A/N: It's not all rainbows and sunshine; prepare yourself for some drama. I don't own Instant Star, yadda yadda yadda. Please review.

Part 13

Their crankiness slowly ebbed away as they devoured their food. If one looked closely one could see that their hunger wasn't solely for the food in front of them. Jude took her knife and slathered on some butter with languorous strokes. She picked up the bottle of syrup and let it drip tantalizingly onto the T shaped pancake she had stolen off of Tommy's plate. She picked up the bottle of whipped cream and shook it up and down grasped tightly between her hands. She took a side long glance at Tommy and tried to suppress her mirth. She then topped it off dramatically with a cherry. "Do you want a taste..." she said coyly as she took a fork, plunged it into the pancake concoction, and held it hovering by his lips. He licked his lips in anticipation as Jude brought the fork closer he placed his hands on her wrist guiding it towards his mouth all the while using his thumb to massage the back of her hand. He stared deeply into her eyes as the fork entered his mouth. His mouth worked the pancake for a few seconds before he swallowed. She saw that he had syrup running down his chin and took her free hand and wiped it off with her thumb before bringing her syrup drenched finger into her own mouth. "Hmmmm…" Jude said as she sucked on her finger savoring the taste she closed her eyes. The inside of Tommy's mouth went dry at the sound of her voice and the proximity of her body. She took another forkful of pancake and guided it over towards him, but it accidentally fell on his bare chest. As Tommy looked around the bed for a napkin Jude decided to take command of the situation by swooping down and eating it off of him. His breath caught in his throat. She then licked the syrupy area where it had fallen as Tommy lay their stupefied and extremely aroused. "You can't finish without the cherry." she said as she plopped the red fruit into his mouth before he could protest. "I've had enough, Jude...it's your turn" he said in a strained voice as his trembling hands grasped the fork from hers and began to fill it up with the congealed mass of pancake, butter, syrup, and whipped cream.

An hour later...

Jude belched loudly and contentedly rubbed her stomach. Tommy's laugh rang out throughout the room. "Satisfied, girl?" he said not bothering to hide the innuendo. "Hardly, I could go on for hours..." she said. Tommy's eye brows instantly shot up at her statement. "Eating of course." she replied demurely as she licked her fingers one by one. Tommy shifted in the bed. "I could use a nap." she said lazily as she lifted her arms towards the sky and stretched out. Tommy's eyes darted to the bare skin of her stomach as the tank top lifted upwards. "Do you want to sleep with me?" she said softly as she gazed at him staring at her. "What!" he said as his voice cracked at which point he cleared his throat. "I'm tired, Tommy, I want to take a nap whether or not you happen to be in my bed makes no difference to me." she said. "Oh, and FYI I sleep naked." she deadpanned as she took off her pajama bottoms. Tommy felt like he'd been sucker punched in the gut as he watched her whip off the tank top so she was clad only in a black lace bra and matching panties. Tommy's eyes glazed over and his brain stopped working. It took him a couple of minutes to snap out of it and when he did he could hear a peal of laughter. "I got you so good! You should have seen your face!" she taunted as she punched him in the arm and grabbed her discarded clothes from off the floor and put them back on. "Not funny Jude" he said pained, his shoulders tense, and a vein she hadn't noticed before on his neck was throbbing. "I thought you could take it. I was wrong. I'm sorry." she said as she reached out to him and placed her hand on the back of his neck playing with the hairs there until she felt him shudder beneath her fingers and watched the tension leave his body. She took her free hand and cupped his face. "Don't" he said harshly. "Just don't..." he murmured. "She really hurt you didn't she Tommy? Hurt you so much and left you broken, scared to let anybody in, so you don't. You don't let anyone in do you? Your bed is never empty, but your heart is. And it makes me sad, truly sad, because you're only twenty-three years old and you've closed yourself off. You won't let anyone get close to you, won't let anyone love you, and deep inside you loathe yourself because she made you this way." she said passionately. "You don't know what you're talking about. You don't even know me!" he retorted angrily. "And tell me Tom, whose fault is that!" she said through gritted teeth. "You know what I don't need this!" he said as he angrily picked up the plates from off the bed and stomped off to the kitchen. He was so angry when he got to the kitchen that he slammed the plates into the sink and they shattered upon impact. Tommy winced as he felt a cut open by his brow and felt warm blood drip down his face. Jude had heard the noise and ran from her room straight to the kitchen. "Tommy, what have you done?" she said her voice trembling slightly as she glanced at his bleeding visage, grabbed a dish towel from the table, and dabbed it with soap and water before gently placing it over the bleeding cut. Her gentleness and compassion overwhelmed his senses and he grew angry again. She could feel the heat coming off his body in waves. "You should go Jude..." he said as he placed his hand on the towel with one hand and removed her hand with his free one.

Months went by and a deep chasm grew between Jude and Tommy. He threw himself into producing at the studio and with Kwest's help she secretly worked on putting together a demo. Tommy went back to his old habits: smoking, drinking, carousing, and women. It made her frustrated and angry which helped to fuel her music; she had already needed to get a third journal. "Hey, Jude!" Kwest said with a smirk. "Ha, ha" she said. "It never gets old!" Kwest teased with shrug of his shoulders and a laugh. Jude sniffed once before the damn broke and the gulf of emotion she had been holding in these past months rushed out of her. She was sobbing and speaking incoherently. Kwest pulled her into his embrace his arms circled protectively around her frame as she sobbed. After a time she lay quiet in his arms. "I'm moving out." she said definitively as she wiped her eyes with her sleeve. "Does he know?" he asked gently. "Like he'd notice or even care Kwest!" she said. She heard Kwest sigh. "Need a place to stay?" he said knowing full well that Tommy would somehow find out and once he found out would most likely kill him in his sleep. "I think I want to be on my own. Stand on my own two feet, ya know!" she said. "Girl, you've always stood on your own two feet." Kwest chuckled. He watched as she cringed at the term of endearment. "Sorry." he said and gave her shoulders a squeeze. "You don't have anything to be sorry for. Thanks for being here for me, big brother." she said. "Well, once I knew you were in love with the guy I knew I had no chance and besides I'm glad we're friends." he said. "And that goes for me, too." Jaime said by the doorway. Jaime and Kwest had become her two best friends, a big brother, and a little brother. "Kwest..." I said. "I can't Jude; it's not my story to tell. He needs to be the one to tell you what happened." Kwest said shaking his head. "You're right. I just wish there was something I could do, something I could say, to make him open up to me, ya know. I care about him, even though he's been a complete jack ass, I still care." "Jude, I know a couple of guys who are looking for a roommate. I could give them a call. Set up a meeting this afternoon." Jaime offered. "Thanks to both of you" I said as I grabbed the two of them roughly and enveloped the two of them into a hug.

Hours later Jaime and Kwest lugged the last of Jude's things from Tommy's apartment. Luckily for them Tommy hadn't been home. Jude had just met Speed, Wally, and Kyle a few hours ago, but the four of them had instantly clicked. "It's gonna be like summer camp, but without the counselors, eh dudes!" Speed said mischievously as he waggled his eyebrows up and down. "I fear for you…" Kwest whispered into Jude's ear as she laughed. "You have my number, right!" Kwest said. "Kwest, breathe, hee hee hooh" Jude emphasized teasingly. "I'm just saying..." Kwest said. "Don't worry Kwest, Jude's in good hands. Right, boys?" Jaime said. "Yes, dad!" Kyle teased before putting Jaime into a headlock and giving him a noogie. "Alright, children, gotta go hot date tonight" Kwest said. "Kwest you dog, you didn't tell me you were seeing anyone!" Jude said feigning hurt. "She's blonde, smart, legs for days." Kwest said. "Oooh, you like her." Speed teased. "What are we in like second grade!" Kwest said. "And how would you know whether or not I like her!" Kwest said. "That look on your face when you were describing her." Jude said. "What look!" Kwest said. The boys looked over at Kwest. "The look." the five of them exclaimed. "Whatever, I'll see you tomorrow." Kwest said as he made his way out the door. "So this is your club house? Do you have a secret password" I teased as I took in the sparse surroundings. "It's cheap, hence the dodgy neighborhood." Jaime said. "And it's got plenty of room for our instruments." Speed chimed in. "I thought I smelled musicians!" I said smiling. "Actually you probably smelled Wally." Kyle said with a grin. "Yeah, dude, you stink." Speed said. "Speak for yourself!" Wally said as he poked Speed in the chest with his finger. A few seconds later the boys were on the ground kicking and punching each other. I looked at Jaime askance. "What!" he said. "Aren't you going to break it up?" I asked. "The last time I did that all I got was a bloody nose." Jaime said. "So you would rather do nothing!" I asked. Jaime bobbed his head up and down. "Fine!" I said as I drew back my sleeves. "STOP!" I yelled at the top of my lungs. Speed was in mid-swing. Kyle was holding onto Wally's leg. And Wally was covering his head protectively. "Okay, boys, rule number one: all of you have to shower every day, it's not optional. Rule number two: you guys are going to start doing chores because I refuse to live in squalor…" she said as she glanced at the empty take out boxes and litter on the floor. "And rule number three...actually that's all I could think of in such short notice…" I said exasperated. The boys instantly got up from off the floor and stood up straight. "Sorry." the boys said in unison as they hung their heads in shame. "That was amazing! Truly amazing!" Jaime said clapping. "What are you that British guy on those infomercials!" I teased. Jaime ignored my taunt and continued. "They've never listened to me and I've known them since they were in diapers." Jamie said astonished. "Anyways there are only three bedrooms, so Kyle and Wally you guys are gonna share, I'll share with Speed, and Jude you can have your own room, alright" Jaime said as he looked at each of the guys in the face and stared them down until they agreed. "Yeah, no problem." the boys said. "So, Jude do you cook?" said Speed. "Do you?" I challenged. "We're all totally fine with pizza, Chinese, cereal, anything really. We're not picky." Wally piped in. "We're nutritionally challenged." Kyle said triumphantly. "Amen to that!" Jaime said with a high five. I couldn't help but laugh. I hadn't laughed in a long while. I forgot how good it felt. "Welcome home Jude!" Jaime said as he outstretched his arms. "Group hug!" Kyle exclaimed as I felt the wind knocked out of me and overwhelmed with feelings of acceptance, excitement, and bittersweet sadness. There was no cure for what was ailing me. No anesthesia to numb me from the pain. "Tom Quincy what have you done to me! I thought you saved me, but now I feel more lost than ever." I thought to myself. After all is said and done my thoughts would always seem to drift to Tommy. Where he was, what he was doing, who he was doing. I shut my eyes tight. I swallowed the pain and threw myself into the hug basking in the friendships that would fill my heart and share my life knowing that Tommy would not. Hope was a dangerous thing. And not a luxury I could afford. "So, Jude, Jamie tells me you sing…" Speed said. The other guys' faces lit up in childish delight and Jaime grinned sheepishly. I nodded my head not trusting my voice just then. Music would be my saving grace, my sanctuary; it always was. I just hoped that it was enough.