I don't own any of the Tamora Pierce characters
Ivy was sat in Thunders saddle, waiting for Alanna to join her so that she could go home. She'd hardly spoken to anyone but her Aunt for the past two weeks. To Nealan of Queenscove she had only answered his questions of 'how are you feeling?' with okay, even though they both knew she was far from okay. Her father had spoken to her several times, but Ivy had been too tired on all occasions to say much more than few sentences. Her Uncles had decided to stay away, and she was secretly grateful. She couldn't deal with having to talk to them. Too much was going on in her head. Alanna had carried verbal messages for her from all of her Uncles, which Ivy had replied to as simply as possible. Matthew hadn't visited. He hadn't told Alanna to tell her anything, and Ivy felt enormous guilt, knowing that it was her fault. She had told him not to touch her. She couldn't expect him to visit. Now, sat in the saddle and waiting to go home to months of waiting nervously to find out if Matthew had been killed, she wanted him to come over and see her, to kiss her goodbye... she didn't know how she would react if he did, but she wanted to have some reassurance that there was still something of their relationship left. She could see him, at the top of the hill which overlooked the camp. He was leaning against a tree, with his arms crossed over his chest. Ivy felt a twitch in her feet. She wanted to ride up and see him... she wanted to talk to him... she'd made up her mind. She took the reins and was about to kick Thunder into a gallop when Alanna's voice sounded from behind her.
"Ivy, are you ready?"
Ivy looked back at her aunt, then back up at Matthew. For a brief second she thought he was looking in her direction, then she blinked, and he was once again facing the other direction. "I..." she hesitated. "What about Matthew?" she asked quietly, looking her aunt in the eyes.
Alanna looked at her for a few seconds. "Do you want to say goodbye?" she said eventually.
Ivy hesitated again, then nodded.
Alanna nodded slowly. "Alright. I'll stay down here. Shout if you..." she didn't finish. Ivy had already kicked Thunder into a gallop and was heading up the hill.
Ivy closed her eyes as Thunder headed steadily up the hill. The wind blew in her hair and for a few seconds, as she sat with her eyes closed, she could forget what she'd been through... the feel of Thunder stopping brought Ivy back to reality. She opened her eyes and looked over at the tree, ten metres away, where Matthew stood, tall and blonde, just like she'd always known him. He looked at her with a sense of longing, mixed with regret, then he looked away back at the camp. Ivy bit her lip, then slowly dismounted. She walked over slowly, until she was within arms reach of him. He was still facing the other way, but she knew he was waiting for her to do something, waiting to see if she could bring herself to touch him. She bit her lip harder. She had to. She needed to tell him how she felt. He needed to know... she couldn't go home knowing that he was in danger of dying any day without letting him know how she felt. Slowly, she lifted a hand and rested it gently on his shoulder. For a second, she expected Matthew to turn round and be Gavin, then she felt the warmth of his skin, the familiar solidity of his muscle, the slight indent just on his shoulder that was a scar he had earnt in his years as a Squire. Her fingers traced it, just how he liked her to do. Matthew turned round to look at her, tears glistening in his eyes. Ivy looked at him carefully, making sure it really was him and that she wasn't just having some beautiful dream that was all about to go wrong. She looked at him for several minutes, her hand still resting aimlessly on his shoulder. It was only when his hand covered hers and brought it to his lips that she was sure it really was Matthew and not someone else. Nobody would ever be able to copy Matthews lips, no matter how hard they tried. Tears poured from her eyes and she fell forwards into Matthew's arms, sobbing hysterically into his shirt. Matthew held her for several seconds, in utter shock, then pulled her gently closer to him, holding her lovingly in his arms and resting his cheek on her head as she continued to cry. He said nothing as his own tears trickled silently down his face, into her soft brown hair. He couldn't help but feel at home, once more holding the woman he loved in his arms...
Alanna watched the reunion from the bottom of the hill. She still couldn't get over how obviously made for each other the two were. People said that she and George were made for each other, but she didn't think that even they had been so obviously devoted and in love with one another after only a few months. She looked away and summoned her Gift. Jonathan owed her a favour.
Matthew gently lowered Ivy to the ground. He'd held her for just over twenty minutes, and she was still sobbing. She wasn't quite as hysterical, but there were still moments when her body would shudder and she would let out a rattling gasp, then several more sobs. He leant back against the tree trunk, his arms still around her, rocking her gently against him. Several minutes later, Ivy looked up at him and drew back slightly. He didn't try and pull her back... he didn't want to scare her.
"I'm sorry..." she whispered quietly.
Matthew managed a smile. "It's fine..."
"You're all wet though..."
Matthew shrugged. "This shirts dirty anyway..." it wasn't. It had been clean on that morning, but he didn't care. He couldnt make her feel bad. Not after what she'd been through.
They were silent for a few minutes, then Matthew reached out hesitantly and put a hand under Ivy's chin. "I love you." he said quietly. When Ivys chin trembled, Matthew shook his head. "Don't say anything if you dont want to." he murmured. "I just want you to know, before you leave, that I do love you... I always will."
Ivy nodded. "I love you too..." she whispered, then hesitantly reached out to take the medallion that hung round his neck. Matthew smiled. He liked it when she did that. He watched as she ran her fingers over the interlinked letters, then tilted her chin up slightly.
"Tell me if I'm moving too fast..." Matthew murmured, then leant forwards, pressing his lips lightly to hers.
"Come on Jon, Raoul can cover for a few weeks. Have a heart." Alanna spoke into the purple flame waiting for a response.
"I have a heart, Lioness. I can't risk leaving you and Matthew out of battle. You are two of our most skilled fighters, I can't do having both of you back here! I want to let him come back and spend time with her, but I can't risk my realms welfare!"
"Jonathan, it's for two weeks, you don't think he'll be working hard over the next few weeks do you? Not until he and Ivy are sorted and resolved will he make any difference to the army. They need to sort this out, he's more a danger to the realm if you keep him away from her. If he goes pyrotic Gods know what he'll do!"
"I am quite aware of the situation Lioness! But my word is final…"
"To hell with your word!" Alanna cut in. "It doesn't make the slightest bit of difference sire, if you think it's dangerous to take Matthew out of battle, we both know it's more dangerous to leave him in!"
"Lioness…"
"And don't Lioness me! Numair would tell you straight out its dangerous to leave their relationship in tatters, so don't try and lecture me Jonathan! It won't work! I'm bringing Matthew home with or without your consent. Hang me from the battlements if you will, but I'm still bringing him and Ivy back!"
Ivy was frozen as he held her, his warm lips pressed gently to hers. At first, she wanted to pull away, anything to stop him reminding her of Gavin and how he had treated her, then she felt him hesitate, and knew instantly that she didn't want him to pull away from her. Slowly she relaxed into his hold, letting him deepen the kiss slightly. Matthew was careful not to push it. He didn't want to scare her away from him, not when he had just got her back. He slowly moved his hands so that one cradled the back of her head, while the other pressed gently into the small of her back. He felt elation well up inside of him. There was only one word to describe what he was feeling. Heaven. That was what it was; like floating way above the war camp, forgetting everything that had happened in the last two weeks. He was back where he wanted to be; where he was used to being… in Ivy's arms… it was almost as though he forgot himself, and for those few minutes as he kissed her, everything seemed to be alright…
"You said what?"
"You heard me the first time Raoul!"
Raoul stared down at the small copper haired woman in front of him. He couldn't believe his ears. "You just told the King that you were going to disobey his orders to keep Matthew here?"
"Yes!" Alanna said plainly.
"But…" Raoul stared. "That's just madness! He could have your head!"
"And he'll be a champion shorter if he does! Trust me Raoul; I know what I'm doing. We can't separate them yet. Ask Numair, he'll tell you straight out."
"I'm not arguing with you about that!" Raoul snapped. "I'm arguing with you about disobeying Jon! You could manipulate him into saying yes, you know how to make him squirm, don't just disobey him outright!"
"Raoul, he's not stupid, he knows I'm right, he's not going to tell me off for looking out for Tortall. Trust me on this, I know what I'm doing!"
Raoul shook his head. "I do trust you Alanna… but without you and Matthew our camps in danger. We need you." he put his hands on his friends shoulders. "Don't be gone long, ok?"
Her head rested on his chest. Her tears had finally subsided, and she lay there, listening to the steady beating of Matthew's heart. She'd missed him. She hadn't realized how much until he had kissed her. Then she had known almost instantly. She couldn't have bared to leave without saying goodbye to him, without fixing their relationship… she looked up to see that Matthew was watching her carefully, a look of love and adoration in his eyes. She blushed slightly and looked down, resting her head on his shoulder and closing her eyes with content. Matthew smiled, and rested his head lightly on hers, whispering in her ear.
"You're beautiful…" he murmured, gently brushing her forehead with his lips.
Ivy said nothing, but smiled, nuzzling slightly closer into his neck. Matthew sat up slightly, resting his back against the trunk of the tree. Ivy snuggled still closer to his side, rubbing her nose on his shoulder. There was the sound of feet breaking twigs, and Matthew raised his head slightly to see Alanna walking up the hill. He looked down at Ivy with regret. She was leaving… in the last half an hour, he'd managed to forget that she had to return to Corus, and he had to stay here… away from her… he blinked back tears… he couldn't cry… Ivy needed him to be strong… he had to be… for her. He slowly got up and helped Ivy to her feet, then took her hand as they walked over to Alanna.
"Matthew, go and get some things packed." Alanna said firmly.
Matthew frowned. "But… why?"
"You're coming too. Now hurry up."
Matthew looked at her, then kissed Ivy lightly on the cheek before running down the hill to his tent… he was going with them… he could have some more time with Ivy… he smiled to himself and, without thinking, cart-wheeled and back-flipped over a fallen tree trunk and the remains of the previous nights fire. Several of the men sat around the camp cast him odd glances, but he didn't care what they thought. He might be their General; it didn't mean he wasn't allowed to be happy…
"Matthew's coming?" Ivy said, watching him jog down the hill, and smiling as he flipped over the trunk of a tree.
"Yes…" Alanna said. "We're leaving in an hour. Go and say goodbye to everyone." She turned and walked away. Ivy frowned. Alanna was leaving something out… she could tell. She shook her head and headed down the hill, looking for Raoul and her Uncles.
Matthew shoved a few shirts and pairs of breeches in his shoulder-sack, as well as a silk-wrapped package that a friend has asked him to deliver. He only put it in as a second thought. He was too happy to think much. He couldn't believe it! He didn't have to say goodbye to her yet… he could spend a few more precious days with her… he ignored the voice in his head that told him he wouldn't have an easier deal in a week when he had to say goodbye, if anything it would be harder… he wasn't going to think about that now. The tent flap opened and Matthew looked up to see Ivy walking in. He smiled at her, then tightened the cord on his bag before walking over and putting his hands on her shoulders.
"You are ok aren't you?" he asked quietly, putting one hand under her chin and tilting it to look at her.
Ivy nodded. "I'm fine…" she hugged him briefly, then pulled back. "I'm going to go and say bye…" she stood on tip toe and kissed his cheek before walking out. Matthew sighed and picked up his bag before walking to the stables to saddle Magic.
"Dad, I'll be fine." Ivy repeated, as her father hugged her a final time.
Raoul smiled. "I know, but it doesn't stop me worrying…"
Ivy smiled back, then climbed into the saddle. "You worry too much." She leaned over and kissed Raoul's cheek. Motioning in Matthew's direction she said. "I've got a big strong knight looking after me anyway."
Raoul nodded. "I know. You'll be fine… just write as soon as you're home!" he squeezed her hand gently. "Take care of yourself." Raoul moved away, heading towards Matthew.
"You look after her, Matthew. And Alanna too."
Matthew nodded. "I will. Don't worry…"
"Matthew! Ivy! Come on! We're leaving!" Alanna called from about ten metres ahead, jumping into the saddle after several minutes of saying goodbye to George.
Matthew grinned. "Or maybe Alanna will be taking care of me!"
It took five days to get back to Corus, by which time Ivy and Matthew were, in Alanna's opinion, almost completely back to normal. There were still odd moments when Ivy would give Matthew the cold shoulder, but they were usually reconciled after an hour or two, which Alanna could only be thankful for. When they arrived in Corus, it was to find Jonathan waiting for them in his study. A guard had been sent immediately to bring them to him as soon as they arrived. Alanna entered the study, knowing full well what was going to be said, while Matthew and Ivy entered feeling apprehensive, and unsure of what to do. They found out almost instantly. After being told to sit down and offered drinks, Jonathan looked across at Alanna.
"You disobeyed me Lioness." He said calmly.
Both Matthew and Ivy frowned and stared at Alanna, who was meeting the Kings gaze evenly.
"With good reason, Majesty." She said calmly, not looking away.
"You do know I could hang you for treason."
"Yes, Majesty. I know."
"And you know also that no amount of friendship with the Monarch of the day can counter your disobedience?"
"Yes, Majesty."
"Good…" there was silence for a moment, as Jonathan swirled the contents of his glass and Matthew and Ivy tried to take in what had been said.
"You know Lioness, if it wasn't for Numair – one of the most established Mages of the day – also being of the same opinion as you on the matter, I would have had to do my duty as King and hang you."
"I'm aware of it, Majesty." Alanna said calmly.
Jonathan looked at her carefully for a few seconds. "In which case…" he said finally, "I will, on this occasion, forgive your disobedience, as it seems you were looking out for the best interests of the people of Tortall. I cannot begrudge one of my Knights for wanting to protect my people from danger. However, Lioness, I cannot pretend that another disobedience, such as this one, will be allowed to slide so easily."
"Of course, Majesty." Alanna said stiffly.
Jonathan nodded. "You're excused Lioness."
"Thank you, Majesty." Alanna stood, bowed, then headed for the door.
"Oh and Alanna," Jonathan called after her retreating back, "thank you for bringing them safely home."
Alanna nodded, then bowed and left the room.
"What had she done?" Matthew asked, almost as soon as the door had closed.
Jonathan smiled slightly, "I'll be honest with you Matthew, I didn't think it a good idea you coming back, not when you had just been appointed General. I forbade Alanna to bring you here. Luckily for me, she disobeyed, Numair agreed with her theory, and…."
"What theory?" Matthew frowned.
"A theory concerning the effects of separation from Ivy so shortly after reconciliation on your Pyrotic frequencies." He held up a hand to stop Matthew talking. "Now as I was saying, luckily for me, Alanna had the nerve to disobey, Numair agreed with her theory, and I have the chance to speak to the two of you in person, rather than through a speech spell."
Matthew glanced at Ivy, wondering if she knew what her Uncle wanted to speak about, but the blank look on her face told him that she was as clueless as he himself.
Jonathan looked carefully at the two of them for several seconds. "There is no easy way of saying this," he started. "If there were a way that would not seem quite so blunt and to the point I would use it, but it appears that there is no trace of Gavin of Stone Mountain anywhere."
Matthew felt Ivy stiffen, even though he couldn't see her and was not touching her. He himself clenched his fists under the table, closing his eyes and trying to get rid of the sudden anger roaring in his chest, desperately fighting to stop fire erupting round him. It was the familiar hand on his shoulder that killed the flames. Instantly, Matthew could feel the anger ebbing away… he opened his eyes and smiled weakly at Ivy. Jonathan watched with concern for a few seconds, and then continued.
"Our spies have been through the whole of the camp, and there is no trace of him there. Others have been placed in Carthak, and he has not entered there. Of course its possible that he knows where the spies are planted, being the General of the army he had been told these things, but its possible that he has just decided to live elsewhere. He and Rageo might have planned something, though our spies haven't been able to find any evidence." He took a sip of his drink. "We're doing all we can to find him, and as soon as we do, he'll be dealt with severely. I cannot say how sorry I am for what happened Ivy. After four years having Gavin as my Squire, I thought I knew him. If I had had any idea what he was capable of… I'm so sorry."
Matthew looked across at Ivy, who was biting her lip very hard. Instinctively, he reached out and took her hand, squeezing it gently between his own.
Ivy smiled weakly at him, then looked at Jonathan. "It's fine…" she whispered. "Can I be excused?"
Jonathan nodded. Ivy stood up and walked to the door. Matthew went to follow, but Jonathan shook his head. "I need to talk to you."
Matthew thought about disobeying, feeling no inclination whatsoever to leave Ivy alone right now, but sat down on his chair again.
"Now that you've been appointed General…"
An hour and a half later, Matthew left the kings study, his head swimming with battle plans that Jonathan had thought up and shown to him. Looking around, he tried to think where Ivy would have gone. His first thought was that she would have gone to see Buri. He took a left down the corridor, then headed to the adults wing of the palace, where Raoul and Buri's rooms were situated. He knocked on the door, and received a hug from Buri, but was told that Ivy had left half an hour ago. Matthew nodded, thanked Buri, then ran off towards the practice courts. Ivy wasn't there either, but the two Pages that Matthew had seen the a few days before going to war were, and they pleaded with him desperately to help them with their sword technique, and to tell them all about the war. Matthew would have much rather gone to find Ivy, but he sensed that she needed some privacy, and so, begrudgingly, he began to help the Pages.
Ivy could see Matthew teaching the Pages from her window and smiled. She knew he didn't want to be there; it was obvious to her, even from this distance, that he wanted to be somewhere else. The way his shoulders were slumped ever so slightly, the way he constantly ran his fingers through his hair as though he were agitated, told Ivy he was not enjoying himself. She was thankful though, that he hadn't raced to her immediately, she still wasn't completely over her ordeal, and there were times, like just now, when she needed time and space to be alone. Soon, she told herself, she would go down to the courts and talk to him…
Matthew sighed as the two Pages begged him yet again to tell them about the war. He'd agreed to teaching them to improve their sword technique, but so far he had managed to avoid the subject of the war, even when the two of them had begged for a break and a tale about the war. Now he didn't have an excuse. They'd been going non-stop at practice fighting for two hours. They deserved a break, and they wanted to know about the war… he sighed and walked over to the corner of the courts, slumping down to the ground and bringing one leg up to his chest, while the other stayed straight. The two boys ran over and sat down, eagerness glinting in their eyes. Matthew sighed to himself, their vision of war was of glory and winning… and he was just about to ruin that vision for them. The taller of the two, Jeremy, who was tanned to a dark brown with blonde hair, was the first to ask questions.
"What's it like?" he asked eagerly.
Matthew sighed. This was going to be hard… how could he possibly tell two Pages that a Knights life wasn't all it was cracked up to be? They were only eleven; they didn't have to hear all the horror stories that made up a war.
"Are there loads of dead people? Is there blood everywhere? Do you eat the dead for supper?"
Matthew suddenly felt a raging anger in his chest. How could this kid possibly be excited about death and blood? How could he possibly think that any human being was sick enough to cook their dead enemies?
"Yes. There are dead people. Yes. There's blood. It's like hell. It's not just your enemies on the floor, it's your friends, people you've talked to, people you care about! One minute they're standing next to you, cracking a joke, the next they're lying on the floor dead, while you're still standing, watching people you know drop down all around you. It's not great and glorious seeing friends die, it's one of the worst things that can ever happen to you. And the worst thing is, it doesn't end with the bodies. After the battles, after all those people are killed, you have to get up and go and sort the dead from the wounded, the enemy from your team. You have to carry bleeding men to the healing tent, listening to them begging you to kill them and make it quick. You have to drag dead bodies to a ditch where they can be buried, or a fire where they can be burnt. And then when you go to sleep at night, all you can hear are the cries of pain and agony. And then it carries on for ages. And you want it to end. You just want to get out. You find yourself begging to die, wanting to get it over with, because you know it'll be less painful that seeing so many friends die around you, it'll be so much more peaceful without all of those wounded men screaming out to be killed."
Jeremy's face had slowly fallen. With each sentence that Matthew had spoken, he had grown paler. The boy next to him sat staring, as though about to cry. Suddenly Matthew regretted it. What had he done? They were going to have nightmares for weeks now… how could he possibly have been so stupid?
The other boy, Liam, looked at Matthew. "My Dad… Owen of Jesslaw… did you know him?"
Matthew stared. This was Owen's son? Matthew nodded slowly. "I knew him, briefly." He bit his lip. He couldn't tell Liam what had happened… he couldn't let him know…
"Who found him?" Liam asked carefully, on the brink of tears.
Matthew swallowed. "I… I found him…" he said quietly. He looked up to meet the boy's eyes, and was glad to see that Jeremy had decided to leave. He didn't have to hear this.
Liam was crying silently, tears running down his cheeks fast. "Was he alive? When you found him… was he still alive?"
Matthew felt his eyes stinging. He hadn't told anyone this… nobody else even knew that Matthew had found him. He nodded slowly. "Yes…" Matthew said, his voice little more than a whisper. "He was alive…"
Liam was crying heavily now, Matthew could tell it was taking every ounce of courage he had to keep talking. "Did he say anything?"
Matthew looked at the floor and nodded. He hesitated, then got to his feet. "Come on…" he said quietly… "I've got to show you something…"
Matthew was glad Ivy wasn't in his room when he and Liam reached it. He didn't want her there, not now. This was going to be hard on Liam, he didn't want him to have to deal with Ivy being there too. He walked over to the bag he had brought with him and pulled out a silk-wrapped package. He squatted and handed it to Liam who was sat on the bed.
"Your Dad told me to give you this." He said quietly. "He told me to tell you he was proud of you and that you'd make a great Knight." Matthew took in a deep breath, then went on. "He said he wanted you to have this. It's magic and it'll show you when people are using illusion charms." Matthew gave a watery grin. "He said to tell you it was great for catching bandits who are terrible actors too."
Liam looked at Matthew for a second then, much to Matthews shock, he hugged him, and began sobbing into his shoulder. Matthew froze for a second, then patted the boy on the back gently. Liam pulled away and moved a lock of brown hair from in front of his eyes.
"And he said you had to have this too." Matthew said, pulling a piece of parchment from his pocket. It was slightly yellow, and Matthew managed a small apologetic smile. "I didn't know when I'd meet you, so I've been carrying it around for me ever since." He looked carefully at the young boy, who sat shamelessly crying in front of a full knight. It was more than Matthew could have handled, of that he was sure.
"You know… I'm going to have to leave here in a few weeks, but if you need anything then… just come and find me… and if you want anything when I'm gone, just write… or come and see Ivy, she'll be here… I'm sure she'll help you out if you need anything…"
Liam nodded and stood up. "Thank you." he said quietly, then left.
Ivy returned to the corridor where Matthew's rooms were to see a small boy with brown hair leaving, tears streaming down his face. She didn't recognize him, and watched as he disappeared down the hall, unwrapping something that seemed to be wrapped in silk. Entering the room, she saw Matthew sat at the end of his bed with his head in his hands. She watched him in shock, then walked over and placed a hand on his back. When he lifted his head, she was shocked to see tears leaking from his eyes.
"Matthew… what's wrong…?"
Matthew bit his lip… "Owen… Owen of Jesslaw… that was his son… I found him Ivy…when he was dying, I found him… and all he wanted me to do was give a letter and a package to his son… he made me get them Ivy… he made me leave him and get them. He wouldn't let me heal him… he just wanted to know I'd give them to his son… it's my fault he's dead… I could have healed him… I could have let him give it to his son…I got back and he was dead… he's dead because of me…just like you got raped because of me… everything I touch just gets messed up…"
Ivy shook her head. "That's not true." She said firmly, wiping her eyes on her sleeve. "You did what he wanted… it wasn't your fault." She wrapped her arms around him. He seemed to hesitate, then he pulled her closer and buried his face in her neck.
"I'm sorry I messed up…" he whispered.
"You haven't messed up…" Ivy said back, blinking away tears, "You haven't messed up…"
"I knew someone would find me…" Owen smiled. "I need… a favour…" his breath rattled. "There's a silk package… in my tent… under my pillow… and a letter… make sure Liam gets them… he has to get them… tell him I'm proud of him… tell him it'll show him… illusions… make sure he gets them… go and get them, now… please… I'm begging you… I want to know my son will get them… just put me down… and get them… its important…"
Matthew nodded slowly and lowered the dying man to the floor. "He'll get them… just let me heal you first… you can give them to him… I can sort this out… just…"
"No!" Owen whispered. "Get them… I won't make it now… I've lost too much blood… a lot of time with Kel… I know I've lost too much… please… get them… give them to my son…"
Matthew nodded, blinking back tears. "Mithros and the Goddess bless you Owen…"
He ran to Owens tent and moved the pillow, grabbing the dirty piece of parchment and the silk package. Then he sprinted out of the tent, towards Owen… he stopped. Kel was there, hugging her friend and –for once- her Yamani mask had failed. She was crying. Matthew was too late. Owen was dead.
Hope you like it…. It may seem random at the moment but there is a reason for it I assure you
Reviews please!
Mage of the Heart
