A/N: I'm trying so hard to not just rush through this ending here. Only a few more chapters left. I already have the first chapter of my next story written, and I'm going to wait (as long as I can) for this story to be finished before I post that next one.
And, also, sorry about the random spacing errors in the last chapter. I just went back and read it, and found out that a lot of words somehow got stuck together (the space between them disappeared somehow). I swear, there aren't/weren't that many typos when I typed it up and went through it on the documents part. I'll just be super careful about this chapter, I guess, but I think that's a ff. net error and not really mine…
Chapter 28: Goodbyes
Hermione stumbled up to the Hogwarts gates with her head spinning. She still scrambled in her mind for Draco's presence and found him nowhere. He couldn't possibly have cut the bond, could he? She leaned against the gates, breathing in deeply to calm herself, and something inside her snapped.
With a cool head, she assessed her situation. She was completely locked out of Hogwarts, considering she'd not given any prior notice of her entrance and there were powerful charms all over the place to keep people out. Suddenly, she smirked broadly and set off towards Hogsmeade at a quick jog. The town was desolate and broken from Voldemort's recent attack.
Hermione tried not to look at things too closely, but even that did not help. Many of the buildings were burnt and falling down. Some were lonely and abandoned. The Three Broomsticks was nothing but charred wood on barren ground. Absurdly, a chair stood in the middle of the wreckage, almost completely unharmed.
She turned her attention to Honeydukes. She nearly cried at the sight of the warm candy shop. It was not garishly burnt or broken, but it screamed wrongness at her. Only half the building was burnt, but nearly all the windows had been smashed in. A spray of blood darkened part of the once-bright paint. Shivering, Hermione slipped inside through a door that swung drunkenly on its hinges.
She threaded her way through the candy strewn over the floor. At times it crunched and crackled under her feet, and she tried not to think too deeply on it. The cellar was blessedly unharmed, and she was relieved to see it so. She clambered through the trapdoor and began to make her way to Hogwarts.
Hoping beyond hope that she wouldn't meet anyone climbing out, she crawled out through the witch statue and brushed herself off. With a quick sigh, she wandered the halls at random, hoping to run into someone.
Unfortunately, it wasn't the person she wanted to run into. "P-professor Snape," she stammered, trying to figure out what to say.
"Where have you been, my Lady?" he said with more than a hint of sarcasm.
"Shut up and shut off the theatrics," she said coldly. "You are going to tell me—" suddenly she stopped. How could she be sure he wouldn't relate this all back to Voldemort? Then she realized that they were all on the same side. Almost, she laughed at herself. She had too many things going on in her mind at the moment. "Tell me where the Order is. I have important news and no time to waste."
Snape scowled. "And what exactly is this important news?"
Hermione searched for the words but only found Draco's absence. Frustration, anger, and confusion burst through her veins. "Where is the Order, Snape?" she growled at him.
Something about her expression or tone must have set him off because he paused, searching her face, and then told her where they were. Hermione stalked away without another word said.
The Order was crammed into a too-small classroom. Not even all of the members were there, but as it was they were clustered on top of tables and on benches and in the back of the room. Every eye was alert as she walked in, but then people relaxed as they recognized her for who she was. Finally she spotted Lupin sitting across from Tonks at a table, deep in conversation. "Tonks, Lupin, I have important news," she said quietly as she sat beside Remus.
The couple looked up at her. Lupin frowned. "From Harry?" he asked. "Why isn't he here himself? And where have you been, I haven't seen you since I got here about a week ago." Hermione glanced around, almost nervously and opened her mouth. What was she supposed to say? Did he not know that she was Harry's source of information? Perhaps not. For an instant, she thought she would vomit, but then she gathered herself together, just as Draco would have. There was a pang of heartbreak there, but she shoved that aside vehemently. Now was not the time.
Nor was now the time to continue telling secrets. If she was to help the Order, she had to break down all the walls that hidden information created. "Can someone go get Harry? As I said, this is important." Harry would back her up, tell everyone that she was being truthful. Before her eyes, Tonks became a young boy and hurried out of the room to do as she bid.
Lupin was still staring at her when Harry came in with Tonks. Hermione surged to her feet and was beside him quickly, pulling him out of the room before he could react. Outside the door she stood with him for a minute, looking him up and down. The war effort had taken its toll on him. He was thin and pale, with heavy circles under his eyes. "You look...weary," she told him. He gave her a half-smile and she leaned forward to cling to him tight. "Harry," she sighed sadly. The next couple of days would be harder. They didn't even have a couple of days to prepare. She had no idea how much time they had, but she knew they had to be ready as soon as possible. She had to go back to Voldemort, and at the same time, couldn't return to him. Draco was being tortured for their treachery: if he admitted that she was in on it too, there was no way she could go back.
Only look forward, she told herself firmly, finally stepping out of the hug. She would have to stop letting her heart get in her way. Couldn't let it cloud her mind. Draco was as good as dead, she couldn't dwell on him now. "Draco has been captured," she informed Harry. "He is, likely, being tortured this very minute. I don't know how much time we have, but we have to attack quickly, before Voldemort can make a plan of defense." Only look forward. One deep breath, two. "I think I know where we can find him, so we can storm the house. I know we don't have all of the Order here with us, but if we can free the slaves they will help. We can call the rest of the Order in immediately. There's no point in being secretive now.
"Invite whatever families are left with children here to come and guard them. There are too many here whose relatives are captured, and we'll need to have some at the school still to keep them safe."
Hermione paused, taking a deep breath. She seemed disconnected from everything that was happening, whatever her mouth was saying, anything her heart was feeling. It was silly, and she cracked a grin before she sobered. "I'm sorry to get you out of bed, but I needed you to give me authority. Does anyone in there know that I am your informative? No? I didn't think so. So get in there and let me tell them and give me their trust. Then you can go back to bed," she promised.
"Draco?" he asked groggily. "Impossible."
Hermione saved her words and grabbed Harry's hand to pull him inside. They walked up to the front of the classroom together. She coughed to get everyone's attention and then dove right in. "For the longest time, all of you have been listening to Harry tell you Voldemort's plans. Well, it's time to come clean. He was getting that information from me. If any of you have heard rumors of Voldemort's daughter, that is me as well. The Dark Lady, they call me. Even now, I'm not quite sure how it all happened, but that matter is far beyond the point."
She took an instant to breathe and gather her thoughts. Incredulous shouts flourished in the room, and she heard Harry calmly put them to rest. "Thank you, Harry," she whispered to him.
"Draco Malfoy and I have been a couple for quite a while now, and when I turned to Dumbledore's side, so did he. Considering my status, we thought we were safe. But not anymore. Something happened, I'm not sure what, and Voldemort found out that someone had betrayed him. Draco was captured and is currently being tortured. He's a brave man, but not even he can withstand skilled torture." Odd, how her stomach churned at that. It was impossible to believe. She would have to cut out those emotions later. Time to grieve and mourn after it was all over. Certainly, there was no time to be feeling jittery about Draco's fate now. They knew what they had been getting into.
Another deep breath. Only look forward. "I realize that very few of you will be wanting to take orders from me, even with Harry's support. After all I've done, it's impossible to even believe you would trust me. But you should know that Harry does, and I hope that that, at least, will be enough to make you listen to what I have to say.
"We need the rest of the Order. I know where Voldemort is, I know the layout of his office and parts of the house he's in. We must overtake the house before it's too late, while we still have surprise on our side. Ignore being secretive, just get as many as we can here. Aurors would be nice to have too, if we can get them to come.
"Find a way to protect the students in our absence. I'd suggest calling in whatever family members that have not been taken as slaves. If I can find out where the captured slaves are, I should be able to free them and give us the advantage." Hermione paused, running over everything she's just said. "I think that's it." There was a chalkboard behind her. She waved her wand and the main points of her speech appeared upon it.
"How long will it take you to get the preparations done?" she asked the room.
Most people seemed stunned. However, they had not gotten into the Order without wits, and in a few seconds Hermione saw people beginning to calculate, turning to consult their neighbors until the room was abuzz with many separate conversations. She looked to Harry for reassurance but all she saw was an exhausted boy with the weight of the world on his shoulders.
In bed at last, with the sounds of Parvati and Lavender on either side of her, Hermione found herself thinking of Draco. They had been so close…so close to getting through this with both of them in one piece and together. She felt vulnerable without him in her mind, a constant rock to lean on, someone to set her emotions to rights when they threatened to overwhelm. Gone.
Though she had told herself that he was as good as dead and that there was nothing for her to do about it, Hermione secretly hoped that he was asleep in bed at Malfoy Manor. She clung desperately to the wish that he was well and whole and would do her work here, because now there was no turning back. Though she denied it even to herself, she knew that her small wish was a falsehood. She refused to disillusion herself. Not just yet. She had work to do here before she could afford to break down.
Before Hermione knew it, she was asleep, and if she had known it, she would have been grateful for the reprieve from her thoughts.
--
"Hermione's back," Harry told Ron quietly the next morning at breakfast.
"And Malfoy?" he asked.
Harry paused and checked that no one was paying attention. "She says he's been captured for torture." He took a bite of toast.
"And you don't believe her," Ron supplied.
"I don't know what to believe. She seemed as cold and hard as a rock. Like…"
"Like Malfoy used to look. Like he was locked away from everyone."
"How did you…?" Harry began to ask.
"Grief does funny things to people, Harry. Remember Hermione on the train at the beginning of this year? She had that same look in her eyes then. It looked as if she had lost everything and didn't care what the world did to her next." Harry met Ron's eyes. The redhead had never confided in him about this. He smiled sadly, "Believe her, Harry, 'cause I haven't seen her with that look since Malfoy came into her life. If she has it again…it must mean he's gone."
Harry turned back to his toast and ate it in consternation. Hermione's words from fourth year came back, "just because you have the emotional range of a teaspoon…" she had said. It would seem that the war had matured Ron where everything else had failed. Harry smiled bitterly and swallowed the last of his juice.
--
Daylight streamed generously in from the window when Hermione woke. She was out of bed almost immediately and immersed herself in a cold shower as quickly as she could. There would be no time for thoughts of her Draco today, none at all if she had anything to do about it. And she would have everything to do about it.
Instead of taking her breakfast in the Great Hall, where all the students would have seen her and wondered at her return, Hermione slipped down to the kitchens, where she allowed the house elves to serve her. In truth, only Dobby would attend to her because of the whole knitting fiasco of fifth year. She ate toast and was careful not to remember when she and Draco had eaten down here and had their food war.
After that, she sought out the Order members to get down to business.
--
Draco was scared. He was more scared than he had ever been in his whole life, and that included when Hermione had trapped him in the prefect's bath, when she had slipped over the edge of the astronomy tower, when she'd been mauled by a dragon. More scared than he was when he'd seen Louis Frunge's body after Hermione had done her work, when he had been told he would become a Death Eater. The fear he felt now even surpassed the fright he'd felt when his little brother had fallen down the stairs, when he'd gone to the hospital to make sure the child would be well, when he'd died at last after they'd tried everything.
He remembered how scared he had been when he realized that he was beginning to fall in love with Hermione. That was nothing now, nothing.
Before, he had always been scared for other people, and what their deaths and pains meant to him. Now he knew the meaning of a different fear: the fear for one's own life that made all other terrors seem paltry. Draco recalled sitting in the cozzelt's den and knew it for a minor ordeal in comparison of what he was going through now.
He didn't know how long he'd been sitting in the cell, but he understood that time only mattered in a distant way now. His thoughts touched briefly on Hermione and his betrayal of the Dark Lord. Draco wondered what mattered more now: his pride or the pain. Perhaps if he gave in now, the pain would stop. He shifted in the corner, careful not to make too much noise or the torturer may come back to him, recall that she'd left him here.
Pain. Fear. Thinking logically was such a chore. Why did he strive so hard to keep his treachery a secret? Better to tell her and have done with it. But no…what was the reason he kept silent? It was hard to remember now. Oh, yes, Hermione. If he admitted to working with the Order…wait, what was he thinking of? It was so hard to keep his thoughts running. Oh, right. If I admit to working for the Order, then I will not be able to keep her involvement secret.
So you must keep silent, Draco, he told himself. Don't give in.
"I won't give in," he said, so quietly that he may have just breathed and imagined words. "No. I must keep her safe."
Draco closed his eyes against the dark and tried to recall Hermione's face. He could recall dark hair, brown eyes, light freckles. The rest was hard, so hard, because he was tired, so tired, and hungry and so thirsty he thought he could drink an ocean.
The door opened, and he blinked in the brightness. "Ah, Draco. You always were my favorite. The others aren't near as fun as you. I don't know that you hold the secret any more than they do, but you're young, and your magic is still free. Remember last time, when you managed to turn my knife into a rubber chicken with your lack of restraint? Please, do give me such enjoyment again," her voice said pleasantly.
The woman sauntered across to where he crouched in the corner. She grabbed his arm and yanked him roughly around. When he refused to stand, she wrapped her arms under his and dragged him out. "No! Don't! Please, don't, just let me go," he begged.
His torturer grunted with his weight but continued to drag him along. "You do so amuse me, Mr. Malfoy," she said, and he could hear her humor.
"Please," he begged one last time.
She laughed.
--
The Order had gathered at Hogwarts more quickly than Hermione could ever have imagined. Within 24 hours of her arrival, almost all of the Order was hidden inside Hogwarts. Some parents had already come as well, with grim looks and determination. A few aurors were on their way, she'd been told.
It would seem that things were going well.
Hermione sat down and drew out the floor plan from memory. She didn't know the whole area, but she had been able to get to Voldemort's office by portkey once. So if she made several portkeys for the Order they should manage. Others would have to storm Malfoy Manor, and some would have to stay behind to worry about the boundaries.
All this had been planned in twenty-four hours. She could only pray that Draco hadn't told their secret. Please, love, just hang in there. I don't know if you're alive or not, but we need you to keep your silence for just a few hours more.
In a few hours the war would reach its climax. Voldemort would win or lose, Harry would live or die, the world would live in terror or peace.
It was a bit much. Hermione sought out Harry and they stood for a full fifteen minutes giving each other the reassurance of arms wrapped firmly around them. "Are you ready, Harry?" she asked in his ear.
"I was born ready," Harry told her.
"Harry, everything that happened this year…" she began. Tears choked her.
"It's all forgiven if you'll forgive me and Ron as well," he told her, squeezing her a bit closer.
"Of course, Harry. Of course," she informed him through a thick throat.
They finally let go of each other. Hermione wiped the tears from her eyes and Harry did the same. "Where's Ron?" she asked. "I should tell him…" goodbye, she thought but could not say.
"In the dormitory. He's getting ready."
"As are we all," she said glumly as she laced her fingers through Harry's. "Let's go get him. We'll be leaving soon."
They walked through the halls, feeling the tension of the castle. Tonight, everything depended on tonight. The fat lady looked at them sympathetically and swung open without asking for a password. Together, Hermione and Harry walked through the common room and up into the boys dormitory. Ron was stretched out on his bed, staring at the ceiling.
"We should go now," Harry said quietly.
Ron nodded at him. "I'm ready. Hermione. It's good to see you again. I've missed you."
"To tell you the truth, I missed you too, Ron." She let go of Harry's hand. "Come here," she said and he stood and walked into her embrace, holding her as tightly as Harry had.
"I'm so sorry about everything," she said.
"It's all forgiven," he said huskily and let her go.
Harry grabbed the Invisibility Cloak off of his bed and stuffed it into a pocket. "Let's go then. The sooner we leave the sooner this is over with."
Hermione grasped Harry's hand, then Ron's. The trio looked to each other, and all of them had tears in their eyes. "I love you guys. I know I've shown it badly this year, but…" Hermione said.
"Same," Harry and Ron said in unison.
They walked down the stairs together, Harry and Ron flanking Hermione. It seemed like all of Gryffindor was there to see them off, though technically no one was supposed to know. "This is it, then?" Seamus asked from an armchair.
The trio looked to him, and he understood. Dean said, "Good luck to you three. Come back to us safely."
Hermione gave him a watery smile. Ron answered, "We'll try."
With that promise, they left behind Gryffindor. The halls were quiet, and when they opened the door to the classroom that the Order had named their own, everything hushed. "Is that everyone, then?" Professor McGonagall said from the front of the room.
The trio looked at her and nodded.
"Well, you all have your assignments. Those who will be using portkeys, stay here. Hermione, you will be making them." Hermione approached the front of the room where items sat waiting to be made into portkeys. Harry and Ron still flanked her—they'd be taking the last one out, as none of them could Apparate.
Over half of the Order walked out. They needed to get outside of Hogwarts to Apparate. Hermione took a deep breath and began to make the portkeys, setting them to go off at three, which was in about a half hour.
--
Ginny sat curled up on Orlando's lap when he proclaimed he was leaving. "I have to go, my dear," he told her. "Please, stay in my rooms. You'll be safe here, I think. If anyone comes, there's a door in the corner of the bedroom closet that opens if you say your name. Only Dumbledore and I know about it, so you'll be safe there until I can come back."
"Orlando, I'm not staying," she told him calmly. "I know you want me to be safe and all that, and I understand it. Ron gave me very much the same talk not too long ago. But if you think for one instant that I'm going to let everyone leave me behind with the words be safe, then you're completely out of your mind. I can't let my brother, my best friends, almost all my family, and you go off and leave me here. I won't, Orlando. Not anymore. I know I'm young, but I was a fourth year when we went to the Department of Mysteries, and I did just fine then. I was a first year when Voldemort almost killed me. I'm not staying behind now," she told him.
Ginny stood and so did Orlando. By the look on his face, he was about to argue the matter. She spoke first, "Don't try. It won't work. Nothing you can say will make me stay."
"But Gin," he pleaded, "I…" Orlando paused. He didn't meet her eyes and blinked rapidly before he finally looked at her again. "Ginevra, I love you, and I won't be able to bear it if you die."
"Orlando." On such a grim night, with his admission she could not help but smile sweetly as she said, "I love you too. I won't be able to bear it if you die. So don't leave me behind here. I'd rather have you die by my side fighting Voldemort than have you die far away and me unable to stop it. So don't leave me here. I'm coming."
"Okay," he gave in at last, and when he kissed her she felt his tears on her cheeks.
--
I disconnect my heart, my head,
Don't want to recognize when things go bad
—Jack's Mannequin, "I'm Ready"
