Adventures of Kelly Prescott:
A/N: Chloe – Well, here's another chapter. Elaine did a great job on this, as I wasn't very good at being funny this time, and she worked hard on this. Round of applause, readers?
PFFT.
As soon as I got home that day I totally started flicking through the pages of the telephone directory, ready to carry out my idea as soon as possible. I wasn't really sure if this thing had what I was looking for, but it had soooo many pages that I figured it must have something I could use in it. What was with that anyway? I mean, why the hell was this thing so thick? Why would anyone need so many pages of complete rubbish? I sure didn't. And after seeing fifty five million ads for ramen noodles, I was really beginning to feel disheartened.
Seriously. Who the hell eats ramen noodles?
There were only thirteen million make up and clothes ads! See, now THAT is far more productive than ramen noodles. But does it get the attention it rightfully deserves? No!
It seems people would rather sell noodles than clothes.
Idiots.
Well, I decided, as soon as I've sorted out this CeeCee problem I'm going to make sure NO ONE disrespects the fashion industry ever again. Those noodle-selling freaks will get what they deserve!
I'm a demon, you know, I can make that happen.
…I think.
My dad gave me an odd look as he watched me searching the telephone book. I think it must have had something to do with Sister Ernestine walking in on me as I was laughing evilly in that room with bullet holes in the wall. You know, the one where that nice Nuclear Guy had given me this totally awesome idea about what to do about CeeCee? That one.
Anyway, when Sister E walked in and saw it all her face was totally priceless!
She dragged me out of the room and totally into Father D's office. And we had a staring match. I don't know why, but it was so cool. And then he sighed and let me go. And I decided to walk out of school right then and there, while Sister What's-Her-Face rang home telling my dad I was a total psycho.
Yeah, whatever!
Anyway, it was awesome.
You see, now that no one really cares about me anymore, I don't have to worry about these things. People don't care if I act like a psycho, which is totally convenient because it's actually kind of fun.
Not that I prefer it to being popular! God, no! Being unpopular has its perks, but they're only these really, really tiny ones. Being popular is my life!
So you can see why I need to do this.
To get my life back.
It's like really important.
I yawned and closed my eyes for a moment, as I flicked through the telephone book, and as a result, I almost missed what I was looking for. I stared, not believing my eyes.
Speaking of eyes, I then saw dad watching me. I threw him a dirty glare and turned my back on him.
Dad got the message and went out of the room. With a smirk I went back to the ad.
HORNS OF THE DEVIL LTD.
Teachers boring you to death? Kids being bitches to you? People stealing YOUR popularity? Don't want to do anything about it yourself?
LOOK NO FURTHER!
We'll get rid of them, for the cheap fee of ten dates with the chief assassin, Dr. Ike Eelyu!
No worrying necessary, we WILL sort out the problem!
Just call Dr. Ike Eelyu on 1-800-I'LL-SHOOT-YOU! That's 1800-I'LL-SHOOT-YOU, folks! Call now, and never be worried by any imbeciles again! It will change your life!
(Subject to change depending on gender, looks and sexual skills.
Terms and conditions apply. We will not be held responsible for messing up, false evidence, and will point the finger at you. And please, come again, if such events happen!
We take no responsibility if you actually come across any imbeciles in the future.
We do not guarantee that this service will actually change your life.)
I smirked and picked up the phone, just imagining what the Albino's face would like if she saw me now.
You may be wondering why I'm not going to just do the job myself. Which I guess is a pretty good question, since demons are supposed to do this sort of thing all the time. Kill people, I mean. And I did give it some consideration, but in the end I decided that it was just too messy.
I mean, I could break a nail or something. Or I could mess up my hair. I know Alyssa Milano and people like her always look good when they're kicking demon butt on Charmed or whatever– something that I have now come to find totally offensive. I mean, we demons aren't that bad! Those people they killed probably deserved it. But whatever, the point is that that is on TV, not real life. If I did try to kill CeeCee myself I'd probably only end up getting blood on an extremely expensive pair of shoes or something. It is soooo not worth it.
So no killing – it's too messy.
A hired assassin, on the other hand… now that would work.
Not to mention a free date with someone who sounded like a hottie. Come on, we know everyone called Ike must be a hottie!
I dialled the number and waited for someone to answer. Oh my God! This was like, sooooo exciting! I totally couldn't wait to get my popularity back.
I was so excited that when I heard a guy go, "Hello?" on the other end that I jumped right out of my seat.
"Uh, hi," I said, "Is this Dr. Ike? Ike Eelyu?"
There was a pause, I hoped I had the right number 1800-I'LL-SHOOT-YOU… that's what it said in the book. It must be right.
Unless shoot meant shooting up drugs. That'd be so awesome, talking on the phone to someone who could get CeeCee high on drugs, and then she'd be expelled. And then bye-bye popularity for CeeCee, hello again Kelly!
But it probably didn't. It'd be cool though.
"Dr. Ike…?" the guy sounded confused for a moment then went, "Oh yeah! Yeah, that's me. So what's the problem?"
I grinned; this was going to be soooo great!
"I need you to get rid of someone for me," I chirped.
Another pause. This was soooo dramatic. "Meet me at The Point in fifteen minutes."
Then there was a click; he'd hung up.
The Point? What did he want to meet there for?
Wait! What if this was one of the dates? What if he wanted to go The Point so we could MAKE OUT? What if he was OLD and BALD?
EEEEEEEEEEEWWWWWWWWWWWWW!
Okay, okay, just calm down Kelly. It might not be so bad. He could be totally hot. You don't know yet. REMEMBER, HIS NAME IS IKE! So just go and find out. And meanwhile, be optimistic.
Come on Ike, live up to your hot name!
I took a deep breath, and then picked up my car keys. I could do this; I knew I could. I went outside and got in my car. Then I set off towards The Point.
It was totally stupid of me to be worried about this. I was a demon, after all! If the guy turned out to be a creep then all I had to do was breathe acid or something. I wasn't actually sure if I could do that, but whatever.
I'd do something. Or, you know, hope Nuclear Guy could appear. If he really was a superhero, he wouldn't let me die! Even if he was insane!
As I neared The Point I saw that someone was already parked up there. I parked next to them and got out of the car then I turned and looked at the mysterious Dr. Ike…
OH.
MY.
GOD!
A/N: Chloe - Haha, cliffhanger. The more reviews we get, the quicker we update. Muahaha. We are so evil.
Elaine – now for review replies…
RebelWriter: When we started this Chloe and I spent like a whole Science lesson listing the weirdest things we could think of, like Kelly being a demon and CeeCee having a group of clones and so on. And then we just crammed it all into a fic. So don't be surprised if none of it makes any sense.
By the way, are you on the Meg Cabot Book Club? Because you're always giving me cool reviews and I think it would be fun if I could chat to you on there, since I don't have msn or anything.
Starburst427: It's all so scary, isn't it? Mwuhahaha!
Kara: Suze will come into it soon enough. We just haven't had a chance to fit her in yet. Next chapter maybe.
AmethystHannah: You'll find out what's going on with Suze later. She's not really a main character in this story but she will come into it.
Kisara The Angel of Music: lol Well, we have to find some way to entertain ourselves during boring science lessons. And coming up with wacky stuff to write in this is so much fun.
JessesLatinaQuerida: Thank you! We're glad you like it.
Treehuggr344: Well, has anyone told you how fabby your reviews are? Because they're great. We love reading them. And does Jesse seem a bit crazy to you? (Grins) You haven't seen anything yet!
Mazzy: thank you! I'm glad you like it so much. love ya, Marie!
Echo-waters: All will become clear in time… I hope.
Thank you all for reviewing! Now do it again please!
