Disclaimer: Everything recognizable belongs to Janet Evanovich. I am only borrowing them. Thank you for allowing us to use your amazing characters for fun! Thanks again for Heather for bailing me out with quick last minute edits so my mistakes are at a minimum. You are awesome!
-chapter—15
SPOV
Taking in the fresh warm breeze, I arrive at HR office. Heather was called in just for me to begin the process of signing all of the documents necessary including a new POA. I pick my mother. Our new relationship is progressing well, and she has been very supportive lately. I guess I needed to grow up a little and take a stand for what I want.
I opt to stay in the onsite employee housing, which cuts my salary, but it is worth it to be so close and finding and furnishing an apartment doesn't appeal to me when learning a new job. I will decide later if I want a place of my own and will have plenty of time to research the area.
I begin my concierge training on Wednesday. I have a lot to do to before I start. I pull out my phone and walk to the beach. I need the peace of the ocean to get me through the next hour.
"Hello," my mom answers.
"Hi Mom. I just want to let you know that I am still in Florida and that I've decided to stay." There is a slight pause in the conversation before she responds.
"Ok. Do you need me to do anything for you? When are you coming home?" she asks cautiously.
"That's just it, Mom. I'm staying down here permanently," I say evenly.
"What? You can't stay down there, Stephanie! Your family is here. What will you do? Did you meet a man?" Leave it to my mother to assume that I need a man to make my decisions for me.
"No, Mom. I got a job offer and I accepted it. I have two weeks of training and then I'll come up and close up my apartment. My lease was due next month, and I've already been organizing and packing up. I have put a lot of thought into this, and I need a change. I'm really excited about my new job and this place is like paradise. It's so beautiful and warm! I get to look at the ocean every day," I say, wistfully glancing toward the water.
"But what about your family? We're here." I can detect a little sadness in her voice. Maybe I'm not such a burden to her after all?
"I'm really going to miss you and I'll come visit and hopefully you'll come visit me here. Plus, we can talk on the phone anytime you want. Wont it be nice not hearing about every time I roll in garbage?" I'm totally picturing her crossing herself as I say that last part. She's been different since I have let her know how to talk to me, so I'm not sure what to expect her reaction will be.
"Oh, Honey. It sounds wonderful but I am really going to miss you." Wow, my mom is actually supporting me. Maybe this acting like a grown-up thing is paying off?
"I know, Mom, I am really going to miss you, too. But I think this will be good for me. I liked my job, but I was barely paying the bills. I need to think long term and as much as I will miss you, I need to do this. I think that even though I've improved I won't be able to do it forever. I've always had a safety net. When I ran out of money for food, I'd stop over. When I blew up my car, I would borrow Big Blue. I need to grow up and live on my own and make it on my own. Plus, I'm sick of the gossip, the betting, and the unhealthy relationships I had in Trenton." Conviction creeps into my voice.
"What relationship?"
Leave it to my mom to pick up on a potential match. "The unhealthy relationship that I have had with every guy that I have ever been involved with." Ugh. Time to abort. "Anyway. I have to go and get things straightened out. I'll be home in two weeks to take care of Rex and to clean out my apartment. I love you. Call me anytime. Bye, Mom."
"Bye, Stephanie. I love you, too."
With that, I disconnect and make a couple more calls to my super and Connie at the office. Lula's there and after discussing the wedding details on speaker phone so I wouldn't have to do it twice, I proceed to tell the girls how beautiful everything was. I'm determined to give up as little info as I can in regard to Ranger, and I'm able to fluff them with the details so I don't have to get into anything I'm not ready to face.
I tell them about my decision to stay here and am suddenly filled with sadness at the loss of two women that I have gotten so close to. Connie recommends that I send Vinnie an email instead of a phone call and I agree. I do not need to listen to Vinnie's reaction to my resignation.
In a last minute decision, I decide to call Mary Lou. I spent months trying to move on without Ranger and it didn't work. I know anger will prevent me from dealing with my real feelings and I need Lou to help me through. "Hello?"
"Hi..."
Before I could say anything else I hear, "How was the wedding? I want to hear all about it. The kids are playing so I have time."
I smile at the comfort of talking to my oldest friend. "Well," I begin. "The wedding itself was beautiful. It's what happened in-between that was pretty traumatic."
"Oh Steph, I'm sorry! What happened?"
"Well, I decided to ask for a truce with Ranger on the first night and it was fine. I was feeling pretty good about that, like I could move forward with a platonic friendship with him. Then, I inadvertently got drugged and ended up in bed with Ranger."
"What? Ranger Drugged you?" she asked, voice raised,
"No! No, someone wanting to blackmail Les. The drink was meant for him. I accidentally drank it. Well, I meant to drink it, but I didn't know it was drugged. Anyways, that doesn't matter, what matters is that I ended up in bed with Ranger."
"And you two had..." she started tentatively.
I don't wait for her to finish. "Yes"
"And this is bad because you don't want to get back together with him?" she questions.
"We were never together, Lou. That's the problem. He just wants to be fuck buddies and I can't do that. I am not cut out to have one-night stands or sleep with someone unless we are in a relationship."
"Wow, I bet he is hard to say no to," she says with conviction.
"You have no idea! Most of the time, he can persuade me to do anything. I actually have to stay away from him. The more physical distance the better. Anyways, that's not all. To make a long story short, we figured out who was involved in the blackmail scheme and I sorta got a job offer. I also sorta took the job offer and I start on Wednesday. Oh Lou, I am going to miss you, but I had to! I can't stay in Trenton. Not with seeing Ranger. I have to get over him and I can't do that back home." I take a breath. "Plus, I can't be a bounty hunter forever. This job is great. I get to live here at the resort, and I am not exaggerating when I say this place is paradise. I will work as a concierge, but I also work in the security office running background checks on the staff and guests. I'm really a secret agent and no one knows what I do here except the owner and the head of security. I'm so excited!"
"Steph, I'm excited for you! I will really, really miss you, but I'm glad you're doing what's best for you."
So, back to the trauma. "The wedding party went to a club for the bachelorette party. There was an emergency at the club and Ranger and Les came to where we were, next door. We were expecting that Les had a tracker on Olivia but actually the tracker was in me. Ranger had implanted a tracker under my skin after I was kidnapped the last time and never told me."
"What...?"
"Yes, he chipped me." I take a breath and let it out. I am staring at the ocean and trying not to cry. "Let's just say, things took a turn for the worse. I got it removed and then Ranger apologized but Lou, I don't think I can get past this. When I called our fuck buddy situation off, I was hoping we could be friends eventually, but now? I don't think I can. He doesn't trust me! He thinks I need rescuing; I am a grown up for goodness sakes! If he doesn't want me then he doesn't get to know where I am. I am not accountable to him. If he respected me then he would have asked and given me the choice. You know what? I'm not stupid, I know I do a dangerous job and if we were in a relationship and he would have asked me, I may have said yes. I also would have demanded that he have one, too. You know equal rights. So, here I am, in Florida with a new job and life on my own. I'm scared."
"What are you really scared about? The new job and life or being alone?" she asks after a short silence.
"I guess about being alone. I really was holding out hope that he would change his mind and realize he's been an idiot and tell me that he wants a forever with me." For the first time, I'm admitting this as much to myself as I am to Lou.
"Steph, you're the strongest person I know. You can get through this. You just need time. I am proud of you for standing up for yourself, to Ranger, to your mother. Ranger's behavior isn't really controlling you, it's that he has to know everything. How did his past relationships go?"
I pause to think. "I don't think he has ever had a relationship. Even his ex-wife was a one-night stand that produced Julie. He married her out of obligation, and they got divorced right after she was born," I respond.
"Well, maybe he doesn't know how to be in a relationship. He seems like a guy that is always in charge. Always in control. Maybe he doesn't know what it means to be equals with someone. It doesn't seem to me like he was trying to make you be someone else, it sounds like he just wanted to be able to catch you if you fell. I am not saying what he did wasn't wrong. It was. I'm just saying his relationship capabilities are low and he messed this up because he doesn't know any different."
Hmmm. I really need to consider all that Lou has said. She's giving me a lot to think about. I know I reacted on emotion. How could I not? But I do want to consider all that she said. She probably knows me better than I know myself. "Ok Lou, I hear you. I have a lot to think about. Thanks for helping me sort this out. I'm so going to miss seeing you!" I lose the battle on holding back the tears.
"Steph, we are still going to see each other. I know you'll come back home for holidays and I can certainly plan on a getaway to come visit you. Plus, we can text as much as you want. You'll be so busy with your new job, you won't even miss me for months."
"You're right about being busy but you're wrong about missing you."
"Oh, Steph, I hate to do this to you, but I have to go. Michael is standing in front of me with a bloody nose, he's not screaming so it can't be too bad, but I have to take care of this before he bleeds all over my house. Want me to call you back?"
"No, I have to go too. I'll talk to you soon. Give everyone a kiss for me. Bye... and thanks for everything, I love you.
"Bye Steph, I love you, too.
I get up from my table overlooking the beach and dry up my tears. I need to make my way over to the staff housing and get settled. I reflect on the last hour. I don't think I could have gotten through it if I wasn't getting strength from the beach. This is my happy place. It will be hard to start over and I'm glad I was able to get through the phone calls without breaking down too much. Yay for me.
I'm walking back through the gardens heading to my new home. I follow the path toward the three-story building and make my way up to the third floor, digging out my key when I find my room. I have no idea what to expect and am pleasantly surprised when I open the door to a very clean mini apartment. It's an open concept room with a small efficiency kitchen, with a refrigerator and microwave. Score. I'll be able to eat! There's also a breakfast bar with two barstools. After that there's a small love seat and matching chair facing the mounted TV on the wall. The furniture is typical hotel type stuff that's honestly nicer than what I have back home. There is a half wall and two steps down to where the queen bed is facing the giant sliding glass doors. I can't help it, I'm drawn to the doors. I open them and am instantly assaulted with the fresh air and the warmth of the sun. I feel from the bottom of my soul that I'm in the right place.
I walk out onto the balcony and sit down on one of the patio chairs and relax as I think of all the things I need to do. I don't need a car since my food and lodging are right here. I do need to get more clothes. My role here requires me to be a concierge and for that, I need to look nice. I don't have too many outfits back in Trenton that will work. Most are either distraction or wedding outfits, neither of which are classy nor lightweight enough for the Keys. There are a couple of shops at the resort, but they'll be expensive. The afternoon is spent doing some online shopping to beef up my wardrobe.
At 6pm my stomach starts to protest. I only had a quick sandwich earlier and now I'm paying the price. I lock up my apartment and make my way to the staff dining room. It's on the back side of the kitchen that serves the main buffet restaurant. When I go in, I notice that there are quite a few staff in various stages of their meal. The selection is nowhere near what I had as a guest, but it's a thousand times better than what I'd have been able to prepare. I grab a tray and look at all the stations before I settle on pasta. After gathering my food and drink, I make my way over to the tables squeezed in the small dining area. I choose a table that is empty, not wanting to make small talk and begin eating without really thinking.
The next few weeks are going to fly by. Wednesday morning will be filled with paperwork and a behind the scenes tour of the resort. In the afternoon, I have meetings with every department head, including Joshua. I smile wryly. He would be the perfect distraction if it weren't for...No. Right now, I need to focus on the future. I'm going to give myself time to get acclimated here. I'm glad he'll at least be a friendly face. I grab my phone out of my bag. It's time to get to work. I need to go to the bank to set up an account. I need to go to the post office for a PO box. I'll need to get new doctors and a dentist down here, but that can wait. I'm sure I'd be able to use the mail and the staff doctor here, but I'm a new woman, and this woman values her privacy. I still have a few loose ends to clean up in Trenton. I jot a few more notes down in my phone and look down at my plate. It's empty. I pick up my tray and take it to the garbage. No one here to clean up after me. That's fine, I'm a big girl and I'm looking forward to my new life. A life without complications, without personal drama. I head back to my room with a spring in my step. This is gonna be fun.
I was right. The next few weeks are incredibly busy. I meet every single person on staff here and for the most part, everyone is super nice. As with any business, there is gossip and drama and thankfully, it's not associated with me. I swear Joshua to secrecy on my previous life. I don't want anyone here knowing about the Bombshell Bounty Hunter with a penchant for disaster and car explosions. It isn't a problem since Joshua was only filling in for the staff doc and now that Dr. George has returned, Joshua is back in Miami. I'm determined to be drama free.
I take a deep breath as soon as I step foot on the path to main reception. I can't get enough of the fresh salty sea air. I'm sure I have doubled my life expectancy as a result of my move. I have also become addicted to the sunsets. They're spectacular. I enter the offices and sit down at the concierge desk and go through my notes. We have a busy weekend with the Robinson wedding. Celebrities book our wedding package because of the security we provide, as well as the location and the all-inclusive packages. This weekend we will be booked with the professional athlete and his entire extended family.
I make a few notes as to the activities that will cater to them. I spoke to Rebecca, the wedding planner, and she confirmed they will want to be very active. I've made lots of new friends in the surrounding beach communities and with the resort's reputation, we have many contacts to provide just about anything our guests will want; nothing illegal, thank goodness. That kind of thing can be found in Miami, and we only provide the transportation for such trips.
I get my notes in order and head out to man the desk. There are four of us at the concierge desk and we all take 4-hour shifts several times a week. Most of it is providing directions and day trips to shopping and local sites. We have an automated reservation service in our app, so we don't have to deal with never-ending guest meal reservations. Thank goodness! Along with desk duty, we assist the wedding planner with everything she has to do. Rebecca is awesome. She is a one woman show, but she's so organized and so fun. I can see that she was made for this job. Her personality and general love of people really draws people in. She's taught me so much and has become my closest friend here.
However, even she doesn't know the other part of my job. Only the head of security, the owner, and Joshua know that I'm a secret agent. I run background checks on all new hires and follow up checks on existing staff, looking for suspicious behavior. My job is to blend in and listen. As a concierge, I can float in any location and any event without arousing suspicion. I actually love this part of the job. I love to just observe people. I love trying to figure out why people do what they do. That surprised me. I know I had some success figuring out the cases that I had in Trenton, but I thought it was dumb luck. Apparently, accurately guessing human behavior is helpful and has always been my hobby. What if I actually had studied it in college? Oh well, I can think about that later; I have a large group of women headed my way who look like they are in need of a shopping trip. I smile and acknowledge them with my standard greetings.
My life is boring, and I am starting to love it. I think back to my trip back to Trenton. It was brief and productive. I got to say goodbye to everyone that I wanted to. The Merry Men were the hardest. I didn't see Ranger and I was thankful for that. I did find out that he's in Miami so that made me nervous. Bobby was the only one brave enough to come out and ask if I had talked to Ranger since the wedding. I told him no, and said it was for the best. He gave me a funny look but let it drop. Thank goodness; I didn't want to break down and make a scene. I am done with scenes. I take a deep breath and let it out. The new me focuses on a future, a future where I start acting like a grown up. If I can't take care of myself, then how can I expect others to respect me? Good Plum. That's just what you need.
RPOV
I find myself sitting in my home office in the Miami penthouse, practically in the dark. The computer screen is the only illumination. It's been more than a month since Les's wedding, and I have had little information about Stephanie. I keep looking for reasons to come back to Miami. Les and Olivia returned from their three-week honeymoon and settled in the house they bought before they got married. I can't believe he's married; I think as I take another sip of the red wine. Men like us don't get the happy ever after, but somehow, he's made it work. Olivia isn't the security burden I thought she'd be. She isn't causing constant stress on Les worrying about her safety. They spend all their free time together and he actually seems happy. He's more focused on his job and less like a hormone driven frat boy. He fucking grew up. I shake my head in wonder.
I get up and make my way to the kitchen for a second glass. I had to switch back to wine since the hard stuff makes me mean and I was mean after the break-up. Yeah, now I can admit that it was a breakup. The guys didn't say anything, but I could see it in their eyes. They looked at me with pity. I had failed them; I had failed Stephanie. Those were very dark times and I had turned to alcohol. Once I hit the bottom of the bottle, I had to face some hard truths. I needed to forge ahead. I needed a plan.
I decided to give Stephanie some space. After that first week, I stopped interfering in her life, finally taking Tank's advice and giving her privacy. I got a call from Silvio a few days ago and I wouldn't let him talk. He said it was important. I don't know what he wanted to tell me about Steph, but I told him I was giving her privacy. If it's important enough, she'll tell me herself. Giving her space is about the hardest thing I've ever done. It goes against everything I am to let her go. It's similar to giving up my parental rights to Julie. I think back now and know I'm making the right decision. I had managed to be satisfied with just keeping her safe. I'd convinced myself that I was a danger to her, but I couldn't just walk away from her. I justified invading her privacy by telling myself that I only wanted to keep her safe, but that was an excuse. Actually, it was a lie. I was scared. I was a coward. I didn't want to be dependent on another person. I couldn't let her have the power to destroy me. I wasn't offering her a someday, so I really had no right to invade her privacy under my self-appointed protector status.
The biggest kick in the gut is that if I could go back, I would choose someday. I would do everything different. I'm not living, I'm existing. It's too late to guard my heart. I already know I deserve this for all of the unspeakable things I've done, but I can't do it, I can't let myself die a little each day. I won't do it. I want to live. I want the girl. I have no fucking idea how to make it happen but right now I don't care, I just want to enjoy the spark of hope that has started, and I want to focus on that. The plan will come. After all, the government doesn't pay me the big bucks for nothing.
I take my still full glass and pour it down the sink. Its 2230, and I take a quick shower and head off to bed. For the first time in a long time, I smile as I drift off to sleep thinking of finally letting myself think of a someday.
