Luna didn't know if it was her face that was hot, or her tears. It was probably both. All she could feel was burning frustration and overwhelming misery as she sat slumped against an outside wall of the dorm building, her head buried in her arms. She didn't know how long she'd been there for, but it was long enough that the sun had already set and the moon now illuminated the early night sky.
What had she been thinking?
Letting herself be fooled like that, looking like an idiot in front of everyone. She'd held onto hope for too long and it had been crushed like a delicate flower under an Ursa's paw. What would be left of her now?
And yet, somehow, she wasn't angry at Astra. And the longer she sat there for, the more any frustration she felt reversed and targeted herself.
Guilt rose up. Shame. Her words to Astra echoed in her head, and she saw Astra's confusion and hurt played over and over again. What was wrong with her, to yell at her like that? Deep down, Luna knew. She knew Astra hadn't had a clue. And that was frustrating, but ultimately, not her fault. But Luna had taken things out on her anyway, like an idiot.
How could she mend their friendship now, after acting like that? Could she mend it at all? Could she fix things, knowing that these feelings weren't going to go away and that she'd have to suffer through them while continuing to insist that things were fine? When Astra knew now that they weren't?
She didn't want to move or even look up. She wanted to stay frozen here, wallowing in her despair as she tried to gather the scattered thoughts in her head.
It was awful. Her whole life, she'd always expected the worst. And more often than not, the worst never happened. But then there were cases like this when it did, and she had no plan to resolve anything.
Maybe she should apologize for blowing up; for boiling over like that. But then, what would that help? It wouldn't change anything, wouldn't erase the moment. And what would happen afterward? How could they continue on after this, as if nothing had happened?
Her thoughts were interrupted by a sudden extra wave of anxiety, sorrow, and shame that threatened to overwhelm what she already felt. It took her a moment to realize that they were not her own feelings, just feelings from someone else that had been strong enough for her Semblance to pick up on without her meaning it to. She looked up.
It took her a moment to recognize who stood before her. It was Astra, illuminated by the moonlight and dressed like Luna never seen her before. Her bright clothes were gone, replaced by a sharp black tuxedo, and her hair was pulled from its wild, fluffy state into a neat bun, with thein, even strands of hair on either side. It was hard to tell, but it looked like she was wearing makeup for once as well. She looked absolutely stunning. And here Luna was, tear-stained and messy-haired.
Despite how pretty she looked; Astra's face was washed with the shame and anxiety that Luna had picked up from her and she was shaking slightly. Luna had never seen her so nervous.
"I-I'm so sorry, Luna." Astra started, her voice strained. "I've been really stupid."
Luna took a moment to find her voice, guilt stabbing into her. Astra shouldn't be the one apologizing. "N-no! I'm the one who's sorry. I…" She sighed and stared at the ground, wiping her face with her sleeve. "I shouldn't have said any of that; I overreacted. It's not your fault that you don't feel the same way I do." Even though I wish you did.
"Um, that's…the thing, though." Astra replied, her nervousness seeming to grow. "I need to explain something to you."
Luna stared at her. "…What do you mean?"
Astra shuffled her feet. "I, uh…can I sit?" Her voice was quiet and awkward.
Luna managed a nod. As Astra sat against the wall beside her, she tucked her arms closer to her chest, not wanting to risk the temptation of reaching out.
Astra tucked herself into the same position Luna was in, pulling her knees to her chest and staring straight forward.
"I don't…really know much about friendship," She admitted. "And I know even less about romantic relationships. I'm not that great at either."
The words surprised Luna. "Aren't you…the leader of friendship?"
Astra huffed a quiet laugh. "I know I call myself that," She replied, her face not matching the forced lighthearted tone of her voice. "But I…don't really have much experience when it comes to forming meaningful relationships with other people."
Curiosity poked its way into Luna's mess of emotions. "But you're…you."
Astra smiled slightly. "I guess you guys all thought I was pretty popular back home," She replied. "And I guess that's true. I hung around with a lot of people. But…" She blinked slowly. "None of them were ever my friends. They'd eat lunch with me sometimes, gossip with me…but they'd avoid me a lot, too. For one reason or another. Whether it was because they hung out with bigoted people who didn't approve, or just because they thought I was annoying. It was usually both."
Luna felt a rush of sorrow for her. She'd always wondered why Astra rarely brought up what her old social life was like, and now it made sense. She couldn't imagine not having anyone to turn to when she needed it, between Cobalt and her extended family. She'd always had someone.
"I had a couple of what you could call friends, as a kid," Astra continued. "But they were both older than me and ended up being trained personally by their parents. Through all of combat school, I was…alone. And as for romance…" She huffed and leaned her head against the wall, a wry smile on her face. "I've never had a clue. I guess it doesn't help that I never had a father and my mother never dated anyone while raising me. I've never had a crush, never kissed anyone, and I've certainly never dated anyone. I wouldn't know where to start."
That explained a lot and Luna felt even worse for having exploded at her. She should have known. She curled up even tighter, wishing she knew what to say.
Astra kept going, still looking straight forward. "As you can imagine, all that meant I had absolutely no idea how to tell that someone had a crush on me. And I certainly wouldn't believe it if anyone else has told me. Even more embarrassing…" She seemed to hesitate, biting her lip, before finally turning her head to gaze at Luna. "I never even noticed that I'd been feeling the same way this whole time."
The words took a moment to register, but when they did, they speared into Luna like the softest arrow. "You…what?"
Astra smiled and looked forward again. For the first time, Luna saw her blush.
"Things always felt different with you," She explained. "I never knew why I liked hearing you talk so much, or why I always got so excited whenever I got to spend time with you." She looked back at Luna. "Pretty dumb, huh?"
Luna didn't know what to say. She didn't even know what to feel. It was like she was feeling every emotion at once, but nothing felt bad anymore. It bubbled up inside her and came out as a chuckle, building up until she was fully laughing, and she didn't even really know why.
Astra stared at her. "Are you…okay?"
Luna fought off the chuckles, burying her head in her arms. "Sorry, I just…I feel incredibly stupid, but happy, and I just…" She lifted her head again, resting her chin on her arms. "I could have avoided all of this if I'd just been honest with you from the start, huh?"
Astra let out her own chuckle. "I probably wouldn't have realized what you were talking about anyway." She sighed. "I just…I'm really new to this. I don't know how it's supposed to work. We haven't known each other long and I don't know what to do…" She turned to Luna, the emotions coming off her now warm and light, but still filled with anxiety. "All I know is that…I'd really like to learn with you."
Luna found herself smiling widely. "I've only ever dated one other person before," She admitted. "And it wasn't really much. So, if you want…we can learn together."
"Great," Astra grinned and stood up. "In that case…" She reached out her head. "Do you want to come to the dance with me? As my date?"
Luna's heart leaped, and yet, she felt strangely calm. She slipped her hand into Astra's and stood up. "I would love to. But, uh…" Luna looked down sheepishly at the clothes she was still wearing. "I'm not really dressed for it."
"That's okay," Astra squeezed her hand. "You still look as beautiful as you always have."
For the first time, Luna made not attempt to hide her blush. "Thank you," She chuckled lightly. "You look amazing too."
"Wow," Astra grinned. "Now I finally know why I feel the way I do when you say stuff like that."
Hand in hand, they headed around the corner, and Luna wasn't surprised to see Cobalt and Lily standing there expectantly, looking nervous and hopeful.
"Are you guys…okay?" Cobalt asked.
Luna looked at the hand that held Astra's, then up at her. "Yeah," She replied softly. "We are."
As the team made their way into the ballroom, Luna worried the moment people turned to look at her, knowing she'd be judged for wearing her regular outfit to a fancy event. But as she looked at Astra again, she found herself not minding what other people thought of her, just for that night. After such a disaster, everything had turned out fine. Better than fine, even. She was here with Astra. It was everything she'd wanted since starting at Beacon, even if it had come on unexpectedly. As she danced and laughed with Astra, her anxiety felt the lowest it had been for a long time. She knew it would come back later at some point, but for now, she didn't mind. Everything was great.
And then, after a few songs had passed, the team snuck out of the ballroom, Luna remembering that Astra hadn't been interested in the dance itself. They went back to their dorm, played their own music out of cheap speakers, and played party games as the night went on. Luna couldn't stop staring at Astra and, for the first time, noticed that Astra couldn't stop staring at her, either. It was as if the event from earlier that day had never happened at all.
For the first time in many years, Luna had a feeling things were going to be just fine.
