Flight of Fancy

Chapter 60

Sunday, October 19

Fred and George were a bunch of bright lads – Sirius had known that of course, but they continued to impress by pulling one more trick out of their hats.

For one, when the Order had first discussed on the necessity to have some form of communication with the people outside, the boys had agreed to take it on as a challenge. While they had devised a broadcasting network exclusively for the Order, the idea had been somewhat conceivable, and thus not outlandishly spectacular. Sirius should have known they would improve upon it and take it up a notch, however – they just didn't do anything in halves.

"What can we say? In for a Knut, in for a Galleon, am I right, George?" grinned Fred.

George beamed identically to his twin. "We got the idea from you, Cathy. It's a variation on the charm we use for our wireless, but listeners can now use the charm that Fred and I worked on, along with the password we give them and use it to send out their messages to us. "

Fred added, "We've tested it out on our last broadcast and we actually have more than thirteen listeners who got back to us with their side of the news and rumours in the last twenty four hours."

"You boys should have become Aurors," said Tonks, shaking her head, mightily impressed. "Or at least joined the Ministry. The sodding geezers we have up there could learn a thing or two."

The twins appeared chuffed at her praise when Kingsley interrupted, "What do we have?"

"Fred and I took the liberty of noting them down," said George, passing a piece of parchment to him. "A lot of Muggle attacks, mostly," said Lee, who had been helping out the twins. "I reckon I counted around three families dead just this week alone. I found and went through the Muggle newspapers. They've reported them as gas leaks and other hogwash."

"You can tell it terrorized a lot of the Wizarding families in the vicinity," added Fred, gravely.

"And one of our listeners said that they heard there's Inferi being let loose in many parts of the south too. Like we didn't already have to deal with Dementors and Werewolves," said Lee, rolling his eyes.

"And someone also said they'd heard Gwenog Jones was dead," said Fred, snickering and looking over at Gwen, who was practicing with Remus on one corner of the room, struggling with the Patronus Charm.

"Clearly, not all of these news is true," said Kingsley, inclining his head. "We might have to verify them all for ourselves before we decided to announce something as blasphemous as that."

"I agree," said Sirius, leaning back in his chair. "We don't need to be spreading false rumours or allow them to continue either."

"Too right you are, Sirius," said George, beaming before picking up his quill and scratching something on the parchment. "We can introduce a segment dedicated to clarifying rumours that we hear from both our listeners and our other news sources."

"We've also heard rumours about Harry, I see," said Tonks, leaning in beside George to have a gander at the parchment he was scribbling on.

"Oh, yes," said Fred, speaking rather dramatically. "Rumours on where The Chosen One is and also speculation on what he's doing right now. The Prophet really let the Kneazle out of the bag when they did that piece saying Harry's on the run. I suspect You-Know-Who himself would be in a dither to understand exactly what's going on with him."

George appeared tickled. "We've had someone say that they thought Harry escaped from you, Sirius, because you murdered the Minister, and you know…" he added shrugging, "generally being Undesirable No. 1."

Sirius grumbled, "Brilliant. Just what I needed to hear."

"We'll make sure to let them know that's not what happened," Fred grinned. "The things people can come up with! No wonder that book about Dumbledore's life is selling out like hot cakes," he said, shaking his head disbelievingly.

Sirius quirked his lips, amused himself and clapped the twins on their backs. "Good work, boys!"

He stood up, announcing he was going to find Ron and Hermione upstairs, and even as he was retreating he heard George continue his conversation with the rest. "Yep, the last thing we need is for everyone to think is that the Boy-Who-Lived had to run away from an abusive home. We don't want that, do we?" he asked redundantly.

Sirius shook his head and sighed. Indeed.

oOo

'Expecto patronum!'

A bright, white light emanated from the wand, wavered unsteadily before fizzling out of existence.

"Not happy enough, Gwen," said Remus, crossing his arms and leaning against the bookshelf. He was exhausted – the full moon had been just until yesterday – and he and Gwen had been at it for nearly an hour now. The room had cleared long back and only Hestia and Dora were there a few paces away. "You need to think of something powerful enough to protect you from the Dementor's effects. Try again."

"Winning my first match isn't happy enough, eh?" muttered Gwen in annoyance, twirling her wand in her hand unconsciously.

Hestia and Dora, who had been in a mock duel, paused their practice session for a break and headed their way.

"How's Gwen doing so far?" asked Hestia, smiling.

"I'm guessing not very well," answered Dora. Only Remus heard the slight sarcasm in her voice – just like her usual self when she dealt with Gwen. She was, at least, not shutting herself off from everyone; for that Remus was happy. He was not exceptionally gifted in knowing how to treat a woman, let alone his new wife, who had just lost her parent. It was probably a good thing that they were stuck here with other members of the Order. Everyone took it upon themselves to distract her and Remus was grateful for all the help.

"Apparently, winning my first Quidditch match isn't powerful enough a memory," said Gwen, sulking.

Despite her annoyance with Gwen, Dora offered helpfully, "But you've won loads of matches! I bet the feeling isn't unique or powerful enough. The first time I did a Patronus, I thought of the day my boyfriend back then asked me to be his girlfriend."

Remus' neck cricked with the speed at which he turned to look at her. "Toby McMillan? I thought you said he was a dunce!"

"I didn't know that then," said Dora grinning. "Don't worry, that's not who I'm thinking of when I'm conjuring my Patronus now." Remus was simply relieved to see her in a much lighter mood – it had been a long ten days since he had seen her smile properly.

Hestia laughed at their exchange but Gwen looked merely distracted in her own thoughts.

"Let's go at it again," said Remus, nodding towards Gwen.

"Alright, alright," she muttered to herself. "Rare, happy, yet powerful. This is hard."

Saying so, she raised her wand, took a moment to collect her thoughts before she enunciated, 'Expecto patronum!'

Something huge and made up of blinding white light erupted from her wand. It took a moment for Remus' eyes to adjust before he could make out her corporeal Patronus. What he saw made his mouth fall open.

Gwen whooped in delight. "I did it!"

None of the others joined in her excitement however. The large bear-like dog, trotted across the room and towards Gwen where it bowed slightly. Gwen beamed approaching the dog Patronus in exhilaration when it dissolved into darkness.

Remus broke out of his reverie first. "We—Well done, Gwen. That—that was excellent!"

He instinctively glanced at Hestia and saw the shock and disbelief splayed across her face, confirming his long-held suspicions.

"Well, what do you know," announced Dora, somewhat ironically. "The exact same Patronus as Sirius."

Hestia's features were morphing into stone, devoid of expression. Remus was unable to say anything to comfort her with Gwen around. Even if he could, he didn't know what exactly he could say.

"That's who I was thinking of," said Gwen, grinning. "Sirius asking me out during sixth year for our first date. I didn't know it then, but it is one of the happiest days of my life."

"No doubt," said Dora.

Hestia glanced at Remus who was nearest to her and avoiding looking at his eyes, she mumbled. "I'll be back in a moment, Remus. I—I need some air."

"Hestia, are you okay?" Remus asked quietly in concern.

"Yes, yes, I'm fine." To her credit, she actually managed to smile somewhat sincerely. "I'll be out by the woods. Don't get your wands in a knot looking for me."

Without waiting any longer, Hestia turned and left. Remus watched her go, wishing he could have said something when only moments later, Sirius arrived with a frown on his face, pointing behind him.

"What's up with—" He started to say to Remus when Dora spoke over him.

"Sirius! We were just talking about you," she said grinning rather cheekily at the sight of him, possibly entertained by the thought of Gwen fancying Sirius.

"About me?" asked Sirius, bemused.

"Gwen just successfully cast a Patronus," Dora said, glancing at Gwen. Remus thought she was blushing, which was completely out of character for the Gwen he knew. He already had a bad feeling about it all.

"Oh, that's splendid, Gwen," Sirius said nonchalantly.

Dora smirked. "You won't believe what form her Patronus just –"

"Where's Hestia?" interrupted Gwen loudly, sufficiently catching Sirius off-guard.

"That's what I was about to ask you, Remus," said Sirius, frowning at him. "I thought I saw her leave just a few minutes ago."

Remus hesitated. "Hestia said she was feeling unwell. Said she wanted to get some fresh air."

"Is she alright?" asked Sirius, concerned. From the corner of his eye, Remus saw Gwen and Dora engaged in a discussion of sorts and muttering something to each other. Remus did something next which could be considered a long shot, but in the good interest of his friend, he indulged in a little white lie. "I don't think so. She didn't look very good." Technically, it wasn't a lie, thought Remus.

As he expected, Sirius' frown deepened. "I'll be right back."

Remus watched him go, wondering if he had done the right thing, when Dora's loud voice interrupted his musing. "What? I thought Sirius knew you fancied him. You both hit it off smashingly well at Slughorn's party too!"

Gwen put her hands on her hips, and raised an eyebrow. "The Sirius I dated is nowhere near the same as the Sirius he is today, is he?"

"Oh, what a load of tosh! Remus is still friends with him. I can't imagine he changed that much. He went to Azkaban, yes. But I don't reckon it took away from the person he is."

"Still, Sirius didn't seem like he wanted anything more when we met in Slughorn's party last year," insisted Gwen, somewhat dolefully. "What if he doesn't feel the same way for me?"

Remus had a strange feeling of déjà vu. He felt like he was sixteen again. It seemed inevitable that wherever Sirius went, there were bound to be women talking about him. He couldn't help but laugh out loud at his epiphany. Gwen and Dora stopped mid-conversation and glanced at him.

Remus grinned. "Nothing much has changed after all, has it?"

"See, even Remus thinks so," said Dora, unhelpfully.

Gwen seemed all flustered before she sighed exasperatedly, muttering to herself, "Merlin's pants, this is not me!" She shook her head and said loudly, "I don't want to talk about this. Remus, is there not a way I can use a Patronus without it taking on a corporeal form?"

"Well, yes there is, but I don't think—"

"Save it, Lupin," said Gwen, bringing out her Captain's voice. "Teach that to me, and don't ever mention it to Sirius, alright?" she said with a frown, daring Remus and Dora to disagree.

Dora shrugged nonchalantly. "If you say so."

oOo

Sirius spotted the slim figure of Hestia by the pine trees that lined the edge of the grounds of the Combe Abbott. For a moment, he stopped to simply observe her from the distance. There was always something fascinating about the way she looked standing alone. Sirius couldn't say exactly why the sight captivated him so. He made his way towards her slowly, gathering his courage. Being turned down once should be enough to put her off of his sights, but this was Hestia. Sirius knew her enough to know she was going through a lot in her own life, and he could quite understand that she would not want to complicate anything at the present time. It was very smart of her, in Sirius' opinion.

Why then was she avoiding him like the plague since that night?

There could be embarrassment, but Sirius had tried his best to show her there shouldn't be any. Just the other day, Sirius had simply poured her a cup of tea along with his, like they always did. But she had stood up and left the table without a word and Gwen, who had been chatting with Sirius, ended up drinking it.

It was these details, no matter how little, that were beginning to irk Sirius. Even though he feared he had somehow messed up their friendship completely, he wanted to believe they were more mature than that.

Sirius was about twenty feet away when Hestia noticed him coming up to her. Sirius put his hands into his pockets, taking his time to reach her, pondering on his next move.

"What are you doing here?" she asked raising an eyebrow, when he was close enough to hear her.

"I saw you leaving and you didn't look so good," said Sirius, halting in his tracks. "Are you alright?"

"I'm fine," she said simply. She looked fine at least – no signs of having had a breakdown or anything of the sort. Sirius nodded slowly. "I heard Gwen managed to conjure a Patronus," he remarked languidly.

Sirius' suspicion was aroused when he noticed Hestia stiffen and her usually pink cheeks lost all its colour.

Hestia crossed her arms over herself and gave a tight smile. "That's… remarkable."

Sirius hummed in agreement, before gesturing towards her to walk with him. "What's really eating at you?"

"What makes you think I'm upset about anything?" asked Hestia, avoiding his eyes.

"Come on Hestia, you and I both know you're not just here for some fresh air." Sirius wished he didn't sound so impatient, but he wanted to get to the bottom of the problem right then instead of having to coax it out of her.

Hestia remained quiet, the two of them still walking together unhurriedly, the chilly October breeze colder than usual.

Sirius ventured when the silence had gone on longer, "Are you mad at me?"

Hestia looked up curiously. "Why would I be mad at you?"

Her question was so innocuous, that Sirius was thoroughly stumped for a moment. She had every reason to be mad at him for what he had almost done that evening in these same grounds. Sirius had believed it to be the problem after all.

"You're not? Are you certain?" he asked.

Hestia hugged herself against a particularly strong gust of wind. Sirius had noticed he had instinctively moved closer to her and conscientiously drew back. He was grateful Hestia was too deep in her own thoughts to have observed that.

"I'm not mad at you," she muttered, with a lilt in her voice at the end that made it sound like she wanted to say, 'It's me I'm mad at.'

"I need some help here," said Sirius light-heartedly. "If you can't tell me what it is, how must I figure it out?"

"Why should you?" asked Hestia.

"Call it some warped sense of responsibility I feel over you."

Hestia snorted, but there was little humour. "As the Head of the Order, I don't see you as concerned for Gwen or the others. Not so much that you go out of your way to ask them if they're feeling particularly upset that day."

"I didn't say I feel that much of a responsibility over all the members of the Order."

Hestia's eyes grew sad. "What gives me that right?"

Sirius lightly touched her shoulder making her stop in her tracks and turn towards him. "I think you know by now," he said quietly.

Hestia stared at him, fear and worry colouring her face. Another chilly gust of wind blew across the grounds, the pine trees behind them rustling noisily. Sirius' attention was momentarily caught when a lock of Hestia's hair came undone from her neatly pulled back style.

He cleared his throat, feeling uneasy. "I'm sorry, I really am. If I'd known it was only going to complicate things between us, I'd have never…"

"…tried to kiss me?"

Somehow, spelling it out loud, made it seem all the more an infraction on the boundaries of their relationship. Sirius felt the first fluttering of embarrassment lace through him and he glanced away, rubbing a hand behind his neck.

"I did act a bit hasty. I regret that," admitted Sirius. "I don't want it to be difficult for both of us to even look at each other though. I wish you'd move past that, at least for my sake."

Hestia looked down, saying softly, "I don't think I ever can."

What little hope Sirius had held out felt like it had been reduced to dust. If this was what heartbreak felt like, he really felt sorry for every girl who had to go through that because of him during his Hogwarts years and after.

Sirius bit his lip, trying to not say something or apologize once more and make it even more uncomfortable than it already was in between them.

"I'm asking too much of you," said Sirius after a while, nodding and trying valiantly to not have his voice crack. "That's not fair of me and I understand that."

Hestia's eyes shot up, somewhat panicked. Her hand shot out to his, gripping tightly. "I didn't mean it like that, Sirius!"

Sirius frowned slightly, unable to understand what she meant to say. She looked at him properly, intensely. He was painfully aware of how close she was to him.

Hestia's cool blue eyes wandered a bit as if she was trying to find the right words. "I don't think I could not be with you and still act like everything was normal between us, not after I've known..."

Sirius couldn't quite believe what he was hearing. He gazed back at her speechlessly. Was she saying what he thought she was saying? Sirius had to be sure. "Really?"

Hestia only gave a small nod in response.

Sirius searched her face, excitement coursing through him when his brain finally caught up to the implication. She was staring at him with a look of trepidation and she visibly swallowed, looking like she had spoken something wrong and was about to backtrack on her words.

Instinct guided him when Sirius reached out to caress her face, tucking the stray lock of hair behind her ear before he leaned forward close enough that their foreheads brushed, sparing a moment to make sure she didn't change her mind. Without putting too much thought into his actions, his lips met hers, quite successfully this time around.

oOo

Hestia collapsed into her bed, letting out a great sigh. She couldn't quite understand how the last couple of hours had transpired in a manner so unlike what she had envisioned her plans for that evening were going to look like.

There she was, prepared to avoid Sirius for the fifteenth consecutive day, making sure they kept their conversation only to a bare minimum. She had been succeeding so far, and all was well until the practice session that afternoon.

Seeing Gwen's Patronus – to think she actually loved him enough for it to manifest in such a way, had made Hestia's façade crumble. But to hear her talking about him, fancying each other since school had been Hestia's undoing.

She had tried to take some time off to clear her head, but all it had done was make her realize that she felt like she was losing Sirius, even though she never had him in the first place.

And then, he had come looking for her, like he always did – Hestia had almost been expecting him to. She had tried to ward off the apology she knew was coming ever since that night when she knew Sirius quite probably fancied her too, but her resolve had grown firmer when she was reminded of Gwen's Patronus again.

Hestia had thrown caution to the wind and one thing led to another before she found herself in his comfortably warm arms. Thinking about their kiss, still sent shivers down her spine.

It felt like a hundred fireworks had exploded inside of her at once. Hestia felt exhilaratingly powerful and weak all at the same time. Sirius had one arm around her back and another held her face; the warmth in his hand was nothing compared to what she felt within her. And sweet mother of Merlin, she couldn't think with his lips on hers. Sirius easily directed their kiss and Hestia was only glad to have him take the lead.

They broke apart when they seemed to have run out of air to breathe. With their foreheads still resting against each other, Hestia wished she would never wake up from this dream; it certainly felt like one.

"Did you really mean it?" muttered Sirius, somewhat breathlessly.

"I don't know," said Hestia, smiling unsteadily and gasping for air. "But, I'm willing to give this a chance."

She felt rather than saw Sirius grin when he kissed her again. "That's good enough for me," he said. They broke apart and Hestia tried to stand straight. She felt dizzy, and couldn't stop from smiling when Sirius gently nudged her forward. "Come on, Remus'll start wondering where we headed off to."

Leaping without looking was not something Hestia did anymore, but she couldn't give Sirius up, not when she knew her affection would be reciprocated after all.

Oh, Hestia hoped she wasn't going to regret this – she knew exactly why she had always hesitated in going into a relationship and had tried to avoid the heartbreak that she knew would come with it. Perhaps, one day she would have to reveal everything of her past to Sirius, but she wanted to be selfish just this once. Only time will tell if she made the right decision.

oOo

Sirius was unable to wipe the grin off his face when he made his way back to Potter Manor that night, uncaring of the cold autumn wind beating down on him while he walked across the grounds past the gates. He felt lighter – much lighter than he had been in a long while.

Still thinking about that evening's events, he pushed open the front door, loosening the knot on his cloak. The lights were dimmed and there was the smell of roast chicken – Kreacher had likely already made dinner. Feeling particularly happy even with Kreacher at that moment, he made his way up to his bedroom, thinking of taking a shower before he could eat. He was just passing by the other rooms, when he heard a vigorous rattle, like someone was shaking and beating down the door.

He stopped dead in his tracks and looked straight at the door from where he had heard the sound – it was Harry's bedroom.

He felt a cold shiver run down his spine, a mixture of fear and hope shooting straight through his body when he pulled out his wand, simultaneously bursting into the room.

The room was dark, having not been in use for the past three months since Harry had up and left. But, someone was in the room at that moment; there was no doubt about it – cloaked in the shadows of Harry's wardrobe, standing there silently.

The figure came out of the shadows and Sirius gasped – indeed, it was Harry, pale and drawn, looking like he hadn't eaten in weeks; his clothes were in tatters, his shoes gone. Blood had congealed around one side of his face and he looked ready to pass out.

"Harry?" croaked Sirius, lowering his wand and taking a step closer.

Harry suddenly spoke in a listless voice. "You didn't come for me," he said, hoarsely, pointing a finger at him. "I knew you never loved me!"

Fear and despair clawed at Sirius' heart. "No!" he yelled, unable to bear to hear Harry's accusations. "That's not true! I did everything I could to search for you! Where did you go? Why did you leave me?"

"You never loved me!" said Harry again, louder this time. Sirius couldn't help it when his eyes grew blurry. "Some godfather you are!"

Sirius' covered his eyes with a shaking hand and shook his head, unwilling to accept yet also reluctant to disagree with that statement. "I love you! I've always had and I always will, Harry!"

He felt like his heart would bleed out if he couldn't make Harry understand that. He only needed to make sure Harry came out of this war alive and he'd die a happy man.

"You know that's impossible, Black." Sirius jumped back in alarm at the high, cold voice, raising his wand reflexively. Lord Voldemort was standing right where Harry had been moments ago, his pale, white face sneering. "Harry Potter will die at my hands."

Understanding dawned on Sirius at the sight of him – it was a Boggart. He tried to calm the terror racing through his veins as Voldemort walked towards him menacingly. With supreme force of will that he could muster to not step back in fear, he pointed his wand at the door to Harry's wardrobe and it flew open. At once, Sirius cried, "Depulso!" The Boggart Voldemort was banished into the wardrobe with the force of a cannonball, nearly toppling the whole thing over. Sirius immediately shut it with a wave of his wand and muttered, "Colloportus," locking the door. The wardrobe rattled violently, but his charm held.

Trembling, he glanced around him, the emptiness of the room perceptible than ever, without the presence of Harry. The emotions he had been holding in overwhelmed him and he broke down, unable to control them any longer.

oOo

Sirius tried to keep from revisiting the scene of the Boggart Harry but it had proved to be impossible – sleep had evaded him and so had his appetite. He had then done something very productive, which had involved ordering Kreacher to clean out the infernal thing and ensure a boggart never stepped foot into Potter Manor again. Twitchet would have never let it happen, he thought sulking. He quite missed the Potter's kind, old elf, who had taken great care of the house despite it being empty for sixteen years, unlike Kreacher.

While it infuriated him that Kreacher was responsible, he managed to not take it out on the house-elf, remembering his word that he had given to Remus and Harry sitting in Grimmauld Place. Though he had wanted to, he didn't dare order Kreacher to stay back in Number Twelve again for the foreseeable future. He was reluctant to let him out of his sight, now that he knew about the secret of Potter Manor. But if Kreacher acted up again whilst staying with him, Sirius would begin to hate living in Potter Manor as well, and he sure didn't want that.

With no way to vent out his emotions, he took to having a drink for himself in Fleamont Potter's study. Firewhiskey and gin were a lethal combination, he had realized a little too late. But it did give him some peace of mind for a while, leaving him dispassionate, his thoughts sluggish. He was barely aware of anything around him, when his quiet bubble was burst apart.

"Bad day?"

Remus was leaning against the doorjamb, wearing an expression of sympathy, despite looking like he could keel over from exhaustion. Why he was here was beyond Sirius' comprehension at the moment, but he didn't mind seeing another face that would make him forget about the Boggart Harry for some time.

Sirius met his eyes and nodded, unable to talk. Remus pushed himself off of the doorframe and made his way towards him. He grimaced at the sight of the bottles of Firewhiskey but instead of removing it as Sirius had thought he would, he poured himself a goblet. The full moon did that to him sometimes. He pulled out the chair opposite to Sirius and sat down, leaning against it comfortably in a manner as if to say, 'I'm here if you need to talk.'

Sirius shook his head, unwilling to disclose that he had been bested by a Boggart of all things.

Remus seemed a bit disappointed. "I don't know what to say. I believe I should have warned you sooner when I saw the signs."

"You knew?" whispered Sirius hoarsely. If Remus had known there was a boggart in Harry's room, surely he could have taken care of it or at least let him know?

"I did," said Remus nodding. "I thought I was imagining things. I didn't want to make anything more difficult between the both of you. "

"Both of who?" blinked Sirius, confounded. He was probably pissed if he couldn't make heads or tails of what Remus was talking about.

"You and Hestia," said Remus, seemingly annoyed that he had to spell it out loud. Sirius had almost forgotten about Hestia in the aftermath of the events in the past hour. "She was upset when she'd..." Remus glanced at Sirius uncomfortably, before saying, "I thought she'd make it up with you when I sent you off, not push you away."

"She didn't push me away," said Sirius, shaking his head.

"Oh," Remus drew back, surprised. "Then what's got you to drink?"

"Can't a bloke drink if he wanted to?" snapped Sirius, before he sighed. "It's really nothing, Remus. I've just been thinking about Harry."

Remus was quiet now.

"I have to find him, Remus," muttered Sirius. "It's been three months. I need to make sure he's okay."

"You know we've tried our best, Sirius," Remus said quietly.

Sirius shook his head, "No, I haven't done enough." The Boggart Harry was yelling at him inside his head: 'You didn't come for me!'

"Harry's a wizard," said Remus simply. "If he does not want to be found, I daresay we won't be able to find him."

Sirius and Remus had already decided to give up searching for him by any magical means. If Harry's location was somehow sniffed out by the Death Eaters just because they hadn't been careful in hiding their trails, it would do more harm than good. The more pressing question to Sirius was however, only one thing:

"Why did he leave?" asked Sirius, furrowing his eyebrows, not even trying to keep the dejection out of his voice. "Ron, Hermione and I are working every day to carry out Dumbledore's mission. I wouldn't dream of stopping him from doing it either no matter what I feel about Dumbledore's decisions. I know how important it is! We're definitely stronger together than apart. Then why did he leave, Remus?"

It had been a constant thought in the back of his mind – the seemingly out-of-the-blue decision Harry had taken, his decision to not attempt to contact Sirius even once to simply let him know that he was fine and Sirius ought not to worry.

He liked to think he knew Harry fairly well (despite the Boggart Harry that kept saying otherwise in his mind) – his Harry who would rather mirror call him as soon as he had gotten into a tough spot with the Sectumsempra spell instead of letting Sirius wait to find out about it through McGonagall; his Harry who had tried to inform Sirius before going with Dumbledore to the cave; his Harry who came to him with his fears and his suspicions. Sirius had been chuffed every time Harry did so – to know that Harry thought of Sirius first to be the person he could go to.

It wasn't in Harry's nature to be distrustful of his loved ones; he was rather like James in that manner. Why then did he leave Sirius behind? What had made him take that decision or had it been an outside influence that Sirius could not have known about?

Remus looked pained to give him an answer. "I don't know."