Chapter 16: Blissful Irresponsibility


1780 was about as eventless, save for a few bits of action in headquarters. In May, news came that Charleston was lost to the British, and along with it the entire Continental force of South Carolina. Horatio Gates was dispatched with a group of men to travel to Charleston, and free it from British captivity. Horatio Gates, however, was not a good commander, despite the delusions of Congress and a large portion of the Army. Daniel Morgan was accurately quoted as saying, "Hero of Saratoga! I'd plant my boot right where that hero does his best work." Assuredly, it was not his head that Morgan referred to.
It was at this point that Captain Jack Sparrow decided that he'd about had enough and would be returning to the Caribbean. He said so at breakfast with Nathanael Greene, who was cordial about the matter despite his obvious dismay.

"Me, me crew and the Pearl will be returnin' to Tortuga in a few days, General. Will you be requiring the services of General Depp, or shall I spirit the blighter off with me?"

"No, we won't require his services," Greene said. "He's rubbed off on Morgan and Lafayette enough that we don't need him around that much anymore. Don't tell him I said that, though. It might hurt his feelings."

"Oh, I can just see it." Jack stood, and did a credible impression of John Depp's voice. "Oh, horror! General Greene says that the Army doesn't need me around anymore! Oh, the shame, the injury to my pride. I cannot go on. Goodbye, cruel world." He mimed pointing a pistol at his head and pulling the trigger.

Greene stifled some rather poorly concealed laughter. As Jack sat back down, he sobered. "You're taking the fleet with you, then?"

"Oh, no; I'll take just the Black Pearl, the Black Sun, the Elizabeth, and the Neptune. The rest I'll leave here with Norrington; the Dauntless, the Britannia, the Implacable, the Valiant, the Flagrant, the Artemis and the Polaris. They had their fun for a while; now it's our turn for a bit of blissful irresponsibility."

"And where shall this irresponsibility be carried out, Jack? Tortuga?"

Jack flashed his customary, lopsided, charming grin. "Tortuga."


The Seven Seas was rowdy as it had ever been. Rum flew everywhere. Shots rang out. Women danced. Men dueled and engaged in general depravity. People of both genders went flying over the second story railing. And all the while, the merry musicians kept on playing.

God, I love this town.

Jack Sparrow partied with Gibbs, Will and Mera. Strangely, Amy and Elizabeth, pirates that they were, were possessed of the curious notion that rum was a vile drink that turned everyone into scoundrels, knaves, and prostitutes.

Jack didn't mind much. He downed an entire pint of rum, then joined Mera in the brawl on the floor. Mera wasn't the most skilled girl with her fists, so they both drew swords. The other patrons were briefly confused, then joined in.

Thanks to Mera's training, and Jack's removal of her moral center, they fought as dirtily and as coordinated as ever.

The brawl was more fun than Jack had had in almost two years. He enjoyed sucker punching one man, then cutting open the shirt of another, and backhanding him on his bare chest. He'd discovered that this particular dirty tactic caused a horribly unnecessary amount of pain, and left a welt for three weeks. The man went flying over the counter, almost crashing into Rosmerta, the serving wench, and instead, smashed several bottles of His Majesty's finest whisky.

The musicians played the piece so jocularly that Jack found himself dancing along to it as he engaged in his typical lawlessness.

Meanwhile, Will had set off with Gibbs on a long-overdue quest; the search for a proper hat. He swiped first the hat from the man Jack had backhanded, and turned to face Gibbs. Gibbs shook his head, and then placed his hand on the hat, forcing Will's head down in time to punch the hat's owner in the face. He went back down in the whisky. Will walked away, discarding the hat and tossing it neatly onto the man's unconscious face.

Then he took a hat from a brawling man and took an opportunity to roundhouse the man. This hat was a light grey and rippled along the edges. Gibbs shook his head. Will discarded it.

He went up the stairs, pausing a moment to watch Jack and Mera brawl. Then, at an opportune moment, both combatants tipped their heads back, mouths expectantly open. Will and Gibbs appropriately poured some rum in. Shouting their thanks, the Sparrows returned to their merry work.

Will then took a yellowed, floppish hat and placed it on his head. It was immediately shot off as some random pistol blew it off his head. Will took that as a 'no' for the hat.

He proceeded up the stairs, taking a hat from a man who was quite placated, snogging with his girl that was a darker gray. Gibbs titled his head, and gave a look that said it was iffy.

Then a man charged forward, being carried by two other men horizontally. Will stopped them, and looked at the man's hat. It was a black hat similar to Jack's in cut, only darker. Will gave Gibbs a glance, who evidently approved. He took the man's hat, revealing a bald head, and replaced it with the dark grey hat. He then stepped back, and said, "Carry on." The other men obliged.

Meanwhile, down below, the brawl was getting out of hand, and Jack decided it was time for a Sparrow-style exit.

Jack gaily grabbed the rope to the chandelier, and loosed it from its proper place, sending him upwards, and the chandelier came down on the others. As he flew upwards into the air, Mera grabbed onto his legs and flew up with him. The rope carried them up over to the balcony, and deposited them directly ahead of Will and Gibbs.

Mera landed well. Jack did not.

He fell over, knocking another man off the edge, who screamed very nicely as he fell. Jack stood, bemused, and bellowed, "Sorry!" over the edge. "That was strange." He regarded Will's black hat. "Good choice, mate." Deciding that Will was a true pirate now (he fought dirty, commanded a ship, had a loose set of morals, and most importantly, a hat), he dispelled the advice he'd been meaning to give Will. "Might I advise that, should you become under the liking of rum that plagues most other pirates, I suggest you take great lengths to do the following regarding your wife, old whatserface, in the situation; hide the rum."

Will tilted his head, not comprehending.

"Your bonny lass, William lad, is under the aversion of alcohol, believing that all spirits are to be disposed of by burning them." He clapped his fellow pirate on the shoulder, and said, "Well, daughter of mine, back to the brawl!" He leapt clean over the ledge, while Mera far more gracefully flipped over the side.

Gibbs and Will looked at each other, shrugged, and followed suit, Gibbs leaping over, Will flipping.

The following seven hours of duel, drink, and depravity was some of the greatest fun of their lives.


A/N: Just got the PotC: DMC Soundtrack today. God, how I love Two Hornpipes (Tortuga)! SEt that on repeat over and over and over while I wrote this chapter.

There really are no words that best describe any scenes in Tortuga, but I tried my best here. Please review, and tell me: Good? Bad? Ugly? Or not. BUT REVIEW!