Emma tilted her head sideways as she watched her bowling ball drop into the gutter and roll past the white pins. Shaking her head she felt her blonde hair lightly scrape across her shoulder blades and she realized she hated bowling allies. She'd never had a good experience in them. Between all the lost games with her mother, fights with her first love, Sean Cameron, and heart broken games she was starting to hate them.
Every time she walked into any alley and picked up the cold, heavy ball she felt her heart sink. There was something about the used shoes, smells and sounds that made her want to run away and never come back. Bowling allies hated Emma Neilson and Emma Neilson hated bowling allies. "Good job Em!" Spike Nielson yelled over at Emma who spun from the sight and to the where her family and best friend, Manny Santos, were sitting. Emma forced a small smile at her Mother and sat besides Manny.
"Face it Mom, it sucked." Emma sighed out as she started at her bowling shoed clad feet.
Spike flashed Emma disappointed look and shook her head. "Emma, it was great. It was only one gutter ball your whole game. You're fine." She told Emma and she nodded her head in agreement, even though she didn't agree.
"Yeah, okay." Emma said and she heard Manny take a peppy breath besides her.
"Well, why don't me and Emma go get drinks and fries while you guys play?" She suggested and Emma looked up at the sound of food. Her worst enemy.
Snake nodded his head and Emma's heart sunk, great, now to match her horrible mood she'd have to eat. "You guys go do that."
Manny smiled and took hold of Emma's hand. "Come on." Emma stood up of the plastic seat and flashed a fake smile at her best friend.
"Yeah, great." Emma sighed out as they made their way past a group of people gathering their own bowling balls.
"This is fun, huh?" Manny asked Emma when they reached the refreshments counter.
Emma nodded her head along with Manny, even though she didn't think so. She hated bowling and bowling allies. They had never mixed. "Sure."
"You okay?" Manny asked and Emma noticed the worry etched in her face.
Great, they were catching on. Emma thought as she took a deep breath and replaced it with a big smile. "Yeah Manny…just thinking about our Senior year. It'll be hectic."
Manny nodded her head in agreement. "Totally. I just hope this year gets a little better. We both could deserve a drama free year." Manny said and Emma couldn't help but agree.
Life at Degrassi wasn't anything less then drama and hectic-ness. There wasn't ever a solid day or ground to walk on when living in Degrassi, it was all drama. And Emma couldn't wait to get away from it.
"What can I get yas?" A voice asked at the counter and Emma looked over at it. An older woman stared at them with anxious eyes and Manny leaned forward.
"Four large sodas and four large fries." She ordered and Emma felt her stomach drop again. Large. She hated the word. And soon she'd have to consume it. She knew she should stop the thoughts racing through her head, but she somehow couldn't. It'd become part of her life, even though she had been in the hospital and had gotten help. It was still part of her life, it was the way she dealt.
She didn't yell, scream and date anyone anymore. She didn't eat. She jogged. It helped and no one's heart was involved. It was simple for Emma. And she didn't want to let it go. So she relapsed every time the bad moods were brought on. And when she was forced to go to a bowling alley, even though they were enemies with her.
"There you go." The lady handed Manny a tray and Emma walked besides her to the lane again, where Manny set the tray on the table.
"Spike, Snake!" She called over to the parents who were laughing as Spike bowled a gutter ball.
They stalked over to the table where Emma had slipped into the booth and watched the pair grab their drinks and a fry. "This is what we needed!" Snake exclaimed after he'd swallowed a mouth full of his soda.
"Yes it is." Spike agreed. "Em, aren't you goind to have some?" She asked Emma, jolting her back to reality. Emma stared at Spike and realized she had that look on her face again. The look that said she'd better eat or she was going back to the psychiatrist again.
"Yeah, sorry. Zoned out there for a minute." Emma responed, putting the peppy-ness in her voice as she picked up a thick, greasy fry. Stuffing it quickly in her mouth Emma chewed it fast, trying to not taste the fat and swallowed it down. "So good." She added for effect as Spike nodded her head in happiness.
"They really are." Manny agreed.
Emma put her hands on her lap and wiped the grease off as she felt the fry drop down to her stomach and weigh it down. She hated the moods that made her not want to eat. But they swept over her more then she allowed and took a hold of her and there was no turning back. Glancing back over at the lanes where her family was bowling Emma remembered the first fight she had with Sean there.
It was their second date and Emma had had a bad day. Sean had wanted to go bowling because it was one of favorite things to do, but Emma hated it. She went anyway, because she didn't want to loose Sean after just having him. Sean was winnign and enjoying every minute of it. And Emma was growing more irritated at all of her gutter balls. She'd yelled at him and when he tried to kiss her to make it better, she got even more mad. Thenight ended with Emma walking half way home on her own and yelling at Sean the rest of the way. They'd made it through the next couple of days, but she still hated that night and how it turned out.
"Finish your fries Em, so we can get back." Spike said brining Emma back. Emma glanced down at the fries and nodded her head.
She had to be Emma Neilson now, Spike Neilson's perfect daughter. She had to be. Trying to shove the mood out of her train of thought Emma golfed down the rest of the fries and watched her parents and Manny smile at the sight of it. Emma smiled back and clapped her hands together after she swallowed the last of the fries down. "Okay, let's go!" She stated and the small group walked over to the lane again to resume the game.
Emma clutched at her stomach as she watched Manny walk over to the tip of the lane with ball and throw it down. The fries were taking their toll on Emma and she hated it. The pounds and the jean sizes popped into Emma's mind as Manny's ball rolled deeper down the lane. She was dizzy and clutching her stomach tightly. She hated it and wanted it to go away. But it wasn't going anywhere.
"Yay!" Manny let out as the ball it the first white pin and knocked them all down. Strike.
"Good going Manny!" Snake yelled out as Manny sat next to Emma.
Letting go of her stomach Emma stalked to the balls and picked hers up. Holding the heavy object in her hands Emma walked to the tip of the lane and stared down it. The fries held her stomach down and Emma wanted nothing more for them to be gone and out. She hated it. She hated it.
She set her fingers in the holes and threw the ball down the lane. Twenty seconds later the ball was in the gutter lane and falling past the pins. Damn. Emma sighed as she watched the ball disappear. No one clapped as Emma walked back to her plastic chair. She hated the silence.
"Better luck next time." Spike offered as Snake took his place at the lane.
Clapping her hands over her stomach Emma knew she had to get away. She needed to be able to breath. "I think I'm going to go tip off my drink." She stated and Spike nodded her head.
"Okay." Emma stood off her chair and took her paper cup in her hands. She walked quickly to the bathroom furthest from their lane and walked into it. Sighing Emma tossed her paper cup into garbage and walked over to the sinks and the mirrors.
Glancing at her reflection Emma sighed and touched her stomach. It was lightly firm with the fries in them. The taste of the fat laced Emma's mouth and she shook her head at what she saw. She was wearing a size of jean that bigger then what she had normally wore, Spike made Emma gain more weight after the whole panic attack thing. Emma's hair was in a messy ponytail and no make up was applied to her face.
She hated what she saw and wanted to change it, but she knew she couldn't. Emma had fallen into a hole for months and getting out was no longer an option. Emma shook her head as she touched her stomach again. She felt she'd eaten way too much over the day, even though the fries were all that she'd eaten. She'd woke up in her bad mood and over the day it had only grown. She'd lied to Spike and told her she'd had cereal for breakfast and a sandwhich for lunch. Emma hadn't relapsed in months, so Spike had no reason to think she was lying.
"Whatever." Emma mumbled at her appearance and walked into the first stall in the bathroom and shut the door behind her.
She took a deep breath and kneeled down next to the toilet. Emma opened her mouth wide and stuck her index and middle finger in her throat and quickly shoved them down her throat. The fries jolted out of her stomach and into the toilet as Emma hacked them out.
Wiping her mouth Emma stared at the mushed up fries in the toilet and flushed them down. The fries were gone. Leaning against the door Emma shut her eyes and shook her head. She hated bowling allies.
