Do not let your fire go out, spark by irreplaceable spark, in the hopeless swamps of the approximate, the not-quite, the not-yet, the not-at-all. Do not let the hero in your soul perish, in lonely frustration for the life you deserved, but have never been able to reach. Check your road and the nature of your battle.The world you desired can be won. It exists, it is real, it is possible, it is yours.
- Ayn Rand
Christine lay with her head propped up on the headboard of the bed. On her lap consisted a tray with a small bowl of chowder and a glass of ice cold water but Christine didn't touch it. Her eyes were glazed over and they were directed upon the wall opposite her.
She had come to on the floor after she had fainted, with the faces of everyone perched above her. She remembered Raoul's had been most prominent and the worry that had beheld his face made her heart ache, for she had been responsible for putting it there! Not just with fainting on the important night that was their dinner party, but on his very life! He was always concerned about her, or about something. It was her fault! All of it.
As soon as Raoul had seen that she was well he had quickly directed everyone out of their household. He hadn't cared about how that may look that he did so, he didn't care about all of the grumbling over the thought of a spoilt evening or the loss of a perfectly new gown. He had just carried her up to the bedroom and allowed her to rest.
For this Christine was very grateful for her head had pounded with such pain that she could hardly keep her eyes open. A large bump had since formed on her head from the place that her head had struck the floor.
Why she fainted, she wasn't sure. It wasn't an odd thing of course. Women fainted everyday from the constricting air supply they were receiving thanks to their corsets. But it had never happened to Christine before. The thought that it had made a strange sense of foreboding wash over her.
That had been two days ago.
Christine hadn't wanted to leave the comforting confines of the bedroom and had told Raoul so. He hadn't questioned her request for a second, merely telling her that she could rest until she herself told him otherwise. Her head no longer throbbed and she no longer felt woozy but a total exhaustion plagued her mind and body. It plagued her so fiercely that Christine highly suspected that she couldn't leave the bed even if she wanted to.
"Madame," said Agnes from the doorway "Your pupil has arrived."
Christine nodded and made a weak inclination that it was perfectly alright if she joined her in the bedroom. Helen appeared behind Agnes, her bright blond hair tied up in a tight bun as usual and plain beige dress clinging around her torso elegantly. She was the vision of a dancer.
"Are you well enough for our lesson Madame? I do not mind if we postpone it." she offered weakly, her eyes gliding over Christine's weakened form.
"No, don't be silly. I know that the thought of no rehearsal today scares you. I am in perfect condition for a nice rehearsal. Do come in." she gestured Helen in the door and gave Agnes a quick nod of dismissal.
"Have you been practicing the aria?" asked Christine, directing her complete attention to her student.
"Oh yes!" Helen exclaimed "I have been working so hard on it. I think I almost know it. I just have trouble hitting the last high note. For some reason I can just never reach it."
Christine nodded, mildly impressed that her pupil had taken the initiative to practice in between rehearsals.
"Sing it." she instructed softly.
Helen's eyes widened "What? What...now?"
"Yes now."
Helen looked around the room nervously as if the chairs and wardrobe may laugh at her. But she finally took a long shaky breath and began to sing.
Helen paused after the first line and glanced at Christine's form, unaware if she was going to stop her as she had done so mercifully in their previous lesson. But she did not and Helen closed her eyes and kept singing throughout the song.
Christine had to admit that Helen had a good voice, magnificent actually and that the girl had done her homework. It sounded good, with a few little errors now and then but Christine was pleased to find that there were absolutely no errors in the first line of the song.
Helen finished and stared at Christine anxiously for her judgment to be passed. Christine allowed her face to break out into a smile and nodded in acceptance.
"That was very good Helen, very good. Please now run through your exercises..."
Their lesson took up the remainder of the day. Helen worked agonizingly hard on all of the instruction that Christine pelted at her. Obviously being in a fragile state did nothing to denounce the strictness that her teacher carried.
At half past 5, Helen bid her teacher a final goodbye and left the house allowing the cold December night consume her.
Christine lay her head back on her pillow and closed her eyes, the lesson had indeed raised her spirits considerably. Helen was making excellent progress and knowing that she was teaching her brought a weird sense of pride to her heart. She would love nothing more then to see her make it on the stage and Christine was very certain that that would be so.
Her heart held a new degree of airiness and Christine had the sudden urge to venture downstairs. She suddenly felt too separated from the busyness of the household. Christine didn't like feeling separated from everyone else. It was then that her avid imagination began to trick her into thinking things, into hearing things and above all into fearing things. Christine had had it with fear.
She swung her legs over the side of the bed and walked shockingly downstairs. The sudden weight on her legs causing them to feel a little strained. She walked into the dining hall and smiled as she saw Raoul with his head buried in the newspaper. The headline was of some dire tragedy that Christine did not want to read about but just the sight of his content face caused her heart to melt a little.
She paused in the doorway and said nothing. Just allowing the aura of peace to wash over her, her eyes didn't stray from her husbands figure.
Suddenly he looked up and smiled as he saw her standing there watching him.
"Christine! You're up! Splendid. Are you feeling better?"
"Much." she answered simply.
Raoul was just about to speak when a harsh knocking on the door caused him to rise and answer it.
Christine followed slowly behind him, mildly curious as to who would be calling on them during the supper hours.
The door opened to reveal a man that Christine didn't recognize he bowed his head to each of them in turn before beginning to speak. Christine instantly picked up on the hurried, hushed tones of his voice and it caused her heart to beat just a little faster.
"What is it?" asked Raoul apprehensively.
"It is your aunt, Josephine. She is having the baby, but all it not well."
Raoul's face paled considerably.
"What? What do you mean all is not well?"
"Her health is failing sir. I suggest you come at once to her household where the child is being born. She requested to see you."
Raoul grabbed his jacket without hesitation and began to follow the man into the dark night. Christine grabbed his arm causing him to stop walking.
"You stay here with Agnes Christine. I'll be back as soon as I can."
"No," she said quietly "I'm coming."
Christine sat in the sitting room of Josephine's household. She sat with a hot cup of tea in her hands but even though her gaze was transfixed in its murky depths she did not drink it. The man who had arrived at their house earlier that night, who had since identified himself as a dear friend of Josephine's, sat across from her. He was worriedly drumming his fingers on his leg. Christine knew that she should attempt to make civilized conversation with the man but for some reason she just couldn't think of anything remotely helpful to say.
Raoul was the Josephine's room helping it whatever way they could. Christine felt that she should be there too by her husband's side, helping save perhaps both the babe and Josephine's life but she just didn't have the courage to do such a thing. She was frightened of what she may find when she entered those doors. She was terribly frightened.
So she chose to wait in the sitting room. The man across from her had not chosen to accompany her and Christine could see that he would probably do anything to be up in that room with his friend. This ashamed Christine considerably. To think that she couldn't even bring herself to enter!
They both stiffened as they heard a baby's wails echo throughout the household. Christine relaxed considerably knowing that the baby had been born was a great comfort. They were ok and now she could return home with Raoul. Christine was longing for the comfortable realm of her bed.
Then there was silence.
Christine stood slowly as she heard footsteps echo from the staircase. Raoul appeared at the bottom of the stairs his hair dreadfully messed and his face set into a stony expression that chilled Christine to the very core.
"Raoul," she said her voice but a whisper over the loud beating of her heart "What happened?"
"There gone..." he said his voice breaking with tears "...both of them."
