I don't own any of the Tamora Pierce characters
Somethings going to happen . . .! Haha! Hate to ruin it for you! Read on oh Mighty Reviewers.
For the next two weeks, Ivy and Matthew made love every night. Then Ivy came on for her monthlies. Matthew hadn't noticed Ivys monthlies when they had not been sleeping together, now he was definitely aware of it. The morning that she began, Matthew saw her putting a pad in her loincloth, and felt suddenly frustrated. Ivy tried to ignore Matthews obvious frustration, but it was plain. He tried to remind himself that he had managed for three weeks without sleeping with Ivy, and that five days should be a doddle. Ivy was also annoyed. She couldn't help but feel suddenly detached from Matthew. The third night of her monthlies, Matthew looked at her longingly as she entered the room, then stood up and went to leave.
"Where are you going?" Ivy said, pausing in her steps to the drawers.
Matthew looked up. "I need some fresh air . . ." he said, faking innocence.
Ivy shrugged. "I'll come with you."
Matthew shook his head. "I'm fine, seriously."
Ivy looked at him, then grabbed his arm as he went to open the door. "Whats going on?"
"Nothing!" Matthew said.
"Right . . . so you acting so bloody depressed and leaving whenever I enter the room and not coming back until I'm in bed has nothing to do with the fact that I'm on my monthlies this week?" Ivy raised an eyebrow at him in question.
Matthew shook his head. "Of course not . . ." he started, but his mouth was dry and his voice croaky.
Ivy sat on the bed. "Come here then." she said quietly.
Matthew bit his lip. "I really need to get some fresh air!" he turned to leave.
"You know it's not my fault I'm a girl you know!" Ivy said angrily.
Matthew looked back at her. "Of course I know."
Ivy jumped up. "Then why the hell are you acting as though its my fault we can't sleep together!"
Matthew slammed the half open door. "I'm not!" he yelled.
Ivy raised an eyebrow. "Of course you aren't. Thats why you haven't touched me all week I suppose!"
Matthew hesitated. "Well . . . because you get bad stomach aches and you wouldn't want me lying on top of you and kissing you!"
"Why not?" Ivy said.
Matthew didn't answer. "You know what, you're all stressy at the moment. How about we have this conversation when you're not confused by all of these hormones?" He opened the door. "Lets make it when you're fifty instead of 15 and still so bloody immature."
The door slammed and Ivy stared at it. "Shit!" she said, sinking back onto the bed. "Our first arguement . . . and its about age and sex. This is going to be brilliant!"
Matthew rested his head on the door plaque. "Fuck." he muttered. "Doesn't look like she's the only one who's immature!"
Matthew stayed in the practice courts for the rest of the day, giving help to pages who were having difficulty using their staffs correctly. Eventually they tired and left, leaving Matthew alone. He had regretted everything he had said in the bedroom immediately, but he couldn't bring himself to apologize. His male ego told him that she should be the one coming back to him, not the other way round, and although he wanted to make things right, he couldn't find it in himself to do so, even though it was all his fault they'd argued anyway. There was a cough from somewhere nearby and Matthew looked up. He was both shocked and -it had to be said- slightly scared, to see that it was Raoul.
"Want to explain why Ivys gone running to Buri in tearsandwhy your sitting here looking about as cheerful as a corpse? Or will I have to drag it out of you?" Raoul sat down next to him and crossed his arms, waiting.
Matthew sighed. "It was nothing . . . just a fight, thats all."
Raoul snorted. "Nothing? You call it nothing when you're both looking like a rotting pumpkin and you're not even anywhere near each other?"
Matthew shrugged. "We'll sort it out." he said it more withmuch morecertainty than he felt.
"And what about the time between now and then? You just going to sit here and teach little pages how to fight?"
Matthew shrugged again. "Might as well, have you seen how they fight recently?" he tried to joke, but his voice showed no sign of humour.
Raoul sighed. "Last time I checked they had a training master and you had a Squire who you're supposed to be soul mates with. It's not your job to teach pages to fight. Now what did you and Ivy argue about?"
Matthew grimaced. "You don't want to know!"
"Well I didn't want to know about you and Ivy to begin with, but I did, so I guess you'd better tell me!" Raoul absently brushed some dust off his breeches. "So?"
"It was stupid . . ." Matthew said. "I was annoyed and she was stressed, it was just a clash . . ."
Raoul interrupted. "Anything to do with monthlies?"
Matthew gulped, then nodded. "A little . . ."
Raoul shook his head. "Everyone gets it Matthew." he said quietly. "You've been sleeping together recently, right?" Matthew said nothing. "Matthew, Buri's had enough time to smooth my temper down. You and Ivy started sleeping together after her party, thats where you went off to isn't it?" Matthew hesitated, then nodded. "And now you're frustrated because Ivy's on her monthlies and you can't . . . well . . . repeat the . . . ritual."
Matthew almost grinned at Raouls phrasing, then nodded. "It's not just that though . . . I mean,it started like that, then she said I was blaming her for being a girl, I said she was beingimmature, and then I slammed the door and left. I didn't mean it I just. . . well I guess I'm an asshole and I blow anything good I ever have, just like my Great Uncle, I always have to screw people up." He stood up, then angrily kicked a stray practice shield.
"You aren't like Alex, Matthew. Alex wanted power, you just want a little bit of . . . " Raoul trailed off.
"Ritual?" Matthew provided, stuffing his hands in the pockets of his breeches.
Raoul smiled. ". . . ritual. Every man does at some point of his life. I still get frustrated when Buri starts her monthlies . .. although when you get older they're supposed to stop . . . "
Matthew grinned, then shook his head. "Thats not just it. I didn't want to go back and apologize, I thought she should."he sighed. "Sometimes being a girl sounds so much easier!"
Raoul laughed. "If you ever see a child being born, you won't say that ever again. The most painful looking thing I have ever or will ever see."
Matthew smiled. "I always wondered why girls had kids. I mean all that pain . . . sounds like hell."
Raoul nodded. "I think you'll find they think its worth it.You should haveseen the look on Buri's face when Ivy was born . . . never forget it." He clapped Matthew on the back."Maybe you and Ivy will have children someday."
Matthew looked away. "I doubt it . . ." he said, the Black Gods words echoing in his ears. "I don't think I'll live that long."
Raoul frowned. "What are you on about?"
Matthew shook his head. "Nothing," he said quickly, then improvised, "I just always think I'll die in my first battle."
Raoul grinned. "Well if you do, you shouldn't be standing here. What if war came a-calling next week and you hadn't made up with Ivy?"
Matthew looked up. "I'd probably kill myself." he said, then grinned. "Thanks Raoul." he grasped the older mans wrist and ran off, not noticing the look on Raouls face that suggested something bad was going to happen.
"It was nothing . . . just afight, thats all."Ivy insisted to her mother, wiping away several tears. "We'll sort it out."
Buri sighed. "Ivy, you're crying like there's no tomorrow. It must have been a pretty big fight if you're crying even when you've sorted it out." She handed her daughter another handkerchief.
"It was nothing. It just happened so fast. I just wanted him to hold me and he wouldn't because I was on . . ."she burst into tears and buried her face in Buri's shirt.
". . . on your monthlies." Buri completed. Ivy nodded before bursting into tears again. "Ivy, he knows it isn't your fault. But what did you expect, he's a man. They like to be in control, what they don't like is not having sex. Even I and your father still have that problem and . . ."
"MUM!" Ivy gasped. "I don't want to know about yours and Dads sex life please!" She took in a deep breath. "It has to be the most stupid argument anyone could have. I mean, its not like we can't I just don't think he'd like blood on him!"
Buri grinned. "Would you really feel like it? I mean with all the stomach aches and things you get, probably not the best light exercise a girl can do in her monthlies!"
Ivy shrugged. "I'd live. I just don't see how we can argue about something so dumb!"
"Easily. You'll get used to it after a while." she smiled at her daughter. "And after a couple of years you won't sleep together as much anyway!"
Ivy shook her head. "You and Dad . . ." she shut her mouth, not wanting to draw on that subject.
Buri grinned. "Your father and I used to be like romping rabbits when we were forty, compared to then we're relatively inactive!"
"Mother! I don't want to know if you and Dad were like romping rabbits when you were forty! It's disgusting! And you're old!"
Buri stared at her daughter. "Just because I am fifty seven and your father is sixty four doesn't make me old!" (A.N/ I'm not sure about Buri/ Raoul age difference so I kind of made it up) She raised an eyebrow. "And old people can still have a sex life you know, but seeing as we aren't here to talk about that then maybe we should move on . . ?" Ivy nodded. There was a few seconds silence. "Did you and Matthew say anything else except that he was being moody since you came on for your monthlies?"
Ivy nodded. "I said he was blaming me for being a girl. He said I was being immature." She sighed. "I told you it was stupid."
Buri laughed. "Well you are still quite young, if you were older then you wouldn't have the 'immature' thing to deal with." She hugged her daughters shoulders. "I'd say Matthews doing quite well considering how often he used to have sex." She smiled. "He never had to deal with a woman with monthlies before did he? Nobody goes out on the pull when they're on their monthlies do they?"
Ivy shrugged. "They might."
Buri shook her head and said with certainty, "No. Now I think you need to go and talk to Matthew."
Ivy looked at her with pleading eyes. "Can't I just stay for a little longer?"
Buri shook her head. "No. Now go!" Ivy sighed and went to the door.
"You know he'll still be mad and . . ." she stopped when she saw Matthew standing behind the open door, hands in his pockets, looking like a child who had just been told off.
"I'll just be off!" Buri said, "I think I need to visit Neal at the infirmary. My backs playing up again." Ivy watched as her mother hobbled out, holding a hand to her back. When she was out of sight Matthew looked at her.
"Can I come in?" he asked, scuffing his boot on the floor asa distraction. Ivy hesitated, then nodded. She walked over to the chair without waiting for him to enter, then watched as he shut the door. "I just came to say sorry." he said quietly. "It was a stupid argument, I'm just not used to having to deal with monthlies. You know what I've been like with women in the past! I just didn't like having slept with you for two weeks straight and then being interrupted by monthlies." He bit his lip and looked down at the floor. "I never really thought about womens monthlies before I was with you, I mean, I never really had to and if anyone really got to know me after my great Uncle, I thought they'd just walk away, so I never really thought I'd have a relationship that was more than just sex for a night." He paused. "Maybe we should just call the whole thing off. . . " his voice cracked but he went on. "I don't think either of us are ready for this. Maybe if we just go on as we were . . . just friends . . ." When Ivy said nothing, he turned to leave. "Right, well I only came to tell you what I thought . . ." He opened the door and walked out. Ivy stared after him in distress.
Why didn't you say something you stupid girl! Ivy's mind roared. Now he thinks you don't want him and . . . she stopped herline of thought for a second, then bit her lip. Now he'll go into the city and find someone else. He didn't even want you! She wiped away the tears that now trailed down her face. Really? The rational and -at that precise moment- appreciated, part of her mind nagged. Then why hadn't he broomed you before? It's hardly like he hasn't been known to before now. Ivy sobbed. He could be scared of Dad . . . she almost laughed at herself. Matthew wasn't scared of Raoul. He might be wary, but he wasn'tscared. She grabbeda cushion andburied herface init. Why are women so bloody emotional? She thought as she left the pillow with a large circle ofwetness.
Matthew was in his room, staring blankly at the wall. He didn't know what he had been thinking. It had all just come out. He didn't really want to call it off. He was ready for this, more than he had ever been for anything. He thought about going back and saying he hadn't meant it, but Ivys silence had suggested that she didn't mind. The thought of Ivy not being bothered hadmade him feel suddenly angry. He didn't need to be bothered either. Matthew had walked purposefully towards the door, thinking that he would try and find Eliza, then he had retched, splattering several mouthfuls of liquids and foods out of his mouth into the bowl next to the door. He hadn't bothered to find a maid or get rid of it, he'd just left it. Slowly its smell had spread over his whole room. Now he smelt it, the disgusting smell winding up his nostrils and almost forcing another mouthful out every few minutes. You've gone weak Matthew, he told himself. There was a time you could have five girls on the go at once and not even get a guilty conscience about it. Now you retch at the thought of being with anyone except Ivy. What's changed! Matthew sighed. I love her. he thought. That's what's changed. I never felt like this before and now . . . he was interrupted by a large knock on the door.
"Tirragen, open this door, before I knock it down!" Raoul's voice boomed from behind the door, and Matthew noticed that he had a thudding headache for the first time. He groaned and went to open the door, wiping away the single tear that had trickled down his cheek with his last thought. As soon as he opened the door Matthew felt two hands land on his shoulders and grip him hard. "You know I hated this relationship right from the off!" Raoul roared. "But you have gone too far! My daughter is sat sobbing her heart out over you and you don't even look bothered." Raoul shook Matthew hard for punctuation. He didn't notice the sudden green tinge of Matthews face, or the suddenly bloated cheeks. In fact, he didn't notice anything until a mouthful of what could have been porridge or soup landed on his shirt. Raoul instantly let go.
"Raoul, sorry. I really feel like shit right now, can we save this till another day?" Matthew stumbled over to the bed and collapsed, wiping the small amount of sick awayfrom his mouth.
"We cannot talk about this another day!" Raoul said, slamming the door. "Why did you finish it with Ivy?"
Matthew turned on his side so that Raoul didn't see his tears falling silently. "Niether of us were ready for it." he said quietly. "I'm too . . . well . . . and she's too innocent." He tried to discreetly lift a hand to wipe his eye. Raoul noticed.
"Really? So what game are you playing Tirragen?" Matthew noticed that, unlike earlier, Raoul was using his fief name, not his own name. He felt a sudden sinking feeling in his chest. "Bed your Squire then act like it never happened?"
Matthew bit his lip. "You don't know anything." he growled under his breath. "I didn't want to split up with her for Mithros' sake, but what was I supposed to do?" he rolled over and stood up. "She deserves better than me. She deserves someone who won't get so frustrated when she comes on for monthlies, and someone who doesn't have a past of womanising!"
"She deserves to be with the man she loves!" Raoul roared. "And for some reason unknown to myself, that person happens to be you! So get yourself back over there and sort this mess out!"
Matthew looked away. "I can't." he said. "I'm not letting her waste her life on me."
"Why don't you stop wasting your life trying to avoid it?" Raoul said quietly. "In a couple of months you might not have a life. Don't waste what you do have."
Matthew looked up at him. "What do you mean?"
Raoul looked Matthew straight in the eye. "Kaddar'sbeen overthrown." he said. "Carthak are going to start a war against Tortall."
I don't really know whatI was thinking when I wrote this. Istarted it then left it for afew days, so feel free toflame this chapter. I have no idea how to make good arguements. Please review, cusif you think its crap then Ican get rid and make a better one (with your help of course:D)
Mage of the Heart
