungry anymore. "Lily," he called out softly again, "what did you do?"

She stopped rocking abruptly and turned to look at him slowly. Blinking rapidly, she swayed a little and looked into his eyes, they were full of fear and something else -- relief maybe?

"James," she croaked, "please don't tell." She fell forward onto James. She had gone too far this time.

James cursed and set her back on the couch. "Fuck!" he muttered angrily as he ran back upstairs to his dorm. What do I do? What do I do? he thought frantically trying to think of anything that could help her. He did the first thing he always did when he was upset or in trouble.

"Sirius!" he shook him violently. "Please wake up!"

"Whozzair?" he said groggily.

"Please Sirius!" James was begging now, "I need your help; I don't know what to do!"

Sirius noticed the pleading showing through his voice and woke up fully, "What's wrong?" he asked seriously.

James was pale now, "It's Lily, she's cut herself. Bad. I don't know what to do!"

"I'll get McGonagall. Stay with her." Sirius ran toward the Portrait Hole, trying to get to his teacher fast enough.

James took Lily gingerly in his arms and whispered, "It'll be okay, Sirius is getting help..." He counted numerous cuts before McGonagall burst through the portrait hole with Sirius closely behind her.

She gasped when she saw Lily. "I'm taking her to the Hospital Wing."

spotted kitten: Thanks to those who reviewed the first version of this chapter: LiL AcE ViLLa, Amandinka, Crazy Eyed, Silver Mist4, and DLster.