Chapter 20

The city was in quite the depressing state. The damages were quite far reaching, ranging from collapsed buildings, to ruined roads to unstable foundations due to the many holes poked into it by the so called Violas. Remembering the wondrous sight of Yggdrasil from before, Bell felt that the monsters literally and metaphorically sucked away the magic from the city. Just as the Valkyries claimed it did during the battle. The few buildings with sigils that still worked only had a fraction of its shine, some of the sigils even flickering. Suffice to say the place went through a lot and the Valkyries worked day and night to bring a semblance of stability back in terms of magic. Even Odin was offering his insights when he could.

With the perfect ice walls broken, there was a lot of demand to help with reconstruction efforts. Surprisingly enough, some of the debris just had to be put back in certain places and be doused with water. After that, the walls seemed to heal themselves. It sounded like something from the dungeon. It certainly raised the mood, slight as it was. Bell and Kojiro helped wherever they could, carrying supplies around and helping with the cleaning up. The young man bit his lip at the thought. The casualties... it would've been miraculous if nobody got hurt. But they did. Many did. He still had to choke up at the sights. The bodies were covered up, and Kojiro always managed to divert his attention away from the more visible examples. But he knew they existed. And Bell hated the entire situation. It felt like yesterday that everything was just fine. Was... was committing evil and chaos that easy?

His thoughts wandered to Nyx. At the moment, she busied herself with paperwork, talking with her workers. But compared to before arriving in Yggdrasil, she was a complete wreck. She twitched at every movement around her. The bags under her eyes were even more extensive than before. Her hair looked like it went through a hurricane. Her voice was shivering as if she was caught in a blizzard, quiet as well. The sight tore Bell's heart apart. But if nothing else, it was a vast improvement to the catonic state she was in the last weeks. She only responded to his presence a little bit when Bell found time to visit her. Other than that, she stared off into the air, sometimes breaking down into crying. Suffice to say, sometimes she needed her space.

Bell glanced at Kojiro and Artoria, casually conversing with each other. He shuddered when Artoria glanced at him and smiled, forcing him to smile back with a wave of his hand. In those times, when they weren't allowed to help out by the Valkyries and Odin by saying that 'guests shouldn't work so hard', naturally Kojiro and Bell decided to work hard with each other. Sparring was one of the few things that gave him some semblance of peace. Occasionally Artoria would join in with her free time. It was then that Bell figured out the difference between Kojiro and Artoria as teachers. It certainly distracted Bell. After all, one couldn't think about their own worries and about the bad things in the world if they had concussions or were knocked out by what was merciless brutality.

It started off innocently enough. Artoria wanted to join in and Bell was excited at the thought of being trained by a high ranking knight like her. Kojiro would step back and let her take the reins in her hands. That excitement quickly died when she actually did start to train him. As in beating him black and blue. She wasn't going all out of course or else Bell would be dead by now. But every opening he showed, she smashed her wooden blade in. Every miss Bell made was punished severely. He gulped as he looked away from Artoria in the present.

By all means... as a teacher she was kinda terrible. Sure, she pushed him to the absolute limits, but... he was basically left to figure out things by himself, in the heat of the moment as he tried to survive. Kojiro's casualness was sometimes demeaning but at least Bell had time to contemplate his moves more. He preferred being played with like a cat would with a mouse than as the chew toy he was for the lion. His instincts screamed at him not to mention it at the time, because it already looked like Saber was trying to prove that her training and her fighting style would be better for Bell than Kojiro's. When she figured out that Bell had Dragon Fang, she even intensified her training. He could've sworn he saw a giant red dragon behind Artoria as her spirit rose when the information was revealed. By all means, Bell wanted to tell her the truth. But…she seemed genuinely happy 'sparring' with him. More often than not she would have a fond smile on her face, as if remembering better times. Who was he to deny her that? It was cute and grandfather said that in the face of a woman's charms, a man could only lie down and take it. Not to mention his survival instincts rose significantly at the face of constant danger and the threat of his broken body!

Bell looked down at the ground, smiling wryly.

... Maybe that was another reason Bell was willing to leave as soon as possible. And as it would be, once Nyx was 'present' enough with her mind, she uttered those words as well.

"I... I-I want to….l-l-l-leave... "

Bell's smile dropped. He pressed his lips together before letting out a sigh. And that was that. Bell and Kojiro needed to leave eventually anyway. As much as it hurt him to leave behind the beautiful city in such a wreck... he wanted to move on. Not just for Nyx' sake but also because this was their last stop before Orario. If he were to stay here now, he would never leave in the next few months at least.

He was shaken out of his thoughts when the two sword fighters and some Valkyries, Brunhilde and Hrist walked over. Brunhilde crossed her arms with a huff, having finished whatever preparation and organization she had to do. Leaning forward, she narrowed her eyes.

"Are you absolutely sure you don't wanna join the Valkyries?"

"Y-yes, Brun."

Letting an awkward laugh, Bell could only shake his head. The girls of Yggdrasil tried their best to actually keep him here. They never tried to force him but they brought on plenty of tactics to 'seduce' him to the Altena side. Sometimes they tried to seduce him literally, which some definitely disapproved and left Bell as a stuttering wreck at all the attention. He could imagine his grandfather shaking his head in heaven, seeing his grandson waste this opportunity to gain a 'glorious' harem. But damn it, he respected them all too much to try such a thing without love being involved!

Still, the amount of Valkyries who actually tried that were few. Brun on the other hand tried to promise him the glory of magic. Research and what not. Part of Bell was genuinely tempted. The way she praised his magic ability, a part of him thought it would be a shame not to dedicate his time to it. Yet... that wasn't what an adventurer would be. It wasn't what he imagined a hero would be. Not that he thought researchers were less capable, but it just didn't fit his image.

Anyway, Brunhilde clicked her tongue, letting go of his shoulders as she spat to the side.

"Fuck!" She sighed dramatically before pointing her finger at him with a frown. "Ugh, fine. Just keep in touch, kid! And if you learn any new magic, you haul your ass over here!"

"I-I can't promise that!" Bell responded, raising his hands. Brun cracked an evil smirk at that, jabbing her thumb at herself.

"Then I'll come to you!"

"Sister, you can't do that," Hrist said calmly, raising her hand. The eldest scoffed, waving her hand dismissively.

"I got a fuckload of vacation days saved up, I can use those!"

Hrist in response lowered her head, eyes narrowed.

"...We have vacation days?"

He could not believe how well the Valkyries managed to fool the general populace as pure and innocent idols if this was their real personalities. Or maybe being an idol meant having a high lying skill to begin with? Whatever the reason, he couldn't exactly disapprove. Despite their... energy, it just made them more charming, in a sense. And it kinda made him blush that he had their attention. Suddenly he felt a tap on his shoulder, causing him to turn his head. To his surprise, it was Artoria, who nodded at him before pointing behind her.

"Bell? A word, if you would."

"Of-of course!"

As they walked off, Bell noted that Kojiro was being led away by a blushing Hrist, followed by Brunhilde and Hlökk. He wondered what they wanted with his teacher but he was shaken out of his musings when he saw Artoria sit down on a nearby bench. She gestured next to her with a smile, causing Bell to cough awkwardly while his face turned red. Ah. He was now alone with her, a beauty and powerful warrior. Someone who wanted to have a talk in private. His imagination went wild but he choked the life out of it before it could escalate. This was just a normal thing! His crush wouldn't change things that Artoria was far beyond her! Anyway, he sat down, nervously putting his hands on his knees. For a while, they remained silent, with Artoria having her eyes closed, her expression utterly at peace. It was mesmerizing as her blond hair fluttered in the wind. Then she opened her eye, causing Bell to flinch back a bit, feeling his face heat up once more for staring. She smiled slightly.

"You should not compare yourself to Kojiro."

"Eh?" Bell tilted his head. Out of everything he expected, he didn't expect this conversation to move towards him.

"I noticed. How depressed you seem every time you finish a spar with him." She gave him a pointed look, frowning a bit. "Even more than you are with me."

Bell gulped. Why...why did she make it sound like he was supposed to be more depressed with her than with Kojiro? Why did she sound so disappointed? What was this weird suspicion that Artoria was the jealous type?! She chuckled at his expression before schooling her features with a small frown.

"Having someone as your goal is fine and all, but not at the cost of lowered self esteem." She nodded with an approving smile. "You are talented. Never doubt that."

Blushing, Bell looked away. While he liked compliments, he didn't feel quite right. Was he really putting himself down so much? Then again, he kept imagining that Kojiro moved further and further with each step he made. That he was on this impossibly tall mountain. But was that wrong to think? Wrong to be discouraged by it?

"T-thank you." He lowered his head. "It's just... "

"I understand. His swordsmanship is something to envy. But you have to realize one thing." She narrowed her eyes at him. "You can never reach it."

"Eh?"

His heart and soul ached. Having someone of such high authority just go and tell that to his face was-

"Neither can I."

Bell snapped his head towards Artoria with wide eyes who leaned back and sighed in a tired manner.

"Kojiro is just... different," she muttered to herself. The young man could only tilt his head in confusion.

"Different?"

"In a way, I consider him a monster myself. I have fought many things. Have gained much experience." She shook her head with a wry smile. "Yet I could never believe myself measuring up to Kojiro in terms of pure swordsmanship, who managed to gain his skill in absolute solitude in the mountains."

He could only gape. He was hearing information about Kojiro he never thought possible. He believed he was a seasoned wandering swordsman, but to believe his teacher was this good by training alone? He didn't want to believe it. But Artoria said it and she was most likely the highest authority regarding this matter, in terms of skill and history with Kojiro. So he could do nothing but nod numbly.

"Trying to live up to that is a fool's errand. No one can beat him in his territory. So do not even try."

"W-well, if you put it like that…" Bell lowered his head. But even as he agreed with her words... was it wrong to chase after that shadow? To try anyway?

"Besides, do you wish to be the best Bell Cranel can be or become a copy of Sasaki Kojiro?"

Bel stiffened up. Turning to her, he saw her smile encouragingly. Pressing his lips together, he lowered his head. The best Bell Cranel he could be. His own path. Having someone say it out loud... he always knew he wasn't going to be like Kojiro. To follow the same goals that man might have. Bell hummed thoughtfully. Maybe... maybe he could be inspired by Kojiro but not keep comparing himself to him too much. He wasn't sure what kind of hero he wanted to be... but maybe he should spend less time staring up and more time at how to climb that mountain at all. He smiled slightly, turning to Artoria, but it fell when he saw her frown at him. Taking a deep breath, she put her hand on his shoulder.

"I didn't just want to talk about any inadequacy you feel towards Kojiro. How do you feel? After taking a life."

The image of blood and empty eyes returned to his mind. Bell grit his teeth as he clenched his hands around his knees. But he took a deep breath, not falling into the spiral of depression he felt on the way to Yggdrasil. Still, with a mournful expression, he lowered his head. He knew he made the right choice. But it still felt so wrong...

"It... it wasn't my first time."

"It still weighs on you, does it not?" Artoria asked in a soft voice, squeezing his shoulder reassuringly.

"...Yes. I-I mean, I know it shouldn't-"

"Wrong. It should. Always." Bell turned to her in surprise as she smiled with a nod. "The fact it does means you are still human."

"But isn't what I do... evil?"

"Kojiro would say yes." Artoria sighed. "I would too. However, I believe in acts of evil for the sake of good."

Evil for the sake of good? Bell leaned forward, listening intently. Wasn't that how he justified himself in his own mind? Artoria closed her eyes, as if delving into memories.

"Take for example a kingdom. Resources are running low. Invaders are just at the door step." She looked at him with an unreadable expression."Do you dismantle the villages at the edge of the kingdom or try to keep them alive despite the odds?"

"I... " Bell couldn't find the words. What kind of cruel choice was that? His first instinct was to save them no matter what. But then thoughts of logistics entered his mind. Spread thin, was one word. More mouths to feed another. If survival meant everything... Bell shook his head. He couldn't make such a choice. He would be a fool wanting to save everyone and lost everything in the process. Artoria softly smiled, as if reading his conflict and patted his shoulder before crossing her arms.

"Destroying the villages is an act of evil. Yet it was necessary to keep the rest of the kingdom alive and keep the invaders from gaining those very resources." She shuddered, as if forcing a memory away. She turned to him with a somber expression. "I recognize not many can make that choice. Just remember... the motive matters." She put her hand on her chest, looking into his eyes with determination. "That pain. You should never forget it. It's a lifeline. To keep you from losing your own humanity."

"So... it's always going to hurt?" Bell whispered, clutching his shirt. Artoria smiled sadly and nodded slowly.

"A lesser evil."

"Lesser evil... "

He didn't want to be evil at all. But... if the choice was between feeling guilt and pain at taking lives… and not feeling anything at all... Bell straighten up his back. The choice was clear. And didn't the heroes in stories struggle as well? Didn't Artoria clearly struggled through these things in her lief too? Yet clearly she remained a shining beacon, the sort Bell envied and saw at the top next to Kijiro. Seeing his expression, Artoia chuckled, looking at him in approval.

"You are a good child." She ruffled his hair, causing Bell to blush. "I believe you will make it far. Once you have forged a proper belief and path... you will be unstoppable."

"D-do you really think so?" He stuttered, his face tomato red by now. Artoria nodded, looking at the sky with a fond smile.

"You remind me of someone in a way. My instinct tells me so."

A faint blush appeared on her cheeks. It was then that Bell realized. The one she was reminded of...had to be the one that she loved. Such soft eyes could only belong to a maiden in love. The realization caused Bell to smile sadly. Then he blinked at his own reaction. Weirdly enough, knowing that Artoria's heart belonged to someone else didn't hurt as much as expected. There was this small ache and disappointment, but not the heartbreak he expected. Actually it felt relieving for some reason. Maybe that was what a crush was all about? Fleeting, small? Then again, Bell might find the 'true one' in the future and would get the burning inferno in his heart like grandfather explained it.

Artoria shook her head, causing Bell to perk up. She stood up and tapped her blade's handle at her hip.

"So do not worry. One step at a time. The pain of your own conscience will serve as a fire to forge your soul into something amazing."

Just as she wanted to move, Bell acted on instinct. He grabbed her by the gauntlet. She turned to him, raising her eyebrow. The young man quickly let go, clearing his throat as he tapped the tips of his finger tips against each other.

"Uhm, can I ask you something?"

Artoria glanced behind her, looking at the preparations of the Night Company's caravan and Kojiro still conversing with the Valkyries. With a nod, she sat back down again with a smile.

"It appears we still have time. Go ahead."

There were many questions in his mind. What kind of history did she have with Kojiro. How did they meet. A vortex of sentences ran through his mind. For some reason, when he grabbed one of them at random... it was this one.

"What's with the Saber and Assassin titles you were calling each other by?"

When she blinked at him, Bell wanted to crawl into a hole. Out of all the questions he asked that one?! What could be the most irrelevant of them all?! Yet when he tried to backtrack, Artoria raised her hand, interrupting him before leaning back with a hum.

"Hm. It is something from a life long past us. Long before any of us had a Falna." She closed her eyes, searching through her memories. "There was a certain sort of... competition. Seven warriors like myself took part in it for the sake of a reward. In the end it was all a trick, but that is a story for another time."

Bell couldn't help but pout as Artoria giggled at his reaction. Why?! That sounded so cool! Seven warriors fighting for one goal, sounded like something one could write five or so books about, depending on the match ups! Yet he knew they didn't have time forever and he remained silent, even as he fidgeted around.

"Saber and Assassin refer to classes that we were assigned to. The servant of the sword, that was me. And Kojiro was summoned as the servant of silent killing."

Bell turned to Kojiro. Him. Silent. He turned back to Artoria, raising an eyebrow. She smiled back with a shrug.

"Suffice to say, Kojiro was an aberration. He wasn't supposed to be there. As you might realize, the title of Assassin would fit others more." She twirled her hand towards the man. "Hence him referring to himself as fake." She took a deep breath, shaking her head. "Nevertheless, he was a formidable opponent. We had met for the first time, yet I could feel he was dangerous. Time and time again I felt fear when facing him."

"Was...Kojiro that strong?" Bell muttered in awe. He knew that Kojiro was on a level on his own. But to believe such a skilled blessed individual admitting she was afraid? She nodded in confirmation.

"Let me put it like this." She smiled fondly at the memories. "There was not a single participant I considered weak. They were all top class one way or the other. That includes Kojiro and his swordsmanship."

"Now I really want to know the details... "

"It might get rather confusing. Even I still have to sort out my memories of what actually happened during that chaotic event." She shook her head. "Mayhaps you can ask Kojiro one day. He doesn't seem the type to hide such things."

"W-well, we have been so busy lately, it never really came up." Bell scratched his cheek. "But maybe I will. Thank you."

Suddenly the ringing of bells sounded in the air. Bell shot up by instinct before seeing that the caravan began to move already. Artoria rose up next to him, stepping in front of him. She extended her arm towards him. Blinking for a moment, Bell quickly grasped it before they shook their hands.

"I pray we meet again." She gave him a bright smile. "I quite enjoy our talks."

"Err, m-m-me too!"

Ah. His heart was fluttering for a moment. Bell could only look at Artoria's retreating back before he let out a sigh. He really had a type. Strong confident women. Maybe blondes too. Then again, while he did think Haruhime was attractive, she was only a friend. Still, he would hold this minor crush of his in his heart and cherish it, even when he would find a new love.

Shaking his head, he jogged towards where Kojiro was, in the wagon they occupied before. Jumping on, they nodded at each other before they began to wave at the Valkyries and Artoria sending them off. He didn't know how long he did so, but once they only saw the walls, still glistening as if nothing happened, Bell let out a breath.

Yggdrasil sure was exciting. A motion behind him caused Bell to turn around. His eyes widened when he saw Nyx huddled in her own blanket, muttering to herself quietly. He could feel the oppressive aura rising in the wagon. He sent a look at Kojiro who nodded in understanding. The man closed his eyes and crossed his arms.

Slowly and carefully, Bell moved next to Nyx. When their shoulders touched, she flinched and turned to him. Then she visibly started to relax before lowering her head.

"B-b-b-b-b-Bell... "

"It's alright." Bell smiled reassuringly. "You're safe now."

He didn't know how many times he said those words. Honestly they should sound hollow by now but... Bell meant it. Each time. Nyx cracked a smile back before hugging her legs closer to herself.

"I…" She closed her eyes. "I never thanked you."

"You never have to," Bell said immediately. In response, Nyx giggled a bit before resting her head on his shoulder. He blushed a bit but didn't move away. They enjoyed the quiet ride. But then Bell felt the cold in his spine increase. He turned to Nyx who was starting to breathe heavily.

"...d-d-d-d… "

Bell put his arm around her shoulder, giving it a squeeze. Nyx bit her lip before glancing at him with wet eyes.

"I... I didn't... p-p-pay attention, but... Did... p-people... g-get hurt... ?"

Bell stiffened up as she lowered her head. Because of me. He could hear those words despite the silence from Nyx. The answer was obvious. That it wasn't her fault. That yes, while people got injured, it wasn't her responsibility. But he felt she would never believe her. So instead, in his internal panic as her eyes begged for an answer... Bell did something he never wanted to do in his life.

He lied.

"No, everything turned out to be fine!"

His smile was forced. His voice cracked as he tried to sound overly confident. He tensed up. Waiting for it. The admonishment. The anger at the obvious front. But instead... Nyx just seemed to sag in relef.

"Ah... T-t-t-thank the heavens... "

The world grew silent around him. Nyx closed her eyes, starting to relax. Bell however could only stare at her with wide eyes. He wanted to ask. But he realized that Nyx, just like Kojiro, fell asleep. Thus he was alone with his thoughts, staring at the ground of the wagon with a deep frown.

…Could she not tell he was lying to her face?

END OF ARC 3 - IDOLS OF MAGIC: ALTENA
TO BE CONTINUED IN ARC 4 - TRAILBLAZER OF HEROISM - ORARIO