Soul Stripper
First things first:
BLAME MY FATHER!
He was playing Everquest, and told me about a weapon called Soulstripper. Perverted as I am, an idea popped into my demented brain. Partial credit for the inspiration also lies in the Defiance outtakes; specifically Micheal Bell's "Howling Heartstone" comments.
Disclaimer- I do not own Legacy of Kain. I don't even really own a basement. And no, I don't keep boxes of posters from fictional worlds in my home. Duh.
I guess that's about it. Enjoy!
Soul Stripper
Raziel wearily drug yet another large cardboard box off a high shelf, dropping it to the concrete floor. His female companion rolled her eyes irritably as the soggy thing burst open at his feet, spilling papers halfway across the damp room. She sighed in annoyance at his uncooperative attitude, and began tapping her foot while staring pointedly at the guilty wraith.
He narrowed his eyes as he grumbled, "Remind me again why I have to help you clean up your basement, Abbil? As I recall, it was Elamshinae's fault the pipes burst down here. I didn't clog up the shower drain with feathers." He offered his own sigh as he fetched an empty box. "Because," Abbil drew the word out in a way that suggested this conversation had been repeated many times, "You suck at cards. Really, Raz, if you intend to gamble, you must work on your poker face."
"Then why isn't Kain down here? He lost, as well." Raziel whined, knowing he wasn't getting out of it, but determined to make his taskmaster as miserable as he was. "Bitch, bitch bitch..." The girl muttered under her breath before answering impatiently, "He was intelligent and sober enough to not bet on that hand. Now help me pick up this mess!" Lapsing into a furious silence, both plopped to the floor and began putting the loose papers where they belonged. Not as good at holding a grudge as Raziel, Abbil soon forgot to be angry and started looking at eachsheet before putting it in the new box. One drew a strangled laugh out of her, a large poster with "Vorador's Mansion--Come see our hot new strippers!" Printed across the top in bold letters. Below that, was a very familiar figure. "Raziel?" She giggled, "Would you care to explain why your vampire self is on a poster for a strip joint?" Raziel's eyes widened in shock as he stared at the advertisement. "Wherethe hell did you find that!" He gasped out, causing his companion to burst out in gales of laughter once more. "So, you admit that it's you!" She snickered loudly. Raziel continued to stare at the poster, his mind drifting back over the centuries...
(Flashback)
Vampire Raziel straightened his skimpy costume once more, trying to maintain as much dignity as possible.
It was not working.
"Remind me again why I'm doing such a degrading thing!" He hissed at his younger brother, Zephon. The fifth lieutenant smirked as he answered, "Because you should stick to chess. Honestly, Raziel! If you insist on betting, you really must work on your poker face!" Beyond the curtain on the smoky stage, the announcer bellowed, "And here he is! Give it up, ladies and gentlemen, foooooooooooooor... Hoooooooooooooooooooooooooooowlin' Heartstone!"
Zephon gave his older brother a shove onto the stage and snickered after him, "Knock 'em dead, bro!"
(End Flashback)
Hardly able to breathe at this point, Abbil managed to choke out "How long?" "Three months." Raziel murmured into his cowl. This remark brought on a fresh howl of laughter from his companion. The wraith glared at her, but could not put any force behind it. He knew that if their positions were reversed, he would do the same.
Thus, he continued, "It was supposed to be six, but Kain walked in one night." Abbil began cackling wildly, and Raziel couldn't help but chuckle himself as he said, "As you can imagine, we could not look each other directly in the eye for decades."
Dissolving helplessly into gales of laughter, the two of them had to lean on each other for support for several minutes. After finally settling down, barring the occasional giggle, they finished putting away all of the papers.
All but one, anyway.
Abbil surveyed the semi-presentable basement with pride. "We did good, blue boy. Let's go on upstairs. I sure could go for a bite to eat." Raziel sighed at the familiar and irritating nickname, but said nothing. He simply started up the stairs in silence.
"Wait!" The girl called out, "I have to do one more thing real quick." She darted to a shelf and got a thumbtack out of a jar. She then used it to pin the poster up on the wall, grinning like an idiot all the while. "There!" She exclaimed,"Now it's perfect!" Raziel sighed, shook his head, and made his way up the rickety steps, Abbil right on his heels.
The End
So, what did you think? Was it funny, stupid, or just incoherent? Let me know, people! Please...
If anyone cares, this might just evolve into a multi chapter story. Doubtful, but maybe. Review! Let me know how you feel!
