I don't own any of the Tamora Pierce characters
Well guys, what can I say? I'm an evil girl :P
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Ivy stared at the letter. It couldn't be right… there'd been a mistake… they'd got the wrong man. Somewhere within herself she knew there hadn't been a mistake, and that Matthew was really gone. She'd seen it. She'd seen him being killed in her dream. There hadn't been any mistakes. She ran to her room and slammed the door, falling onto the bed and crying. He couldn't be dead… he'd promised her he'd be back. He'd promised that he'd be there at her Ordeal, that he'd marry her… he couldn't break that promise… tears poured down her cheeks. There would be no wedding. He wouldn't be there at her Ordeal. He was gone.
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Ivy stayed in her room for three months. Her only visitors were Thayet, Jonathan and Buri. She didn't talk to any of them, she merely sat there, staring blankly at the wall. Sometimes, Buri would try and talk her into going down to the practice courts, or on a walk through the gardens, but Ivy could never bring herself to do it. She and Matthew had kissed many times in the practice courts, and made love for the first time in the gardens. She didn't want to go there without him.
It was only when Liam of Jesslaw came to her door that Ivy spoke. Matthew had told her that Liam might come to her if he needed anything when he had gone back to war. She'd promised him that he'd help Liam. She couldn't break a promise to Matthew. Even so, when Liam came in and said plainly, "he's dead, isn't he?" Ivy found it difficult not to yell at him for being so blunt. She nodded.
"Do you miss him?" Liam asked quietly.
Did she miss him? What kind of a question was that? Of course she missed him. He was her fiancé and he'd been killed! "Yes." She said quietly.
Liam looked at her for a minute. "My mum still cries about my Dad every night… even though it's been half a year. I still do… sometimes… on my birthday I did…"
Ivy looked across at him. He was only twelve. His father should still be with him. Owen hadn't even been very old. It wasn't fair that he had died.
"Matthew said he found my Dad…" Liam said quietly.
Ivy nodded. "He did."
Liam looked at her. "Who found Matthew?"
Ivy blinked back tears. "I… I don't know…"
Liam eyed the ring on her finger. "Was that… did Matthew give it to you?"
Ivy nodded. "It's an engagement ring."
Liam drew back. "You were engaged?"
She nodded again. "For about a day. Then he died." She smiled weakly. "He said he wanted to get married in the winter, when it was snowing, on top of a mountain." Ivy wiped her eyes, and gave a small laugh. "He said he wanted me to wear a blue dress that came down to my knees…"
"But you'd freeze…" Liam said, shocked.
Ivy nodded and smiled. "I think the idea was he could keep me warm later on…"
Liam laughed slightly, then stopped. They sat in silence for a few minutes, while Ivy let several tears slide down her face.
"You're Dad didn't like him at first did he?"
Ivy shook her head. "It wasn't really that, he was just being protective over me… too protective."
Liam nodded. "My Dad was over protective…" Ivy heard the pain in his voice all of a sudden and looked up. "He didn't want me to do much to start with; he thought I'd get hurt…"
Ivy nodded. She understood.
Suddenly Liam stood up. "I have to go. I've got serving duty." He smiled at Ivy and walked out.
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Maybe it was her talk with Liam. Maybe she just suddenly realized she couldn't spend the rest of her life stuck in her room crying, but by the next day, Ivy was walking around in the palace grounds. She deliberately avoided certain places, but on the whole, she was much improved. There was nowhere in the grounds that Matthew and Ivy had not spent at least sometime together, so everywhere she went there were just the slightest reminders of Matthew's death, a slightly painful pang in her chest. By sunset, Ivy felt she had to go to the gardens. She wanted to say goodbye to Matthew. That was where they'd been closest. It felt right. She headed for the cluster of rose bushes, hesitating slightly when she saw the spot that they'd laid together. The dull ache in her chest was suddenly a throbbing pain. Once again, tears poured down her face. Wiping her streaming eyes, she walked slowly over to the spot, and sat down hard on the ground.
"Matthew…" she said quietly. All over again, she felt the defiance rising inside her chest. He couldn't be dead. He'd promised her he'd be back. He couldn't be dead. He wasn't foolish enough to get killed so easily by road bandits… then she remembered the vision, saw Matthew falling from Magic's back… then the words in the letter… attacked and killed by three men. A stab wound to the back. Not for the first time, Ivy blamed herself. She had seen him being killed. She'd seen him being stabbed. Maybe, if she'd told someone, they could have found Matthew before it was too late… they could have saved him… No, she thought. You saw him, he was killed straight away… there was nothing you could do…
"Matthew…" Ivy repeated, her voice cracking. "Gods, Matthew… where are you?" she wiped her eyes slightly. "I miss you…" absently, Ivy took the heart pendant around her neck in her hand. The fire was still burning… somewhere at the back of her mind, she remembered the night of her birthday, after she and Matthew had returned to their room….
Ivy watched, amused, as Matthew played with the necklace.
"Haven't you seen it enough yet?" she asked quietly.
Matthew smiled. "I was just thinking…"
"What about?" Ivy asked, reaching out to stroke his dampened hair.
"You…" Matthew said, meeting her eyes. "Love… life… death… everything…"
"What about everything?"
He sat up, pulling her close to his chest. "That necklace… it'll always burn… even when I'm gone… however that happens…" he put his forehead to hers. "Always…" he whispered. "Just like my love for you… it'll never, ever, burn out…"
Ivy looked at him, not saying anything.
"Even when I'm gone… I'll always be here… right here… with you…"
Ivy looked at the necklace in silence. He was there. She could almost feel him… if she tried hard enough, it was almost as though he were there with her…
"I love you Matthew…" she whispered to the air. "Always…" Instantly, warmth wrapped around her. Drowsiness overcame the heartbreak that had been so painfully obvious for the last three months, and Ivy lay down, falling asleep almost instantly…
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Over the next year, Ivy got back into the routine she had been carrying out for five years. She practiced with her weapons, went riding and carried out duties around the palace. It wore her out, keeping her head away from the occasional lapses of loneliness that would swamp her if she were too refreshed. She worked herself as hard as possible, rolling into bed too tired to dream, and waking up with too many aching muscles to think.
There were, however, still times that she would drift into her own little world, remember Matthew and feel lonely all of a sudden. It was then that she would go to the black smiths. A young man named Garrick had been hired two months after Matthew death. At first Ivy went to him only to check Thunders shoe's and to check her weapons over. These visits, for a reason that Ivy couldn't explain, made Ivy happier than she had been in a while. At first, she tried to ignore it. Only four months after Matthew's death, she felt guilty even wondering if she had feelings for someone else. She had deliberately avoided the blacksmiths, until the point that Thunders shoe's were falling off, and her weapons needed fixing. Then she had been forced to go and see Garrick. It was on that visit, that she got to know him, and it was from then on, that she began to spend more time with him.
He stood up from refitting Thunder's shoe. "Done." He said, brushing his light brown hair back from his eyes. He was tall, with brown eyes, a well muscled body, and a handsomely shaped face. The only thing that marred his image of a perfect man was the light scar on his left cheek. However, Ivy found this slightly attractive in itself.
"You keep your weapons well." Garrick stated, wiping a bead of sweat from his face. "Some of the people who come in slack off on keeping them in good condition. It's nice to see you don't." He looked at her for a second.
"I heard you lost your… fiancée… in the war."
Ivy nodded.
"I'm sorry." Garrick said carefully. "I know what it's like to lose someone close to you… my mum… she was killed by thieves…"
"I'm sorry…" Ivy said quietly.
Garrick shook his head and tried a smile, but looked away almost instantly. "I've had time to get over it…"
Ivy remained quiet, and watched as Garrick began to lift his shirt over his head. He noticed her looking and stopped.
"Sorry… you don't mind do you? I've just been working a while… it's a bit warm…"
Ivy shook her head. "It's fine."
Garrick smiled and lifted it off completely. Ivy bit her lip. Garrick obviously kept in shape. His chest sported a six pack, while his arms were well muscled, his biceps bulging slightly. As he threw his shirt onto a chair, Ivy saw his muscles rippling as he moved. He turned round to find her watching him intently. He smiled at her slightly.
"You alright?" he asked.
Ivy jumped and nodded. "Erm… yeah, sure… just… thinking…"
Garrick nodded. "Anything else you need?"
"Erm… no… that's all… thanks…"
She left the blacksmith alone. Garrick stared after her. If he hadn't heard about how crazy she was about her fiancée, he might think she was attracted to him. He shrugged. There was nothing wrong with that. Maybe she needed someone to keep her mind off it. He couldn't help but smile. It wasn't like he'd say no, not if that well toned body were offered for him to take…
"So why did you want to be a knight?" Garrick asked. It was a year and a half after Matthew's death. Over the last six months or so, they'd gotten to know each other, and slowly they were delving deeper into the others past.
"I don't know…" Ivy admitted. "But my whole family are fighters… I was hardly likely to turn out to be a stuck up noble woman was I?"
Garrick grinned. "I don't know… you have your moments…"
Ivy glared at him. "Why did you want to be a blacksmith?"
He smiled. "I'm good with my hands…" Ivy blushed. There were moments, like this, that she found herself attracted to him, wondering what he would do if she made a move. Then she would feel the necklace or the ring burning, and would remember once more that she hadn't lost Matthew long ago.
"Besides…" Gavin went on. "Commoners can't get weapons easily… blacksmiths can make them… in case we want to rebel against you…" he grinned and ran a hand through his hair. "Plus, I've been told women like a man who sweats…"
Ivy raised an eyebrow. "Who told you that?"
Garrick shrugged. "A few people… obviously not in large amounts, but in small amounts… like a layer over the skin… I've been told it… how shall I put this… turns them on?"
Ivy snorted. "Right up until they get close enough to smell you and they retch instantly."
He smiled. "Now we both know you don't retch at the smell of sweat…"
Ivy shrugged. "Only because I'm used to it. I can assure you it wouldn't turn a woman fighter on."
Garrick grinned wickedly. "Well… that's what you say now…" he smiled. "You're only seventeen. Don't worry virgin-girl, one day…" He stood to leave.
"Virgin-girl?" Ivy said politely.
Garrick nodded, then stopped. "You are a virgin right?"
Ivy raised an eyebrow.
Smiling slightly, Garrick sat back down. "Oh so you're not. Well, well, who's been a naughty noble woman?" he tutted, then ran a hand lightly through her hair.
"So if you're not… then you've done it before…"
"Oh well done, Garrick, you understand what a virgin is…"
Garrick smiled ever so slightly. "Yeah… I make it my business to know… now if you're not…I can be vulgar and… imply… certain things I wouldn't normally do in the presence of a noble lady… that right?"
Ivy hesitated, then nodded slowly.
Garrick smirked. "That's good to know…" he stood up again. "See you later." He ruffled her hair slightly, then left the room, running a hand slowly through his hair as he went.
The door shut, and Ivy was left thinking. She was single. She wasn't betraying Matthew if she thought about it. He was gone. She still loved him. It didn't mean she couldn't have other lovers. And something about Garrick drew her to him, almost like a spell, tugging at her… he charmed her. He treated her as an equal. He didn't see her as a stuck up noble… If he's interested… Ivy thought, I don't see the harm in it. I'm not banned from men. I'll always love Matthew… but he'd want me to have other loves, I know he would…
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He was thinking about her. It happened a lot lately. He knew why of course. She was attractive, and attractive women naturally attracted men. Seven years difference. That was all. It wasn't much, not compared to some couples. He could see the problems it would cause for them. He was a commoner. It wasn't normal for commoners to court – if that were the right word – nobles. But he could see no reason for anyone to stop him. As far as they were concerned, men weren't coming back from the war. And he agreed with them. Noble men would hardly be in large supply now. There was no reason for them not to. So he would make a move. If she rebuked him, he'd have to find another way to win her over, but he knew her now. He could work something out.
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"Go on," Ivy teased.
"No!" Garrick said.
"Why not?"
"You'll laugh!"
"I won't!"
"You will!"
"I swear I won't!"
Garrick looked at her. "You sure?"
Ivy nodded.
He took a deep breath. "Alright." He said. "I'll tell you." He looked at her carefully, then went on. "I like someone…"
Ivy looked shocked, then nodded. "And…?"
"And…" Garrick said quietly. "I don't really know what to do."
"You could always tell them…" Ivy suggested.
Garrick grinned. "Yeah, I could… but I don't know what she'd say."
"Well ask her and find out."
Garrick tilted his head to the side slightly. "What would you say?" he asked quietly.
"Me?" Ivy asked, shocked.
He nodded.
Ivy thought for a second. "Well…" She shifted slightly on the bed. "I'd say…" she stopped.
"Go on…" Garrick urged quietly.
"Well… I'd say… that you were very nice… very handsome… that I was flattered… and that I quite liked you too."
Garrick raised an eyebrow. "Would you?"
Ivy nodded.
"Go on then."
"What?"
"Say it," he said quietly.
Ivy hesitated. "Erm… alright…" she moved slightly so that she was facing him more directly. "You're a very, very nice, charming man, with very good looks. I'm absolutely flattered that you think of me in this way, and I rather think I like…" she didn't continue. His mouth was pressed to hers, sending heat through her body. Ivy froze. When he pulled away there was a look of hunger and disappointment in his eyes.
"I'm sorry." He said quietly. "I don't know what I was thinking…"
"It's… fine… I just… wasn't expecting it…" Ivy bit her lip slightly as he looked at her carefully.
Garrick stared, then asked. "Was it… nice?"
Ivy thought, then nodded. "I… I think so…"
Garrick frowned. "You think so? You know you're doing my confidence no end of good here…" out of nowhere a pillow slammed into the side of his face. He looked at Ivy quickly, then grabbed her hands, pushing her down onto her back and pinning her hands down.
"You should never hit a blacksmith with a pillow…" he said calmly.
"Why not?" Ivy asked innocently. He moved so that his body was above hers, and leant down to whisper in her ear.
"Because…" he said. "I'm good with my hands…" Ivy froze slightly as one of his large hands slid down her thigh, gently massaging it. She bit her lip to stifle a moan. This wasn't fair.
"See?" He continued quietly. "Very… very… good with my hands…" he stopped and looked her in the eyes. "You want this… don't you?"
Ivy hesitated, then nodded slowly.
Garrick nodded. "I thought you did…" he teasingly brushed his lips against her ear. "There's no turning back. You know that don't you?"
Ivy nodded.
"Once we start… you're mine. I don't enter relationships lightly Ivy. I have every intention to see this to the end. Understand?"
She nodded.
"Think you can stand being mine?"
Another nod.
"Good." He said quietly. "From now on… I own you…" He leant down, and kissed her fiercely.
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