A/N: The second installment for the 7Snogs community. This theme is Jealousy. REMEMBER that these are independent one-shots, so this one has absolutely nothing to do with the last one. And if they did, maybe this one would need to go before the last one, timeline wise, but I didn't plan it that way, so just think of them as different one-shots, unrelated to one another, okay? Oh yeah, and once again, not Beta'd. Betaman's big time busy, so I'm only sending him the major league stuff to look over.
Disclaimer: The characters Raven and Speedy and the world in which they live in do not belong to me, they belong to DC Comics and Cartoon Network and whoever else is on the contract. I do not claim to own them and I certainly don't make any money off of this.
Inspiration
by Em
"Envy can be a positive motivator. Let it inspire you to work harder for what you want."
- Robert Bringle
It was a completely new feeling for him and it took him quite some time to figure out what it was. Logically, theoretically, academically, he knew what it was. He knew it's definition...but it took him some time before he made the connection between what the word meant and what he himself was feeling.
Jealousy.
He didn't do jealousy.
Even when he admitted that the way he felt, the thoughts he was having, the urges he was having to suppress was an awful lot like jealousy, he couldn't really figure out why he was feeling it at all.
He wasn't stupid. He knew he was attracted to her. Hell, he'd known he was attracted to her since the first time they had any time together that didn't involve fighting or training when he had actually had a moment to look to her, talk to her about something other than strategy, and see what she was like. At first, he had been drawn to Starfire's brilliance, like most people and it had taken him a while to recognize that the quiet, pale shadow on the fringes was a girl. But once he noticed...wow.
He had even had cause to show her exactly how much he had noticed her. Oh, it wasn't anything major as some of his other shows of affection with various other women had been, but he had done as much as his self-preservation instincts had thought prudent to do. Once he had realized that the shallow approaches didn't work (not the way he wanted them to, anyway) he had found he could actually be quite natural with her. What was more, he had found that if he was natural with her, he'd have more chances to be flirtatious. It was a precarious balance, but once he had been serious enough to have a normal conversation with her one afternoon, she hadn't been as hostile to his obvious flirtation any time after that. It was as if by showing her that he could be serious, that there was another side to him he had passed some test that proved to her that the other stuff was worth putting up with.
And that was just fine. After all, part of being a good hunter was knowing his quarry and what he knew about Raven was that if she thought he was shallow and nothing else, she wouldn't offer him the time of day.
And then somehow, somewhere along the way, the table's had been turned.
Normally, it was the girls who sought out his company, not the other way around, and yet he found himself looking for reasons to visit the West Tower more and more often in the hopes of catching a moment with her.
And at some point, the fact that she didn't take his flirtation seriously started to bother him.
Normally, it never bothered him.
If a girl wanted to accept his attentions, she took his flirtation seriously. And if she took him seriously, then they'd take it to the next level. If she didn't, she didn't, and it remained playful and friendly among them and that was it. Very rarely did he ever want to take any friendship to the next level enough to try to woo the girl beyond simple flirtation if she didn't respond to the flirtation. Never before had he been bothered by the fact that a girl didn't take his interest in her seriously. Never before had he been bothered by a girl thinking him a flirt.
And if he could convincingly tell himself that she was just playing hard to get then he could forget about her and move on, but he knew that she wasn't playing hard to get.
And if that were all the strange feelings she brought out in him then maybe he wouldn't be so confused, but when he realized he was starting to feel jealousy...well, that was just the last drop that broke the camels back. (Or, was it the last straw the overflowed the cup?)
Usually, if Speedy wanted someone, he just went out after her...if she responded great, if she didn't, oh well. He never stopped to wonder why she might not respond. He never came upon her talking to some other male and wondered if maybe she was interested in him instead. And he never wished he could stop her from talking to any male that seemed interested in her just because. He never had felt that possessive streak, that feeling of 'you can't have her, she's mine' and he would never condone anyone feeling that possessive streak for him. The moment a girl, any girl, started feeling that possessive about him, he'd tell her in no uncertain terms that it was time to part company and remind her how she knew it had all been just for fun from the get go.
He wasn't possessive. He was laid back and easy going. He wasn't obsessive.
And yet, with her, he found himself being all of those things.
There was no denying it. He was jealous.
He was jealous of Aqualad as Raven seemed to go softer around the edges around the gentle Titan. He was jealous of the wry smiles Mas and Menos got when they brought her flowers impulsively. He was jealous of the way she looked up to Cyborg and the way Cyborg could put a casual arm around her shoulders as they worked on his car and especially of the comfortable way they talked. He was even jealous of the nearly masochistic way in which Beast Boy kept coming back to try to make her laugh and jealous of even the sarcastic attention she offered in response. But most of all...above all else, he was jealous of Robin.
He knew about some of their history. He knew how they were the first official Titans. He knew most of what they had been through together. He knew about the time she had saved him from himself and the time he had braved hell to find her even though he couldn't be sure what he'd find. And he was jealous of all of it. But, what he was most jealous of were the quiet moments they shared.
He was jealous of the way even in the midst of the chaos that was mornings at Titans Tower, they seemed to find a quiet peace. He was jealous of the way that Robin could make her calm and the way they seemed to have a nonverbal way of communicating even across rooms. He was jealous of the times they sat together, speaking quietly of unimportant things and of the times they sat together in quiet without having to speak at all.
And the worst part, to his reckoning, was how he wasn't even certain that it was a romantic inclination between them.
He knew how the others felt about her: he knew Mas and Menos were nice to everyone and he knew Cyborg's relationship with her was like brother and sister. He knew Beast Boy wasn't sure what he felt for her and Aqualad would be content to have her as a friend because the Atlantian concept of love was different than the human. And he knew how she felt about all of them. He knew everyone characterized him as a loudmouth, but he was pretty observant when he wanted to be and so all he had to do was observe her for awhile to figure out how she felt about them all. Even himself. All except Robin.
But the kicker was that it didn't matter. He tried to tell himself that she wasn't involved romantically with any of them, that it was obvious she didn't feel romantic feelings for any of the others and tried to assuage his jealousy that way but jealousy was persistent and it would have none of it. Romantic or not, he was jealous of what they did have just the same.
So, what did it mean? Since he'd never been jealous before, now that he knew he was, what did he do? Did he just simmer in silence?
That wasn't Speedy's style. Not all of the loudmouth persona was strictly for the papers. He did believe heartily in speaking his mind and saying what he meant. And he wasn't one for internal angst either. He didn't believe in it. It was pointless, anyway. If he felt something inside, he shared it, that simple. He knew it made him come off as crass or cruel or unfeeling, but it was just the way he was. He didn't mean to be cruel and he never said whatever he was thinking if it served no purpose but to be cruel. He didn't work that way either. But somewhere in between, that's where he operated.
Knowing that his initial instinct would be to step right up to Raven and tell her exactly how he felt about her and ask her if she wanted to see if they clicked really resolved nothing, however. He was observant enough and intelligent enough to know that if he did that, he'd get nothing for his trouble except a whole world of pain. He couldn't approach Raven that way. He knew enough about her to know that she'd more than likely not take him seriously anyway. And if she did take him seriously, the direct approach would garner a direct refusal. He knew enough about her to know that she still wished to believe that she couldn't feel, even though she obviously could.
No, the forward approach was not the way to go.
Which left him, once again, at a loss.
He might not be a master strategist, but he certainly knew enough strategy to get far enough passed Raven's natural defenses so that she could see what a cool guy he was and hopefully realize that taking him seriously when he expressed interest in her wasn't such a bad idea. He knew his outward manner wasn't the typical guy one would associate with Raven and so he was at a disadvantage. (In the interests of complete honesty, he could even admit that the kind of guy everyone probably thought Raven would be naturally attracted to would be the brooding kind typically personified by Robin, The Boy Wonder.) Outwardly, though. Only on the outside, only the first layer of his attitude was the kind of guy Raven wouldn't be interested in. After that day he had the hours long conversation with her about everything and nothing he knew that she struck a deeper chord with him, a resonance that was barely ever strummed but which she somehow managed to find. People tended to take his happy-go-lucky attitude for granted and although he wasn't as brooding as Robin, she didn't need that anyway. She needed someone who would bring her out of her darkness...someone who could spend time with her in it, but who could just as easily pick her up and not only force her into the light, but who could show her it was really a lot of fun there. Someone who could show her that she didn't have to change who she was to loosen up and have fun. She needed someone who could spend hours talking existential theory with her and then spend the rest of the day showing her how much fun it was to let loose and dance all night.
And with that thought, the proverbial light bulb went off in his head with the brilliance of one of those old fashioned camera flashes, all pop and blinding with the after-smell of sulfur. He would take her out to an honest to goodness Ball and throughout the night, he'd show her that there wasn't only one side to his personality just as he'd show her there wasn't just one side to her personality.
Never one to beat around the bush, Speedy went right to the last place he had seen her: the common room. There was no time like the present and all that, but his smile slid off his face as he found her in the common room with none other than Robin himself. For a brief moment, he considered waiting. After all, it might be best to ask her when she was alone and not with the only other person in two Towers that might be a rival. But just as quickly, he decided against it. He didn't have nearly enough time to wait around until they decided to leave their own little world, and anyway, surprise was always a good plan of attack. And she certainly wouldn't be expecting him to pull something like this in front of Robin.
"I hate to interrupt," he said as he perched on the table in front of where they lounged on the couch. "But I gotta go soon and I wanted to ask you something before I left," he focused his sight on Raven.
Raven, clearly surprised by his sudden interruption, glanced at Robin who closed his mouth, giving up the notion that he might be able to finish his sentence before turning back to him with a bemused question in her eyes. "What can I do for you, Speedy?" she asked politely, but with no more inflection than she normally would have.
"I'm glad you asked that," he said, smiling his smile that could sell ice to Eskimos, "See, I've got this thing to go to next week," he started, looking right into her eyes and even though she couldn't see his eyes through his mask, he knew she could feel his eyes focused right on hers. He could have been oozing charm by now, but he knew that the key with Raven was sincerity so he didn't try to hide the flutter of anxiousness in his smile as he spoke, "It's one of those boring swanky ball things that I can't get out of," he continued, "and the only thing that'll make it bearable is if you were to come with me."
Her eyes opened just a little wide and a smile started to come onto her lips as if she were about to laugh with him at a joke, but then she must have read the sincerity in him because the smile never materialized completely and she just looked slightly confused. "You want me to come with you to a Ball?" she asked as if to be certain she had understood correctly.
Speedy could see Robin's jaw drop out of the corner of his eyes, but he kept his attention solely focused on Raven. He wasn't sure what Robin would do, but he had a feeling he wouldn't do anything...not right now. He'd be too surprised to do anything at first and as the surprise wore off, he wouldn't want to interfere in a conversation that was obviously only with Raven and he just happened to be witness to.
In response to Raven's inquiry, Speedy turned up his smile a notch, "Let me put it this way," he cleared his throat dramatically, "Would you be my date to next week's Commissioner's Ball in Gotham?"
Raven appeared as if she still wasn't quite sure that he was being serious, she glanced at Robin but he wasn't much use since he was still staring at Speedy, his expression unreadable...at least unreadable to Speedy. Raven obviously caught something in his expression because she frowned as if only more confused before deciding that she wouldn't deal with whatever she saw in his expression right then and would finish with the more pressing issue and turned back to Speedy.
He was prepared for just about any question she might throw at him except the one she finally decided on.
"Why?" she asked, simply.
But Speedy was primarily honest and the first answer that came to him was the one he went with: the truth. "I told you," he answered, "The only way I can envision going through it without dying of boredom within the first five minutes is if you go with me."
Of course, he wasn't stupid. He wasn't about to tell her the whole truth right off the bat like that. If she didn't quite believe that he wanted to date her without some ulterior motive, he had no illusions as to what she would think if he told her how much he really felt for her without letting her come to that conclusion on her own by interaction with him.
He was really quite psychologically savvy when he had to be.
"I don't think that quite answers my question," she pointed out astutely.
His grin turned just a bit mischievous. He was feeling less worried about her response now, she hadn't told him no right off the bat. "Well, you'll have to come with me to find any deeper meaning to that statement, I'm afraid."
The upper-most left side corner of her mouth twitched, as if it wanted to smile but she caught it and stopped it at the last minute. He found even that endearing.
"Come on, Rae," he pleaded comically, "You'll hate yourself when you hear they found me face down in the fancy champaign fountain where I fell asleep from boredom and promptly died." He cocked his head at her, "Death by Champaign is no way for a superhero to go..." he said laughingly, then growing serious, he pointed at her, "It'll all be your fault for not coming with me." So a little comedy and light-heartedness wouldn't be so bad...let her think it wasn't a serious thing...at first. "I can see the headlines now," he continued dramatically, "Raven's Refusal Kills Sexy Speedy," he said spectacularly, his hand doing that 'across the imaginary marque' thing in mid air above their heads. He turned halfway to look at her, still inspecting his imaginary headline, "Can you see it?"
She raised a brow and the upper left hand corner of her lip twitched again, but she didn't give in...not yet. "I'm sure you can find some other date," she told him knowingly. "It won't be hard for someone of your acquaintances, will it?"
He knew she'd bring up his playboy-ness somehow. He smiled and shook his head, "None that I'd enjoy being with as much as you," he replied honestly and smoothly. Two points.
"I don't..."
He raised a hand and stalled her, she was getting time to think, best to avoid that. "Don't say that you don't do balls, because then I'd just have to reply that you don't do them because you haven't had anyone show you the right way to do them and you don't want me to sound clichéd do you?h he asked with false innocence.
"Oh, heaven forbid," she answered, rolling her eyes.
"Come on, do you have something better to do that Saturday?" he pressed.
"What if I said that I just don't like going to these things?" she asked, crossing her arms over her chest and looking at him curiously.
He shrugged, "Neither do I," he said simply.
"But you have to go, I don't," she countered.
"That's right, you would only have to go to save my life," he said dramatically. He rose his brows pointedly, "Drowning in champaign, remember?"
"Well..." she started, only to be stopped as he plowed on.
"And don't say you have a book to read or something because the book'll still be there when we get back, won't it?"
"I suppose..." she was weakening, he could see it in the way she didn't just stop him and his silliness. He had a feeling she didn't quite know what to do with his silliness, but she could always just glare and stop him with a few meaningfully intoned words, he had seen her do that before after all, so he took it as a good sign that she was allowing him to continue.
"So does that mean you'll go?" he asked, leaning forward.
"I didn't..." she started.
"I'll take that as a yes," he interrupted, standing.
She sat back as if in defeat and sighed, finally allowing the upper left corner of her mouth to quirk up, but just a little, "Sure," she exhaled as if she were very tired, "Why not?"
His smile could've powered both Towers for a week. But rather than be so profuse about it, he settled for extending his hand to her formerly, "You won't regret it," he told her, waiting for her to give him her hand.
Which eventually, she did. "I better not," she said wryly.
When he felt her cool, soft fingers slide into his hand, he cupped his hand to gently hold hers and, bowing regally over it, he brought her fingers up until he could gently brush his lips over her knuckles, his eyes on her the whole time. "It's a date then," he lingered a moment, relishing in the warmth and too involved in watching Raven for a reaction to pay much attention to the way Robin's jaw had stiffened and his eyes had narrowed. She didn't react, but she didn't pull her hand away either...at least not until he started to straighten. He grinned at her, "Don't forget," he warned as he backed up and accidentally hit the table. He winced momentarily, but the pain was nothing compared to the knowledge that she had said yes.
The right hand corner of her mouth lifted to make the smile complete, but only for a moment, "I won't," she promised.
"Okay..." he avoided looking at Robin even though he could feel the weight of his stare on him. He was sure Raven could feel it too, but she didn't look at him again and he was glad about that too. She had made this decision on her own, and he didn't feel she had tried to see how he was reacting at all, as if she didn't really care. Of course, Raven was an empath and had probably been feeling exactly how Robin was reacting all along. But he wouldn't think about that. "I gotta go," he told her, still grinning.
"Good bye, then," she told him, still serious.
And he still couldn't keep from grinning. He walked around the table and finally, finally glanced at Robin. The slightly younger man was looking at him with steel in his expression, but he couldn't tell whether or not it was in suspicion, protectiveness, or something other. Speedy decided he didn't want to try to figure it out. Either Robin would confront him about it or he wouldn't. And he'd deal with whatever Robin decided to do then. So, smile never faltering, Speedy waved casually at him, "Catch you later, Rob," he said amiably. "I'll pick you up at 8!" he called over his shoulder as he walked out of the common room, thinking that had gone much better than he had hoped to anticipate.
Jealousy was in fact a funny thing, he mused as he practically skipped to the garage. He would still feel jealous of the things the others had with her that he didn't have, he knew that, but at least now, the others had reason to be jealous of him too. And that made him feel just a little bit less jealous. Not much, but a little.
Logically, it made no sense, but since when was jealousy logical?
And as he drove away, he couldn't help but wonder how Robin would react between now and Saturday and whether or not his date with Raven would eat him up with jealousy. He didn't particularly care if it did, even if Robin was his friend. Jealousy was cruel that way. He couldn't help it. He figured if Robin hadn't asked her out on a date before now, that was his own damn fault. 'And anyway,' he thought as he drove east toward Steel City, 'What was wrong with letting Robin carry the jealousy torch for awhile?'
Apparently, he figured, jealousy was transferable too.
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A/N: I went through like 3 different versions of this thing. I started two of them the same and one of them is completely different. I don't know if I'll put these different versions onto my 'emsscraps' journal, but you can keep an eye out for them. I intend to read them over again later with a somewhat objective eye (hopefully) and decide whether I can make something of them independently and if I can't, then onto the scraps journal they go. I guess that's really all I have to say about this one.
Thanks: I'll be posting the review responses for part 1 of this series in my emsscraps journal. You all remember where that is, right? Oh, very well. Here's the addy again. (Remember that fanfiction doesn't let me put up the link on here, so this is just the address after the http part. emsscraps . livejournal . com / 5889 . html
Spoilers: Theme # 3 is "Embrace" and I've already got an idea for that, if it works out. It'll be in Raven's POV. ((rubs hands in anticipation)) Look for it no later than two months from now. (probably sooner)
