I marched out of my tent and made a beeline for the Swamp. I could see a light inside and spotted Hawkeye hunched over the still.
With determination, I threw the door aside, stepped in and asked, "I hope you can explain yourself to me."
He put his head up, and I immediately felt a flush of embarrassment hit my face. BJ looked at me with surprise. "I thought I was getting a nightcap."
"Oh, BJ, I'm so sorry," I said. "I thought you were Hawkeye."
"Sorry to disappoint," he replied. "Drink?"
"Yeah, a big one."
"That's unusual. Anything amiss?"
"No," I said, falsely. He saw through that right away.
"What's wrong?" he rephrased. I was reluctant to tell him, to let him know that my faith in humanity was wavering, that the man I had been in love with for so long was nothing but a creep.
"I just heard some news that was...unsettling," I replied carefully.
"About what?" He sat on his bed and looked up at me with his big, blue eyes. Something about his face being so open to me made me open up to it. As much as I tried not to, I couldn't help but spill it all to him.
"About Hawkeye," I sighed and sat down. "About the stories that I hear about him and whether or not they're true."
"Oh, so that's the trouble," he said, putting his drink down on his bedside table. "You've heard about the one who sneaks in the night."
"The night, the afternoon, the morning, anytime as far as I know," I said. "But is it true? BJ, tell me, is it true what they say about him? Or is it vicious gossip?"
Looking down, I realized I was sitting on Hawkeye's bed. How many other women had been there before me? How many other people had been wined and dined in this tent before I even arrived? Or worse, how many after I'd arrived?
BJ crossed the room and sat down next to me. "The thing you have to understand about Hawkeye is...well," I could tell he was trying to word it in a way that would explain his friend's disposition to me without lying or telling too much of the truth. "He's Hawkeye," he finished. "I know that's vague, but it's true. He's a one-of-a-kind guy." He put his hand in mine, comforting me. "And Hawkeye likes to have his fun. He drinks, he gambles, he sasses superior officers, and he chases women. Those things make Hawkeye who he is."
My head fell. That was it then; maybe I was just another woman to him. Maybe he was just up for a challenge and didn't realize what a hard catch I would be.
But BJ placed his hand under my chin and gently nudged my head up so I was looking straight at him. "But Hawkeye would never, ever do anything to hurt someone. I have a feeling that, if he knew he was breaking hearts left and right, he wouldn't do it anymore. Hawkeye may like to chase women, but he doesn't want to hurt them. Besides, you have to understand, there's no coercion. Sure, he'll kid around, but in the end every girl who ends up being with him does it of her own free will, whether or not she'd like to admit it the day after."
I took his hand in mine and smiled. "You really are so wonderful to defend him like this," I said. "Whether or not he deserves it."
He patted my knee and stood up, making his way back to the still. "Sometimes, I can't figure out why I defend Hawkeye. Even Margaret and Frank defend him sometimes, but we don't have any idea why." He poured some liquid into a martini glass and passed it to me. "But we all do. Hawkeye is a good guy. He may not always act like it, but he has a good heart."
Staring into the glass, I tried to see the logic in BJ's words, but what Sherry had said was burned into my mind.
I was nothing but a notch in his bedpost.
I didn't know who to believe. Sherry wouldn't lie about something like that, but neither would BJ. Was Hawkeye really a sex-maniac who was just looking for the next best thing? Or was he just a lonely guy, trying to get consolation by any means he could?
I took a swig of martini, and was surprised by the liquid that flowed down my throat. I held up my glass to BJ.
"You know you put water in my glass?"
"I sure do," he replied, putting real gin into his glass.
"I'm a big girl, you know BJ, I can take care of myself. If I want a hangover, that's my prerogative."
"I know, and if you really want it, I'll pour you a glass of our gut-busting gin. However, and don't take this the wrong way, it might not be the best time for you to drink. You're upset and alcohol will only make it worse."
I tossed the empty glass onto the table and smiled. "I don't know whether to yell at you for butting in or thank you for looking out for me."
"Whichever one it is, at least one of us will have a clear head in the morning." He took another swig and chuckled. "It's promising to be a long session for me."
"Any reason?" I asked.
He paused, obviously racking his brain for a better reason than we are in the middle of a war, why the hell not?
"It's just been a long day."
I couldn't very well say, I am reevaluating my life at the moment because I can't seem to think straight when I am around you and I feel like I've been walking around with my head on backwards since you came along.
"It's just been a long day." It sounded much better.
"Well, you get some rest," she answered. "My prescription for a long day is a long night."
"Is that an open invitation?"
She spun around and met Hawkeye as he sauntered into the tent.
"And how are you doing this evening, my dear?"
"Fine, Captain," she spat, pushing past him and rushing out the door. He followed her out of sight with his eyes and then stared back at me.
"What did I do?"
"It seems someone from your checkered past swooped in and told Linda about your exploits as the Casanova of the 4077th."
"Who?"
"Sherry."
"Damn," he whispered, looking out the door. "I wish I could have explained things to her before she heard all that."
"There's still time," I said.
"I don't think she wants to talk to me."
"Then don't let her talk. Just make her listen. You two have been friends too long and she knows you better than to listen to some silly rumors."
He turned to me and smiled. "When did you become my relationship counselor?"
I shrugged. "I'm here to serve."
"I think I'll give her a minute to cool off before I go in there and explain myself."
"What are you gonna say to her?" I asked, sipping my gin. I hoped Hawkeye would have something intelligent to say or he could easily lose Linda.
"I'll just tell her the truth," he said confidently. "I'll speak from my own mind, I'll use the language I have acquired over my lifetime to eloquently set her straight."
"Sounds good."
"So what should I say?" he pleaded.
I laughed. "I think this time you really should use your own words. It doesn't matter if it's eloquent or not, just as long as it's the truth."
"But what should I say? The truth is not a very nice one."
"As long as you're honest. Just go there and make sure she knows that you still care about her."
Determined, he jumped up and threw himself toward the door. Before he left, he turned and looked at me, gratitude etched into his face. "Thanks for all your help BJ. You've saved me from a foot in the mouth several times. This time, though, it's so important-"
"Don't tell me, tell her," I said, cutting him off. "Go!"
He smiled and tore out the door towards her tent.
I sighed and took a sip of my drink.
