Possessed… Or Not?
Chapter 59
Monday, October 13
Harry tied the boat to the pier and hoisted his rucksack. Bone-weary, he wanted nothing more than to crash on his bed and sleep for a few days at the least. He tapped the door with his wand and pushed it open. He was just shutting it behind him when he heard a scream and the weight of someone crushing the life out of him.
"Whoa!" said Harry, standing awkwardly. "What's going on?"
Demelza let go of him, staring him down with accusation in her higher than usual voice. "Where have you been? Why didn't you come back sooner like you said you would?"
"What are you talking about?" asked Harry, bemused. "I've been gone for only a few hours."
Demelza drew back.
"In fact, I'd say I'm early," continued Harry, walking into the cabin, and unzipping his jacket. "It's not even dark out."
"What?" she whispered. Harry turned around to see Demelza frozen, gazing at him in shock.
It took Harry a few moments to put together what was going on. He threw his backpack onto the floor and slammed the wall with his fist, swearing. "Not again!"
He thought it had stopped. There had been no evidence his memory lapse had happened again for almost a month, since when he had been injured and immobile. And just after he had stepped foot out of this place for the first time, it had resurfaced.
Frustration, and not a small amount of anxiety, was overtaking him. Something was terribly wrong with him. There was no point trying to brush it off any more like he had the past instances.
He looked up at a confused-looking Demelza, and asked, "When did I leave?"
"Yesterday."
Harry swore under his breath again and rubbed his eyes beneath his glasses. No wonder he felt starved and incredibly tired.
What was wrong with him?
"Harry, you're scaring me."
Harry glanced back at her and was startled to see real fear in Demelza's eyes – she was usually either mad at him, upset or sympathizing at his misery that it was jarring to have her look at him like that.
He removed his glasses and rubbed his face, feeling light-headed with the lack of food. He called for Twitchet. The elf was ecstatic to have him back and reappeared promptly with plates of steak. Harry sat down on the couch to have a few mouthfuls before he wordlessly asked Demelza to sit down too.
"I think I'm losing time."
Demelza stared back at him like he was a nutter but Harry did not know how else to put it. He tried to explain as best as he could. "I reckon it happened once, just a week or so before I met you," he said. "I didn't think too much of it, but then it happened again when we were in the hospital. Remember you left to go in search for a place to stay?"
She nodded mutely.
"I swear it felt like only a few moments before you'd returned," said Harry. "I thought after we had arrived here, that it had stopped and I could just put it up to having been alone for too long. Now I realize that's definitely not what's happening."
Demelza frowned, taking it all in. "Do you think you were cursed or something? Without your knowledge, maybe?"
Harry felt himself shaking his head. "No, I hadn't exactly left this shack much, had I? And I was always with Twitchet."
A moment of silence before she said, "Why didn't you tell me?"
"You weren't going to be staying with me," Harry pointed out. "I wasn't going to tell something like that to someone who would leave soon."
"Understandable," nodded Demelza. "I'd have thought you were crazier than you already seemed." Harry snorted despite himself, but sobered when Demelza asked, "What does it feel like?"
Harry stood up from the couch and walked up to the window. He looked out into the dark waters which were quite still that evening, trying his best to think back to what had happened since he had left.
Reaching the forested shore, Harry tied the boat and added a Muggle-repelling charm on it for good measure. With nothing on him except his backpack, Harry spun on the spot and Disapparated.
Number Twelve Grimmauld Place was just as empty as he had left it, perhaps more haunted than he remembered. Why he had the urge to come back here was beyond him, but Harry wanted to look for something that could help him find the other Horcruxes. Where better to start than the last place where they had found one?
Yeah, that didn't sound very plausible but Harry wanted to be somewhere alone where he could think better without Demelza around. She was too distracting sometimes.
Unconsciously, Harry pulled out the locket from under his shirt and held it. It felt comfortably warm, having taken his body heat. He remembered having been curious at the fact that it had been ice cold for a long while during the first few days Harry had worn it. He tucked it underneath his shirt again.
Harry traipsed up the stairs after silencing the screeching portrait, straight to Regulus' room once again. He combed the room for anything that might be of help, anything he could have missed the first time around, but found nothing. Dejected but not too surprised, Harry left the room, shutting the door behind him, when he came face to face with another room instead.
Sirius.
Harry couldn't remember clearly what happened after that, but he did remember feeling like he had been hit by a wave of emotion he could not place. And the need to not enter that room if he could help it.
He had then proceeded to comb through the entire house, stopping a few times to have a snack that Twitchet had prepared for him before he had left. He didn't even think he had napped in between either.
He really could not say that he had blank periods of time in his memory. It was just a normal couple of hours to him and if Demelza didn't say otherwise, Harry would have gone about his day, perfectly content.
He shrugged, "I don't feel anything different. I saw you bringing me breakfast that day, I look up moments later and you were getting my lunch."
Demelza was quiet and with his back to her, Harry imagined she must be taken aback. Harry found it bizarre himself, he wondered if she even believed him.
"Harry, you don't think this has something to do with you seeing into You-Know-Who's mind, do you?"
Not at all surprised that Demelza had made that connection instantly, he turned around to face her. "How can that be? I've been looking into his mind ever since he came back."
Demelza's eyes widened a fraction at that bit of information, before she absorbed it and frowned, "Or it could be something that's showing its effect only now. I mean, I don't think anyone can say they have looked into You-Know-Who's mind, can they?"
"Maybe." Harry was doubtful – Dumbledore would have warned him if that was possible. But, like Demelza so aptly said, nobody had ever looked into his mind, had they?
"Or…" trailed off Demelza.
Harry looked up curiously. "Or what?"
Demelza hesitated. "You – you don't think you could be possessed, do you? You-Know-Who is not trying to control your mind, is he?"
Harry could have been in the attic of Number Twelve, Grimmauld Place, hearing Demelza's same question in his own voice. The déjà vu passed momentarily. "I think I wouldn't be having this conversation with you, if that was the case, don't you think?" he said shortly.
Demelza didn't look like she believed that and Harry let out a sigh of frustration. "I know I can't be possessed by him. Dumbledore thought it wasn't possible. He can't be wrong."
When Demelza still kept staring at him with trepidation, Harry knitted his brows. "You believe I'm possessed, then?"
Demelza took a moment too long to answer, by which time Harry had already turned his back on her in vexation. She grabbed his hand, stopping him from leaving. "I didn't say that!"
She walked around to stand in front of him. "I just think you should get help from someone you know – your family or friends. You don't even know what you're dealing with—"
Harry glared at her and jerked his hand out of her grip, before he turned his back on her and made his way up the stairs. He expected her to call him out, perhaps even yell at him, but she did nothing of the sort. He didn't know if he felt relieved or dejected about that.
A while later however, there was a knock on his door. "Harry? Are you asleep yet?"
Harry did not answer Demelza. He wanted to be left alone right then and the last thing he wanted was for her to suggest he should go back.
He couldn't go back, he just couldn't.
Harry turned to his side, getting into a more comfortable position in his bed. But the bed was old, just like everything else in the shack and it creaked loudly, rattling against his weight.
"I can hear you, you know."
Harry pushed aside the covers and stood up. Marching up to the door, he threw it open to reveal a startled-looking Demelza.
"What do you want?" snapped Harry.
"Uh, my nightclothes," she mumbled not meeting his eyes.
Harry remembered that it was she who had been sleeping in the room since the last week when he had so chivalrously asked her to take it. He stepped aside, and walked past her. "You can sleep here."
Demelza looked up. "What? You don't have to—"
But Harry had already climbed down the stairs, not waiting for her answer. He sank into the couch and propped his head up with his arm beneath his head. He was wrung out even though he had just had his dinner. Harry wondered if Demelza's words held any truth.
Was Voldemort trying to possess him?
Or maybe he's already possessed you and you didn't know it yet.
Harry wished to think that could not be possible. Yet, Harry was also out of justifcations to understand exactly what was going on with him. He was going back and forth in his head and the uncertainty was downright confusing and scary to endure. He wished he had Dumbledore around to help him.
But you have Sirius.
No, he couldn't possibly know or understand what Harry was going through. He didn't know about Voldemort as much as Dumbledore did. He was practically useless to Harry.
Don't think like that!
Harry closed his eyes and tried to rest. A part of him wondered idly if he would wake up tomorrow or a few days later. The ensuing panic made his heart hammer wildly and his eyes snapped open again. It was only a few minutes later that Harry calmed enough to fall asleep. He awoke three more times before his body finally succumbed into exhaustion and he slept without a fit.
When he finally arose, the sun was up and the shack was pleasantly warm. His body ached from the odd position he had been sleeping in but what caught his attention was the pile of blankets on the floor beside his couch.
Harry pulled aside the blankets to reveal Demelza's scrunched up face, blinking against the bright light.
"Can you even breathe inside there?" asked Harry, mildly amused.
"I was doing fine 'til you rudely woke me up," muttered Demelza, breaking into a huge yawn.
"What are you doing down here?"
"I thought I heard you wake up a few times during the night," she said, standing up and stretching.
"So?"
"So," stressed Demelza, "I wanted to keep an eye on you."
Harry frowned and raised an eyebrow quizzically.
Demelza pursed her lips together in annoyance and rolled her eyes at having to explain herself. "You said you're losing time, right? But nobody actually loses time, you get what I mean? Time doesn't wait or speed up for anyone. So I was wondering if maybe what you described as 'losing time' was perhaps you losing your sense of yourself for… an amount of time." She wrinkled her nose, seeming quite confused with her own explanation.
Harry grew puzzled. "And that would mean—?"
"—that for the time you think you don't remember doing anything, you must've been doing something else not of your own volition or you must've not done absolutely anything. I highly doubt the latter's likely though."
Harry took a moment to parse through her words. "You're saying someone… hijacked my body?"
"No, Harry," she said, puffing out a breath. "I'm saying someone must've hijacked your mind."
Harry felt a growing worry. "But that's what it means to control someone. You're saying I'm being possessed by Voldem—"
"Don't say his name!" shouted Demelza.
"—by You-Know-Who?" he amended smoothly, uncaring.
Demelza nodded. "I can't think of any other explanation."
Harry began pacing. What Demelza was suggesting not only made sense but also seemed quite plausible. Sure, he didn't have blank periods of time in his memory like Ginny had said she did, but he couldn't trust himself anymore. Perhaps Voldemort found a dfferent way to possess him?
Harry stopped his furious pacing and turned towards her. "You need to leave."
"Excuse me?"
"I wasn't exactly the safest person to be around to begin with, but now you really need to stay as far away from me as you can."
"You're an idiot, you are," said Demelza, shaking her head.
"Demelza, listen to me…"
Demelza spoke over him. "What I need to do is to make certain that what we're suggesting is true. I, for one, have seen no evidence of you 'losing time' as you put it," she said, making air quotes with her hands. It was clear by the jesting tone in her voice that she didn't believe it herself.
Harry bristled. "Just because it hasn't happened when you've been around—"
"Look at it this way, Harry. I'm a Muggle-born. If You-Know-Who is indeed possessing you, the best thing he could have done is use you to kill me when we're all alone. But, you haven't tried that in the six weeks we've been here, have you?"
Harry scowled. "The thought did cross my mind a few times," he said half-heartedly.
"Believe me, I had them more often than you," Demelza nodded giving him a nasty look. "But we're both here, aren't we?"
Harry stayed quiet for a moment before he rubbed his forehead. He could feel a headache coming and he couldn't even blame his scar this time. "Are you suggesting I am being possessed or not?"
"You're quite dumb for someone so smart," muttered Demelza under her breath, quite clearly for him to hear.
"Hey!"
"All I'm saying is this – You've not been 'possessed' in the time you've been with me. Either You-Know-Who is losing this fight with your mind or it could be something else entirely that's doing this to you only when you're alone and out of everyone's eye. If that's the case, then it's safer for you as long as you're with me," said Demelza, pointing at herself with her thumb.
Harry raised an eyebrow at her bold proclamation, even though he felt like she had given him some clarity amidst the gloom of his worries. He smirked, unable to counter her reasoning. He guessed they were going to be stuck in this shack for a while after all.
oOo
Wednesday, October 15
"Ron?" called out Hermione, interrupting the former's reading. He looked up at her with evident relief. "Thank Merlin! I needed a break."
Hermione shook her head unappreciatively, before speaking again. "I've been thinking about what Sirius said to us last month."
"Oh, which bit?" asked Ron, shutting his book and yawning. All this extra reading on top of his schoolwork that Remus insisted on, Ron barely had enough time to spend his time with anyone else in the house, let alone Hermione.
"The bit about us breaking into Hogwarts and committing a possible Horcrux theft?"
"Well, it isn't exactly stealing," said Ron, shrugging. "Whatever it is, it doesn't belong to Hogwarts. At least, not anymore."
"That's not my point," said Hermione quickly, settling into the chair beside Ron's window. Ron was one of the few lucky ones in the house to have a room all to himself. The Combe Abbott was huge, at least six times as big as Ron's house. His room here alone was bigger than his mum and dad's back home. It felt nice to have a large space all to himself, even though he probably would have liked it if Harry were here too. Thinking about his runaway friend made him feel a sharp twinge in his abdomen that was worry or anger, he did not know. Ignoring it, Ron paid attention to Hermione, who was sitting prettily against the window, the sunlight streaming in lighting her up like some sort of halo.
Hermione continued unaware of Ron's inner musings. "What I meant to say is – are we really going to break into Hogwarts? We're not exactly the people who ought to be there at this time, you know. Not to remind you, Sirius is Undesirable No. 1. "
"I don't think Snape or the Carrows would be too fond of seeing us either," chimed Ron.
Hermione's eyes widened and she let out a squeak which made Ron snigger.
"I don't like this at all!" she exclaimed, jumping up unable to control herself now that the reason for her anxiety was out. "What if we get caught or worse—"
"—expelled?" Ron interrupted.
Hermione came to a stuttering halt. "W-What?" she asked, bemusedly.
"Thought that was the worst thing that could happen, at least according to you."
Realization dawned on Hermione who broke into a hysterical laugh. Ron grinned, feeling warm knowing that he had caused it.
Hermione hiccupped, visibly reining in her amusement. "Why would you even remember that?"
"That was the first time I'd heard something utterly ludicrous from a girl my age. I couldn't forget it if I tried." That was also the first time that he had a proper conversation with her and decided that this girl was a nutter. Brilliant of course, but absolutely mad.
Hermione smiled and Ron thought she looked a bit red. He felt himself growing hot all over and quickly cleared his throat. Hermione sat down again, biting her lip in consternation. "I went through the plan Sirius suggested. I know he said we can't ask anyone else's help in the Order, but I also think we ought to keep ourselves a backup if worse came to worse."
"Whom do you have in mind?" asked Ron, frowning.
"I think… we have to ask the help of a few house-elves."
Ron drew back, surprised. "I thought you were the one insisting not to treat them like slaves."
"Don't be silly, Ron. We're not going to treat them like slaves. But, we can use all the help we can get. And house-elves are the only beings capable of getting in and out of Hogwarts despite all its Anti-Apparition enchantments."
Ron sat up, excitedly. "Wait a minute – Hermione, that's brilliant! How did we not think of this before?"
"I'm going to assume, like all pure-bloods do," scoffed Hermione. "Bigotry is so deep-rooted, you don't even see the glaring loophole in Hogwarts' security enchantments. I bet they think it's beneath them to even touch a house-elf, let alone ask their help to Apparate in or out."
Ron let the insult slide, struck with another thought. "Hang on! But, we can't assume You-Know-Who is that big of an idiot. He was clever enough to use a house-elf for his own need when it was necessary in that lake. With Snape as the Headmaster, it's basically You-Know-Who pulling the strings. What if he already added some form of enchantment to prevent just that?"
Hermione frowned. "I don't think that's possible. He still thinks Slytherin's locket is safe in the island where Harry and Dumbledore found it, doesn't he? And we know from Regulus' story that Kreacher was able to Disapparate when his master called him."
Ron nodded, impressed.
Hermione continued, "I think You-Know-Who must not have thought of it. Malfoy and the Death Eaters spent an entire year trying to fix that Vanishing Cabinet so they could break in when all they would have actually needed was a house-elf."
"Maybe, Dumbledore had some sort of protection to ensure no house-elf could break in," suggested Ron. "Or perhaps the Ministry? Didn't the Aurors add more enchantments last year to Hogwarts?"
Hermione paused, nodding. "You make a good point there."
"But I think we should suggest it to Sirius anyway," said Ron. "Maybe he would know something about it, being in the Order and all. It still seems a better idea to me than breaking in through the secret tunnels. Without Harry's map, we're going to be goners."
Hermione chewed on her lip again in worry. Ron was just about to lighten her mood, when there was a knock on his door. "It's dinner time, Ron. Is Hermione with you?" asked Tonks.
Hermione shot up and opened the door to let in a glum-looking Tonks. Since news of her father's death reached her, she had grown sombre. Her boisterous presence was gone and replaced with a sad disposition that was reminiscent of the time Ron had seen her last year when Remus had apparently broken up with her. The twins tried to cheer her up but it was plain for everyone to see that she participated only half-heartedly.
Ron felt a pang of sympathy and a horrible sense of dread whenever he saw her now however. It was just a stark reminder that his family was out there too. Ron had not written or talked to his parents in months. He only knew from Percy's silence that his parents were alive and well, since he saw his dad and brothers at work. But this was the longest he had gone without even a letter from his mother and Ron was terribly homesick.
"We'll be down, Tonks," Hermione was saying. "Is Sirius coming tonight?"
"He's already arrived," said Tonks, listlessly.
"Oh, alright. See you down in a moment."
Hermione pulled her hair up in a ponytail, speaking simultaneously. "Come on, Ron… Ron? What's on your mind?" She asked suddenly, glancing at him.
Ron, who had been thinking about his family, shook himself off. At least he had some of his brothers with him here, unlike Hermione, whose parents were in Australia, with no memory of having a daughter. Sirius had vehemently refuted the act of erasing their memories, but Hermione was insistent and won her way. The country was just not safe – and if they had no memory of her, the safer they would be as well as her.
And what of his best friend, who had knowingly abandoned his safety and put his life on the risk?
In hindsight, Ron was much better off than his two other friends.
"No, it's nothing. Come on then."
The two of them headed downstairs to see a magnificent spread courtesy of the Abbott's house-elf, Kenny. Since there was no Order meeting that day, it was only the inhabitants of the Combe Abbott, plus a few others who dropped by that evening, namely Proudfoot and Percy.
The former was having the attention of the room, speaking, "…and with the recently effected policy changes, that gives the Ministry the right to imprison any person who they even think might be helping muggleborns escape the country or go into hiding."
"That's terrible!" exclaimed Catherine, aghast.
"But not unexpected," said Remus grimly. "With the Wizengamot now doing his every bidding, You-Know-Who will not even need to come up with a pretence to hide the open discrimination the Ministry is displaying. This is worrying."
"We've got to do something," said Angelina, her voice wavering when she glanced at Sirius. "Any further and they'll start publicly executing muggleborns any day now."
"We need to somehow get the Wizengamot on our side," said George. Fred nodded, "They're the ones making the law."
"You've got to understand the Wizengamot is the one passing these laws," said Tonks, somewhat gravely. "They were a bunch of old sods to begin with, but now that we have Yaxley as the Minister, he's got a lot of the purebloods threatened or Imperiused and on his side."
"Doge is the only one in the Wizengamot, who we have on our side for now," said Remus. "But one wizard cannot do much in the grand scheme of things. Not unless we find some other way to get them on our side."
"Can't we do anything?" asked Hermione in worry, turning towards Sirius beseechingly. Ron could not blame her – the situation seemed entirely hopeless.
Sirius was frowning, appearing to be deep in thought. "For now, we won't. We have other things to take care of first," said Sirius, furtively glancing at him and Hermione, "and like I've said before, we need to be certain we have more people on our side. There's always strength in numbers."
"But not many will want to speak up and be killed!" said Catherine. "It's reasonable to many to rather stay safe in hiding and keep their head down."
"For how long?" countered Sirius. "For how long will they be able to keep their head down? The Death Eaters have now made it a punishable offence if a half-blood or a pure-blood helps a muggleborn escape. They've opened that cage of doxies by targeting their own kind now. Neutral families will now be forced to take a side and not many will take to it lightly that even purebloods and half-bloods have become their target. Sometimes people need to be the recipient of tyranny themselves before they begin to realize the need to fight back – for them and for everyone."
"So we wait?" asked George, appalled by what Sirius was suggesting.
"No, we focus on things that need our immediate attention now. Like making sure every one of us is sufficiently prepared for any and every attack. I heard that not one of you came even close to defeating Proudfoot in the practice duel yesterday."
Fred retorted, "That wasn't a fair game!"
"And Patrick lands a mean Stinging Hex when you're not looking," added George distastefully. Proudfoot grinned smugly and winked, causing Catherine to chuckle.
"Patrick is an Auror," said Hermione simply, as if astounded that Sirius was even suggesting something as competing with him.
"And why should that stop you from not being good enough to defeat him?" put forth Sirius, before straightening in his chair. "Then let's do it like this: The first two of you to defeat Proudfoot gets to go on the next mission for the Order."
Fred and George revelled in the challenge while the others merely grimaced.
"When is this duel scheduled for?" asked Fred, daringly.
Sirius glanced at Remus, "How about in a fortnight?"
"Sounds good to me," said Remus, shrugging nonchalantly.
"It's decided," nodded Sirius. "Make sure to notify Lee, Oliver and Alicia."
Fred and George pumped their fists into the air, excited. Hermione and Angelina however, shared dismayed glances. When the meeting was dispersing, Ron made his way to Sirius. "You would actually take someone else on the next mission? What about me and Hermione? We deserve to come along after everything we know."
"Well, Dumbledore might have thought sending children to do the dirty work was all fine and dandy, but I disagree."
"Children?" exclaimed Ron, aghast and with not a small amount of anger. "We're not children!"
"Then, prove it to me," said Sirius, his eyes glinting. "I'm responsible for the both of you – show me why I should take you along instead of the others."
Sirius was leaving just as Hermione approached Ron, the latter who squared his shoulders and muttered furiously, "Oh I'll show you."
oOo
