I felt a buzz of excitement. It wasn't going into the great unknown that I was excited by, but the fact that I wasn't scared about it. I could potentially die today and it made me feel more alive by the second.
I started the ignition, smiled at BJ and pressed hard on the gas pedal. We bolted away from the 4077th at a frantic pace and I turned a hard left after we passed Rosie's bar.
We drove in silence for a while. The wind whipped my hair without rules or reason. Sometimes my hair would cover my face so completely that I had to slow down and push it out of the way and sometimes my hair would fan out behind me like a tail. The wind purged my mind of all my troublesome thoughts and all I felt was the cool air on my face.
I glanced over at BJ. His eyes were closed and a small smile played across his face. I knew this was something that he needed, more so than I did. He was the one with the responsibility, with all the pressure forced on him. That was the real job of a nurse, to relieve the tension that doctors felt constantly. I smiled at myself. I was very good at my job.
I spotted a dirt road and nudged BJ, slowing down the jeep so he could get a good look. The road sliced a grove of trees in half and the darkness of the overhanging foliage swallowed the rest of the trail from sight.
We communicated without words:
I nudged him and pointed at the path.
He nodded and smiled slyly.
I raised my eyebrows in question and shook my head a little.
He took the wheel and began to turn it, no doubt amused by my sudden uncertainty.
I grabbed the wheel back from him, took a deep breath, and turned the jeep.
We waded into the darkness as the trees wrapped around us like a cocoon. It was like going into a living tunnel that had no end. Suddenly, the sun shone through the trees and a vibrant green color shone all around as if the leaves were made of emeralds.
BJ began to smile as I glanced over at him and I stopped the jeep in the middle of the road.
"It's really beautiful here, BJ." He glanced over at me and sighed.
"I've never shown this place to anyone, Linda."
"Why not? I think everyone at the 4077th would want to see this."
He lowered his head. "I'm not proud of the way I found it."
Comprehension hit me and I took his hand in mine, offering support without words.
"You ran?"
He nodded.
"About a month after I got here, I snapped. The wounded were coming in like there was no end, the weather was so cold that I couldn't even sleep the nights we weren't in O.R., and I felt so lonely."
He lowered his gaze. "You know the feeling you get when you realize how long it's been since someone's touched you. How it makes you feel completely worthless. I had that.
"One day I just got fed up with it all. I threw everything I could into the nearest jeep, jumped in, and drove. I didn't even know where I was going. I didn't remember how to get to Kimpo, I had no idea what I would do, so I veered off the main road to this trail and I was so amazed by what I saw that I just let the jeep roll to a stop."
He looked up at the trees and his eyes shone bright. "For some reason it gave me hope. If something this beautiful could exist in a place where people are fighting everywhere, maybe there was hope that it would end someday."
"So you went back?" I asked.
"No. I drove on for a while until my jeep broke down."
I shoved him. "That didn't happen!"
"Truthfully, I had to ride an ox back!"
I grabbed for his arm and missed, falling just in time for him to catch me in his embrace.
We sat like that for a moment. I was perfectly content to lie there in his arms comfortable and, best of all, protected. The trees whistled a tuneless song and the world seemed to shrink to just the two of us. There was no war, no death, nobody but us and the trees.
"We should get back," he said, shattering the silence, bringing me back to reality. I lifted myself out of his grip and sighed.
"You're probably right." I started the engine, put the jeep in gear, and then stopped. I turned to him. "Thank you for this."
He patted my leg. "Thank you."
His answer confused me with its ambiguity. I didn't know whether he meant "thank you for the appreciation", or "thank you for sharing it with me." I pondered his answer on the silent drive back to camp, all the while stealing glances at him to try and read his expression. All I could read was the deep look of peace that shone from his face like a sunbeam. That was enough for me.
