Toby was late to work, needing to drop Tad and Ellie off at a playgroup friend's birthday party. Well, the friend was Tad's, but little Phillip's mother had practically begged them to let Ellie come. She was 'big on community' or something like that. Toby didn't mind. There would be kids, Phillip's twin sisters, Ellie's age. And with Happy off on a job today, it was a rare few moments where Toby was completely by himself. He stopped to grab some food before making his way to the garage.
Walter's car was there, which surprised him, as Walter was supposed to join the others. Maybe they'd gone in Cabe's car. Toby hoped Walter wasn't having one of his headaches and wasn't able to drive.
"Allie," he said in surprise upon entering the garage. "To what do we owe the honor?"
She rolled her eyes at the formality. "Retirement is boring. And it's never boring here."
"That tracks. So everyone gone to work?"
"Happy, Sly, and Florence are off on a job," Allie said. "Cabe was supposed to take Walter over there, but…"
Toby spotted Paige, pacing off in the corner. "Something up with Amber?"
"No, no." Allie shook her head. "Ralph has her. They're upset about something. Seem to be upset with each other. Came in here with body language that says they'd rather be anywhere else."
"Well that could mean any number of things…"
Allie looked slightly exasperated. "No, not that kind of tense. They won't even look at each other."
"I'm on it," Toby said immediately.
"I didn't say-"
Toby ignored Allie, crossing the garage toward Paige. She saw him and moved away, into the kitchen, sitting down and putting her forehead down on the table.
"Penny for your thoughts?"
"That's not even the right context for that phrase," she said.
"Okay. I'll just cut to it, then, what's wrong?"
"I don't want to talk about it."
"What did Walter do?"
"It's my fault," Paige said. "We were messing around and I said something stupid."
Toby hadn't expected her to be forthcoming so quickly. It threw him off. "Like 'I called him Drew' stupid, bad euphemism stupid, what kind of stupid are we talking about here?"
Paige glared. "I said it was stupid, that should be good enough for you."
"Oh, but you and I both know I'm nosier than that." Toby hiked his legs up into the criss-cross position. "Come on, O'Brien."
"No." Paige shook her head. "I don't want to tell you because then you'd psychoanalyze it and just once I'd like to deal with the issues in my marriage by myself."
"Alright." Toby shrugged. "I can respect that. But you have to admit that I've helped more often than not."
"And I'm sure you'd make a bunch of terrible jokes and then say the right thing," Paige said, "because you usually do. But I can't be lectured right now, okay?"
"Okay. Tomorrow, maybe?"
Paige was about to snap at him when she saw the glint in his eye. "You're impossible," she said with a small smile.
"Can I at least suggest you two talk?"
"He doesn't want to talk to me. He hasn't said more than two words to me since last night."
"Oof." Toby frowned, thinking. "So you two haven't 'had words' so to speak. Since you said the thing."
"No." Paige put her head in her hands. "He got off of me, gave me this look…I don't want to think about that look but it's seared into my brain…and then went out and slept on the couch. When Ralph and Amber came home and asked what was wrong, I said he had one of his headaches." She got up. "I need to go talk to him."
"Walt." Paige bit her lip. "Walter, can we talk?"
Her husband, sitting on the side of the bed with his back to the stairs, gave a deep sigh, but didn't turn to face her. She felt her hands shaking slightly. "Walter."
"I thought my silence was indicative of my desire to talk or not talk."
"You know that every issue we've ever had was from not talking. As soon as communication stops, problems start."
"Not always," Walter said. "For example, we'd be a lot better off right now if you'd said a little less."
Her back pressed down hard into the mattress, Paige tipped her head back to give Walter easier access to her neck. His hand slid down the back of her thigh, holding her hiked leg in place, then it slid back up to her hip, curling around the one piece of fabric she still had on.
"I think saying more, now, might help." Paige took a couple steps closer. The bed he sat on now was the one where they'd consummated their relationship years ago. God had that been a wonderful night. They'd had so much pain ahead of them, but oh, so much happiness, too.
His mouth moved down to one of her breasts, and Paige curled her fingers in his hair, glad that the kids weren't home. It was hard for them to be spontaneous now, with Walter's various health problems, and as much as they'd already gotten used to needing to schedule intimacy since Amber was born, lately spontaneous sex had felt extra intoxicating.
Walter slipped his hand between her legs. "Oh, fuck," Paige moaned, pulling his head up so she could kiss him as she pushed her hips against his hand. She moaned again against his lips, breaking free of the kiss to gasp for air and then slide a hand around the back of his neck.
"I don't really know how to respond to you right now," Walter said when she walked around the bed to stand in front of him. "I'm not trying to be an ass about it. I just…I don't know what to even say."
"I'm sorry. Okay? I'm not going to preface that with a bunch of excuses. I'm sorry." She put her hands up to her face. "I was just-"
"There. Excuses."
"I don't mean it like that. I don't know how else to apologize without you understanding that I mean it."
Somehow they both managed to shed each of their one remaining piece of clothing, and Walter bent at the waist, resuming his mouth's adoration of her breasts. "You damn tease," she whispered.
He lifted his head, settling on top of her, not entering her yet but God, she could feel him almost where she wanted him and she whimpered in anticipation. "I love you," he mumbled against her neck.
Some of their encounters were strictly primal; others intensely romantic. Somehow Paige was feeling both things, to the extreme, at once. The words came out almost without her thinking.
"Let's have another baby."
"I was overwhelmed," she said. "I was just feeling…really in love with you and stuff, and in the moment I thought…I don't know, I thought it'd be hot. I guess. I don't even think I thought it was a good idea at the time, it was just one of those stupid things you say."
"Not that." Walter shook his head. "You don't 'just say' that. Not when you know that I…we cannot have another baby. You know that my cognitive abilities are a big question mark. You know that I feel this near paralyzing fear that I won't be able to meet you in the middle in this relationship no matter how hard I try. And I…I thought we were on the same page about that."
"We are." She didn't know what to do with her hands. Crossing them would seem combative. So would hands on hips. Letting them just…hang…seemed awkward. She debated reaching for his. She didn't think that would go over well. She sat on the floor in front of him, crossed her legs, then clasped her hands in front of her. "I know it was a stupid thing to say. I want to be clear that I'm not blaming you for how you reacted-"
"As well you shouldn't."
"Please let me finish. Blaming you for your reaction would be wrong. I'm saying that I know that and I don't blame you and I am completely at fault and I'm sorry."
Walter was quiet for what felt like decades to Paige. Then he sighed. "Are you still taking your meds."
It was a question, but the inflection sounded tired. Paige frowned. "My birth control?"
"Yes."
"Of course I am. Walter…" She stood up, brushed off the back of her jeans, then sat next to him on the bed. "Walter, do you not trust me?"
"I just needed to hear you say it." He sighed again. "We can't, Paige. We can't."
"I know. And I…I don't even want to. I promise."
"Well, that's the thing." Walter was quiet for a long time, staring at his feet. "I think I would. If things were different. If not for everything that's happened to me, you could have said that last night and I just might have been like 'sure, let's do it'. He looked at her, making eye contact for the first time all day. He slid his closest arm around her back, reaching over with the other one to press against her midsection. "I love that big old belly." They both smiled. "In another life," Walter said, putting his forehead against hers. "In another life we'd have the entire next generation of Scorpion all on our own."
"Hey now," she said. "I don't know about quite that many." She closed her eyes, grateful for their physical closeness. "But I'm so happy with our family. I promise."
"I do wonder sometimes," he said. "I worry so much about what I can't give you now, or what I'll begin to fail at in the future. Perhaps I overreacted a bit, too. I took it to mean that you were unhappy. Unfulfilled. There might have been a little of my insecurities bubbling up in addition to the other reasons I was upset."
"You don't have to meet me halfway on this," Paige said. "Or even part of the way. I shouldn't be making you feel insecure. And what I said…that's a known, it's a conversation we've had before and we both understand. It was out of line and I can blame it a little bit on being in the moment but that doesn't make it okay. I'm really, really sorry."
He kissed her forehead. "Thank you."
