Chapter 4: Chaos and Mayhem


The four men carefully scaled the cliff wall. Jack looked out to sea to note that he was right on in his timing; the Pursuer, the Ranger, the Agonizer, and the Harbinger were practicing naval exercises. So the Fort would be quite empty; Gillette, in his simplicity, would think that the four ships could repel any assault before it even needed to be addressed by Fort Charles.

The climb was harrowing and quite scary. The cliff was almost sheer, and in many places there was no purchase for hand or footholds. They had to rely on each other to get up. At one point, John said, "Good thing we're not scared of heights, eh, Will?"

"But I thought that you were," Will said.

"No, I'm not afraid of heights." Looking down, he added, "It's falling from said heights that concerns me."

For the rest of the climb they were silent.


Then they were at the top. Will climbed over the ledge onto the balcony at the same time as Jack. Will reached down, and pulled John up.

As James came up, he said, "Alright. Now, to toss the cannon off the edge. We should co-ordinate it so that they don't fall off one by one—the other way, there's a better chance that someone will spot the cannon falling."

"Oh, not just yet. First," Jack gestured, "we free the prisoners."


After the men of lawlessness were free and running from the fort, Jack said, "Now, run a bit of powder down to the armory. Let's blow it sky-high." As Will and John did this, Jack slung an arm 'round James's shoulders, and said, "Now, we aren't simply going to lob the cannon off the edge; where's the fun in that? No," he pointed at the bay, "we're going to fire on those ships, see if we can sink one or two."

"A surprisingly sound plan, Sparrow. I'll load and aim the guns. I suggest this..."


Moments later, John and Will came up, and noticed the changed positions of the cannons. Jack said, grab a torch. They're all aimed at a boat—ship," he corrected himself. "So just light 'em off, then run down the way and light the next, until we're done. Then go backwards and shove 'em over the edge. Ought to create merry Hell for Gillette, oughtn't it?"

As Will grabbed a torch, Jack said, "How long will it take for the powder line to reach the armory?"

"About two minutes, maybe less."

"Be ready to light the line. I've a feeling that we'll need to be hasty about it."


Commodore Gillette stood on the deck of his new command ship, the Agonizer, surveying the assembled group. They were training to face Sparrow, if he ever gave them another chance. Then he heard a distant thud. He looked around; none of the ships had fired.

Then four cannon rounds hit the Agonizer amidships.


"Keep moving, keep moving!" The cannon fired off one after the other as they pounded mostly the Agonizer, but some rounds went after the others. The Agonizer quickly sank, but all the boats had escaped it, and boats were leaving their ships to come ashore.

Finally, all the rounds were spent, and Jack said, "Come on! Shove 'em off!"

Several cannon fell down the cliff wall to the bottom of the bay. Others fell to the lower deck, and smashed into useless wreckage. Then the last cannon plummeted to the briny blue.

Jack looked out, and saw the Commodore come charging up the hill. "Time to fire up Plan B, Will."


The four pirates ran out the front doors of the Fort.

Into the waiting rifles of the British Navy. "Well, well, well," Gillette said. "Admiral Jack Sparrow, Will Turner—"

"Captain Will Turner."

"And James Norrington."

"Captain James Norrington, if you don't mind."

"Surrender."

Jack decided to be irritating. "Oh, you wish to surrender to me? Very well. I accept."

"I'll give you points for brass, but give up, Sparrow."

"Oh, I don't think so. And I'd get back to those ships, Commodore, lest we steal one from under your nose."

Then the powder magazine exploded. As per Plan B, the explosion rocked the entire hill, and since they expected it, the four pirates ran past the Marines. "Ta," Jack said as he rapped Gillette on the head.


As they ran, Jack said, "Plan C; we go to the port, steal a ship—preferably the Ranger—and get out of here."

Then all of a sudden, Will jerked into a side alley. Then Jack saw why. He grabbed James and John by the collars and hauled them into the alley.

For down the hill were dozens of Marines, waiting for them.


"So much for Plan C. Options, people?" Jack looked at the other three men.

"It'll be getting into the port that will be the problem," Will said. "Really wish we had Ana or Elizabeth or a month to plan this."

"We'll improvise." Jack turned to John. "We need a carriage, a bottle of wine, a candle, and four sets of women's clothing."

"Jack," James turned to him. "Please tell me you're not putting us in women's clothing."

"Very well. I'm not putting us in women's clothing."


A half-hour later, the four of them, in their alley, stood by a carriage in women's clothing. James stared with a hurt expression at Jack, who very pointedly ignored him.

"You lied to me."

"I did," Jack said. "With my brilliant achievements in piracy, I have come to the realization that lies can be very powerful motivators."

"My faith is shattered."

"You knew, when I said that we needed four sets of women's clothing that we were going to end up in them. You knew, mate. So any hopes you had to the contrary were mere self-delusion."

"I understand that. But I'd rather blame you than me."

Jack grinned evilly. "So, Will, what are we facing here?"

Will poked his head around the alley corner. "Maybe thirty-five, forty men. All armed."

"So ten-to-one odds. Not too bad." John cracked his knuckles. "So, who here looks best in women's clothing? I vote for myself."

"Bugger off. Now, here's Plan D..."


Murtogg and Mullroy stood with the guard at the port gate. "Why are we here?"

Mullroy leaned in. "The pirates come down this way—the only way out of town—and we blast the bejesus out of 'em."

"No, I know why we're here. I'm just wondering why we aren't guarding the ships, like Admiral Sparrow said we ought to?"

"Because it was Sparrow who said it." Gillette rolled his eyes.

The two Marines looked at each other. "You think he wasn't tellin' the truth?"


The carriage rolled down the hill. At first, none took notice of it. Then, a few moments later, people took notice.

A carriage charging down the road on fire is, after all, something to look at.

The blazing wreck charged through the Marines as they parted to let it through the gates. Once inside, the four incognito men rolled out from under and went on about their business.

After all, no one suspects women of piracy.


They pointed towards the top of the hill they'd just come down, and someone said, "I saw them! They ran back up towards the Governor's Mansion!"

A Marine turned to John, who nodded his assent. The man might have had doubts about their true genders, but then James let out a high-pitched wail that suggested fear and panic.

"Don't worry, miss. We'll get them. Commodore! Civilians say they're going towards the Governor's Mansion!" The Marine turned and ran away.

Jack looked, somewhat bemusedly, at James. "Good screaming there, mate."

"I'm forced to practice regularly," James said rather hoarsely. "Anytime you let Depp here make the plans of action, for example. Anytime Will tries to cook the food for us."

Both Will and John glared daggers at James.

"Alright. Here's Plan E..."


Unseen, four women crept under a rowboat. It then rose, and four sets of feet guided it down to, and then into the sea. From there, it was only a small bit of work to walk the boat around the bend of the cliff to the Black Pearl.


When Will climbed aboard, Elizabeth asked, "Do I want to know?"

Will looked down at the women's clothing. "Probably not." Then Jack came up the side next. "It was his idea."

"You're right," Elizabeth said. "I don't want to know."