Luna couldn't move. Couldn't speak.
She could hear Cobalt and Lily yelling as they rushed past her, but it felt faint and far away. She didn't know whether it was from the explosion, shock, or both. The loudest sound was her own heartbeat, slamming in her ears like a war drum. Even her vision was blurred; the scene in front of her distorted and hard to see. Luna didn't want to see it. When she felt the wetness on her face, she realized the blur was from her own tears.
She was dreaming, right? This was a nightmare, and she was safe in bed, ready to wake up soon. This wasn't real; couldn't be. It couldn't be…
As her hearing began to return, a gust of wind blew an autumn leaf into her. She stumbled and gasped, as if released from some mystical grip. This was real. This was happening.
No! No, no, no!
Her legs finally working, she ran forward and crumbled beside Lily and Cobalt. Astra lay there, unmoving aside from the wind that tugged at her hair. Luna shook as she waited for her to take a breath, or for her eyelids to flutter. Nothing happened.
Luna's gaze flickered to the dust crystal that jutted out from Astra's torso and tried not to vomit. It looked bigger up close, blood trickling out from its base and dripping onto the leaves that littered the forest floor. Acting on pure instinct, Luna reached to pull it out.
"Don't!" Coco's voice was sharp and close to Luna's ear, though she hadn't heard her approach. "She'll bleed out."
Luna snatched her hand back, horrified at herself. She knew that. She knew that. It was basic first aid, everyone knew that. What had she been thinking? She could have gotten Astra killed.
You already have.
Luna wrapped her ears over her ears, as if that would block out the tiny voice in her mind. No! She isn't dead! She isn't!
Cobalt leaned close to Astra's chest, his eyes closed. When he opened them, the look on his face wasn't enough to bring Luna hope.
"She's alive," He reported, his voice quiet and shaky. "Barely."
Luna felt numb. Barely?
Coco stood up and drew a deep breath. "I'm going to call a medical transport. You three stay with Astra in case anything happens."
Luna didn't even look at her. She couldn't tear her look away from Astra. She looked peaceful, almost as if she was only sleeping. Silly Astra, falling asleep in the middle of a forest. It's time to wake up.
Luna leaned close to Astra's face, close enough that her hair brushed against Astra's cheek.
Please wake up.
Their foreheads were touching now, but it wasn't enough. Astra still lay, unmoving. Warmth still radiated from her, but Luna felt cold and helpless. She moved her tail to wrap it around her, and the tip brushed against Astra's hand. Luna pulled away and glanced down, where Astra's fingers were still wrapped loosely around a purple strip of fabric. Luna's bandanna. The one Astra had gone into the collapsing cave to fetch.
This is my fault.
The realization sent icy shards deep into Luna's heart. Astra had only gone back because of her. Astra had only gotten hurt because of her.
Shaking, Luna reached forward and wrapped her hand around the bandanna, feeling Astra's hand under hers. This wasn't fair. Astra didn't deserve this. What pathetic excuse for a leader, a girlfriend, a person was Luna, if she'd sent Astra to die?
The grief and shock hit her like a wave and all she could do was collapse to the ground as a choking sob escaped her throat. She still desperately hoped that this was a nightmare, and that she'd wake up to see Astra's grinning face, but nothing had ever felt more real than the wind on her face and the dead leaves under her hands.
"Luna…"
Lily's hand was warm on Luna's back. She tried to speak, but nothing would come out of her mouth but shaking gasps and sobs.
"She's going to be okay…she has to be."
You can't say that! You don't know that!
Luna didn't know how much had passed before the medical transport arrived. She couldn't move from where she knelt until Cobalt and Lily gently pulled her to her feet as medics loaded Astra's body onto a stretcher. She wanted to scream at them not to touch her, not to take her away from where Luna could hold her, but there were still no words in her throat.
The ride to the Vale hospital was quiet and miserable. Luna didn't move from where she sat at the back of the airship, curled into a tight ball with her head buried in her arms. Lily and Cobalt sat on either side of her, leaning close in quiet support, but Luna couldn't find any comfort in it. How could she, when Astra was all alone on a stretcher, her life on the line? By now, all four of them should have been flying back to Beacon, triumphant from their battle and ready to tell the story of their daring escape. By now, Luna should be praising Astra for the courage she'd shown in getting through the dark. By now, the whole team should have been laughing and enjoying their time together.
Instead, they might never be together as a team again.
Upon arriving at the hospital, Astra was rushed straight to emergency, and Luna had to watch the doors close, knowing she might never see her girlfriend again. All because she hadn't kept her mouth shut.
Sitting in the waiting room with Cobalt and Lily while Coco spoke with the doctor, Luna ran the bandanna through her hands, unable to put it back on her arm. There was a tear in the baric where it must have gotten snagged on a sharp stone, a dark reminder of what had happened. I shouldn't have said anything.
She should have known better. She should have known that Astra would want to retrieve what she knew to be one of Luna's most treasured possessions.
Luna's knuckles turned white as she gripped the fabric with the force of all her guilt. I could have prevented this.
"She's tough," Lily's voice broke the silence, though it was barely more than a whisper. "She'll get through this."
Luna stared at her numbly. It didn't even sound like Lily believed her own words, and Luna was getting sick of people saying things they couldn't be sure of. What use would those words be if they were wrong? What comfort was a lie?
"We don't know that." Luna's first words in over an hour came out low and bitter.
Cobalt and Lily gazed at her in surprise and sympathy. "Luna…" Cobalt reached out a hand towards Luna's shoulder, but she flinched away. What use was anything if Astra's fate was still unknown?
Before Cobalt could react, Coco walked into the room, and the look on her face as she removed her sunglasses froze Luna's heart.
"I've spoken to the doctor," Coco's voice was quiet and sombre, "She's stable for now, but her aura was completely depleted when she was struck. They don't know if…" Coco's voice broke, ever so slightly. "They say her chances are below fifty."
Luna stared at her, hardly able to process what she was saying. Below fifty percent? Cold dread settled in her belly and the room spun around her. She started shaking and her breath grew heavier. No. Standing up from her chair, she stumbled. This can't be happening.
"Luna," Cobalt's voice was shaking as he stood up and reached out his hand again. "This is Astra we're talking about, she's going to be "
"Stop it!" Luna's voice came out as a scream as she whipped around and hit his hand away. "Stop saying she's going to be fine when you don't know that!"
Lily stood quickly as Cobalt recoiled. "Luna, we're all upset "
"Upset!?" Luna couldn't stop her anger pouring out once it started. "Astra is dying because I couldn't keep my fucking mouth shut, and you think I'm just upset!?"
She's going to die, and it's your fault.
"Shut up!" Luna didn't know who she was talking to at this point as she squeezed her eyes shut, her head bounding. All she could hear was the blood rushing in her ears. "Everyone, just shut up!"
She couldn't bear the shocked looks, the pitying stares she was getting as if sympathy was going to help anything. Turning, she ran from the room, stumbling and almost falling as she ran through the hospital corridor. Slamming into a wall wasn't enough to stop her; she just wanted to get out and away from all of this. Bursting out of the hospital doors, she ran until she reached an alleyway beside the building, and her legs wouldn't carry her anymore. She fell onto the cold concrete, not caring about the grazes she now bore on her hands and knees, and she pressed herself against the wall of the building. Her breath came in short gasps, and she couldn't catch it as panic filled her mind that a massive storm and her vision tunnelled. She'd experienced this before, but not like this, not in an attack so severe that she felt like she was about to die from the fear alone.
Everything was dark and cold as the blood roared in her mind like a giant beast in her head, a beast that was tearing her mind apart and feeding on her grief. Up against this wall, it was enough to remind her of when she'd run from the dorm after angrily admitting her feelings to Astra, when Astra had come out and spoken to her in what had become one of the most important moments in Luna's life. But Astra wasn't coming now.
Fury spilled over her, not just at herself, but at Astra as well. That idiot. What had she been thinking, to run straight into danger like that, for something that never could have been worth her life? To throw away her own life so easily, just for Luna's sake? It couldn't have been worth it. Nothing was worth it. Now she was going to die, and all that had come from it was a torn old bandanna. Something that could never replace Astra's smiling face, or her laugh, or the way she would wrap Luna in a hug so tight she could barely breathe.
And now, that face, that laugh, those moments of love and affection- all of it was gone, and Luna could very well never experience them again. She could never watch Astra bounce around early in the morning as she tried to wake everyone up, never hold her close as they both watched cartoons together. She would never dance with her again, never fight with her by her side, never laugh at one of her silly jokes. At any moment, Astra could be gone, and Luna wouldn't so much as get to say goodbye.
Luna's breath grew heavier and quicker as all of her guilt, all of her anger, all of her grief, threatened to explode the same way the cave had. Her gasps came louder and louder, until she could not contain her devastation anymore, and it let loose in a scream that scorched Luna's throat and rung in her ears even after her voice was gone.
