"She's looking a lot better," I said as Hawkeye and Sydney walked towards me.
"She just needed to have a tangible reason to keep on being a nurse," Sydney said. "Seeing that kid alive is a shot in the arm for her. It gives her purpose again."
"Well, I don't know how you did it, Sydney," Hawkeye said, glancing back at Linda, "But you are definitely on my Christmas card list this year."
"Will you guys keep an eye on her?" Sydney asked, checking his watch. "I hate to leave this soon, but I have to get down to a battle fatigue case at the 8063rd. If there's any trouble, call me and I'll swing by on my way back."
"Ok, thanks Sydney," Hawkeye said.
Sydney brushed past us and through the doors. Hawkeye and I glanced at each other for a moment and then walked towards Linda.
She looked up at us when we got there and beamed.
"Dennis here was telling me all about Tennessee, where he grew up," I said. "I've never been there myself, but I hear it's beautiful."
"Oh it is," Dennis said, glowing with the attention. "It's the most fantastic place on this earth. I can't wait until I go back."
"Well, you'd better picture that old Tennessee home," I said, "Because you're going back in a few days."
Linda smiled and looked down at Dennis. His face was wide open in a look of happiness. "I'm, going home?"
"After a few days in Tokyo, you'll be off," Hawkeye said. "Courtesy of us here at the 4077th."
Dennis let the news sink in a little and turned towards Linda. "I can't tell you how grateful I am to you. It's 'cause of you that I'll live to see my ma and pa again."
"You just get some rest," she whispered, and squeezed his hand. She bolted up and ran out the doors into the compound.
"Is she ok?" Dennis asked.
"Let me check on her," I said, and followed Linda's path out the door.
She was standing, looking out over the camp, arms crossed and tears streaming down her face.
"How you doing, Linda?" I asked.
She turned to me and, without a word, clutched me so tight that it knocked the wind out of me.
"I can't tell you how awful I feel, about how I treated you."
"What in the world are you talking about?" I asked.
She sobbed and turned away from me. "When we were in the jeep the other day, and you were doing what you could to make me feel like a person again, I felt myself hating you when you called me your friend."
"Why?"
She shivered and wrapped her arms around her body. "I don't know. But I was so cruel. And then when I questioned your commitment to your patients...I wouldn't blame you if you never wanted to see me again."
Despite her solemnity, I laughed. "I could never blame you for what you did. Do you have any idea how many times I've yelled at people or called them names or said things I felt awful about later?"
I took my lab coat off and wrapped it around her shoulders, trying to warm her up. "We're not ourselves when we're here. We're people under stress, under pressure, and under fire, literally most times, and we can't help but put up a wall to protect ourselves. That wall is the thing that everyone else sees, it's our façade.
"But when you looked at me with those burning eyes, I knew I was seeing the real you. You were dedicated to helping someone and you wouldn't take no for an answer. A man's life was hanging in the balance and you were brave enough to stand up for him."
There was silence for a moment. I felt her shiver and I ran my hands up and down her arms, trying to warm her, but she shrugged me off. It wasn't a harsh, gesture, but I felt like I had done something wrong. She turned to me and smiled. "Thank you so much for being so kind."
She gave me my lab coat back and kissed me on the cheek. Without a word, she glided towards her tent and was lost in the darkness.
I stood there in shock, my face burning where she had kissed me.
Snap out of it, I said to myself, but I couldn't seem to. Different questions rushed through my head. Why did she kiss me? Why did I suddenly feel like my shoes were glued to the floor? Why when I put my lab coat on and felt her warmth, my heart beat faster in my chest then I thought it could?
I shook my head and walked back into post-op.
"Is she doing ok?" I heard someone say through the cloud around my head.
"What?"
"Beej," Hawkeye asked, walking towards me. "Is she ok?"
"Oh, yeah, she'll be fine. I think she just needs a day or so to relax and she'll be as right as rain again."
"Sounds good," Hawkeye said, eyeing me strangely.
"What is it?"
He hesitated. I felt like he was about to say something, something important. But as soon as he opened his mouth, he closed it again. He sighed.
"Nothing," he said, and he dropped into silence.
There was something about the dazed look on BJ's face when he walked into post-op that stopped me cold. I found myself wondering what he had said to her and, more importantly, what she had said back to make him look like that. He didn't look happy, or sad, or any other simple emotion. It was some kind of strange combination of elation and horror.
"Are you ok?" I asked him after a long silence.
"Yeah, why do you ask?" he said briskly.
"You just look...I dunno...strange."
"Do I?" he asked, looking over a chart that I recognized as a chart he had looked over about three times in the last fifteen minutes.
"What did you guys talk about out there?"
"Nothing much."
"Why was she upset?"
"No reason."
I pulled the chart out of his hand. "Can I get a real answer from you?"
"What's the matter with you?"
"What's the matter with me? What's the matter with you? You're acting like a zombie and I'd like to know why."
"I don't know what you're talking about." He grabbed the chart from me and hung it up. He walked a few feet, stopped and turned back to me. "I'm sorry Hawkeye. The truth is I don't know what's come over me."
"It's ok, Beej. I'll take over for you. Why don't you get some rest?"
"Thanks."
