Chapter 5: A Pirate's Life For Me
"No."
"James..."
"No, dammit. I don't want to."
"It doesn't matter. Jack wants you to. It's part of the bringing in to his crew."
"Sounds more like hazing to me," James snorted derisively.
"Hazing?"
"This thing they do in the colleges in the Northern American colleges; the fraternities force new inductees to do all sorts of ridiculous things-chug a keg of rum, try to steal a ship, dress like a broke man..."
"So basically, act like pirates?"
"Hm. Hadn't thought of it like that." He paused, and then did a scarily accurate impression of Jack Sparrow. "That's interesting...That's very interesting."
"I...James, you're sandbagging!"
"Am I?" His voice and face were far from the model of innocence.
"Just learn the damn song, James," Will said, exasperated.
"Fine, fine, fine!" James stormed from the cabin to find Jack Sparrow.
He had a song to learn.
Jack Sparrow stood at the Pearl's helm. The ships were almost fully stocked with Tortuga supplies. The Dauntless, Elizabeth and Britannia all had their flags, and had spent a fair bit of Barbossa's swag upgrading the ships to full combat-ready status. The only thing left was...teaching James the song.
Ulysses already knew the song from his pirate days, and he'd made sure his crew knew it from day one. But James had refused.
Until now. As a member of Jack's crew, it was absolutely important that he know the song.
So Captain Norrington came aboard, dressed as he had been by Elizabeth and Ana; he found the outfit decidedly more comfortable, and actually less auspicious than any Navy uniform.
"Admiral Sparrow, you summoned me?" James asked in a haughty voice that, to his delight, the crew found very amusing; it sounded just like some sanctimonious old Admiral's words.
"Aye, I did, mate. Come, James; we've a song to learn."
"Now, what's the first place to start with it?"
"At the beginning o' course. Now how much do you know of it now?"
James thought back to the time on the Dauntless all those years ago, when he, Gibbs and the Swanns had all come across the Atlantic.
"Drink up me hearties, yo ho...We kidnap and ravage and don't give a hoot; drink up me hearties, yo ho. Yo ho, yo ho, a pirate's life for me. We extort, we pilfer, we filch and sack, drink up me hearties, yo ho...That's all I know."
Jack nodded. "Not bad, not bad. There's a lot more, though."
James sighed. "And I have to know it all, don't I?"
"Yes, indeed. Now, here's the first verse:
"Yo ho, yo ho, a pirate's life for me. We pillage, we plunder, we rifle and loot; drink up me hearties, yo ho. We kidnap and ravage and don't give a hoot; drink up me hearties, yo ho. Yo ho, yo ho, a pirate's life for me." James nodded. "Here's the next one:
"We extort, we pilfer, we filch and sack; drink up me hearties, yo ho. Maraud and embezzle and even high-jack; drink up me hearties, yo ho. Yo ho, yo ho, a pirate's life for me."
James came in. "We kindle and char, flame and ignite; drink up me hearties, yo ho. We burn up the city, we're really a fright; drink up me hearties, yo ho."
Jack smiled, somewhat amused. He joined in, "We're rascals, scoundrels, villains, and knaves; drink up me hearties, yo ho. We're devils and black sheep really bad eggs; drink up me hearties, yo ho. Yo ho, yo ho, a pirate's life for me."
"We're beggars and blighters and ne'er do-well cads; drink up me hearties, yo ho. Aye, but we're loved by our mommies and dads; drink up me hearties, yo ho."
Finished, he smiled at Jack. "Only needed the first verse or so; knew it all from there."
"Well, why didn't ye say so, mate?"
"Wouldn't want you to think..." He stopped.
"Think what, exactly mate?" Jack probed. "Think you were planning on turning pirate?" James still said nothing, and became very interested in the activity down ship.
"Come on-in the cabin; it's time I told you a little something."
James obediently followed Jack into the cabin.
Once inside, Jack sat him down, and then took a seat at the opposite side of the table, and told him exactly what happened in the Arctic...and who did what...
"So you expect me to believe that Joshamee Gibbs escaped my notice, stole two of my ships, and held Captain Matheson hostage?"
Jack recoiled a bit. "No," he said, as though the idea was ridiculous. Then he explained. "I expect you to believe that Joshamee Gibbs escaped your notice, commandeered an abandoned Elizabeth, sorely beat your Captain Sampson Matheson in a duel for the Britannia, and then vanished from under your nose. Savvy?"
James peered through narrowed eyelids at Jack. "That leaves the whole problem of my captain being gone and Joshamee Gibbs knowing to do all that he did." Sensing what Jack was going to say, he quickly added, "Not anything against Gibbs-the Navy made a mistake the day they let him go. But there's simply no way that he could..."
"Son," Jack said patronizingly. "I'm Admiral Jack Sparrow. Any man under my command can do anything. Plus," he added as he placed his feet on the table, "That was the whole plan."
"Plan? What plan?" James was a bit confused.
"To help you sort out your priorities."
James stood. "You mean to tell me you think that you made me decide to become a pirate?"
"Sit down, James." It wasn't a request, but James didn't notice.
"You can't really expect me to think that..."
"Sit down!" It was the first time Jack had ever yelled at a subordinate, and it was something that shook James' vision of Jack to the core. Un-nerved, he sat down.
"And put your feet up on the table."
"I'll look ridiculous."
"That's the idea. Feet. Up. Now," Jack commanded in what would come to be called the 'Admiral Sparrow Voice', and James complied.
"Now understand, mate. I'd always thought your heart wasn't in the Navy. What AnaMaria and Gibbs each told me from their time in Fort Charles added with my read of you all pieced up in my mind to form a plan to turn you pirate. All I needed was the opportune moment, and that came in the Arctic escapade.
"I got all the attention I could from the Navy, and then grabbed some more. I knew you'd been recalled to England, and I knew you had yer doubts about Navy life, so I put the king in the position to place you on my trail."
"You put the king...never mind." This was Admiral Jack Sparrow, after all.
""So me, Will, Lizzie and Ana went ashore. I sent Gibbs up the shore 'cause that was where you expected me to go. I told him to pirate as much as he could from you...but not harm the Dauntless or you. You had to make the decision on your own. Do you think it was coincidence that the captain with a fleet was Ulysses Parker, former pirate? That it was his ship that went ashore, that Gibbs commandeered, that the Britannia's captain, a fierce Loyalist, fought to the death, that you could follow us to Tortuga; do you believe all that was coincidence?
"I paved the way with gold brick and directions, but the choice was yours. The choice was always yours."
James thought on that. "You pulled off all that just to...help me sort out my priorities?"
Jack smiled, baring his gold teeth. "Son..."
"You're Admiral Jack Sparrow," James finished. "And, it seems, more clever than God Himself."
Jack tilted his head as he grinned. "Was there ever any doubt, mate?"
