I don't own any of the Tamora Pierce characters
He'd done it. He'd finally got her back. It served her right, stupid little wench, cutting his eye like that. Absently Gavin's hand traced his scar. It still revolted him, even now, yet somehow the revenge he had exacted on the Goldenlake whore had made some, if not most, of the disgust evaporate. After all, he had got the little brat back, made her pay. And it wasn't over yet. No. There was still Tirragen to sort out... Gavin smiled. It would be easy. Tirragen could be killed off. And if he had anything to say about it, it would be sooner rather than later...
"Where'd he go?" Matthew hissed at Numair when he emerged from the tent. "Where did that bastard run off to?"
"Matthew, we don't know... if we knew we'd be out there after him... I swear its..."
"You're a mage aren't you?" Matthew interjected. "What about scrying? Can't you bloody find him?"
"Matthew don't you think we've tried?"
"Not hard enough!"
Matthew stormed away, subconsciously walking to where they had found Ivy. As soon as he realized where he had walked to, he slammed fist after fist into the nearest tree trunk. His knuckles bled, tears leaked from his eyes and he eventually collapsed against the trunk.
"You bastard!" He yelled. "I'll kill you! I'll bloody kill you!" He didn't realize the heat gathering around his body, didn't notice the trunk become suddenly scorching hot and start to crumble away into ash….
"Numair!" Alanna said, looking over to a blaze of fire a little way from the camp. "Numair!"
"What?" Numair said, turning to look to where Alanna was pointing. He stared. "Tell me that's not Matthew…"
"I think it is…" Alanna said quietly. "Come on!"
Numair stared at her. "Alanna! Are you mad? He's probably fully transformed! You can't possibly expect to be able to get near him without burning to death!"
"I can and I do!" Alanna snapped.
"I really don't recommend it Alanna!" Numair warned, looking at the blaze that was now much larger. "He'll burn you up! Ivy's the only one who can get anywhere near him right now, and quite frankly she's in no fit state to be running into a blaze with a fully transformed Pyro in a rage about his soulmate being raped!"
"Are you a mage or not Numair?" Alanna hissed. "We don't have to get near Matthew! We just have to stop the fire from spreading! Unless you plan on risking the whole of our army by just sitting here?"
"No of course not! But…"
"No buts!"
"But… it'll drain so much…"
"I said no buts!"
"We'll hardly be able to control it Alanna!"
"Well we'll just have to pray the Gods aren't in a stress with us then won't we?"
Numair sighed and followed Alanna as she began to run towards the blaze. He sent up a silent prayer to Pyroma… Matthew had said she was the Goddess he had met… perhaps she was watching him… if she wasn't, they were in trouble….
Fire seemed to surround her. Everywhere she looked, there was flame. Somewhere in the midst of it all she could hear a voice that sounded familiar, but she couldn't work out who it was… they were shouting… in pain… she had to get there… Ivy stumbled blindly through a forest of flame, her eyes watering and stinging, every part of her body sweating from the heat. Finally she stumbled into a clearing and when she recognized it, despite the heat, she felt her blood chill. The memory of the place brought back pain to every part of her being… why was she here? Then she noticed the figure at the bottom of a tree, bursting into flame, blue fire sprouting from his skin. Ivy fell against another tree. Why was Matthew here? Ivy could catch small phrases of what he was saying words such as 'bastard', 'rapist' and 'traitor' seemed to be the most popular. Something drew Ivy over to him and she fell to the grass, which was bathed in a blue glow. She reached out a hand and hesitantly placed it on his shoulder. It didn't burn. Blue flames seemed to go through it without touching her. Matthew turned to her, but his eyes were glowing orange and Ivy had to force herself not to pull back.
"Ivy!" He said quietly. "I'll make him pay I swear! He'll pay! I hate him!" Suddenly the flames died and she was pulled against his sweaty torso, held tightly in his arms as fire blazed around them.
"I'll make him pay…" Matthew repeated into her hair as the fire began to die down. "I love you… I'll make him pay, I promise!"
Ivy couldn't move. She was frozen in his arms. The last time someone had been this close to her… it didn't bare thinking about… the smell of sweat on his skin revolted her, but Ivy couldn't move… Matthew's hand cupped the back of her head and he held her even tighter… Ivy felt bile rising in her throat… she couldn't stand this… he was too close… with her last reserves of strength she pushed him away from her and rolled away, scrabbling to her feet and running back through the blazing fire. A cry of anguish split the air and a fresh wave of heat and fire knocked Ivy off her feet into blackness…
She was in her bed… she hadn't even moved… but she was sweating and feverish. Nealan of Queenscove stood beside her bed with a look of concentration on his face as he sent healing gift into her. She lay frozen… she didn't like the face that a man she hardly knew was standing beside her bed with his hand on her shoulder… especially not after that day… She wasn't sure if it was the healing, or the memory of her ordeal, but she suddenly lurched sideways and retched over the side of the bed. Nealan gave her a small smile.
"You'll be fine… give it a couple of days and you'll be up and running…" Ivy couldn't help but notice the look of concern in his eyes. They weren't smiling…
The tent flap opened and Ivy covered her eyes in shock. Orange blazed in front of her and she could hardly see.
"Ivy!" Numair said, running over to the bed. "Ivy… Matthew's out of control… we need you to come and sort it out…"
"Numair!" Nealan said. "I really don't recommend it! She needs rest! And…"
"Unless you want us all to burn alive then we need her to come and help!" Numair snapped. He looked at his niece and took her hand. "Ivy… you know I wouldn't ask you to do anything while you were meant to be healing unless it was urgent don't you?"
Ivy hesitated, then nodded.
"And you know you'll need to rest when we've sorted it out right?"
She nodded again. Numair squeezed her hand briefly, then helped her out of the bed. Ivy was relieved that she didn't feel threatened by him… she could hardly walk, she needed the support on her way to wherever Matthew was…. She had a sickening feeling she knew already where… she was right. Numair led her directly to where Ivy had gone in her dream… or vision… he had put a spell over her eyes so that she couldn't be blinded or burnt, but it didn't stop her eyes watering from the heat as she looked at Matthew, blazing with fire and writhing with pain. It frightened her… he'd learnt to control himself hadn't he?
"Ivy," Numair said quietly, "You need to go over to him… I can't go any closer… just calm him down… I know you're scared after what happened, but you need to stop him going crazy." He squeezed her shoulders briefly, before releasing his hold on her and stepping backwards, away from Ivy and away from the blaze of fire that was Matthew. Ivy took a deep breath and lifted a leg. All of a sudden the world spun… it was too soon… she was too tired… she needed rest… then she saw Matthew, writhing on the floor, screaming in pain and hatred. She had to help him. Stumbling slightly, she somehow managed to reach him. She was glad for Numair's spell protecting her, for even with its protection, she could still feel the flames licking at her as she fell ungracefully to her knees beside Matthew. She hesitated for a moment, her hand hovering a few inches above his shoulder. She didn't know how to touch him… what if he was like Gavin..? What if he hurt her? No, she rationalized, this is Matthew, not Gavin… he loves you… he wouldn't ever hurt you! Still hesitant, but slightly more confident, she placed her hand on his shoulder, feeling the heat and damp sweat on his skin.
"Matthew…" she whispered. The fire seemed to die down slightly, and Ivy went on. "Matthew…?" slowly, hesitantly, she turned him onto his back. Instantly she drew her hand away… she couldn't see the pupils of his eyes, and they glowed a bright orange. Ivy gulped and tried to scramble backwards. He looked different from her Matthew… he wasn't the man that had told her he loved her. He was someone else… his hair was matted with sweat, his usually brown skin was red with fire... every part of him was different to how she had grown used to see him… then suddenly she noticed the medallion round his neck, glistening in the firelight… something about it gave her the confidence to place her hand back on his arm, reach a hand out and take the medallion in her fingers.
"Matthew…" she whispered, blinking back tears. "Come back… please come back… I'm ok… just come back…" There was a large blaze, then suddenly, the fire that had been beginning to spread disappeared, and Matthew returned to normal, albeit sweaty and gasping for breath. A wave of relief swept over Ivy as Matthews eyes fluttered open to reveal their familiar blue colour. Ivy smiled weakly, then reached a shaking hand out to take one of Matthew's own. For a second, he seemed to stare blankly at her, then he smiled and weakly brought one of her hands to his lips.
"You're ok…" he murmured quietly. Ivy nodded, unsure of what to say. "I thought you were… gone…" he drew in a shuddering breath, then carried on. "I'll make him pay Ivy… I swear… he can't… he won't… get away with it…"
Ivy shook her head. "It's… not important…" she said. She jumped as without warning his arms reached out and wrapped around her waist. "Matthew…" she started, feeling suddenly ill. "No… Matthew… please don't!"
"Don't what…?" Matthew said, his usually comforting grip on her waist feeling like an iron-grip.
"Matthew please!" Ivy said, tears streaming from her eyes. "Please let go… I can't…"
"Ivy…" he murmured. "You said you were ok…"
"Matthew just… please Matthew… just let go…" Ivy wiped her eyes and scrambled to her feet, stumbling out of the clearing with tears streaming from her eyes… Numair looked at her as she ran past, but let her go… she needed to be alone. He'd send Alanna to check on her later, right now Matthew needed to be moved and told of his new position as General.
She hated it. How could something that had once felt so beautiful, so loving, be turned so suddenly into something so foul, so dirty, so evil? How could she not stand to be touched by the man she loved? He was her soulmate… how could she not bare to have his hands on her waist? And how did anybody expect her to get through this? She'd been raped. There was too much pressure on her… how could they expect her to calm Matthew down, deal with being raped and still be able to bare someone touching her. It had only happened hours before… it wasn't even like she was being given time to get over it…
The tent flap opened and Alanna walked in, holding a cloth in one hand.
"Sit!" She ordered, pointing at the bed. Ivy sat, too tired to argue. She lifted a hand to wipe away the tears running down her face, but Alanna shook her head. "I've got it. Just sit down." She began to clean Ivy's face, saying nothing but calming Ivy all the same. When she was done, she put the cloth down and took her niece's hands.
"It's too much isn't it?" She said plainly.
Ivy nodded. "I can't stand it…" she whispered, fighting back more tears. "I couldn't bare to even touch him… he's my soulmate and I can't stand to touch him…"
"Shhhhhh…" Alanna said. "It's natural Ivy… you've just had one of the most terrible things that can be done, done to you… you aren't expected to be over it instantly."
"But he didn't understand… he sounded so confused… like he didn't understand why… he's like a kid again… I can't stand it…"
"Ivy, he's just tired, confused… you remember what he was like before… he couldn't stand anyone else touching you? This is like that, only ten times worse. You and Matthew aren't just normal lovers Ivy, you've got a special bond. He feels all of your pain as anger against the person who caused you it. He can't stand the thought of anyone hurting you… but it's not just the soulmate thing. He's in love with you. He's feeling exactly the same as any other man would when he found out someone did that to there girlfriend. He wants revenge… his prides hurt… He will understand Ivy… just give him time… he'll stop being like this soon, just let him recover…" Alanna kissed Ivy's forehead gently. "As for you… you need to get some rest. In two weeks I'm taking you home."
Two weeks later, Matthew was sat on the bank of a river, looking longingly into the water and wanting to drown in it. Everything had changed so suddenly. Gavin had raped Ivy. Matthew had gone completely psychotic. Ivy hadn't spoken to him in two weeks except for when she left him in the clearing. Raoul was constantly pacing the camp in anger and frustration. Alanna seemed always to be looking after Ivy, with the occasional help of Nealan of Queenscove, which only made Matthew feel worse; how could he be expected to leave Ivy alone when a man Ivy hardly knew kept visiting her - on his own - for hours at a time. The fact that Jonathan had decided to elect him as General only made things worse. Men kept approaching him for instructions and orders, and Matthew could only wave a hand airily and point out some random job that was not important. He couldn't think straight, and the stress of being a General only pressed harder on his mind. Matthew watched as a fish darted through the water, chased by its mate, and felt empty, remembering when he and Ivy had swum together in the lake of the Royal Forest. After sneaking into her tent whilst Nealan went to the latrine the night before, Matthew had seen the difference Ivy's ordeal had had on her. She wasn't the confident person she used to be, even in her sleep she seemed to look different. Matthew had watched her sleep many times, and she always, always, always used to have a smile on her face. Now the smile had been replaced by a frown, the beautifully fanned hair on her pillow replaced with cold-sweat-soaked hair. Something had disappeared from her. A part of her was missing. He'd have called it her innocence, but that wasn't the right word… her inexperience with life had gone. She'd grown up too fast in just a few weeks. Being raped had forced her to deal with things she shouldn't have had to deal with… and Matthew couldn't help but shake the feeling of guilt from his shoulders. It was his fault Ivy was like this. He knew it, even if nobody else would admit their opinions on the matter. He'd been rivals with Gavin, hated him, provoked him in any way possible, and now he had paid in the worst way possible. His soulmate, the one person in the world that meant something important to him, was raped because of him. And now she was going home. Back to Tortall. He couldn't help but feel relief. She would be safer in Tortall, she would be in familiar territory, she could overcome her ordeal. Matthew would have to let her do it alone. He couldn't go with her, and she couldn't stay with him. And if he was honest with himself, right now, their relationship seemed dead. He knew that it wasn't Ivy's fault. She'd been raped. He could never expect her to overcome something so terrible quickly. Yet he still felt a certainty that something was gone that could never be set right, that there was something in their relationship, which had made it so pure and perfect before, missing from it now… and he didn't know if they would ever be the same again. He had to face reality. She was going home now, and he was staying away, at war, where every day it grew more likely that they would be killed. Sometimes he doubted if he would make the next day, and without Ivy's confidence, her encouragement, he wasn't sure he wanted to. He wanted Ivy. That was the real problem. He wanted Ivy to touch, kiss and make love to him. And she wouldn't. He couldn't blame her… maybe if he were killed, it would make it all easier for Ivy to move on… Matthew didn't know what he was thinking anymore. He just hoped that whatever happened would happen soon. He couldn't live with thinking she loved him if she didn't, or thinking he would see her again, if he wouldn't.
That was the most rambling thing I have ever written… shall this be deleted? Tell! I'm thinking it should!
