A/N: Thank you for all of the info on guys, it's sad that I need to ask that. By the way, is it true that guys (like me) are more likely to give advice than listen to complaints? OR can you (like me) listen to complaints if they are still trying to do something about it? Sorry, I just want reassurances that I'm not the only one who thinks helpless whiny girls should be SHOT! ...You won't repeat that, will you?

PS: By the way, how do you get from the T-tower to the mainland, and how old are each of the Titans?

Disclaimer: Ditto

I gave Starfire's door a firm rap, tapping my foot impatiently as she bumbled around. The medicine was having an odd effect, an adrenaline rush. FINALLY she opened the door, "Why hello friend Mage," she greeted me in surprise. Her eyes widened as she stared at my 'hair.' "Friend Mage, you are aware that your hair is now a nest of rats?" she inquired.

I smiled and forced myself to calm down, this wasn't a race. "Yes Star," I looked at the floor and fidgeted, "I was hoping that you would brush it out for me?" I asked in a sweet sugary tone.

Starfire gave me a well concealed look; she used 'innocent' and 'sweet' far too much not to pick it out when it's being used against her. I glanced up and she instantly composed her face, "Of course friend Mage," she paused and gave me a worried face, "I do not know if your hair can be..."

I cut her off, "Don't worry Star, you can't do any worse than I would," I put in sincerely.

I won't bore you on the details, but after half an hour and a lot of really nice smelling Tamoranian stuff my hair was brushed. Starfire had been kind enough to put my hair into two French braids.

"Star," I began in a relaxed voice, "Where did you get all of that hair stuff?"

Starfire rolled onto her stomach and looked at me, the soft bed bouncing a little at her movement. "It is used to navigate jungles," she explained shortly. I gave her a lost look, not needing to speak. "On my home planet we have, well. There isn't a word for it, but it's very similar to your earth forests and jungles." She paused and sat up, fiddling with her hair absent mindedly. "It grows in ways similar to your hair, and we use the spray to make our passage easier."

I stopped and stared at her, "You mean that my hair was SO SNARLED that you needed to use a 'bushwhacker in a can' to smooth it out!?"

She gave me a lost look, "I believe I understand what you are saying, though not the words you use. So, yes." She told me with uncharacteristic confidence.

I nodded, "I've seen stranger things," I replied dryly. I gave her a smile, "I know, why don't we go over to the mall?" I asked cheerfully. "I really need to get some more clothing."

She nodded in blissful agreement, "Your...wardrobe," she said carefully, "Is that correct?"

I nodded, "Yes, that's right," I reassured her easily.

"Your wardrobe needs to be...nourished," she finished doubtfully.

I grinned, "Replenished would have been a better word," I told her kindly, "but I get the idea."

She nodded and we walked to the living room as she muttered, "Re-plen-tish-ed."

I could hear the TV as if it was blaring right next to my ear. I shivered and braced myself as we walked into the living room.

"Meanwhile, the Teen Titans seemed to have found a new member," a blond (bimbo) reporter said to the man next to her.

He flashed his brilliant teeth, making his huge chin seem even larger. "Yes," he agreed in that annoyingly deep voice all male anchors seem to have, "Mage, as she is called, seems to have become close friends with Starfire already."

The screen changed to some footage of me walking to the camera, looking filthy and...

I walked up behind the couch and blinked, "I look...hot," I whispered in shock. I mean, "I don't look like a pudgy hooker," I trailed off. Raven turned to look at me, awaiting a show. I gave a slight smile and exclaimed triumphantly, "I only FELT like a pudgy hooker!" I crowed delightedly.

Raven cocked an eyebrow as the boys turned to give me alienated looks. I felt a familiar heat rising to my cheeks; my stomach did an unusual flip flop.

I let out a cough and addressed Cyborg, "Cy, Star and I would like to go to the Mall," I gave him a pleading look, "Could you please drive us?"

A vein twitched, he obviously didn't want to do that. Starfire walked up, sensing her cue. "Please friend Cyborg," she asked gently, "We would greatly appreciate your help." Her eyes opened up wide as she gave him a pleading look.

His chant recoiled in horror, and then Robin decided to help us. "That would be a good idea, Mage does need a second pare of pants," he put in with a sharp tease.

Beast Boy grinned, "I don't know, I thought Mage was going for the grunge look."

I gave him a sweet smile, "At least I don't run around in spandex," I said, a blunt edge to my voice. I was teasing, not trying to be mean, but I knew I tended to be anyway. I smiled at him to break any idea of seriousness.

He forged ahead valiantly, "You know the girls love it Mage," he said with a pose. He turned to me with a particularly nasty glint to his eyes. "If you were a girl, I'm sure you'd like it also."

I opened my mouth in mild shock and instantly thought up the best come back. I settled back onto an arm of the couch, "Sorry Beast Boy, even 'if' I was a girl, I'm afraid you wouldn't be my type." I gave him a dangerous smile, "I just don't bend that way."

After a second the implications of what I had just said hit him. I instantly knew this was war, he gave me a terrible smile. "Are you sure of that Mage?" he asked innocently.

My eyes widened, I tried desperately to think of something to say. "You'd know better than I would," I put in stupidly, I mean, could there be a worse comeback than that?

Beast Boy opened his mouth to reply, but Robin cut in, "All right, that's enough you two," he told us severely.

Instantly I felt about two inches high, I was just teasing! But everyone has to take me serious when I'm teasing... Hmph! I guess Beast Boy was feeling the same way, "Sorry," we mumbled at the same time, not making eye contact.

Robin gave a nod, feeling far too smug. One of these days I'm going to get him back for his far too developed ability to make me feel stupid. He was only seconded by Raven, and you don't play tricks on her.

Starfire jumped into the awkward silence, "Friend Raven, would you wish to come with us to the mall of shopping?" she asked sweetly.

Everyone stopped to look at Raven, "No," she said flatly.

Instantly Starfire deflated, she looked like everything beautiful had just died. She nodded, "Oh," she said softly.

Robin gave Raven an accusing glance, as I tried to keep from grinning. Raven's chant squirmed under his scrutiny, even as she met his glare evenly.

I stopped and couldn't help but be amused by the thought of Raven in the mall. "Please Raven?" I asked gently. She gave me a dangerous look; I knew I could win if I played this right. I smiled gently, "If you go, I'm sure Star and I could go to some stores YOU want to go to," I put in, layering my chant with tantalizing sounds of velvet capes and black lipstick.

Starfire spoke up then, with surprising insight. "Yes, friend Raven; please come. I am sure that friend Mage has different...interests; that is correct?" she asked carefully. I nodded and she continued, "Different interests in clothing than I do." Raven was interested now, despite her better judgment. "Possibly you could help friend Mage find clothing she would like?" Starfire asked. Raven was wavering, and I could hear Starfire pulling in the punch line. "Perhaps you could also explain this 'slutty' apparel that friend Mage has told me about," she finished innocently.

All of the teens turned to look at me, I was sure Robin was ready to bite my head off. I squirmed, much to Raven's amusement. After a pause Raven nodded, "Very well," she put in coldly; Starfire wisely restrained herself from hugging Raven. Starfire just smiled warmly, I guess she was learning how to handle our depressing friend.

Beast Boy spoke up then, oblivious to the victory just won. "Dude, if Raven is going to the mall..." he trailed of as thoughts of the apocalypse flashed through his mind. "I got to see this!"

Robin nodded, he privately agreed. "I do need some new," he began to think franticly, "parts for the training room," he smiled, "Maybe even some extra weights for you Mage," he put in darkly.

I glowered, but Cy wanted to get this over with. I guess the prospect of male company, and a tortured Raven made things seem a little better. "Then lets get this show on the road," he put in intelligently.

I began to follow Cy to the T-car, my wallet safely in my pocket. Robin spoke up, "Mage," he said warningly, "You might want to put some shoes on?" he suggested tersely.

I sighed; I had been SO CLOSE too. I listened for a second, and heard the tell tale song of my shoes. I took a deep breath and started squirming under the couch. The smell of old pizza wafted towards me, I refused to breath. Finally I grabbed my shoes, and with one swift recoil; I pulled myself out from under the couch. I opened my lungs and breathed in the sweet smell of clean air. I slipped my shoes on, not bothering to put on socks.

Robin shook his head, but decided not to push it, thank God. We all jumped into the car, Raven led us to a different mall, presumably with some of her stores. Anyway, Cy parked the car and we all started to get out of the car.

Robin walked over to me and held out some money, I looked at him in surprise. "I can pay for my clothes," I said in a hurt tone.

Robin paused and ruffled his hair, giving me a look. "The city pays for our needs, necessary clothing, food, shelter, electricity...to a point," he told me blandly.

I gave him a suspicious look; there was something he wasn't telling me. Or maybe he just felt as weird about him being the Dad as I did. I nodded, "Okay, thanks," I took the money and put it in one of my many pockets.

Beast Boy walked by, rolling his eyes playfully, "There goes Mage, making a big deal out of nothing. Again."

I just stuck my tongue out at him and started to head in, following the already bored Raven. We walked through some huge glass doors and came into what could only be called a pavilion. I know that large cities have elaborate malls, but I still hadn't expected it. I have never been able to afford to buy things in a mall, and when I could I had been at home in a small town.

There was a polished granite floor with benches all around its edges, along with the classic gardens and rinky dink decorative pools. I looked up and saw a huge glass roof, with a second story wrapping above this one. I blinked in shock, held a little in awe by this simple thing. Apparently Starfire felt the same way.

She uttered a gasp and began to float upwards towards the roof. I caught a few notes of her chant, and heard the unmistakable joy in it. Her skirt fluttered slightly as I, and every testosterone driven male there, caught a glimpse of her underwear.

I jumped up, and grabbed her ankle, my hands closing around the plastic of her boot. With a grunt of effort I pulled the bewildered Star back to the ground. She landed and gave me a slightly hurt and confused look.

I sighed, "Star, if you are going to do that in public, wear shorts," I informed her dryly.

She glanced around the now called pavilion, and saw every single male there staring at her. Her cheeks turned a bright red, as she whispered, "Oh."

Poor Robin was blushing almost as badly as she was, I swear, these teens seem to blush as much as a tomato! He coughed and plowed on beautifully, "Alright, we'll split up and meet back here in one hour," then he and the other boys practically ran to the refuge of radio shack.

Raven and I shared a look, I felt a vague feeling of making history, and then she began to walk away. Instantly Star leapt up, a hint of panic in her chant. She grabbed Raven's arm in a deceptively innocent manner, and began to tow her towards the nearest store. "Friend Raven, I am so glad you have decided to come to the mall," she chattered; purposefully stopping Raven from arguing. With a hidden smirk I followed the unlikely pair into the land of bright colors, and short skirts.

Star fire made a beeline for the sleaziest outfits there were. A rack of bright colors and cheap fabrics loomed before me, sparkles and slogans streaming across them. Starfire's hand reach toward a new kind of hat, its bright pink, rubbery material clashing with her skin and hair tones dramatically. The hat was like a larger headband, just big enough to cover a little bit more than your forehead.

Starfire held the 'hat' up to her hips, and I suddenly realized that the hat; was a skirt. She looked up at a cringing Raven innocently, her eyes wide. "Friend Raven," she inquired, "Is this article of apparel a form of 'slutty' clothing?" she asked.

Raven gave me a blood curdling glare, "Yes Starfire, it is," she informed us; I say us because she spoke to Star as she mentally skewered me.

Starfire nodded, then walked over to a shirt rack, at least I THINK they were shirts... Ragged and strategically torn excuses for shirts hung, as pictures of a sexy (or I think she was supposed to be sexy) Brittney Spears flashed on their tags. I winced as Starfire picked one up and held it against herself. Once again she adopted her deceptively innocent look, "Friend Raven, is this also 'slutty'?" she asked.

I winced as Ravened replied, "Yes Starfire, it is."

Starfire nodded and looked down at her clothing, "My clothing is less then the 'slutty' clothing I have shown you," Raven and I both steeled ourselves for the inevitable, "Does that make my present 'outfit' slutty also?"

Raven looked at me, "Would you care to answer that, Mage?" she asked icily.

I gulped and looked over at Starfire, for some reason I was nervous; even though I doubted she would be offended, "Yes Star, that does make your present clothing slutty."

She nodded, "That is indeed interesting," she said in a bland voice, almost as if a rare breed of horse had just shown odd mating habits...though I guess it's basically the same thing. She looked at us and asked, her voice just curious, "I am assuming that 'slutty' is bad?" she asked carefully.

"Some people think it is," I told her, "Slutty generally means that you dress and act like you want to have sex, or want other people to want to have sex with you." Starfire absorbed this as Raven tried to keep from strangling me.

"I must make sure to remember this information," she informed us as we walked out of the store and back into the thriving hall. She lead us to a new store, "Since I do not wish to have sex...at the moment," she added thoughtfully, "This would mean I am misleading people, correct," she asked with a quizzical cock to her head.

I nodded, "That's exactly right Starfire," I told her cheerfully, glad that my instincts had played out correctly. I have no doubt that if we had affronted her personality, she would have been severely hurt. But since we have just taught her an error in her understanding of human culture, she just had scientific interest.

We walked into another small shop, except it had more of a range in its interests than the previous one. Starfire walked over to a rack of skirts, and held one up to her self. It went down to her knees and was subtly like a square dancing skirt. Each pleat was a different shade of purple, some deepening to a dusky blue. It was surprisingly nice, if a little odd. She looked over at us, "Would this be considered inappropriate?" she asked innocently.

"No," Raven replied from a rack of eye shadow, as I shook my head. Starfire nodded, and then walked over to a rack of floor length skirts. Raven seemed to instantly catch on to what Starfire was doing. "That would be a little over done," she informed her casually, examining some sapphire blue lipstick.

Starfire nodded, and wordlessly picked up a regular old T-shirt, "That would work," I told Starfire, half occupied with a scarf. I am not going into detail about shopping, because it's not important, but I do need to go over some stuff.

Starfire basically learned the delicate line between slutty, sexy, normal, church girl, and nun during our next hour of shopping. Fortunately this seemed to amuse Raven. I purchase three pairs of cheap, sturdy jeans (often desperately looking for the men's section), a few normal T-shirts, socks, a pair of flannel pajamas, and a sweat shirt. All of which I got for less than sixty dollars, I think I did quite well.

Starfire was glancing through one last rack of shirts, her and blouses had become very close friends. Paisley greens, and mossy grays consisted of her favorite colors so far. A few purple shirts, but she had thankfully stopped that horrifying color clash. I grinned as Raven glared at the brightly colored scarves across from her. It seemed that she had waged a private war on bright colors, trying to make them spontaneously combust with her angry looks.

I glanced at my wrist watch; I had been constantly checking it for the past ten minutes. It was an hour, exactly 2:54. I tugged on Raven's cape; it's surprisingly soft fabric brushing against my fingers. She glanced over at me, her hood shadowing her face in an oddly beak like fashion.

"It's time to head back," I informed her in a low voice.

Instantly Raven's face relaxed, quickly being snapped back to its normal dismal countenance. She nodded and headed to the door, her back making it quite clear that I was the one who had to drag Starfire away.

I sighed and nodded, walking carefully over to the far too chipper Starfire. I swear, I think that shopping makes her high or something. I cleared my throat, gaining her tentative attention. "Star, it's time to head back," I told her carefully.

Her face brightened, if that was even possible at that point. She clasped her hands together and fluttered into the air. "Glorious, now I can show Robin my purchases," she exclaimed with an uncharacteristic blush.

We began to walk together, gaining on the impatient Goth. I smiled at Star, ready to make a quip. "Are you sure that he won't be a little disappointed that you are changing your style of clothing?" I asked sympathetically.

Starfire gave me a confused look; we had managed to catch up with Raven. The bags were cutting into my arms (Starfire's bags, not mine; I only had three.) She blinked, "Would not friend Robin be pleased with my purchases?" she asked in a hurt voice.

I instantly felt like dirt, pointedly ignoring Raven's glare. "Well," I began gently, "I was just suggesting that he might be disappointed that you no longer wear your earlier apparel."

Raven kicked me, I gasped as a sharp pain shot up my leg. I'm sure I looked like a fish. Starfire ignored our exchange; "He would be disappointed that I no longer dress to arouse him...?" her eyes widened as a blush settled across her cheeks, "Oh."

I gave a little smile, despite Raven's evil glares. It was then that we entered the now dubbed pavilion. Starfire and I walked up to the waiting boys, dumping our purchases at their feet. Robin's eyes widened, "Mage, I know you're restocking on clothes, but did you really need," he began in horror.

Starfire interrupted, "Those are not friend Mage's, they are mine," she informed him. Robin looked at her in shock; I couldn't help but notice how she subtly tugged down her skirt. At last, she was realizing the message her clothes sent. I'm sure quite a few adolescent boys (my brothers included) would hate me forever after this.

With a grin I jumped in, "These are mine," I told him, pulling out three bags under the ungodly heap. He nodded in relief as I pulled out the change from my pocket, "Thanks, this is the change."

He reached out to take it when Starfire intercepted us; "You can not go the mall of shopping without buying more than clothing of necessity!" she informed me severely. My face began to settle into its well know stubborn lines. She gave me a wide eyed look, "Indeed, we haven't gone to one of Raven's stores yet," she said in a small; yet reasonable voice.

I nodded, "You're right Star, even if I don't want to buy more clothes," I said in a warning tone, "I do want to see Raven shop...without trying to murder a skirt," I added with a grin.

Raven glared at me, but decided not to comment. Cyborg sighed, "Alright, you girls go shop and meet us back here in an hour." He informed us, grabbing Starfire's bags, "We'll take these to the car."

Beast Boy protested as Robin grabbed some bags, "Dude, what do you mean; 'we'?"

Cy glared at him, and Beast Boy no longer argued. Seeing an opportunity I gave him my bags, pocketed my money (Robin still had the city's), and followed Raven and Star.

Raven led us to a dark looking shop, indecent and dark clothing lined its windows. Yup, slutty isn't limited to preppy. Starfire stopped and looked at the store in shock, "At my home planet such places would be considered realms of torture."

I grinned as Raven sighed and walked in; heading straight to some capes. I gingerly stepped in; glad I wasn't dressed in any bright clothing. The cashier glared at Star, her look unsettling both of us. With a nervous glance, both Star and I moved over by Raven.

A silver Cape glimmered, its embroidery and cloth matching my complexion. Gingerly I tried it on, easily pulling it on over my shoulders. I took my hat off, and let my braids swing down in front of the cape like pendulums. Delicately I lifted the cape to just cover my face, unable to help but give a slightly sardonic smile.

Raven and Starfire looked at me, Raven amused and Starfire somewhat surprised. Before I began to blush I pulled the cape off, hanging it back up. Raven ended up buying a shirt and a pair of pants. The dresses gained her glare. Right as they left I used my own money to buy a cape Raven had been eyeing, I had a hard time keeping her from seeing it. In the end I had to buy an outfit to make it look like the store's bag was for me.

That ended our day at the mall, I was lucky that we all fit in the car that day.