A/N:Thank you to the people who reviewed. I love getting them. Anyway, the answer to the question "where is the MacGyver quote?" is, when Daniel says "that's a whole 'nother ball game." It's not much, but I love the opening gambit for the pilot episode, mainly I love listening to the voice-over, but that's another story. Anyway, y'all have been begging for Sam's reaction to everything that has happened in the story, so here it is. Please review, I like reviews. They make me very happy.
Chapter 10
Later that night Sam sat in her darkened lab, which normally hummed with energy. She sat not at her worktable, or at her computer, but in the far corner, where the angles formed by her filing cabinets had created a private space blocked from the view of the security cameras. She sat, staring blankly at the wall, not really physically seeing anything; she was completely lost in thought. Normally she would go out for a run or go for a ride on her bike if she needed to do some heavy thinking, but either of those options involved going home. Where Pete was. She knew perfectly well that she was settling, knew that she didn't love Pete the way that he loved her. No the only person she loved that much was Jack, but lately he didn't seem to care. Of course it wasn't like they had any kind of agreement or understanding. No, she had closed the door to that room, locked it, and now she had no clue where the key was. Back then leaving it in the room had seemed like a good idea. After all, even though her feelings had been growing stronger and deeper for the last four years before that awful test, she hadn't been sure at the time if it was just a silly girl crush or even just hero-worship. Besides, she had also been terrified of her feelings back then. She had a horrible history of getting involved with men who ended up hurting her in some way. And in some ways, Jack and Jonas, her crazy ex-fiancé, were amazingly similar. Both were handsome, charismatic men who had been heavily involved in Black Ops for a great many years. And even though she knew, and in some ways had always known, that Jack would never hurt her, she didn't quite believe it. After all, knowing something and believing something are two totally different things. So scared of being hurt again, of finding out that Jack was like Jonas, she had shut the door before it had done more than crack open.
But the feelings hadn't gone away, they had instead gotten stronger and deeper. It was to the point that she really didn't feel complete without him, and for the modern liberated woman that she was supposed to be, that was a contradiction. She supposed the women who said that they didn't need anybody, especially a man, had never met someone like Jack O'Neill. Someone who let you be you, but also was going to be there if you happened to fall. Sam had never placed much store in the idea of soul mates, until she met Jack and had realized, years later, that she was completely head over heels, desperately, in love with him. And that was saying a lot, especially since he irritated her to no end sometimes. Like with that dumb act, ha! The man was far more intelligent than he let on and it had taken a long time for Sam to find out just how intelligent. Of course, having grown up in the Air Force, she had contacts on almost every base in the US (and a few out of country as well) and as a General's daughter she had learned how to sweet talk others into doing her bidding. It had taken five years to get her hands on the information she wanted. It would have been sooner but that blasted man had managed to semi-classify and terrify into silence all those who knew how smart and how much education he really had. But finding out that her "dumb as a box of rocks" CO had three doctorates, spoke 19 languages, and was a lot more than an "amateur" astronomer, had made the wait worth it. Especially since she now knew for sure that he really did understand most if not all of what she and Daniel said. And when he argued with Daniel about Daniel's "rocks" it was all she could do to keep from cracking up most of the time.
But not telling anyone and in fact trying to hide his intelligence was very Jack O'Neill. Just like not telling them that he had a grown daughter was something that didn't surprise her. But at the same time, it was better than a wife he hadn't told them, her really, about. She knew that she had no right to feel betrayed by Jack for not telling her, but she did. After al, he was supposed to care! She did, and even though Pete was nice he wasn't Jack. She had practically told him it wasn't serious with Pete. In fact Pete had come to Colorado Springs this weekend because she had asked him too, she had decided that even though she liked him, her heart firmly belonged to Jack and her relationship with Pete wasn't fair to any of the three of them. But now, instead of going home to see Pete and break things off with him, she was hiding in her lab! Finding out about Kate had reminded her of how much she didn't know about Jack. Damnit! It wasn't like they had a relationship! Why the hell did this feel like a betrayal? Why did it hurt so much?
Because, the little voice in her head said, you're only human. And you're still terrified of having any kind of relationship with him, and of telling him how you feel. You've been hurt so many times that now you'd rather hurt him before he has a chance to hurt you.
And, she reasoned with herself, she didn't care that he had a daughter. The feelings of betrayal came from him not telling her about his daughter, not from him having a daughter. Mostly she had been shocked over the last day, but her ire was directed at him for a different reason than some might assume.
Damn that man and his complete unwillingness to talk! To her, to Daniel, to anyone! And most of all damn herself for closing that door!
Standing up, she got her emotions under control before leaving her lab. It was time to end things with Pete. In a way it didn't matter if she and Jack managed to sort themselves out, because she was tired of this charade she was living. And she was tired of hurting herself. If he heart was going to belong to the worlds most unattainable man, fine, but she was going to stop lying to others about he availability of her heart.
