Chapter 3: General Warfare

I suppose you all ought to know by now that Fruits Basket is not mine…

"Who are we expecting?"

"Ahahaha! Funny that you should ask that, oh captive princess! Now that I have arrived, do hurry up and honor us all with your fabulous creation!" Stunned silence reigned for about a minute, continuing as Kyo and Yuki simultaneously turned to glare daggers at Shigure, and Tohru remained speechless in surprise. This was not going to be a good, peaceful dinner that she had hoped for…not a chance.

Ayame smiled condescendingly down at Tohru. Yuki remained motionless with horror as Kyo leapt to his feet.

"Don't talk to her like that, you slimy little reptile! Stop making fun of her!"

Yuki nodded, mildly surprised to be agreeing with Kyo once again. Tohru, very confused, looked from Ayame's laughingly surprised face, to Yuki's grim expression of resignation, to Kyo's typical furious grimace, to Shigure's sly smile.

"Eh? Eh..Ah! I'm sorry! Please sit down, Ayame-san! I was just serving dinner now!"

Kyo and Yuki exchanged looks of severe exasperation, and began mentally preparing themselves for the battle that was unavoidably brewing over the dinner table as Ayame approached. Taking a seat between Yuki and Shigure, the Snake sent a small, uncharacteristically knowing glance at Kyo, who looked relieved to have been left the seat next to Tohru. Ayame raised one delicately curved eyebrow and waited for Kyo to notice his scrutiny. It didn't take long.

"Ah? WHAT! Why are you looking at me like that? Stoppit!" Kyo leveled a piercing glare at Ayaa, who merely smirked and smiled up at Tohru's approach.

"I apologize for the wait, Ayame-san!" Tohru gave a little bow, almost dropped her tray for food, and, looking very flustered indeed, took the remaining seat next to Kyo and set the tray upon the table.

"Ah, yes…Ayaa, do you not find yourself overcome with jealousy for me now? What with my lovely new housewife, spectacular career, and..um….and….." the Dog cowered behind Ayame as two killing glares were aimed at him.

"Shut up, Shigure! Who are you calling your WIFE, eh!"

"Shigure, if you insist upon continually making such stupid statements, I'll have to kill you…"

Tohru, looking even more confused, protested slightly, saying, "Ah…Kyo-kun, Yuki-kun! Please, I don't really mind…it doesn't matter.."

Abruptly, she became the focus of their stares.

"What? Tohru, the only reason he says that kinda crap is because YOU let him get away with it!"

"For once, the Cat is right…if you told Shigure to stop it, I don't think he would disobey you."

"HEY! What do you mean, 'for once'?"

"That your being correct is a rare occurrence, obviously."

"You are correct, my dear brother; Kyon-kichi is almost always wrong!"

"Too true, Ayaa, as I think we all know!"

"Hey! Don't you two get involved too, this is between the Rat and me!"

"If that's so, then stop using Honda-san to win petty little victories against me!"

"Hah! You only WISH that it HAD been a petty little victory, don't you, baka nezumi! Anyway, since when can Ayame talk about ME being wrong often-I mean, look at HIM! He still thinks that there's a chance that the kuso nezumi will accept him as his beloved brother!"

"Oh! Kyon-kichi, I am insulted! How dare you doubt that I am Yuki's favorite person in the world?"

"It's not hard to tell that you AREN'T, for everyone except YOU!"

The general warfare and squabbling continued, the food long since forgotten.

"Eh! Ah, um! Please, stop…you mustn't fight!"

Tohru (being the only one still seated) was in tears, trying to hide them and not succeeding. Somewhere during the fight, a dish of sauce had been overturned on Ayame's silver outfit, and a bowl of rice had been tipped over onto a plate of sushi. The beautifully prepared feast had, in short, been ruined.

"Ah!" Kyo abruptly sat and, blushing slightly, patted her softly on the head. "I'm sorry Tohru…we didn't mean to ruin dinner for you."

"Yeah…" Yuki looked at the floor next to Tohru, humiliated. "It was our fault."

"Ah…yes! I'm sorry! I'll go fix a new dinner. Please, Shigure-san, Ayame-san, sit down." Tohru made as if to rise, but Kyo's hand on her shoulder stopped her.

"Nah, Tohru. It was our fault, so we'll fix it; the food probably still tastes fine, even if it doesn't look so nice anymore."

And thus ended the general warfare, and after the salvaged dinner, Ayame felt obligated to give at least a little comment, "C'est Magnifique!"

Hehe! Writing the argument was fun…truthfully though, I couldn't think of a way to finish it, so I just gave Ayaa the honors of proving that he knows some French! Congratulations to him from a fellow snake -