A/N: Ha! As of today, my story has been up an entire year! For a special bonus, and also because today is the 22nd, which has two twos, I present you with not one, but two new chapters! Also, tomorrow I shall reveal another chapter, just because I'm nice! There's a slightly large time jump occuring here. Zelda decided to haul Link out of the castle on a picnic. And that's where we leave off.


Chapter Twenty-Eight - Why You Should Never Mix Salami With Stalchildren

"Blegh," Link stated, staring at Zelda.

"Eh?" she asked, turning to stare back at him.

"Blegh," he repeated. "Blegh, blegh, blegh, blegh, blegh!"

"Uh, Link, you're kinda scaring me."

Link merely stuck his tongue out at her.

"Put your tongue back in your mouth before I decide to rip it out."

"If thou darest lay thy hands upon my tongue, then thy shalt feel the wrath of the Hero of Time!" Link shouted, jumping up. He still had his tongue out, impairing his speech.

Zelda laughed and stood. "Stick thy tongue inside thy mouth, and thy shalt not feel the wrath of thy unholy salami," she replied, brandishing a large salami.

"Oh yeah?" Link reached into the picnic basket and surfaced with a long stick of bread. "Thy unholy salami shall feel the wrath of my baguette of bad bashing!" he returned before withdrawing his tongue.

Zelda laughed. "The fight of the century. A baguette threatens the safety of the Queen! Fine then! Defend thyself against my salami scepter!" she lunged forward, using the salami as a sword.

Link backpedaled away from his impending doom by meat and sidestepped. He brought the baguette bopping down on Zelda's head. She pulled back and faced Link once more.

"How dare thee! Thou hast stricken me with bread! Knave!" she shouted, attacking Link with the salami. Link pretended to step away one second too late and Zelda stabbed him in the gut with the salami scepter.

Link fell back against the grass, faking immense pain. He opened his eyes and stared up at Zelda. "M-my Queen, I fear that my life has come to an end..."

She dropped to his side, feigning worry. "No... You must fight it. You must!"

"No...It-it is my fate. I was to be stricken down this very day... It has been written in the stars."

"I cannot lose you. What would I do without you?" she asked him, taking his hand in hers.

"D-don't let Hyrule fall. Keep it strong... for me..." He gasped, loosening his grip on Zelda's hands, letting it fall to the ground.

"No... No!" she shouted in mock horror. With a swift motion, she disarmed Link of his baguette and grabbed it, beating him senselessly upon the head.

"Hey!" he shouted, rolling out of the way. He jumped up as Zelda rose to her feet, brandishing the baguette. "That's my baguette of bad bashing! Unhand it, foul salami-user!"

Zelda laughed. "Oh yeah? Well, it looks like you've been unbreaded, as it were." She charged forward, using the twin wrath of the salami and baguette to fight, reminding him of the Gerudo fighting style.

It was Link's turn to laugh. With a swift swing, Link unsheathed the Master Sword and cut the baguette in two. Ever resourceful, he jumped forward and grabbed the cut half of the baguette.

"Hey! Just because you halved my baguette of bad bashing doesn't mean that you've halved your impending doom!"

Link stabbed the Master Sword into the ground, leaned on its hilt, and choked down the half of the baguette he had rescued. "Oh really? My impending doom? At the hands of salami?"

Neither of them could stand it any more. Both breaking into raucous laughter, they sat back down on the sheet, Zelda laying her unholy salami scepter back into the basket.

"Now that was priceless! Zelda, if there ever was anything more creative, I wouldn't know it."

Zelda laughed, taking a large bite out of the baguette. She leaned back against a tree, relaxing. Swallowing, she laughed. "Your baguette of bad bashing has an interesting taste to it."

"You smacked me in the head with it! How do you think it's going to taste?"

"A mite better than it does." Instead of eating the baguette piece, she instead threw it at Link. The baguette flew true, smacking him directly in the forehead.

"Hey! Watch it!"

She laughed. "So, does that mean you enjoyed our little picinic?"

Link nodded. "It's food, you, and outside all bottled into one quite interesting basket. A very nice mixture, I might add."

She chuckled and stood up. "Shall we take a venture into the mysterious woodland areas that lie to the south? Hike up the looming Death Mountain? Race down along the Zora Domain?"

Link did a double take. "Since when did you hike? Or explore, for that matter."

"Eh. I feel a bit energetic. Besides, I'm just a little girl looking to have some fun."

"A little girl? You're eighteen. You're older than me!"

"Barely. Besides, little girl or not, I just wanna go do something fun. You've been everywhere, seen everything, so, you tell me, where's a good place to goof off at?"

Link laughed. "Well, um, there's that new archery place over at Kakariko..."

"Sounds fun. Shall we go?"

"It's a long walk. Want to take my shortcut?"

"Ooh, a shortcut..."

Link pulled out his Ocarina, played a few notes, and grabbed Zelda's arm as they were surrounded by purple lights. Suddenly, the lights vanished and they stood atop a platform above Kakariko graveyard.

Silently, Link descended into the graveyard itself, followed by Zelda. They quietly walked passed the numerous graves and left the graveyard, entering Kakariko itself.

Link and Zelda ran over to the large building that had just finished construction. Link opened the door and the man inside greeted them.

"Come for a game? Only twenty Rupees."

Link handed him the money and strung his bow. Taking the fifteen arrows from the man, he aimed for the fast-moving Rupee targets. He let loose the first arrow and watched as he target shattered. He laughed as he shot at several more targets.

At the end of the game, he counted up his score. "Eh, not bad, but not my best."

"Mind if I have a try?" Zelda asked.

Link shrugged and handed her his bow. As she examined it, the man handed Link the fifteen arrows, which he handed to Zelda.

"Alright. You ready?"

Link watched as the targets soon came into motion. With speed like lightning, Zelda unleashed a storm of arrows, each one shattering its target. After just a few seconds, Zelda returned the bow to Link and the five extra arrows to the man.

"A perfect score! Well, here's your prize." The man handed Zelda a large purple Rupee, of which she handed to Link after they left.

"Wow. Since when could you shoot like that?" Link asked, amazed.

"I've always been good with a bow. Better than with a sword, at least."

"Hey, you're pretty good with a sword as it is. Or at least salami."

Zelda laughed as she dropped to the ground, jumping off the stairs. "Well, a sword, or salami for that matter, is a little more dangerous. An arrow has only one pointy tip and can be shot from far away. I'm less likely to get my head lobbed off."

Link shrugged as he rolled off of the steps and landed deftly on his feet. "Well, you've got a good point. You could have told me you're good at archery, though."

"Why?"

"Because it would have been nice to know."

Zelda shrugged and started to walk off, but stopped. "Now what?"

"Well, you just shattered my record at this, so that leaves me out of ideas. I'd take you fishing, but you'd probably land a fifty-pounder or something."

Zelda laughed. "I doubt that. I don't have enough patience for fishing. So, any other ideas?"

Link thought for a moment. "Have I ever introduced you to Epona?"

-

Zelda shouted in delight as Epona vaulted over the fence. Link laughed at her outburst and urged Epona on. Link felt the wind rush past him, droplets of water stinging his face as they fell. It had just started raining, but Zelda seemed encouraged by this. She had changed when Epona had started, switching from reserved, diplomatic, well-spoken Queen to the exhilarated and fascinated tomboy Link knew she really was.

Epona dashed over the field, darted around the trees, then turned around and took off again, never once slowing. Zelda laughed as Epona did a tight turn around the Lon Lon Ranch and sped past, leaping over the mysterious low wall that ran along Hyrule Field.

Then the lightning that Link had hoped wasn't there shot through the sky, made even more impressive by the clap of thunder that brought Zelda to a stop.

"Link..."

"Don't worry, Zelda. We're heading back." He turned Epona back to the castle. As they darted across the Field, a bolt of lightning slammed into the ground in front of them, causing Epona to rise up on her hind legs, trying to back up too fast.

Link fought to control Epona, to bring her back to her senses. He was almost thrown off, but only by sheer luck was he left on. Epona shot forward, leaping across the wall, and that's when Link felt the rumbling and the cry for help. Link instantly forced Epona to stop. She unwillingly turned around and Link brought her to the wall.

In front of them four Stalchildren were attempting to drag Zelda off. Link drew his sword and held it in the air as Epona whinnied, rising up on her hind legs once more as a bolt of lightning struck behind Link.

He charged toward the Stalchildren, sword in hand. Two of them released Zelda and tried to run, but Link brought his sword down and severed both of their skull heads. He circled around as the other two advanced toward him.

Swinging his blade, Link crumbled one and Epona smashed through the fourth. Link slowed Epona and stopped her next to Zelda. Link held out his hand.

"My lady, come along, for we must ride hard and ride fast."

Zelda took his hand and he helped her up. She slid into the saddle behind Link, wrapping her arms around his waist as Epona launched forward toward the castle.

Ordinarily, Stalchildren wouldn't scare Zelda, but there was something in Link's eye that scared her to the bone. He was afraid, afraid and worried. Someone or something was out here tonight, and Link was afraid of it. She couldn't care if a hundred Stalchildren stood in their way, this... thing... was more terrifying than all of them, and all of it was only a look in the eye of the courageous Hero of Time.

Zelda heard Epona's hooves clatter on the drawbridge moments before it rose. Epona skidded to a stop once they got inside.

Link sighed, breathing heavily. Zelda could feel his entire body shaking from the adrenaline pulsing through his system. "We made it. Perfect timing," he said, trying to reign in his body as he had done Epona.

"Link?"

"Yeah, Zelda?"

"What was out there?"

"He was, Zelda, he was..."

Across the darkened hills a lone figure stood, watching the Stalchildren as they rose from the ground.

Heh. Clever, as always. It was worth a try, at least. I guess I'll have to be a bit more... forceful next time.

The figure stepped forward into the darkness, sinking into the shadows once again.