15-07-2006 12:10:00
Why does everything have to be complicated? Why does he always have to help? All I asked for was advices, and now I feel like he's just ruining everything. Is he doing it on purpose? No. Why would he? He's not that kind of guy. Or is he? Of course the Satanist is never nice with anybody without a good reason, but why would he do that to me? But… what if he loves her? So he would do that… to make her believe Murdoc and I where… EWW! I'm not… well… certainly not with him anyway. Gaah, too much thinking, where are my pills? What ever…
It all started about a month ago. I was having a midnight snack in the kitchen when Murdoc came and started to talk to me. I don't know why he did that, usually he just ignores me, or punches me. We started to talk about Noodle, how she was growing up so fast and everything. She's so adorable, it will be her birthday soon. So yeah, we were talking about her and I said "She's so beautiful" and I started to look at the ceiling blankly. Murdoc looked at me and shook his head "That's wrong, you know that? She's only seventeen." And he punched me on the shoulder, but not as hard as he usually did. "You love 'er, don't you dullard?" the softness of his voice really surprised me, I looked at him for a few seconds and nodded. That surprised me more than it surprised him. I don't know why I was so surprised… I always loved her a lot, just not like that. "Usually I'm not shy with women, but with Noodle…" The bassist laughed "That's normal, dullard." Those words reassured me, but I soon got nervous again. "You think I should talk to her?" He shook his head as he took a drink of beer "Not right now, it could scare 'er. And you'd be 'er first one, you 'ave to know wot you're doin'." I tried to write that on a piece of paper. "Wot are you doin' dullard?" I smiled and answered matter-of-factly "Takin' notes" I guess I found that funny, he started to laugh at me. "Wha' the fuck face ache, you act like a little kid!" I didn't know what to say, so I just stared dumbly at the floor. Murdoc took another drink of beer "You seriously need 'elp, dullard" I looked at him "Wot kind of 'elp?" He handed me a beer "You'll see dullard, after my little lessons, she'll fall in love with you like a teenage girl." I nodded, and then looked at him in confusion "She IS a teenage girl." "Good point dullard" "Why do you call me dullard?" "'Cuz you're a dullard, dullard." I shut my mouth and we went to his Winnebago for lesson one.
He handed me another beer "Lesson one" I took the beer and he made a complicated gesture with his hand. "You have to look casual, but keep in mind that you want to seduce her." I was looking at him, paying attention to every word the Satanist was saying. "Ok dullard, let's try, I'm Noodle and you're… you of course" I looked, at him, not exactly sure of what was going on, he started, well at least he tried, to giggle like a teenage girl. I sat next to him, her, what ever. "Hey Mur… Noods! Wanna play video games in my room?" "Naha wrong answer dullard. If you play video games in your room you'll end up going too far for her." I took a drink of beer. "So what do you want us to do?" Murdoc looked at me and tried to sound way too feminine. "We could go to the movie theatre dulla… uh, I'm mean dawling." "Movie theatre? We never go there!" "There're a first time to everything dawling." Then he took my hand and we went to the kitchen. Russel was there. Why was he there? Well… he's always there I guess. "Cook somefing lards, and put candles and flowers on the table." Russel shrugged, didn't ask a question, he just took out mushrooms and things like that. Then he noticed that Murdoc was holding my hand, and I noticed that in the same time. "M… Muds. What the…" I took a step away from the bassist. "S'not wot ya think Russ." Russel started to laugh and kept on making something to eat. "suuuuuure, I believe you." And he just kept laughing. Murdoc told me a lot of useless things that night, things I already knew. I think I could I admitted my feelings to Noodle without his help. It would have been a lot easier. But I promised I would go to Murdoc's Winnebago every day 'till my "training" would be complete. That night, when I went back to bed, I just COULDN'T sleep. I took the lift and went to Noodle's room, to watch her sleep.
Things were going just fine. My love for our guitarist was growing. But that day, a few weeks ago, everything went wrong. Noodle came to my room to play video games. From the moment she walked in, I felt something would go wrong. She was winning, as always. I think I was a bit drunk. I just started to cry. I don't know exactly why I was crying, but I was sad. Maybe because she was so beautiful but too young for me. She's so sweet, she couldn't stand to see me crying. She hugged me, and it gave me butterflies. Then I remembered what Murdoc told me. "If you play video games in your room you'll end up going too far for her." My whole body stiffen. She obviously felt it, she asked me what was wrong. I didn't know what to do. I just started to run, until I arrived where my feet led me: Murdoc's Winnebago. She never expected me to go there, and when she saw where I was going she turned around, I think.
I rudely opened the door, not even listening to see if Murdoc was doing something with a woman, or women. Luckily he wasn't. But I wouldn't have cared, all I needed then was a place to hide, and advices. Murdoc looked outside and started to jump, causing the Winnebago to rock from a side to the other. "Wot… Wot are you doing?" Suddenly he stopped jumping. "Tomorrow you play Noodle. You should get dressed like a girl." I nodded and ran back to my room. Noodle was gone. Russel said he heard her cry that night, poor Noodle. I want her to be happy, not to cry. The sooner I could get rid of Murdoc's stupid lesson, the better it would be, for both Noodle and I. So the next day I dressed as a girl, I shouldn't have.
When came back to my room that evening there was a dress and makeup in front of my door, so I took it and did what I had to do. I was a really cute dress, but it was a bit too small. It would have fitted Noodle perfectly. And the makeup, oh the makeup, I don't understand how girls can wear that everyday. I was just done with the mascara thingy, when, God knows why, Noodle arrived to my room. I panicked, the first thing that came into my mind was to hide behind my bed. That was useless. She jumped on the red sheets and looked directly in my eyes, then she saw the mascara. Humiliation! She ran away. When Murdoc arrived with the champagne I told him to leave. He gave me a death glare and walked away, leaving a bottle of champagne behind. I drank all of it, and then went to sleep, at five PM.
Since then, Murdoc never gave me stupid lessons again. I just stayed in my room. I wonder what Noodle is doing right now. Maybe I should go to her room to talk to her. No. She probably hates me now.
Hi
My name is Stuart Tusspot, lead singer of Gorillaz, and the woman, no, she's not a woman yet,I love, thinks I'm a transvestite.
Poor 2D, you just can't imagine what Noodle is doing right now…
…With Murdoc.
