All right, so here's the next chapter of Speak which is once again, I must remind you...SPEAK IS DEDICATED TO THE LUFFLY CAPTAINKASE. Ahemhem. Anyways, it has been brought to my attention that the Capn' loves her Ed+Al brotherly fluff. Who doesn't? So Tadaa! Time for brotherly fluff. And perhaps angst, because I can't seem to NOT write angst. xx
Once again, this is dedicated to the lovely CaptainKase, so you should go read her fics. Um, now. It has also been brought to my attention, that they DID show Hohenheim coming back, but I just missed that episode, so see a drabble in the last chapter as an alternate take on it. Remember! I take requests, but not romance. Mm, and a thank you to Aemilia Rose an awesome writer in her own right, and she has reviewed every chapter. You can go read her things too. /shameless plug.
THERE MAY BE SPOILERS
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Niisan tries to understand. He always has.
For the first little while after his automail surgery, when he was actually in his right mind, he wouldn't look at me, cringing every time he did. Then, I walked in on him.
He hadn't been eating. Or sleeping. Or even drinking much. And now, he was wobbling around on some sort of contraption that I suppose made him feel nothing. He was just trying to understand what I felt like, but I didn't want him to do that.
I wanted Niisan to enjoy everything twice as much.
When he turned around and saw me, I witnessed him just break, his whole face crumpling as he wrapped his arms around the armor's - not my -massive girth, all the time mumbling, "Oh God, Al, I'm sorry. I'm so fucking sorry…"
I wish I could've felt Niisan's hug. He wasn't able to understand, and he knows that, and it tears him apart. My heart absolutely breaks every time I see him so miserable because of me, although I really don't have a heart anymore, I guess.
Then, he swore to turn me back to my regular self again. I want to, I want to really, really, really bad, but…
I'd rather be this suit of armour and with Niisan than being human—in a human body—without him, and at the rate that he's working, I sometimes wonder. I try to take care of him, I really do, but he doesn't understand.
He always tells me how he wants to see me smile again.
But he doesn't understand that I want to see his smile again too.
---
Equivalent Exchange wasn't something that Ed believed in anymore.
He had always believed in it, and if not believe, than a want to know it, to believe it, a want for it to be true. The world wasn't an alchemy equation though, as he now knew.
Ed didn't want it to be true anymore.
He gave up years of his life, saw things that he wished he never saw, but it was all worth it, just to see Al in his body one more time. Equivalent exchange? Maybe. He loved to watch him run down the street, raindrops pouring on either side, he loved seeing him sleep again, he loved seeing him with happy tears pouring down his face.
He was just so fucking beautiful whatever he did.
The warmth of those eyes, the expressions dancing freely across his face, unashamed of any tears shed, doing everything that Edward couldn't. And Ed loved Al for that. Was it equivalent exchange for all the horrors he's seen? He sometimes wonders.
But he still knows that nothing, absolutely nothing is equivalent to seeing Al's smile, just one more time.
---
Al couldn't sleep. At first, he pinned it to the fact that he was worried by the half a brother that was lying unconscious in the other room, pinned it up to worry, stress, the way his mind was buzzing about so fretfully. On the third night, he tried to sleep, but only managed to coax himself in some sort of fuzzy, half aware mode.
Finally, when his brother woke up, Al thought that he could sleep with relief. It seemed like Ed didn't cry the way he should have. Al didn't cry the way he should have either, but it seemed like he just couldn't. Why couldn't Ed just cry enough for the both of them?
A hush lay over the room, as Al realized that it wasn't just the skewed sense of normalcy that caused his insomnia.
"Niisan?"
His voice was thick with stress, pain and worry, muzzily saying, "Mm, Al, go back to sleep..."
"Niisan. That's the problem."
Ed finally sat up, worming about the best he could with two limbs missing, "I'm listening, Al," He said, but Al seriously doubted it judging from his half lidded eyes. Still, Al decided to talk.
"Niisan. I can't...I can't sleep. I haven't for the past few days. And I can't eat. And I can't breathe. And I can't...I can't..." His voice quivered, echoing in the armor, "Niisan," An edge of desperation laced his voice, "I can't cry!"
Al looked carefully at his brother's face. He was awake now, to say the least, but Al somewhat regretted waking him up. Somewhat. Ed's body was shaking uncontrollably, held back tears shining clearly in golden eyes.
"I'm sorry, Al." Ed avoided Al's gaze, "I'm sorry. Oh god, Oh dammit all, it's all my fault. I'm so sorry. Oh god, Al, I'm so sorry."
Al sat there in silence, "It was my choice as well as yours, Niisan. Don't pin the blame on yourself…"
"Al, I--"
The massive suit of armor lumbered over to Ed's bed, and sat beside him, squeezing his good shoulder as gently as he could. Tears finally ran down his face and his breathing slowed as he fell asleep. He must've been exhausted something awful, Al knew by the speed of which he fell back asleep. If he weren't he probably would've stayed up for at least another hour with incessant apologies.
Al watched his brother sleep silently, seeing that Ed's hand refused to loosen from Al's should-be thumb.
It wasn't quite as good, Al mused. But this was almost as good as sleeping himself, seeing the calmness and the look of just pure love on his face. Almost.
---
She was so still. She shouldn't have been so still.
She was never so still in life, Ed knew, always moving, humming, walking with a hop in her step and a small, albeit sad, smile upon her face. Now, she looked at them, with that smile smaller still, and those eyes emptier still, and it made Ed sick to his stomach.
He wanted to shield Al from this. But he wanted to see Mama too.
Somehow, the month before Trisha landed up in the hospital, Ed knew that she was already dead outside, more often staring out the window than humming, more often sleeping than playing and something was just gone.
So, he mused, it shouldn't have hurt do much, it shouldn't have shocked him so much when she finally left, lying there in a ratty old casket, because they didn't have enough money to afford a real one.
But it did.
Auntie Pinako was crying and swearing at the same time at the people who were in charge of burying Mommy. She kept on blabbering something about it not being an open casket funeral, but they didn't seem to listen at all.
Al, Ed noticed, was edging up to the casket, peering down inside, tears still rolling down that round face, streaming from those too young, too sorrowful eyes. He leaned over, and kissed her, waiting for her to wake up as many times as before.
When Al sidled back up to his brother, he noted, his voice choked and stifled, not jangling with laughter like before, "She's cold, Niisan."
"I know, Al."
And then the priest started babbling about how God just needed Mommy at that second, but Ed didn't believe him.
What kind of bullshitting God needed a single woman more than her two young children did? Besides, he reflected, they were men - well, boys - of science, and God didn't exist. Mama sure didn't think so.
Besides, that priest was talking about Mama as if her family wasn't listening, talked about Mama in that false way, in that way that Ed knew she wouldn't have liked. He was lying about Mama.
Finally, that damned funeral was over, and Ed and Al got to sit in their cold, cold house, alone.
All alone.
And they cried, long and hard while they waited for Mama to come up to kiss them good night.
She never came.
"She's not coming, Al."
"I know."
Cold, thick, deafening silence, devoid of the familiar clangs of Mama fussing around the house hung in the room.
Al crawled over to Ed's bed, and Ed welcomed him in more than anything.
They clung to each other and cried, because they were all that the other had left, and they weren't ever going to leave each other.
"You're not going to leave, are you Niisan?"
"Never Al. Never."
And somehow, for a second there, it felt like everything would be okay.
They'd soon see that it really wasn't.
---
Note: This one is a bit confusing, but it's in chronological order, up to the beginning of the movie.
"Remember boys, wherever you go, if you're without me, remember to hold each other's hands very tightly and don't let go. I don't want you two to get lost, but if you do, at least you'll be together."
Ed gripped his mother's pale hand, an empty smile lingering on her face, and she feebly squeezed his as well. Ed whispered and whimpered frantically, and Trisha merely smiled.
Then, her hand went limp.
Ed couldn't stop gripping it, staring fearfully at Al who was gripping Trisha's other hand. Hospital personnel came in, sparing a few sympathetic glances at the Elric brothers.
"Ah me, just children...And no father? Alone now? Tsk, tsk...Come along, sweeties. I'm so sorry. She's gone."
Ed stared up at the woman, whimpering feebly, "She--She--She did it wrong."
"Did what wrong sweetie?"
"She forgot to hold my hand back. Only I was holding on."
The nurse passed it on as grief.
At the funeral, the two boys gripped each other's hands very, very tightly.
Neither of them knew what to do without their mother, how to live without her, so they didn't. They were about to bring her back to life, and this time, Ed would never let go.
Except for this time, it wasn't his mother's hand that he missed. It was Al's. And Ed wished that he had the good sense to hold onto his brother's hand before it was too late. Before it shattered into a million little pieces.
And it was too late.
So they went on another journey. No, they didn't hope to get their mother back again; only their bodies. It seemed that the more they tried to achieve something greater, the more they lost.
And that theory was proven still when Ed, lying there, his chest impaled had his- limp? -hand clasped by that of the - warm! - hand of his brother's.
So, sitting on a train, bumping along, the scenery of Munich flying by, Ed thought consciously a thousand reasons why they were separated again.
And a tiny voice in his listless heart cried out to him, "You forgot to hold on back!"
---
Edward Elric, the famed FullMetal Alchemist was sick.
He denied it vehemently, but ever Al, who couldn't feel his forehead, now knew. His face was a sickly yellow colour, and his nose matched the hue of his jacket. Of course, Ed denied it furiously, all the while scrubbing at his runny nose until Al was seriously entertaining the idea of telling Ed that if he didn't stop now, he'd stick a thermometer up his ass to prove it.
Finally, Al resorted to something that he really didn't want to do.
It was downright embarassing to carry Ed slung over his shoulder out of the prestiged Central Library, kicking and screaming. Al wondered why he didn't just give up, since he couldn't worm himself out of there, and all he was doing was hurting his flesh hand and foot on the harsh edges of Al's armor.
Finally, Al managed to snag a spare dorm room thanks to Roy who figured it would be easier on his newborn headache for Ed to be away from him.
Far away.
Al wished he was Roy Mustang at this moment, since he nearly had to strap his brother into the bed. Finally, Al managed to reason with his brother through the use of his best patient-voice and a mirror. He had explained relatively reasonably about his sniffling and his coughing and then showed his what his nose looked like.
Ed had frowned deeply, objecting.
Oh, no, he was Ed Elric. He didn't have time to get sick. It was impossible. Ridiculous! Nonsense, even! But, he grudgingly acknowledged, he was a little tired. From fights, though, not because he was sick. Because that was impossible.
Al was just grateful that he quieted down.
Of course, when Ed realizes that he is, actually, unwell in some way, shape, or form, he knows one thing: Everyone must suffer with him. That meant full out complaining, but to Ed's displeasure, only Al was there to complain to. And no one, especially not Ed, could complain to Alphonse for very long before feeling guilty about troubling him.
Al, being the good brother he always tried to be, helped and comforted his brother as much as possible, perching himself on the edge of the bed where his rather limp brother could lean on him.
"I," Ed declared, burrowing in his blankets, "Am cold. Why is the window open?"
Al sighed, figuring that the complaining would only go on for a little while. Ed's resting periods were small and far in between, so he deserved to complain a bit."It's not, Niisan."
"It should be."
"Why?" Al asked, now feeling a bit frazzled and exasperated, wishing that he had hair for the sole purpose of tearing it out.
Ed spoke in a reasonably matter of fact voice, "So I can close it," And after pausing for a moment, he added on, "And because I'm hot now."
Al wasn't sure if he could take too much more of this. Sure, this was his brother, but this was his brother in a full out rotten mood, from a combination of being taken away from his precious books, being dragged and then feeling horrible and staying stuck in bed.
Actually, his mood resembled that of which whenever he came out Roy's office.
Al didn't envy Roy.
Speaking of Roy...
A couple of knocks sounded at the door, and Al scurried off, quite relieved that he didn't have to manage with his ill tempered brother, if not just for a couple of minutes. Somehow, Al wasn't surprised when he saw Roy standing there, jacket slung over his shoulders and carrying a little brown paper bag. He greeted the suit of armor easily, and gave a small smirk, asking how Ed was. Al answered politely, albeit not too truthfully, which was revealed by a small crash which Al credited to Ed falling out of bed.
Roy marched right in there as if it were his own home - although he may have lived in here in his younger years - and marched right up to the patient, revealing what was in the bag.
Al praised him as a saint.
And Ed called him a little sonofabitch who deserved to be shot for delighting in another's misery.
Ed managed to down the medicine, and was asleep in a matter of minutes. Roy even let Al skitter off to have some peace of mind for himself. He stayed to take care of Ed, and claimed that it was because he couldn't die-- the paperwork would be horrible!
Al loved his brother, he really did, but sometimes...He was a real pain.
The next morning, when Roy was finally gone, Ed woke up, looking a great deal better. He gave Al a sheepish wave, stuttering over his words, "Er, Al, about..."
Al just swept him into a bonecrushing hug, cheerily saying in his tinny voice, "It's okay, Niisan."
Ed gave a small grin, "Come on, Al...I still need to read those books."
(Roy got about a million frantic thank you's in a tinny voice and one gruff thank you from the reluctantly grateful FullMetal.)
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T.T I must've redone a couple of those A MILLION TIMES. I hated this chapter, but I'll do better next chapter. I promisee! Argh. I worked my butt off. .. I hated the last one. Hate. Hate. Ignore it. xP
COUGHCOUGHHeyYou!Reader!Review!COUGHCOUGH.
I work faster with reviews, you know, so if you like this story, you should review. And if you didn't, you should review anyways to tell me why you didn't like it. I love reviews SOMUCH. They're loved. Much loved. I'll send you virtual cookies, and if you request something, I might write it! Anyways, this is dedicated once again to the lovely CAPTAINKASE. Review, please! ;D
